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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

SoMuchMore 18-06-2010 07:30 PM

Helen! *huggles* I'll miss you while you're gone! have a good time!

(I still spy you.. trying to get my bye in before u leave lol)

WIll respond to everyone else in a minute

PoisonedApple 18-06-2010 07:33 PM

*waves to helen* bye! have fun!

SoMuchMore 18-06-2010 07:50 PM

*hugs kat and lindsay* sorry that you two are not feeling so well..

*hugs kahlia* I'm so glad that the reviewer sided with you! At least now something will be said to someone that they will have to listen too. *joins crimson in confetti tossing*

*hugs lia? (i'mjustme)* I dont think i've met you before... If i have i'm sorry for being dense, but I'm laura. Sorry that you are missing school and that you're family is annoying you. I understand that to a degree, i mean, obviously i don't know what goes on in your family, but when I'm at home I sometimes feel like i better get out of there quick heh.

*hugs april* Sorry that you are tired and was triggered. Try not to do anything too bad.

*hugs crimson* how r u today?

*hugs jill and mark*

Its thunder storming again. I love it. Especially b/c i dont have to go anywhere so i can sit and watch. Sent my friend a message after he sent me 2 or 3 asking how I am and i skillfully avoiding answering every one with the information he actually wanted to know. But then I got one with direct questions that I could not avoid. So i guess now he is going to know about how different things are getting. With my ex gone at field training for the air force, things really are different for me... It's bad but I don't feel the need to be friends with all of his friends while he is away. In fact, it almost feels wrong when I hang out with them now. But that is kinda bad b/c that is my only social group here at uni really. I love my work people, but I just met them so we don't really hang outside of work. Anyway, this is getting long I know. And I have no idea why I am typing it all out except for the fact that I think I've needed to admit to someone that things feel so different... I guess this just reaffirms my "if i make it that far, i need to go to graduate school far far away" theory.

CrazyHayley 18-06-2010 07:53 PM

Pops in and sees Helen leave in a whirlwind - hope you have a good time Hels whatever you're up to!

Hello all my other fellow wardies! Reggie and I send our love and snuggles and huggles! He's busy running round like a loon, lol, and I'm trying to rest as I'm going to see Green Day at wembley stadium tomorrow.....but they buggered up the tickets, they've given me general admission standing rather than the ambulant seating ones I ordered!! But I phoned them and its too late to change it. So I'm not missing it....think my crutches may need to come back out for me to survive the crowd, eek!

I'm in limbo on whether I'll be moving soon or not. I'll keep you all posted. I just want to know so that I can then get the stress over and done with and bunny proof my new place. My living room currently has cardboard boxes blocking up things so that reggie can't destruct them, but he's gonna make his way through the boxes!!

Sorry for all the self absorbed waffle, but far too much has happened for me to comment individually, so I hope that my post has helped to keep you distracted for the couple of minutes that it may take to read it.

SoMuchMore 18-06-2010 08:00 PM

*hugs hayley* It's good to hear from you! Reading your posts is definitely a good distraction :-) I'm sorry that they messed up your tickets but I bet you'll have a lot of fun at the concert anyway, Green Day usually puts on a good show! Hope that you figure out the moving stuff soon too!

one_step_closer 18-06-2010 08:08 PM

I need hugs, i'm missing my Dad

PoisonedApple 18-06-2010 08:14 PM

*huggles Lindsay and sits with her as long as she needs*

one_step_closer 18-06-2010 08:17 PM

Thank you.

How are you?

PoisonedApple 18-06-2010 08:27 PM

eh i'm on the fence as for how i am today.better than yesterday so far though.

CrazyHayley 18-06-2010 08:35 PM

*extra huggles for Laura, Lindsay and Crimson* just cos they're about in the ward atm - I don't want to seem as if I'm picking and choosing!!

*goes around ward, looking in all the holes and hiding places to give appropraite tlc to her other wardies*

hmmm, to nap then do dinner, or do dinner then nap?!!....

