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Doikers 25-08-2010 05:32 PM

Lex I'm sorry to hear about your Gran :( But you are not a **** up , you are just struggling to cope and thats understandable. *Hugs*

*Hugs April* You can call about your job , it would be a weight of your mind I reckon , you CAN do it :)

*Hugs Kat* Whats the matter ?

*Hugs Helen*

Going to be an old woman by time I get to leave lol, will be 23/24!!
Thanx for making me feel old too :P

one_step_closer 25-08-2010 06:46 PM

*hugs everyone*

PoisonedApple 25-08-2010 06:54 PM


Going to be an old woman by time I get to leave lol, will be 23/24!!
Dang I must be ancient... :P

MammaMia 25-08-2010 06:55 PM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2461345)
Hmm, here college = uni, and uni = college so no wonder I got confused!! lol. I do hope that you get into what you want to get into, Hels. Will be keeping you in my thoughts/prayers. :) Have you had any news on your bestie? *hugs* Or the job, for that matter?

No wonder you get confused. Silly systems. Thank you April, that means a lot to me :D Well she woke about half an hour ago, she's just being examined as we speak, will update when I know what she/her gran have been told :) *hugs*


Originally Posted by Detour. Derail (Post 2461321)
Im sorry guys...I have no individual replies today.
Ive just got back from seeing my nana in hospital.
The cancer has grown. And spread.
I saw my nana breakdown and cry for the first time in nearly 20 years.
So I went and got stoned.
im a **** up

*cuddles tight* I'm sorry things are so bad right now hun.


Originally Posted by katnovia (Post 2461360)
thanks for making me feel old :P *huggles*

Sorry :P *huggles* You're not old :P


Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2461369)
*Hugs Helen*
Thanx for making me feel old too :P

Sorry :P But you're not old either.


Originally Posted by one_step_closer (Post 2461430)
*hugs everyone*

*hugs Lindsay*

MammaMia 25-08-2010 06:55 PM


Originally Posted by PoisonedApple (Post 2461433)
Dang I must be ancient... :P

Of course not :)

time to change 25-08-2010 07:16 PM

hey everyone *hugs all around*
so ive been out of hospital sice sunday afternoon, and somehow managed to not SI. the urges are very strong, but dont know what is keeping me hanging on, but its a good thing i suppose. my cpn has been of sick since last wednesday (when i went in). so i refused my 48 hour follow up... dont see the point in seeing someone who doesnt know me, so therefore wont really get what i am on about.

ive got my college interview tomorrow afternoon, and am well stressing because of what happened last year. and ive just found out, if i do get in, i start on wednesday :s , not long to get everything... i DO want to go, just so anxious. it'll be good, give me something to do with my day, but dont want to have to go through meeting all new people again. at least one of my tutors has retired, so hopefully i wont get as much hell this year.

one of my mates has invited me round for a girly night, going to finally get to see the end of coyote ugly!!! so at least i will be distracted for tonight. cant have anymore cuts on my arms for tomorrow, i have to prove to them that i am "better". i'm really good at the work, so what does it matter if i'm messed up in the head?

anyways, sorry for going on, i am reading all the posts, but so much is happening, but i am thinking about all of you, and am worried about nicole too. please keep as strong as you can everyone, people DO care about you xx

one_step_closer 25-08-2010 07:19 PM

I'm glad that you're doing well, Steph. Stay strong. We are all here to support you. Good luck with your college interview.

Scarletdreamer 25-08-2010 07:38 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Mark, how's your busy bee day going??

Hels, how're you doing now? just wondering because your status on FB doesn't sound like you feel the best. :(

Crimson, how are you doing? how's getting the paperwork etc. done for the new job going? ^_^

Steph, so glad that things are going okayish. I'm glad that you have a "girly night" ahead... do enjoy!! It's been so long since I've gotten to do something like that... blah marriage and blah not having many female friends in the area!! :-X Oh well, I love my hubby... hehe. :) Oh & good luck at your college interview!!

Lindsay, how are you doing, sweetie?

