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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 13-05-2010 11:08 PM

FFS, I just wrote a long post & lost it all. *starts again*

MammaMia 13-05-2010 11:13 PM

I'm sorry for writing that post & then leaving this thread for over an hour. Woops. Didn't expect to get that many replies actually. Made me cry all over again.

Not having a good day for various reasons (what's new?!). I was on the phone to my sister after my dinner, sat up to take everything out & come upstairs. I managed to drop the empty can (some of which I'd split all over the stairs) & the knife as I wobbled, as I have lack of balance, wlel I have balance but not as much as I should. Mum told me watch what I'm doing, so I snapped at her that it was only a knife & an empty can and to get over it. Woops, then yelled at my sister down the phone & hung up. Made that post because I was so pissed off. My family don't even realise how much I'm struggling right now. Then had a massive stupid argument with my best friend. Again. Oh dear.....

I just want this **** to end please? :'( :'( :'(

Oh & I'm glad certain people have finally left the ward & everyone has come back. Love you guys xxx

SoMuchMore 13-05-2010 11:45 PM

*hugs crimson* haha o wow, yea i didnt realize that there was a city called that. Thats kinda awesome lol.

*hugs louise* I hope that if you decide to go to a female therapist that it is a much better experience... as april said, they are not all bad.

*hugs april* I would be nervous about an internship too, but thats normal. I'm sure you'll do great! Im glad that you are still liking your hair, it looks really good on you.

*hugs jk* Im sorry that your psych canceled on you.. But we all love you here! I hope that you managed to stop SI-ing, even if it isnt that bad, don't let it become worse. *more extra special hugs*

*hugs oliver* I'm glad that you are feeling a little bit better. Good luck at your concert! And that really sucks that some of your flatmates dont help with the washing up. I think that is what i hated the most about having roommates, and one of the reasons that i live by myself now.

*hugs helen* I'm sorry that you had a fight with your friend and with your family. Fighting is awful most of the time.. But you see, we all care here so of course you got replies! <3 :-)

*hugs mark* are you feeling any better now that you have your diaz? I hope that you are.

I just went and sold some books back, got way less than i thought I would but some cash is better than none i guess. I'm feeling kinda lonely right now. Everyone is still testing and I've just been sitting home except for dinner last night... not that if they weren't testing that many of them would call anyway. I dont know. I feel like there isn't much for me here at my uni anymore (other than my degrees of course), but its better than going home all summer... I would really be bored then.

MammaMia 13-05-2010 11:59 PM

Thanks Laura.

I just turned my old phone on to check something & found a voicemail. Expected it to be my mobile company as they keep ringing (and I keep avoiding) and it wasn't. It was my doctors surgury (totally forgot I gave it to them last year), must have had my blood tests or something. I was told to ring them in 10 days after, it's been 8. Hmmm really worried now. Wish I'd picked it up earlier.......

Kahlia1981 14-05-2010 12:03 AM

*hugs all who want/need & can accept them*

Wow, I feel like I miss so much . . .

Feeling like crap. :(

MammaMia 14-05-2010 12:03 AM

*hugs Kahlia lots*

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 12:05 AM

-lays on the floor- i'm not moving i dont care wat she says we're to tired and our legs hurt
and so does our tummy so i'm not moving

Kahlia1981 14-05-2010 12:08 AM

*cuddles Helen* - Thankyou for the hugs. I really need them right now. :crying:

Owen: Are you and Julie okay? Are you sick? Or have you been doing too much?

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 12:11 AM

u is upset... -gives u a life size teddy to hug u-
-shuffles feet and offers hugs- u needs hugs i give them if u want

we be ok
we done lotsa fitness class this week

MammaMia 14-05-2010 12:13 AM

Owen, look after yourself & Julie.. :)

Kahlia *hugs lots more*

Kahlia1981 14-05-2010 12:14 AM

Thanks for the hugs Owen. I'll accept them gladly. Thanks also for the teddy.

Are you sure you're going to be okay? Just let us know if there is anything that we can do, okay?

Kahlia1981 14-05-2010 12:14 AM

*cuddles Helen* Thanks hun.

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 12:16 AM

-looks at the ground and whispers- i think julie going to have girl month stuff soon

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 12:37 AM

... noone here everyone must be sleeping

MammaMia 14-05-2010 12:38 AM

I'm not sleeping Owen.

OMG I have to wait another 8 hours & 20 minutes for this phone call making. Ugh hurry up, I need to know :'(:'(:'(

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 12:40 AM

-sits next to helen- hi

Scarletdreamer 14-05-2010 12:48 AM

I spy a Hels!! *cuddles* I'm sorry that you've had fights, they suck horrendously when they do happen. :( And sorry that you've had such a **** day overall... :( wish I could do more to help, but feel free to PM me whenever. I'm a bit slow at responding (sorry :o) but I will respond.

