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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

riley. 22-07-2010 10:48 PM

*plonks self in corner somewhere*

Doikers 22-07-2010 10:55 PM

April , I will update at some point in the next few days but remind again please :) back to my flat tommorow, Psych Dr appointment is next Thursday I think .sorry this isn't more expansive.........hmmmm

SoMuchMore 22-07-2010 11:11 PM

*sets out a box of cuddles for everyone*

FlyingNy 22-07-2010 11:20 PM

It's scaring me and I can't find the remote.

FlyingNy 22-07-2010 11:31 PM

For the first time in about a year, I used the button on the TV due to a contiinuous lack of remote. Telling people on TV to shut up doesn't work.

PoisonedApple 23-07-2010 12:03 AM


There's also room for you, Crimson, if you care to join us. :) How are you doing, btw?
*crawls in the warren* Mostly I want to disappear right now. Apparently my trying not to laugh (since now attorneys have issues with OSPA too, not just me) at the staff meeting makes me come off looking smug. And then at the goodbye party for two of our attorney's I felt awful cuz I hate eating in front of other people... I let our receptionist take part too so my lunch was 30 min later than usual so I felt like I was starving which made it worse... all in all I felt like a house since I ate a ton and it was a feat in itself because eating when your hands are shaking (and you have a fork no spoons) is hard... *crawls under a rock* If it was possible to die of embarrassment I think I would have. Sadly I was that embarrassed about it when I was at the back of the room... The dessert part wasn't as bad though because there were just a handful of people left and Di and I were talking about homeschooling and it kept me focused on something other than eating in front of people. But my mind keeps going over it all and just won't shut up.

Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 12:17 AM

*gently hugs Lia* I hope that you're doing okay(ish)... :( I'm sorry that you're upset (& probably triggered too?)... is there anything that I can do? Remember, my inbox is still open. <3

*cuddles Laura* How are you, love? I caught up on your r/v... at least, up until yesterday. I'm sorry you're feeling so ick. :(

*glomps Crimson 'cause I spot her!!* How are you, sweetie? Better than yesterday, I hope.

Mark, I'll try to remind you again. :) *cuddles*

Hopefully I didn't miss anyone & if I did, I'm going to blame it on where my head is at the moment... i.e., not attached to my shoulders. :-S My bestie just called me back - I left a message apologizing for my texts, which have been insensitive to say the least - and turns out that she'll be moving out of her parents' (which is only about 10 minutes from where Jarrod & I live, max), to a better apartment than Jarrod & I have, in a town about an hour away. *cries softly to self* She'll be coming home every other weekend... but that's like the only tie I have to our church, her and her fiancÚ, and they probably won't be going there anymore... so I'll be going to a church where (I don't think) the pastor or his wife like me... because Jarrod wants to. Although granted, I don't know if Jarrod will want to if her fiancÚ isn't there anymore, because he's like the only guy with whom Jarrod's bonded. And I'm going to miss her horribly... she doesn't have a Facebook & I doubt she'll get one... I know I shouldn't be this attached to someone that's not a family member but she's as close as one... hell, she was my maid of honor at my wedding instead of my "real" sister!! And I know that I "shouldn't" feel like she's leaving me, but she kind of is... she's getting married next May and it makes me want to cry, new beginnings & all, and I don't even know if I'll be able to be there for it. I don't know. I just... don't know.

*hides in a hole and cries really, really hard*

PoisonedApple 23-07-2010 12:23 AM

*cuddles April* I posted right before you... you were probably still posting... sorry I can't be arsed to retype it. *extra April hugs*

*leaves a box of hugs and plushies n chocolates for everyone*

FlyingNy 23-07-2010 12:31 AM

*Hugs April* It'll be OK, you'll still get to see her and talk on the phone and email etc. An hour isn't that far really, my sister goes to a school 45 minutes away and she travels there everyday. I won't message you just now if you're so upset yourself, you don't want me adding to it. You know what it was anyway, but this time I had the sense to just switch the damn thing off. I don't know why I was watching in the first place, in a way, I'm drawn even though it scares the crap out of me. Poor everyone else who I'm confusing right now.

*Hugs everyone else who needs them, Extra hugs to Crimson*


Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 12:39 AM

*cuddles Crimson* Sorry, I read what you wrote just after I posted, but didn't have the energy to reply. Still don't really, but in any case, am sorry that you had such an icky day. :(

*gently cuddles Lia* I'm sorry that you're feeling the way you are... and yeah, I understand being drawn to things like that... just like I used to be drawn to photos of SI. If that makes any sense...

