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MammaMia 16-04-2010 01:37 PM

We do indeed. *group hug with you two*

I'm sure this pain is getting worse on purpose -.- I have chores to do aswell but no way can I attempt them right now :( I should stop whining.

Yes, it's 12.38pm here in the UK woo :)

Edit: Perhaps I do need to relocate, sound good *sighs*

Doikers 16-04-2010 01:39 PM

*Group hugs with JK and Helen*

Kahlia1981 16-04-2010 01:41 PM

*cuddles and sits down with Helen and holds a kind of candlelight vigil for Helens friend* Periods coming early can be a real pain in the ass. Mine did that last time - 10 days early, & I'm on the pill. Meh. Just try and do what you can to make yourself comfortable. *hugs you again*

Mark: Good to hear that your SW appointment went okay. Not so good about the friend.

JK, Crimson, Laura, April, everyone I've missed: Sorry I haven't been able to keep my head together to catch up with everything ... still lacking on sleep although hoping to get some tonight. *big hugs for you all*, and I hope you are doing okay.

Thinking of you all.

jonikd 16-04-2010 01:44 PM

*listens carefully for whining but doesn't hear any?! wtf ...*

Relocate is GOOD, part of my cunning plan to have a New Zealand full of RYL friends, cos it IS all about me after all... mwahahah

*says hey to Kahlia* think you should relocate with Mark and Helen too x*

*buys a big house and thinks about bed*


MammaMia 16-04-2010 01:46 PM

*hugs everyone*

Thanks Kahlia. Periods are ****ers. Am trying to be comfortable but nothing's working so far, just have to wait. It'll settle down in a few hours I'm sure :(

JK, hope you sleep well if you're off to bed *snuggles*

frenchhorn 16-04-2010 01:47 PM

*cuddles helen lots* I'm really sorry about your friend

*hugs Mark* I'm glad your appointment went ok, but I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

*hugs JK, Kahlia, Crimson, April and anyone else he has forgotten*

I had a bad time last night, after my internet went got really angry and depressed and was wondering round feeling really trapped in my room, but couldn't go out as we're not allowed to, and then ended up finding a way to harm.
course is nearly over, concerts tomorrow and sunday, which i am excited about, but really dreading it because got to wear the stupid dreaded skirt and sash, arrrrrrrrrrrr major trangst at the moment.
sorry I'm being useless.

MammaMia 16-04-2010 01:48 PM

You're not being useless Oliver. I'm sorry your net ****ed up & stuff. *cuddles*

I spy April (aswell as Oliver, Kahlia, Mark & myself :P) How are you?

jonikd 16-04-2010 01:50 PM

*hugs Oliver* You are quite wonderful you know, and I for one just LOVE having you on the ward to add that je ne sais quois!

Nicole's birthday today. I started at new thread although someone may have already. Sweet 16, goodness that's a long time ago for me ;) http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...92#post2243792

Scarletdreamer 16-04-2010 01:55 PM

Good morning everyone... *cuddles*

Hels, I'm so sorry about your friend. :( What kind of fit was it, do you know? I'm glad that they're letting you know what's going on with her at least... it would be worse not knowing I think. *huggles tight* And yeh, I hate periods too... they suck beyond all belief. Mine's due soon and I'm dreading it... heh... but anyway. I wish I could help you more... *holds you and rocks*

JK, it would be awesome if we all could relocate and have a bunch of friends down in NZ!! I've only ever been to Canada (I'm located in the northeastern States) so it would definitely be an adventure. :D And I could use the magic of a "hottie" always working!! :P Pleasant dreams... you are a lovely person, always remember that. :) *cuddles*

Kahlia, how are you doing? *cuddles* I hope okay... how was your day?

Laura *cuddles* I hope that things get better for you soon. How are you doing today?

Mark, I'm glad that your SW appt went okay. How are you feeling? I hope your friend is okay too... I'd be worried as well. *cuddles* Sending prayers up for him and for your friend too, Hels.

I spy an Oliver!! How are you? how're the rehearsals etc. coming? (I also spy a Helen, Mark, and Kahlia!! :D) *cuddles all*

Sorry if I missed someone... there's been a lot of posts since I posted last, so yeh... :o

I'm really exhausted, got up at 5am again today... stupid me... I'm at my parents' now... which means I'll probably eat too much. Damn it. :'( I hate my body, I hate my mind, I hate my life...

And, to make matters even "better," some online friends are telling me that I'm being too sensitive about my bestie (see my r/v thread for details)... which I agree with, kind of, but it's like... THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!! :crying:

*hides in shame*

MammaMia 16-04-2010 02:08 PM

Thanks April :( I don't know what kind, just know it was quite violent :( I'm glad they're letting me know what's happening too. *cuddles* I'm not surprised you're dreading it. I wasn't too thrilled about this one. But least it'll be done with for another month >.> Don't mind it apart from the pain :'( It's just not necessary. It's getting me really upset, well more upset, but can't cry as it'll make pain worse. I can't move without it hurting. I have so much cleaning to do today aswell :'( But I've made a very tiny start on it >.> Trying to keep busy to not think about the pain & my best friend but not working.

jonikd 16-04-2010 02:13 PM

*drags April out of hiding* I'm sure that I've spoken to you about that sweet ;)

Hey Laura, how you hun?