PoisonedApple 18-06-2010 08:37 PM

i vote nap then dinner :)
*hugs back*

CrazyHayley 18-06-2010 08:51 PM

Reggie has just been running circles round me - literatly! it means he likes me, I'm chuffed! Gonna have a fag, nap then dinner methinks. May pop back in later depending on my energy levels.
hmmm, strange thoughts, I miss you guys, so I wonder if i'd be better off still struggling....BUT then I KNOW thats not a sensible thought, its just weird how my priorities have changed and I've less time for the ward now I'm doing better....but I always think about you guys....

*toddles off for a fag before she thinks too much and gets in a pickle*

Scarletdreamer 18-06-2010 08:56 PM

i spy hayley!! *glomps gently* heehee... :) have missed you and your posts, glad to hear that things are going well!! hope that you do okay at the green day concern, enjoy your nap, have fun with reggie, and don't forget to come back and post all about it all. :P

Scarletdreamer 18-06-2010 09:54 PM

erm so yes... responses...

crimson *cuddles* how you doing today? have you "got off the fence" yet? glad that today's better than yesterday though... that's good.

hels, do enjoy your trip!! i know you're probably long gone by now but just wanted to wish it to you again anyway. :) *cuddles*

jill, sorry you're not doing too well, although your post confused me a bit as to whom you were addressing. *cuddles*

laura, yey for thunderstorms... they are so impressive!! (as long as they don't have tornadoes along with 'em... heh) i hope you feel better over the course of the next few days - being low really, really sucks. (as you know - i don't have to tell you that!!) i'm sorry that things feel really, really different - but is that a good or a bad thing? *cuddles* maybe a little "change-up" in routine is a good thing... i don't know, though. how has si been lately?

lindsay *sits next to as well, after setting a box of cuddles on the table for her and everyone else that i didn't mention in my responses - not leaving you out on purpose, promise!!*

i'm so... triggered right now. still. i even took a nap for almost 2 hours and i am still triggered... just goes to prove that sleep is not always an antidote for triggered'ness. grrrrr... i feel so fat and ugly... :'( and those feelings are not likely to go away anytime soon. :(

i see my new therapist for the second time on wednesday. i'm nervous. i'm going to have to take charge of the appt and make sure that she knows i don't want to do sessions every other week, etc. - exactly what i know that i need for recovery to happen. but... oh, i don't know. i still have to call the insurance company to see what my copay's gonna be... probably $15/appt but i'm not sure. that's what it was for my last therapist, and she was located in the same place. so yeah. i hate making phone calls though... especially to insurance companies!!!!

anyway. sorry for rambling and ranting... :(

*hides in a hole, mumbling "selfish selfish selfish"...*

Scarletdreamer 18-06-2010 10:07 PM

oh, and updated r/v...

feel so stupid. :'(

SoMuchMore 18-06-2010 10:34 PM

*hugs lindsay tight*

*hugs crimson* glad to hear that today is better than yesterday so far.

*hugs hayley* We miss you in here too, but I know that i like hearing that you are doing well. So feel free to post whenever you want/have time.

*hugs april* I hate phone calls too.. Its good that you are trying to see the therapist more than once every other week though. Sorry to hear that you are triggered and that sleep did not help. It doesnt always help me either, or sometimes it helps a bit but not enough to stop anything.
Oh.. and I read your thread in the ED forum. April, hun, you are important and deserve support. No matter how long your problems have lasted it does not make you any less deserving. (i wouldve responded in there but i dont use the ED forum so.. yea)

As for what you asked about me. I don't know if different is good or bad, both kind of i guess. Some aspects of life are easier like this, but I also feel guilty about other things, like I am abandoning or giving up on something that I am not supposed too. SI stuff is there. I'm following through on my "SI plan" that I made when I was at home a few weeks ago. It hides it well. I guess its bad b/c i'm hardly trying anymore. I mean i say that I am fighting the urges and i make it through a night maybe, but the next day i'll give in. I used to be cutting only about 1 or 2 times a month, not several times a week. So much has been happening lately though.. and if a lot is happening in the outside world, then 300x more things are going on in my head.