I just want to curl up & cry. I feel like such ****. Maybe I don't want to feel. Maybe I'd rather be numb numb numb............................

*hides again*

PoisonedApple 23-07-2010 12:50 AM

*hugs Lia back*
*cuddles April* is ok.

Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 01:12 AM


Sorry, sorry, sorry... so pathetic, so needy right now. :crying:

PoisonedApple 23-07-2010 01:20 AM

*holds onto April* It's not pathetic to be needy sometimes and you don't need to be sorry for expressing your feelings.
Maybe you could look into other churches in your area and ask Jarrod about trying some of the ones you like? There's some really interesting churches out there ya just have to know where to look... Like when I was in Burbank and tried out the Burbank Church of Religious Science... They have morning meditations and it was a nice peaceful environment. I don't feel out of place at all even on my first trip.
As for your friend... I'm sorry I have no advice to give...
*extra huggles*

Kahlia1981 23-07-2010 01:58 AM

*huggles everybody*

I gotta go back to the hospital this morning. Hopefully the physio can set my mind at ease about the "ripping" noises in my shoulder.
I wish the anxiety would go away.
Sorry for the lack of individual replies - I just can't keep up .... there were approx. 4 pages since I was in here last. Just wanted to let you all know that I'm thinking of you.

Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 02:46 AM

Thanks Crimson. I'm doing a bit better now that I've gotten some of that ^^ out to Jarrod. But I still really do feel like ****. :( How's your day going so far? It's almost 9pm here so I'll probably be heading to bed in a bit... well, showers first then bed... sooo tired. Will probably have nightmares again tonight... or at least, weird dreams - so ****ing frustrating. I wish I could just STOP having nightmares.


Kahlia *cuddles* Best of luck at the physio's today; I hope that you get some answers that you need. And may they be GOOD answers, too... *extra special encouraging hugs* It will go okay. Let us know the results though!!

*hides in the warren & tries to forget how lonely she feels* :crying:

hidingme 23-07-2010 04:13 AM

i feel like i/we belong here right now. very high anxiety. going to dr monday and being eval'd for my mental health ( concerning sarah and sadie) and they will decide if i need to go to hospital. i dont think i/we do and last week my dr said she didnt think i needed to stay in hospital cause i am not harmful and sadie hasnt SH'd in a while..she trying to distract with other things now.

but i am still very scared. Sarah, my 6 yr old self who is my safe one.. has been out alot tonight.

risenfromperdition 23-07-2010 05:06 AM

awh good luck with your appointment monday hope it goes well <3
could you maybe write down something to bring with you with whatever you wanna say in case you cant say it/forget whilst youre there [that goes for all of you] ps sarah/sadie can talk in here too if she wants :)

oliver- that sounds horrid having to deal with being called your birthname/female pronouns for a day let alone 2 weeks. feel free to poke me if you wanna chat, i may not be able to help but will be here to listen :)

*hugs everyone who wants*

hidingme 23-07-2010 05:14 AM

thanks horseridin..

i will def write notes if i/we need to .. gonna take out journal with us.. we all write in it.. we all have separete places to write plus a place where we discuss stuff.. so think thall be good to take.


risenfromperdition 23-07-2010 05:18 AM

good idea :)
[im heather :P]

shadowedsoul 23-07-2010 09:32 AM

Damn it I'm feeling so stressed out right now, chest feels so tight and I feel panicky. Hate feeling this way, hmm nearly did something stuiped a couple f days ago, part of me really glad I went through with it part of me isn't.

MammaMia 23-07-2010 11:18 AM

Wow kinda quiet in here....

*cuddles everyone*

Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 12:31 PM

Yeah, Hels, you're right, it is kinda quiet. I think I scared everyone away. :-S

Welcome, Hiding. :) I'm April. Don't worry if you can't keep all the names straight (yet) - it takes time. *gentle hugs if okay?*

Jill, glad you didn't do anything stupid. What's going on, sweetie? *gentle hugs*

How are you, Heather & Hels? *cuddles*

And everyone else (if I name people I will be sure to leave some out!!) - how are you all? *cuddles for all*

I am exhausted & I just got up. Oh, and it's raining outside... which kinda makes me happy/kinda doesn't. Heh. Sorry, don't want to ramble on about me right now. :-S You're probably all SO SICK of me right now......... :(

FlyingNy 23-07-2010 12:49 PM

Morning wardies. It still is morning. Just.