*waves at Owen* Girl stuff isn't that yucky, it's just something that has to happen, but I see how it could be viewed as yucky. Julie isn't doing too much, is she?

*cuddles Kahlia lots & lots* What's up, sweetie? I'm sorry that you feel like you miss so much here... :( is there anything I can do to help you in any way? Remember that we all love you here... :) ♥

*cuddles JK* Don't feel unloved, you're also loved here and IRL I'm sure. :) I'm glad that the SI wounds aren't too bad, just please try not to let them get bad? I'm concerned that you are SI'ing so frequently... *holds you gently*

*cuddles Oliver* Sorry you're so low, love. I wish that I could help you more. I feel so helpless sometimes, even with my training in counseling I still don't feel like I know anything... which is why I will be going on for my PhD... lol. Yeah. I'm rubbish at helping... but I'm here to listen if you need. 'Kay? *more cuddles*

*squishes Laura* You're staying at your uni for the summer? Ah yes, you got that job, right? Hopefully it will go well. :) Do you rent an apartment? Sorry for all of the questions... :-S

*squishes Mark* I'm so glad that I helped you get through!! :D I am proud of you for not SI'ing, that's awesome. *does the happy dance* Lol... it's nice feeling like I've actually done summat of worth in a day. :-S

So I'm trying to help this 15 year old girl that I've never "officially" met, just know her and of her problems through my bestie's little sister, we go to the same church... and just ONE person leaning on me like a therapist's client would is wearing me down. :( She has so much going on in her life right now... and I feel so helpless. Like I can't offer anything to her for help, and like she's expecting me to be a whiz at solving her problems. I don't know. I really do like her, she's sweet and I understand a lot of what she's going through, but it's like... if I can't handle ONE PERSON like that, then how the hell am I going to handle a caseload full? :'( I guess that really hit home, that I have to get better first, because I got triggered just by the stuff she typed to me in an email, and it really wasn't that triggery of stuff. Damnit!! :'( EPIC FAIL once again... :crying: Pathetic.

*hides in shame* :'(

SoMuchMore 14-05-2010 12:49 AM

*hugs helen* Try to not think about the phone call.. It'll only make you even more anxious. (I know thats easier said than done)

*hugs kahlia*

*waves to owen* I'm not sleeping either.. its only 6pm lol.. that would be very early for me to be in bed.

SoMuchMore 14-05-2010 12:54 AM

Oops.. i missed you while i was typing April - And yea i'm staying here for work and I have an apartment. My uni is about 2 1/2 hours away from my hometown.

You are NOT pathetic or a fail. Its hard to handle trying to help people sometimes. Maybe you'll feel different in a more professional setting? I dont know, sometimes when i had to interview patients for the psych study i was involved in i was able to stay "un-triggered" b/c it was business.


Scarletdreamer 14-05-2010 12:59 AM

Thanks for the response, Laura. *cuddles* I just... I don't know, I am not stable right now. I'm beginning to see the wisdom in the psych dept. faculty not allowing me to go intern in a psych ward or a counseling center, etc., because it would only make me worse. I really really want to SI and purge right now and am very anxious too... feeling pretty much like a basketcase. :'( I don't know what to do either... typing calms me down some but I don't feel like updating my LJ with the same old crap... and I am not sure that WoW would be a wise idea at the moment because I am so anxious. :'(

I can't help but feel like a failure. I don't know. I just hate myself so ****ing much... :'(

*hides in a dark, deep, lonely hole* :crying:

Kahlia1981 14-05-2010 01:03 AM

*huggles all - with the usual addendum*

April - Maybe you can use this to learn how to get the "degree of separation" that you will need for the therapy case-load? It will be easier for you in some respect if you don't know the person, but you are going to have to learn to think of the issues as separate from yourself. I know that isn't easy to do, but if you can't learn to do it, you'll easily find yourself drowning. I don't know the best way to do it - maybe there is someone you can talk to about it? I'm not trying to talk down to you about it here either, just thinking that you will need to make sure that you don't get too emotionally involved so you don't get triggered .... not sure if that makes sense.

A big thanks to all who have offered/given me hugs. And *big hugs* right back at you.