PoisonedApple 19-06-2010 12:11 AM


When Pam and Peggy were children, they were already sidetracked and their Born Organized(BO) Mom put them in the upstairs attic, so she would not have to look at their messiness. Out of sight, out of mind.

The girls being sidetracked would become so involved with their playing, that they would forget to do down stairs to the bathroom. They were very creative, so they decided to stick their little bottoms out the upstairs window and let their pee run down the roof.

Several years later, they were helping their dad work on the TV anteena, and their father mentioned that he had never been able to figure out why the moss on the roof had died in two tracks running down the roof. Needless to say, Pam and Peggy never mentioned it. LOL
Just thought I'd copy and paste from an email I got since it was funny to me... thought we could all use a laugh.

PoisonedApple 19-06-2010 03:56 AM

Woohoo! I just found out that Flyleaf is having a free concert tomorrow night downtown! I might even be able to go! *squeals in excitement*

risenfromperdition 19-06-2010 04:11 AM

^ jeaaaalous =p

i getta see friend AND 'my kids' [triplets at church] tomorrow :)

i spys laura :)

risenfromperdition 19-06-2010 06:30 AM

iwantsleep :(

wolfos3d 19-06-2010 07:28 AM

Hey everyone. Sorry I haven't been very talkative. *hugs* I'm making vain attempts to get my life in order and it's left me feeling rather tired and unsocial. I'm up to the part where I get to sit around and wait for a few weeks.

Scarletdreamer 19-06-2010 12:25 PM

i spy a mark!! *glomps* how're things going? tonight's the biggish night isn't it? :( i'm sorry that you have to keep your happy mask on... wish you could feel like you could be honest how you feel... because i know how hard it can be to have a mask up like that. anyway...

*hugs jess* it's okay you haven't been very talkative, have missed you posting though. hope things are going okay - well done for trying to straighten out your life. :) proud of you.

*hugs heather* hope you are doing okay and got some sleep last night... where are you located now? still in new jersey or pennsylvania?

*huggles crimson* yey flyleaf!! free concerts = amazing. :D hopefully you do get to go... let us know and take some pics if you do!! :D

i'm really quite tired. i have no idea what time i got to sleep even though i went to bed at 7pm... and i got up at 6am. so it's gonna be a nap sort of day. blah. at least we don't have anything that we need to get done... jarrod's still recuperating from his op so no hikes or anything, dunno if we should even walk into town from here. hmmm. i wonder what we will do today!!

*curls up next to mark and dozes*

Doikers 19-06-2010 12:31 PM

So got to my parent's late yesterday afternoon for my parents big 60th anniversay only to be told by my SIster that my Mum had , an hiout previously slipped on the stairs , broke het foot , ruptured her ligament , but NOT dropped the baby , so Mum is in hospital as the Ligament HAS to be opourated on and the party is off .
Being in the hospital triggered me , bought back memouries of an OD years back , *Selfish much*

Ohh Greenday in concert *Flaps in exitement* Enjoy Hayley!!

ANd flyleaf too *Mini Flaps*


Scarletdreamer 19-06-2010 12:51 PM

awh mark, i'm sorry to hear about your mum!! that sucks... and it's not selfish to have had memories come back about an od you took years ago, that's not the kind of thing you can control (the memories i mean - and sometimes not even the actions). *squishes tight* hopefully the surgery goes well... when are they operating or have they already? :-S

just got on wow for a bit, trying to figure out the whole horde side of things, hah. it's not working too well as i don't have anyone as a friend who knows it very well (i mean irl) that can show me the works. :-/ so yeah. ummm... couldn't focus much either. am anxious, tired still, blah. need to write up stuff for my internship (weekly report for my faculty supervisor and a post to my fellow interns on how it's going). grrrrr!!