Kat, what's been happening lately? I remember your last post your head was in a muddle, but I hope that things have calmed down since. :( *extra hugs*

I'm sorry if I didn't get everyone that's posted since the last time I did... I tried though!! :-S

I'm... I don't know. I forgot how many kcal I've eaten today & that's distressing me greatly... rationally I know that it shouldn't matter if I'm off by XX amount of kcal but I can't help it!! Ughh. And I talked with my sister about the SA stuff that's happened to me... which was helluva challenging thing to do... and she wants me to tell my parents, or even offered to tell my parents herself if I so chose, but also said that she wouldn't talk with them about it unless I said she could. I have no idea why I wanted to tell her about it but I did and now I feel like I let loose something from Hell... :'(

Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop................. :crying:

So yes. Not the best day for me. >_< And I can't even type, keep making so many typos it's not even funny. Especially for me as I usually type pretty fast & accurately. :(

one_step_closer 25-08-2010 07:47 PM

That was a very brave thing for you to do, April. Of course you will be feeling emotional about it. *hugs*

I've just cut, but not badly, I was just over a month free. I want to cut so badly that I need stitches. I want to overdose. I have been looking into catteries so that I can overdose and someone can look after my cats but they charge £12 a night. I'll have to ask my neighbours.

MammaMia 25-08-2010 07:59 PM

Steph, good luck with college and have fun tonight :D Haven't had a girlie evening myself for ages!!

April, you're so so so brave, I'm so proud of you. It'll be hard to tell your parents if you do. I know my Dad (just recently as you know) was really upset and angry, but not at me and stuff. They'll just want to help you I'm sure. I'm feeling pretty **** pain wise, these chest pains keep coming back, going to get an appointment tomorrow, can't wait until I make one that Jane's coming to. >_<

Lindsay, I'm sorry you've cut and want to harm more. Please look after your wounds and more importantly, yourself *cuddles tight*

PoisonedApple 25-08-2010 08:04 PM


Crimson, how are you doing? how's getting the paperwork etc. done for the new job going? ^_^
anxiety riddled... I have all but the typing test number entered in their resume thing online... I need at least a 40 WPm and I know I can type faster than that but every time I sit to take the typing test I get anxious and nervous and my hands shake so bad while I'm trying to type that I've taken the test 6 times and only topped 40 once... *cries* I don't know how to fix it.

PoisonedApple 25-08-2010 08:07 PM

Good luck Steph!
*cuddles April* Well done talking to your sister.
Please stay safe Lindsay.
Good for you for making the appt Hels.
*cuddles and hugs for all*

shadowedsoul 25-08-2010 08:09 PM

huggles all. Congrats Kihila April and Hellen, that is great welldone.
Hmm I'm feeling like ****,just want to die. Don't really see the point anymore.waiting for world war 3 kicking off.

MammaMia 25-08-2010 08:10 PM

Thanks Crimson, just hope she takes me seriously, last time I mentioned it to a doctor, he said it was just stress, no tests or anything :S

FlyingNy 25-08-2010 08:31 PM

Well done Kahlia, April and Helen! That's really great! So proud of you all and it actually made me feel better.

Grief is crushing me. It hurts so much. I need her, now more than ever. Ironically that's because she's gone. Will I ever get over this? Will I ever feel better?


PoisonedApple 25-08-2010 08:34 PM

*gnaws on fingernails* Well I gave in and submitted a score of 41 even though I can type faster than that when I'm not too busy screwing it up... at least its over the minimum. Now it's down to the waiting game I guess... I have another week and a half before the listing closes so I'll either forget I applied or be nervous for the next 2 weeks as I wait to see if I get an interview. I REALLY REALLY hope I get this job.

So much better than the job I have now... better pay, better benefits, warmer climate, a real zoo, pools, closer to my family (it'd be about the same distance from our new place to my closest fam and to d's fam), no extra boarders, etc etc...

one_step_closer 25-08-2010 09:20 PM

I don't want to do this any more. I need out of life. I wish I had no family, or more family to support my brother. Then I could kill myself.