Sorry I'm so crap at supporting right at the moment. I just feel like my entire life has gone down the tubes . . .


xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 01:22 AM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2295166)

*waves at Owen* Girl stuff isn't that yucky, it's just something that has to happen, but I see how it could be viewed as yucky. Julie isn't doing too much, is she?

it is yucky for me..
and wat u mean by to much

Scarletdreamer 14-05-2010 01:28 AM

Owen, by too much I meant exercising too much. Doing too much physical activity for what she's been eating. Just wondering... don't want her to strain her body. :(

Kahlia, thanks for the comments. It didn't feel like you were talking down to me at all... I know - well, some PART of me knows - that I will have to distance myself from people somehow... to be clinical about it... but I don't know how to do that without losing empathy. I don't know. Am I making any sense? This definitely could be a learning experience, yes, but in the meantime, it's a weight on my shoulders. And I don't want to admit that to anyone but those here, because it's... well, not something I'd admit to IRL to (m)any people. :( I'll try talking with my NP about it the next time I see her, or I'll text her, or something. I don't know. :-S

I feel awful. Got on WoW for a bit but was too anxious to do much of anything. :( I feel so stupid. And low. And I just want a hot bath... :'(

I'm so pathetic. And I AM a failure... :crying:

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 01:42 AM

no april not failure no no no

Scarletdreamer 14-05-2010 01:44 AM


*hides in a corner and hopes that no one spots her because she IS a failure, she IS, she IS*


just updated r/v thread.................... :'(

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 01:45 AM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2295247)
Owen, by too much I meant exercising too much. Doing too much physical activity for what she's been eating. Just wondering... don't want her to strain her body. :(

we do do lotsa exercise but i dunno if i'm allowed to say how much in here

frenchhorn 14-05-2010 01:45 AM

Owen I completely understand you thinking girl stuff is yucky, I still have to go through it once a month for the time being, its horrible.

*hugs April* your not a failure.

*hugs everyone who wants hugs*
I feel really ill, stupid side effects of meds.

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 01:47 AM

-shakes head goes and finds april-
not failure nope
-bites bottom lip and hugs april- u need hugs

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 01:56 AM

hi oliver

frenchhorn 14-05-2010 02:08 AM

hi Owen, how are you doing? you feeling any better than earlier?

Kahlia1981 14-05-2010 02:09 AM

April: Do you know anyone else who has a MI or who has a family member with a MI or something like that who is working in the psych field? They might be able to guide you without you giving too many details. Like a "how do you manage to stay objective?" type question? I can understand what you mean with the distance ~ empathy. It is possible to distance certain parts of your emotions without distancing yourself completely. It's a skill you'll have to learn at least some part of. And I know where you are coming from.

Kahlia1981 14-05-2010 02:10 AM

*offers everyone hugs*

Sorry it's not more . . . :crying:

Scarletdreamer 14-05-2010 02:11 AM

Thanks for the hugs, Owen. *safe, gentle hugs back*

Oliver, sorry you feel ill. *gentle cuddles* :( Are you off to bed soon? because I know I am... going to take a hot bath now. Am feeling so wound up and stressed... but sleepy at the same time. It's a weird feeling.


xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 02:21 AM


Originally Posted by frenchhorn (Post 2295283)
hi Owen, how are you doing? you feeling any better than earlier?

am ok ish i is eating and the angery will get mad but i was so hungry

MammaMia 14-05-2010 02:21 AM

*hugs everyone and then hides*

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 02:23 AM

-be's inviable-

frenchhorn 14-05-2010 02:32 AM

*hugs April* sorry your feeling stressed, nope I probably wont be off to bed for a while even though its 1.30am here!! hope you have a good sleep.

*hugs Kahlia and Helen* how are you two doing?

I'm glad you've eaten Owen thats good

I'm planning a trip to the barbers tomorrow, I really anxious, first time ever to the barbers, but also excited, my first proper mens haircut. :)

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 02:36 AM

shouldnt have eaten and going to eat more the angery will yell at me

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 02:40 AM

i sorry -crawls into a box hugs my teddy-

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 03:18 AM

noone around....

frenchhorn 14-05-2010 03:24 AM

hi Amy you ok?

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 03:33 AM

depends r u ok

frenchhorn 14-05-2010 03:45 AM

what does it depend on?

i'm okish, should probably go to bed soon, as its 2.45 am.

MammaMia 14-05-2010 03:47 AM

Indeed it is Oliver, I'm trying to stay awake til 8am to make my phone call. Should try sleep really haha. Nearly 3am. Feeling so bad. Very very worried about couple people :'( Managed to cheer them both up (and me) but yeah, feeling really **** again. FUN!

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 03:48 AM

*hugs both helen and oliver and tucks them into their beds*

frenchhorn 14-05-2010 03:58 AM

thanks Amy
right I am off to bed now got doctors at 10.10, then getting my haircut, then rehearsals then concert, so need at least a bit of sleep.

*hugs Helen* I hope you get some sleep, you need to try and get some.

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 04:05 AM

*curls up* feel icky

MammaMia 14-05-2010 04:21 AM

*offers cuddles to Amy*

*curls up and cries*

xxjuliexx 14-05-2010 04:25 AM

*curls up with helen*

SoMuchMore 14-05-2010 04:44 AM

*hides in corner invisibly* Maybe they were right all along.. i am a loser.

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