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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 06:22 AM

*hugs laura?* not sure if you are laura

SoMuchMore 09-05-2010 06:22 AM

yes i'm laura :-)

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 06:28 AM

*yawns* wow i've been away awhile wats been going on

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 07:35 AM

*sits in a corner and rocks hugging knees*

katnovia 09-05-2010 08:55 AM

*crawls in* i can't do this anymore. ..

Laura, i've tried to reach amy but she doesn't want to come out or be talked with. your guess is as good as mine on the blue. I've never seen that before, but i know I had the night from hell last night with rapid internal switches. I tried to pin it down, but all i got was that it's male and seems to be some kind of gaurdian, except things went wrong last night because obviously i missed the warning. I had so many voices saying different things with different agendas that i just wanted to internally scream to shut them all off. shadow was lurking again, so i'm going to have to investigate if i can exactly what he's capable of, and i guess, rather bitterly accept him as in existence.

i'm a mess.

April *catches your hug* needed that, thanks sweet

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:00 AM

kat i'm here if u wanna talk

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:09 AM

thanks julie. i'm rather shell-shocked. i've never had a night like that, and i havn't had a chance to talk it over with anyone yet

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:12 AM

well we're all ears hun

~*forever_broken*~ 09-05-2010 09:12 AM

*crawls into her tent, in her corner, and settles in once more with her stuffed lamb, pillow, and blanket, all to have a good cry* And what's worse is I cut and they sting :pinch:

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:19 AM

*crawls to tent and passes through soothing lotion* i'm sorry you cut hun

Julie: im so confused i dont know what to think. I dont want shadow to be real, but something made me hurt myself last night, not like SI, more self abuse. It was so noisy in there that i wanted to run away from my own head. i've no idea who blue is, but he staged a takeover bid last night and i havn't had anything like that happen in years. i thought i'd got us all figured. seems i'm wrong. *sighs* it's all too complicated.

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:21 AM

i kinda no how u feel it's so hard to keep track of them all

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:23 AM

i thought i had it. i was worried about shadow's existence, but this blue has come out of, well the blue. I'm calling him blue because i couldn't get a name from him last night and i have no time to do journal work to discover more cos my daughter is awake and hubby isn't and we've got to get to church soon.

~*forever_broken*~ 09-05-2010 09:25 AM

Thanks Kat. Tis no big deal, I suppose. I'm very sorry you're having such a rough time of it *hugs* Wish I could help.

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:27 AM

big deal or not, cuts need care, and care i can give *hugs forever broken back* thanks for the hug. what's your name hun?

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:30 AM

can i come out or this bad time

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:33 AM

kat have u read all the posts they made

~*forever_broken*~ 09-05-2010 09:38 AM

I go by Ally here and it is very nice to meet you.

Unfortunately it is after midnight here and I've got to get up and get to church early tomorrow so I am off to bed. Please have a good day, the both of you. And feel free to use the tent ;-) Tis a good corner, that and the tent, though brand new, isn't bad either, lol.

Good night (and thanks for the hug Kat, I needed it)

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:39 AM

*nods* yes amy i have and it confuses me *cries* i just dont know who i am anymore

Kahlia1981 09-05-2010 09:39 AM

Hi all. *waves at those who don't like hugs and hugs the rest*

I've missed 10 or so pages so won't be doing individual replies.
I think I saw a return of Ally and Emma though so *big hugs* to both of you - if you are able to accept them. If not, please take my warm wishes.

*hugs the regular ward-mates with the usual addendum then disappears into a dark corner to cry*

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:40 AM

whats the host given name

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:42 AM

*crawls into the corner with kahlia and cries too* nice to meet you ally. I might just sneak into your tent later.

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:43 AM

hmm? sorry amy, I didn't quite get your question.

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:43 AM

kat whats the host given name

SoMuchMore 09-05-2010 09:43 AM

*hug kat* That sounds quite overwhelming. Im sorry that everyone was yelling in your head last night.. I hope you can figure out about who the blue person is and that the shadow can be kept at bay.

*hugs julie*
*hugs amy*

*hugs everyone else*

I spy Kahlia! *cuddles* How r u today?

I'm off to bed soon.. its almost 3am so i figured i better sleep at some point heh.

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:44 AM

like is our julie is the host like the body

Kahlia1981 09-05-2010 09:45 AM

*hugs Laura* - Still not good. But good spotting considering I was having a go at disappearing in the corner.

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:48 AM

amy: ah, now I get you hun, sorry, slow on the uptake this morning. I'm the host sweetie, but i'm not really called kat, that's just my safe name because if i use my real name, it hurts more.

Laura: *huggles* it's bad this morning. switching all over the place and i dont know WHO i'm switching to. I just flipped at hubby, screamed at him in front of my baby girl, something i'd never do. But now I can't remember what i screamed and why. I remember doing it, and i remember feeling really hurt and angry and bitter, but i can't remember what about. I hate it.