*hides in a hole in the warren to cry a little bit out of stress & frustration*

Scarletdreamer 19-06-2010 01:38 PM

oh, and updated r/v... :(

i spies an oliver and a julie!! *cuddles*

frenchhorn 19-06-2010 01:40 PM

*cuddles everyone who can accept cuddles*
I'm sorry I've been so crap recently with individual replies, when stuff has calmed down for me I shall be in here more and will do replies, but at the moment everything is a bit much to cope with.
my girlfriend is still in hospital, they have now said its a viral infection and she should hopefully be out on Monday. we've been going out a month today so I'm going to go visit her in a bit, she is getting really fed up of being in there and not liking it.
me, I guess I am surviving but only just, I feel so stuck at the moment with everything, my depression is really clouding over me, I just don't seem to care anymore, my room is becoming a mess, the kitchen is a mess, I'm not looking after myself properly, I just seem to be falling apart again and I don't know how to keep hanging on. so very nearly brought some pills the other day, managed to get out of the shop though before I completely freaked.

*hides in a dark corner where no one can find him because he is being pathetic and useless*

frenchhorn 19-06-2010 01:53 PM

I spies April *glomps* *hugs* I'm really sorry about your dog, I don't think your mean for it affecting you so much, a death of a pet is very hard especially one you have had for so long and become so attached to.

Scarletdreamer 19-06-2010 03:52 PM

*glomps oliver back* :) i'm glad to hear that your girlfriend is going to be out of the hospital soon but it really sucks that it was a viral infection. :( i would be tired of being in hospital too, if i were she... hopefully she feels better soon!! you're not being pathetic or useless, love. please try to not let yourself think things like that... easier said than done i know, believe me, but still... give it a go. you're a lovely person, amazing, strong, talented, clever, fun to talk with, etc. *gentle hugs* i'm glad that you didn't buy the pills... well done for not. :)

and thanks for the reassurances about michael (the dog). i just feel mean for it affecting me more than people i know dying. i mean, how heartless can you get?! :'(

*hides in a hole, away from everyone* :'(

I'mJustMe 19-06-2010 04:04 PM

Hey Laura. Yes, I am Lia.

I know it's not a big deal, but my mum is shouting again and I really hate it. She never stops. I guess it could be worse, at least she's only shouting and it isn't directed at me. Sometimes I rather it was though,weirdly, it's easier to deal with when it's me at the receiving end of her shouting and everything.

I feel like crying. I am trying to hold it back because I can't cry. I don't cry. But it's fathers' day tomorrow and I just wish I had someone to give a card to.

I'm going to stop because I am on the verge of tears and I can't let them spill. I think I might go for a walk.

Hope everyone's OK.

*Hugs Lindsey and anyone else that needs it.*


Scarletdreamer 19-06-2010 06:28 PM

*cuddles lia* you can cry, sweetheart, if you need to. why do you feel like you can't? :( i'm sorry that your mum is shouting... :( that has got to be awful. i can't really imagine as when i was growing up my mum just got quiet - the "silent treatment" - i don't know if i would have almost rathered her yell/scream... probably not, but the silent treatment was awful. i do that every once in awhile now, funny how things get passed down from generation to generation. anyway, that was a ramble, sorry. :(

i feel awful, so anxious, not hungry at all. we're at my parents' place right now (jarrod and i) because i wanted to play "city on our knees" for my dad for father's day on the dulcimer, had been prepping for it for months. it's by tobymac and my bestie said that that was probably the first time it was played on the dulcimer, lol. but anyway... sooo anxious. can't control it. having trouble breathing. :'(

love this song, have been listening to it... i think delta goodrem tops britt nicole as my favorite female singer now... lol. sorry for posting so many songs; i hope you guys don't mind. :-S

*hides in the warren*

Doikers 19-06-2010 06:45 PM

My Mums having her op right now.
My sisters friends are over ,Twins,non-identical.
does anyone want some strawberrys , merangue and cream that was for the party?

shadowedsoul 19-06-2010 07:23 PM

Hugs April, sorry iconfused you, I guess i should have
said it was a rant. It's something I wish I had said to
a freind who girlfreind gave me a hard time yesterday.
Just feel it is a no win sitition. It ened up allong with
other comments yesterday trigging me, didn't cut but
found other way to hurt myself.

one_step_closer 19-06-2010 07:41 PM

*hugs Mark* I'll have some. (how rude does that sound :P)

I'mJustMe 19-06-2010 07:48 PM

Crying is a sign of weakness, it lets other people know how much they've hurt you. Anyway, enough about me. I've talked about me too much today, it's selfish and I will shut up.