Scarletdreamer 25-08-2010 09:29 PM

Thanks for all of the support... sadly I don't feel that great about having told my sister, just because it brought up a lot of feelings that I don't want to cope with, so instead I kind of got spacy. :(

Lindsay, sweetie, I totally understand what you mean - with the wanting out of life thing, at least. I'm sure a lot of us do. Please try and take care of yourself though - things will look up, it just takes time, a lot of time - cliché I know also but it's true, I think. *gentle hugs*

Lia, it will get better... same thing as I told Lindsay though, it takes time. I wish I could help you more, but I just don't have the words right now. :( *hugs you gently*

Sorry for no more replies, brain's not working, instead it's twisted about calories and the fact that Jarrod wants me to have XXXXkcal in me by the time he gets home. I've been trying sooo hard to reach that goal but he'll be home in a bit and I've only reached XXXkcal and I don't know if I can make it any higher, since I feel sick. :( He doesn't get it, no one in my life gets it, and it's so. ****ing. hard. :'(

Doikers 25-08-2010 09:34 PM

I just wrote all individuals but lost them grrr
*Hugs you all*

*Please stay safe Lindsay*

Sorry for lack of more individuals , I find my parents lappy hard to use with its mouse PAD thing :S

Scarletdreamer 25-08-2010 09:37 PM

I think I need to update my r/v.

I hate this. What right does he have to tell me how much I "have" to eat by the time he gets home?! I AM NOT HIS CHILD.


Ps. *spies Nicole & glomps her* We were worried about you!!

FlyingNy 25-08-2010 09:41 PM

*Rugby tackles Nicole.* That's for making us worry. *Picks her up dusts off and hugs* How are you?


Scarletdreamer 25-08-2010 09:52 PM


I've gotten an interview at the peer counseling place!!! Tomorrow!!! I am so damn excited, my first job interview for a job that's "perfect" for me!!! It's parttime, paid, and, well, yeah. ^_^ I had given up hope that they'd call me as it had been a week but they did call me, just now... XD

Updated r/v too with rantiness. :-/

Scarletdreamer 25-08-2010 09:53 PM

*bounces around & dances with Lia* XD I am so so happy right now...

...but go figure - happy happy can combine with sick/frustrated/angry. I didn't know that... feelings are so ****ing weird. :(


one_step_closer 25-08-2010 09:57 PM

Well done, April! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

The One Who 25-08-2010 09:58 PM

*hugs everyone* There have been far too many replies since I last popped in for me to point out individuals!

nicole94 25-08-2010 10:00 PM

*dances* no GCSE results but i still got into college!!!!
and helen and mark, sorry i made you worry :( im fine, i went to bed and had a good nights sleep, woke up, went to school and they wouldnt give me my results :( nearly ended it there and then, but made myself go to my auntie teresas and talk it through with her and she took me to the college and she got me into the course and then took me to get a job application form and helped me fill it in, so yeah, its been an ok couple of days really :D

one_step_closer 25-08-2010 10:02 PM

That's great to hear, Nicole!

The One Who 25-08-2010 10:05 PM

That's good news Nicole! I'm glad things have been going well for you.

nicole94 25-08-2010 10:13 PM

thanks guys! im so excited, yet so scared aswell! but ive been put on a course with a lot of help and support and i think i will be ok!

Doikers 25-08-2010 10:14 PM

*HUMONGOUS HUGS April* I'm SO happy for you !!! GOOD LUCK for your interview on the morrow !!

*GIGANTIC HUGS Nicole* YEY For you getting into college , what course are you doing ? *Happy you are okay too*

*Huggles Claire* How are you feeling?

The One Who 25-08-2010 10:19 PM

What course will you be doing, Nicole?

Thanks Doikers (sorry, I don't know your name). I'm not doing so great right now. A mix of family stuff, me stuff, general depression rubbishness.

nicole94 25-08-2010 10:19 PM

*squishes mark*
im doing a steps programme which is a mixture of a lot of courses but my main is gonna be health and social care, its for people that arent very confident or didnt get the grades and it has a lot more support :D

MammaMia 25-08-2010 10:22 PM

*rugby tackles Nicole too* Glad you're okay sweets & that you got into college.

*hugs everyone else* Been too many replies to try keep up!!!

Doikers 25-08-2010 10:24 PM

Hi Claire . My name is Mark :)

nicole94 25-08-2010 10:26 PM

lol, *hugs helen* thanks hun, im now trying to think of all the things im gonna need to buy for college, anyone got any ideas? (just general things)

The One Who 25-08-2010 10:27 PM

Hi Mark. *hugs*

Nicole, it sounds like it will be a good course, and you sound really up for it as well. I hope it goes well for you. As for what you'll need, paper and pens. For paper I like spiral-bound notebooks, and for pens anything will do but I use a trusty Bic biro. I'm not sure about others things you'll need though, like if there is anything course specific. Some people like to organise things into folders too.