SoMuchMore 09-05-2010 09:51 AM

Kahlia - well i just used my visibility powers lol. Its the new thing, i make invisible ppl visible. Okay, enough silliness, its like 3am here so im getting tired. I'm sorry that you are not doing well. I think I read that you told your roommate about the urges.. thats probably good, at least someone knows.. Please try to stay safe. Dont let those urges get too bad *cuddles*

*hugs kat* im sorry that youve had a rough morning. I wish i had some words for you, but I don't know that much about switching and alters, other than what i've read in my psych classes.. which isnt that helpful when trying to talk about what it feels like. *offers more hugs*

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:52 AM

oh ok u seem like a really nice mummy
*sits* i'm sorry it's confusing
i dunno why i is even here

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:56 AM

*sits with amy* here as in now, or as in here in your system?

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:58 AM

whole system
like why i got made

katnovia 09-05-2010 10:01 AM

laura, it feels like..like..i don't know. I sometimes get eye ache, or headaches before a switch.. it's a bit like rapid mood swings but all consuming. Sometimes it's like i'm viewing things from a movie point of view, sometimes it's like i'm in and behind the person out front, sometimes it's like i'm just letting them use my mind, sometimes i feel i have no control over them at all like i'm behind glass, sometimes i just completely flip and do stuff and know i did it but can't remember what is was i actually did, like this morning. It's so confusing, and if i think about it, i get scared. If i try and analyze it i end up tying myself up in knots and feeling completely insane and wondering if i'm making it all up.

Amy: I'm sure there is a really good reason. what do you do? do you look after any of the others?

Kahlia1981 09-05-2010 10:02 AM

*cuddles Laura* - Thanks, try and get some sleep.

*hugs Kat - if that's okay*
*waves at Amy*

katnovia 09-05-2010 10:03 AM

*hugs* thanks kahlia. i'm alright with hugs, it's just amy who isn't

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 10:04 AM

if the blue person reads this then talk to us we can help u help kat

Kahlia1981 09-05-2010 10:05 AM

Kat - That's okay, just didn't want to give you hugs if you weren't feeling able to accept them. *big hugs*

katnovia 09-05-2010 10:06 AM

i'm listening
but she doesnt let me
thats because you always come when she needs to be doing something else stupid.

katnovia 09-05-2010 10:06 AM

ouch, major migraine. see what I mean? I can't keep up *rubs eyes*

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 10:07 AM

amy whats the other persons name

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 10:07 AM

sorry kat i was trying to help

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 10:15 AM

*sits and looks at the floor* i'm sorry *hugs knees*

katnovia 09-05-2010 10:28 AM

'tis alright amy. kat had to deal with baby hazel and we had to get ready for church. hes nice, a bit odd but nice. but he made us promise not to tell so that he could protect us. but as he's out now i dont know.

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 10:29 AM

protect you from what

katnovia 09-05-2010 10:38 AM

the shadow thing. he gives us a bad name. he hurts us. he hurts kat. he pretends to be us but he's bad at it.

katnovia 09-05-2010 10:39 AM

the shadow could destroy us all. everything. he used to pretend to be me. he made kat's jack hate me.

katnovia 09-05-2010 10:47 AM

she wont tell you my name
shes too scared of shadow
they all are
i like being out
i like having hands
i dont talk
but i can type
i like typing for myself
i could get used to this

jonikd 09-05-2010 10:51 AM

*waves shyly at everyone* sorry I've been off the ward a bit, just struggling atm. I have no hope of replying to you all, but I still care as much as I do when I'm up to individual replies.

One post stood out to me, a few days ago now, sorry again.....


Originally Posted by Fallinstar0317 (Post 2282688)
.. most of the time in real life i try so hard to be the person that people want/need me to be... but it gets hard. And I dont want to sound stupid but i just want someone to care about me for once. Everything always has to be about other people...

My friend told me today that people take advantage of me and that i let them, even encourage them. But idk how to be any different. None of my life has ever been about me, and normally that is fine... but tonight i wish i had someone to help. But who the hell would want to help me, nobody even knows me... i dont know if i know me. My friend then said that i actually have a lot going for me b/c im smart. But im not sure that being good in school is enough. I dont want school to be all that i have. And a few weeks ago My ex said that i have friends especially because of the whole situation with him... but i dont think i really do... i have sympathizers maybe or maybe friends by default, which isn't what i want either.

Laura, hun, I can so relate to this its scary, almost like I wrote it. So I understand, and seeing you write it and wanting to tell you its not right makes me think maybe its not my truth either.

Anyway, will try and keep track of everyone the next few days or so.

*sits quietly and hugs knees like Amy*

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 10:55 AM

can i choose a name for for u

katnovia 09-05-2010 11:00 AM

i have a name
i told you my name
baby needs a name
she never had a name

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 11:02 AM


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