I had a dream last night. About my mum. I dreamed she was hitting me and wouldn't stop. Still, could have been worse. I'm pretty scared of my sub conscious at the moment.

April, we're not sick of you. It's what this is here for, to be able to ramble as much as you like. You offer your own support too, so you can go on about yourself all you want.

Hey Helen, how are you? *Hugs*

Jill, I'm glad you didn't go through with the 'something stupid' and one day you will be too. I hope sharing with us on here made you feel better. You seem to be really struggling right now. *Extra tight hugs*.


Doikers 23-07-2010 01:26 PM

*Hugs April* I'm sorry your friend is moving away but an hour isn't VERY far away if you drive ( I assume it's an hours drive ) I'm sure you will still see her some :)

*Hugs Lia* Using the T.V. to switch off !! hehe well done

*Hi Hiding !!* I'm Mark, Welcome. *Hugs if ok?*

*Hugs Crimson* I'm sorry you had a crap day , I hope you feel better now.

* Hugs Kahlia* Let us know how your shoulder is , I hope your appointment goes/went well :)

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Jill* It's good that you didn't do something "stupid" . I'm sorry you feel so low , I always about if you need to talk :)

Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 02:35 PM

*hugs Mark & Lia* Thanks for the support, guys. I really shouldn't whinge so much, though, tbh.

Mark, yes, it's an hour's drive. And while "normally" it's not such a far distance, what with her having classes etc. all day, it's a long drive for a weekday visit or whatever. I don't know. It just feels a lot longer away than it is, I guess. And I also guess that I'm scared that she's going to "forget" about me in her "new life." Am I making any sense at all? :-S *cuddles* How are you? (reminder to tell us how you are doing!! :) hehe...)

Lia, I'm sorry about that dream. It sounds horribly unpleasant. Last night I dreamt that my old violin teacher, another girl, and a (hot) guy (lol) - and I - were fishing with our violin bows. I happened to fish up a lion - great huge male lion - and we all ran because he was chasing us and wanted to kill us. I wanted my bow back, because it's a relatively nice bow and I've had it as long as I've had my performance violin. :( There were a few other weird bits & pieces but that's the most of the dream that I can remember. I'm sorry that you're scared of your subconscious right now... *gentle hugs* I totally understand. Or almost totally. Not completely totally as I'm not you. :)

How is everyone else doing today?? *cuddles all 'round*

Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 03:03 PM

I spy Jess, Lia, & Oliver!! *glomps all* :D

hidingme 23-07-2010 03:20 PM

hi hethr, mark an april. sori we get nam rong hethr.

i veri scard toda. toda hav go werk soon an i not wana go i wana sta hom hids an seeps an no se nobodi an not leev hous.
but has to.
tumi fels bubli. fels iky. hiding say it bes anxity. we mayb hav tak anxity medsin at werk if it no gets betr.
i so scard.


FlyingNy 23-07-2010 03:31 PM

Hey Sarah and April.

*Hugs Sarah* I hope work goes ok for you sweetie. What's wrong with taking the anxiety medicine? Why do you have to wait for it to get worse? Not sure what else to say right now, but we're all here to support you in times like this when you just need someone there.

*HUgs April* Dreams are the worst aren't they? I'm sure your friend won't just forget you. My mum has a friend who lives an hour away, and we see her quite a bit. She's my Godmother and our familes have been friends for years. Since before I was born. It's not all the far away, and you can easilly stay friends at that distacne. I can understand how you're feeling though. Someone extreamly important to me is moving away, and I'll never see her again.


wolfos3d 23-07-2010 03:36 PM

*hugs April*

MammaMia 23-07-2010 03:38 PM

Sorry we're all struggling so much. Not too sure how I am today, oh well, I do know that I'm still unhappy. So yeah...low. *sighs*

So over everything dude. When is it going to get better? =[

FlyingNy 23-07-2010 03:51 PM

Hey Jess, how are you?