PoisonedApple 25-08-2010 10:28 PM

*sneaks in and hides out*

Scarletdreamer 25-08-2010 10:29 PM

*hides with Crimson*

Nicole, so so glad that you are okay!! and also glad that you sound so upbeat about your college course. :) Well done.

nicole94 25-08-2010 10:31 PM

*hugs claire* yeah, thanks, so far i've got
folder, pens, pencils, notebooks, long sleeved tops.
i cant think if theres anything else though cause im going shopping tomorrow.

PoisonedApple 25-08-2010 10:35 PM

*adds to Nicole's list: pencil sharpener, pencil holder, highlighter, extra erasers, calculator, backpack/bag...*
I just got my kids their school supplies a lil bit ago :)

MammaMia 25-08-2010 10:36 PM


Originally Posted by nicole94 (Post 2461752)
lol, *hugs helen* thanks hun, im now trying to think of all the things im gonna need to buy for college, anyone got any ideas? (just general things)

*hugs Nicole tightly* I've seen what you got already, I suggest highlighter pens too ^_^ Might come in use!!!

The One Who 25-08-2010 10:41 PM

Oh yes, highlighters can be good. Just don't do what some people do and highlight the entire page apart from words like 'and'. It defeats the purpose of highlighting!

nicole94 25-08-2010 10:42 PM

*hugs helen and poisoned apple (****, sorry forgot your name, im actually having a blonde day and the name change is confusing me XD)* thanks guys. will write this all down and take it tomorrow.

MammaMia 25-08-2010 10:49 PM


Originally Posted by The One Who (Post 2461788)
Oh yes, highlighters can be good. Just don't do what some people do and highlight the entire page apart from words like 'and'. It defeats the purpose of highlighting!

Seriously?? :| That's just...pointless!!


Originally Posted by nicole94 (Post 2461789)
*hugs helen and poisoned apple (****, sorry forgot your name, im actually having a blonde day and the name change is confusing me XD)* thanks guys. will write this all down and take it tomorrow.

*hugs Nicole* Poisoned apple is crimson hun :) Yay, shopping is fun. I'm going shopping tomorrow after my appointment at the jobcentre ^_^

nicole94 25-08-2010 10:56 PM

*hugs helen* thanks, i knew that lol, minds just going a bit blank, so much stuff going round in there! and i know shopping is fun, i love it lol, gotta just get college stuff though, but i need new clothes for college anyways (non-uniform, but i thought i would be better to keep my arms coverd?)

The One Who 25-08-2010 11:00 PM

I need new clothes, but I can't really afford to go shopping. Sad times.

shadowedsoul 26-08-2010 12:12 AM

huggles all. not sure why im bothering anymore. i either get comments like im such a joy to be around, to what makes you think you will get that job. fu*king hate this. feeling like i should just kill myself so they would have to put up with me and my crap. hides in a corner and cries.

FlyingNy 26-08-2010 12:23 AM

Hey Claire. I'm Lia.

*Dances back with April* Although I am triggered right now because of stupid people deciding that breaking my heart isn't enough, but she has to stomp all over the pieces as well. Humph. Well still, that's really great April! So glad to see you happy. :) Cheered me up a little.

Well done on getting into college Nicole! I also got the grades I wanted, and I'm in my 6th form! I'm not happy with all my results, but I got A*/A for all the ones I am taking for A-level, so screw the others.

Lol, I used to do that with highlighting. I would end up with just everything done. It's all important or it wouldn't be written down! Still, I've learned the art of selection.


FlyingNy 26-08-2010 12:25 AM

Jill, you shouldn't 'just kill yourself' you mean a lot to everyone on here, and I'm sure I don't just speak for myself when I say we would all feel like we had let you down in some way. They're the ones with the problem, not you. People should accept you for who you are and if they don't them **** 'em. Not literally.


SoMuchMore 26-08-2010 12:54 AM

Not doing well right now.. so sorry for the lack of individuals.

but i did want to introduce myself to Claire b/c i don't think i have so.... Hi! I'm Laura. Nice to meet you.

*curls up and cries* I don't know what is wrong with me exactly. I think its anxiety stuff pushing me over the edge, but i just want to hide away and disappear.

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