April, sorry you are so anxious. Is it because you are nervous about playing? I hope you're OK, and it all goes well. Thinking of you.

Oh, and study leave is basically what it says on the tin. We get let out of school while the exams are going on for 'studying' but I hate it, it means being in the house with her.

Although it was funny just now, she was having a go at me as per usual and was making me wash up this glass plate, all the time telling me how useless and dirty I am, and she stabbed her finger on it to demonstrate her point of it needing a wash and I started thinking about how funny it would be if she broke it, but then I had to keep the smile off my face because I don't want to know what will happen if I laugh at her. At least she mainly sticks to the shouting now, even if most of the time, that hurts worse than the stick ever did.

Going on about me again. Sorry. I wish my dad were here.


Scarletdreamer 19-06-2010 08:07 PM

updated r/v... it's really long, sorry about that.

still ****ing anxious. took a prn klonopin, hopefully that will help. have too much energy to expend. and my stomach hurts. prayers/good thoughts would really really be appreciated... hasn't been this bad in awhile. :'(

risenfromperdition 19-06-2010 08:18 PM

*squishes* <3 sorry i've not got any advice atm

am back in nj... woo =s

sorry your mum's so horrid ImJustMe [i fail at life and forget name sorry] and crying helps and is actually a really healthy way to get emotions out- not weakness at all. know thats hard to believe though sometimes [my rents arent that bad but i always get told off for crying b/c im 'not acting my age']
hope your study leave's over soon :) do you have anyone you can spend time with so not stuck home?

Scarletdreamer 19-06-2010 08:30 PM

lia, crying doesn't mean weakness. to some people it might, i don't know, but to me it means that you're actually being strong. why? because you're allowing your emotions to show - which is a difficult thing to do at times - and you're also allowing yourself to become vulnerable - which is also difficult. does that make any sense? but if your thoughts on it work for you, then so be it. :) i'm just offering a different viewpoint, hope you don't mind!!

i'm feeling a bit better now but still soo anxious, i hate being this way. :'( i'm sorry.............

Scarletdreamer 19-06-2010 09:22 PM

i spy laura!! *glomps*

i'm so lonely. and i hate being lonely. i also hate feeling the way that i do. :(

SoMuchMore 19-06-2010 09:36 PM

*sigh* had a whole long thing typed out for everyone but my computer froze.. I hate when that happens. Sorry

*hugs everyone and glomps april back*

I'mJustMe 19-06-2010 09:43 PM

You don't need to be lonely, we all here are with you. Not in person, I know. Not a lot can be done about that.

I know, I just see myself as being pathetic when I cry because everyone's problems are worse than mine and who cries because thier mum shouts at them? Are they meant to make you feel worthless and pathetic? Are they meant to make you doubt that they actually love you? When their own mother dies, are they meant to tell you they would rather it was you?


Doikers 19-06-2010 10:31 PM

I. am not in a postition to read R/V threads this weekend I .I usually read them honestly. E-mail me if you need me. Things are , with my mothers (who has had her op) injury up in the air right now.

Scarletdreamer 19-06-2010 10:41 PM

*cuddles laura and mark* how are you doing, mark? and what do you mean, things are up in the air with your mum? did the surgery go okay? (or am i reading it wrong? which is entirely possible...) and laura, i hate it when that happens too!! i hope you're doing okay... *more cuddles for both of you*

*hugs lia* your mum doesn't sound very kind or nice... i wish i could make things better for you, use some magical faerie dust or summat. i don't know. just something... :( but anyway, you have us with which to talk, and don't worry at all about talking about yourself in your posts, it's fine. :) i do it all the time and no one seems to mind... :-S (or do they??..... please let me know...)

i'm doing a bit better now. am listening to delta goodrem "breathe in breathe out" and it's helping calm me some... which is good. i also just took some time to listen to jaci velasquez and update my paper journal... very relaxing. at least, it was this time. i also "rediscovered" all of the blank journals i have - and i have a lot!! lol. not good as i keep adding to the collection!! :P heh...

i played wow for a bit but couldn't really focus. there's been some guild drama which i always find perturbing, so i didn't want to stay on too long as the guy who left the guild still wants to be friends with me and the guild is pretty against him... so yeah. :-/ hate it when things get messed up like that. :( i don't know. i'm just really tired overall...