*Hugs Helen* What's up honey? Sorry you're feeling so low. Is there anything I can do?


wolfos3d 23-07-2010 03:54 PM

Not good. I'm getting all sorts of urges and I think I broke my eating again.

nicole94 23-07-2010 04:10 PM


FlyingNy 23-07-2010 04:16 PM

*Hugs Jess* Try not to give into those urges sweetheart, you're worth recovering for, whatever else you might believe. What do you mean you 'broke your eating'?

Hey Nicole, how's things?


nicole94 23-07-2010 04:20 PM

hey lia *hugs* theyre-ok i suppose, just a bit confused because everyone seems to think im better when im getting worse and worse and it scares me. my mum even has paracetamol back in the house.

wolfos3d 23-07-2010 04:23 PM

Thanks *hugs* I'm trying to distract myself as best as I can. My mood's not helping at all. I'm sick of being so frikken low. As for breaking my eating, I was back to pretty much eating normally and now I'm having trouble eating again.

FlyingNy 23-07-2010 04:37 PM

Jess, do you know why it is you're having trouble eating again? Do you have an ED?

Nicole, do you think you are in danger of using the paracetomal? Please try to resit that. Not long until you can get out. I'm wondering, how will you cope alone? Are you sure you'll be able to resit urges when you're all on your own? Not to scare you, I'm just concerned is all. *Hugs*

Guys, I can't do this anymore. I can't do this on my own. I say I'm 'bang-tidy', but I'm not. I'm really not I'm falling apart, it's one thing after another and now there's something so scary and I can't deal. I thoguht things were bad before, but then the three worst things I can think of came one after another and I can't believe I thought things were bad before. I can't do this. I want to cry, but I can't. Phyiscally, I can't. I'm so tired. Of everything. I'm tired of being the Ice Queen, I'm tired of pushing everyone out, but I no longer know how to let them in. I'm too scared to. I'm sorry.


nicole94 23-07-2010 04:40 PM

*holds lia* sorry sweetie, i dont know what to say, but just know im here for you. *hugs*

MammaMia 23-07-2010 04:56 PM

*cuddles Lia, Jess & Nicole* Sorry I have no words. Just try keep fighting...

nicole94 23-07-2010 05:00 PM

*huggles helen* how you doing today hun?

MammaMia 23-07-2010 05:40 PM

I'm low Nicole....

Doikers 23-07-2010 05:42 PM

I'm back at my Flat , I Love my family , I do , but 2 nights is about all I can take heh :S

*Hugs Lia , Nicole , April , Jessica , Helen , Sarah , Hiding*

PoisonedApple 23-07-2010 05:43 PM

Sorry for no individual replies this post... I have a headache and can't seem to focus on reading all the things I missed so far today...
*hugs everyone*
I don't want to be at work... I want to be home napping. TGIF

nicole94 23-07-2010 05:44 PM

n'aaw, *extra big hugs* sorry, dont know what else to say.

Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 05:46 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Lia, love, then why don't you start by letting us in? As I said, I'm proud of you for letting me in, even a "little bit," like you did a few days ago. That was so courageous of you, it really was. Now... maybe try opening up to a few more people? You don't have to do it on the VPW, you just can PM a couple of others that you trust, or are close to trusting... or you can post here, your choice. Anyway, just an idea. *gentle hugs* You WILL be okay, you WILL make it through.

*glomps the others currently reading the thread*

Oh & Crimson, is your day going any better today?? *gentle cuddles*

*hides in the warren*

SoMuchMore 23-07-2010 06:49 PM

*hugs everyone* sorry for lack of individual replies.

I'll be out of town until late sunday night so I won't be around, just thought i'd let everyone know so nobody is worried... not that there is anything here to worry about.

Scarletdreamer 23-07-2010 07:07 PM

*cuddles Laura* Stay safe & have fun, wherever you are going!! :) And yes, if we didn't hear from you in "that long" a time without you saying something, we'd probably get worried. I know that I would, at least...

*feels very alone* :(

FlyingNy 23-07-2010 07:12 PM

Thanks April, Jess and Nicole. I feel a little better now, and so you don't worry about me, I will be away for a week after tomorrow. I'm not dead, just on camp. It should be fun, and I can't do anything with everyone there, which I suppose can only be a good thing.


FlyingNy 23-07-2010 07:13 PM

And you're not alone April. I'm here :) *Hugs and crawls in warren with you*

MammaMia 23-07-2010 07:35 PM

Nobody's alone :)

*joins in with cuddling April and Lia*

Oh & thanks for the notice Laura, hope you have a nice time =]

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