*sets a box of cuddles on the table for whoever wants some* :)

Scarletdreamer 20-06-2010 12:07 AM

updated r/v again... it's much more peaceful this time!! :)

*huggles everyone who wants them*

Kahlia1981 20-06-2010 12:27 AM

*huggles all who want huggles*

Hello all. Sorry I've been a bit absent the last couple of days. The old brain just isn't keeping up. There's been quite a bit going on here (IRL) and at times it's getting overwhelming. Really hoping that it starts to settle soon . . .

Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that even though I haven't been replying, I have been reading, and am thinking of you all. xxx

Scarletdreamer 20-06-2010 12:33 AM

*glomps kahlia*

sorry, it's the day to be glomped by april, i suppose. :)

sorry to hear that there's been a lot going on irl. i agree, hopefully it does calm down soon.

anxious again.......... :crying: so. over. this.

Kahlia1981 20-06-2010 02:07 AM

*glomps April back*

Sorry to hear you're anxious hun. Anything we can do to help?

Scarletdreamer 20-06-2010 02:09 AM

no, i don't think so. it would've been nice had more people been 'round today to chat with but that's how it goes. quiet some days. and that's okay. i'm gonna go take a cool bath now with lavender salts i think... relax some before bed, read maybe, i don't know. it's been a really difficult afternoon/evening and i just want to feel better. :(

and it doesn't help that... oh, i'll talk about it tomorrow. or later tonight if i get back on.


Kahlia1981 20-06-2010 02:11 AM

Okay sweetness. I hope you start to relax some - and that anxiety starts leaking away. I'm sorry it's hitting you so badly. :-( xxx

I'mJustMe 20-06-2010 02:15 AM

I hope you feel better April. Any particular reason you're feeling anxious? *Leaves jar of hugs in case you want them.*

Well it's past one in the morning, I have to get up in five hours and I can't sleep to save my life. So I thought I would grace you all with a poem I wrote. It's not very good, but in hospitals they have writing therapy sessions, so we can call this one of those.

Mummy, please tell me
What did I do?

Why can I never
Be good enough for you?

Mummy, why is it
That you push me around?
Does it make you feel better
As I fall to the ground?

Mummy do stop saying those things
Why do you spit such harsh words?
Oh how I wish I grew wings
To fly away with the beautiful birds.

Mummy from your hand
I shy away.
It scares me so
When your world turns grey.

Mummy you sent me
To that dark place.
Now I'm alone here
Without a soul, without a face.

Mummy you come close
I wish I was gone.
What is it I've done
That was in your eyes so wrong?

Mummy why was it
That it made you feel so good
To knock me down
From the place I stood?

Mummy, to you
Was I really that bad?
What was it I did
That made you so mad?

Mummy you're gone now
They tell me that's true.
So why is it now
That I'm still haunted by you.

Just thought I would share my joy with you all as you do at 1.16 in the morning.

Hugs for all who want them.

SoMuchMore 20-06-2010 02:19 AM

*cuddles april* sorry that you've been so anxious today. Hope that your bath relaxes you some.

*hugs kahlia* its okay that you havent been replying much. Hope that life settles down for you soon.

*hugs lia* sorry that your mom is not being nice at all. I like the poem.. its sad, but good

*hugs mark* Is your mom okay? How r u doing?

*hugs heather and oliver*

Did 5 hours of my online class today.. So boring, but necessary i guess. Nothing to do tonight either.. Probably just going to sit around and watch tv or a movie or something. Jeez.. i really have no life, pathetic.

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