Helen, hunni, just try and be with it all OK? I can appreciate how hard it is, but you have to be the number one priority. You are to us darlin xxx

I am definitely off to bed now, before I turn into a pumpkin.

I've actually had a ***** evening, had to go get stitches for the first time in 15 years, and I really really really hated it. On a positive note it made me realise that I so don't want that any more, so potentially a bit of a turning point.

Y'all take care of each other while I slip off to bed *grabs Puppy Sinclair to cuddle with*


MammaMia 16-04-2010 02:24 PM

Please may I just die til this pain ends? :'(

Hope you sleep well JK x

jonikd 16-04-2010 02:28 PM

*hugs Helen* nah, sorry hun, you stuck with us and we will go through your pain with you.

*sits next to and cuddles gently in her sleep*

Take care hunni xx

MammaMia 16-04-2010 02:36 PM

Okay :( Take care too xx

frenchhorn 16-04-2010 02:40 PM

*cuddles april* rehearsals are going ok thanks, last day of them today. I'd be exhausted too if I got up at 5am, do you have time for a nap at all to recharge your batteries a little?

*cuddles helen* No, we won't let you die, your'll get through this pain and we're here to help you through it.

Night JK, *hugs*

MammaMia 16-04-2010 03:49 PM

*cuddles Oliver*

Scarletdreamer 16-04-2010 04:05 PM

*peeks back in*

I have a question for any of you who have struggled with suicidal ideation (thinking about but not having a detailed plan for suicide) in the past. I'm writing my senior sem paper on suicidal ideation and coping mechanisms and I need some case studies... and I was wondering if any of you would be willing to PM me a story of a time when you struggled with it? If you could, then include mentions of how you coped with it (it can be bad things, like drinking/drugs, or good things, like therapy/reaching out, since the paper is studying both). Just a good-sized paragraph or two about it would suffice... and I'd need your last name's initial (or I could make it up, if you prefer).

I hope that's not against the rules. :-X

*cuddles JK* Sleep well, love... I'm sorry that you had to get stitches... I did back in December and that stopped me from SI'ing for ~3 months, but I have since... but not gotten stitches. Were you treated okay in the ER/A&E?

*cuddles Hels* Nope, no dying for you yet. Not until God decides it's your time. *more cuddles, gently to avoid hurting you* Things will be okay... you'll make it. I'm sorry though, that the pain from the period is so bad. :(

*cuddles Oliver* Good luck with the concert!! That's exciting. What music (composers) are you doing??

So freaking tired... :'( I tried to take a nap but wasn't sleepy enough, to my surprise. Oh well. I've been working some on my senior sem paper but it is making me aaangry. :'(


MammaMia 16-04-2010 04:08 PM

The pain's better but still too much to do any chores. I had a nap which helped. So stupidly got up & went downstairs. Only meant to get food, even though I feel sick. Ended do a little bit more for my chores >.> Silly me. I feel so dizzy :(

Scarletdreamer 16-04-2010 04:28 PM

*cuddles Hels* I'm sorry that you're still feeling icky. :( I wish I could help somehow...

I'm so sick and tired of the bullshit that's my life. :(

Or at least, couldn't I have a positive attitude going into it all?!

MammaMia 16-04-2010 04:42 PM

*sits and cuddles April* I know the feeling sweet :(

PoisonedApple 16-04-2010 05:52 PM

*cuddles Oliver* Just remember... a 2 day Halloween concert. You'll be okay. Its almost over. *cuddles and sits with*

*contemplates moving to NZ too*

I think I found a way to not lie and not risk (re the housing issue)... I'm going to have J fill one out for her little one and herself to get on the housing list and fill one out for my family. If she is also filing paperwork then she can't be on mine thus taking 2 people out of the equation and making us not an overcrowded household. Without lying.

*huggles everyone* sorry for the lack of real individual replies...

Scarletdreamer 16-04-2010 06:46 PM

Am so exhausted. :(

*cuddles Crimson* Glad you figured out a way around lying. :) Sounds like a good solution, too. How are you feeling?

I spy an Oliver!! :D *cuddles*

I just want to sleep... damnit... did a little revision on my senior sem paper today but it just confused me, I don't know. :( I'm stupid. :'(

Hels, how're you doing? and everyone else? *ginormous pain-relieving cuddles (both physical & emotional pain-relieving) :D*

frenchhorn 16-04-2010 06:48 PM

*cuddles April* we are doing: Candide Overture by L Bernstein, 4 dances from West Wide Story by L Bernstein, Cartoon by P Hart, Flute concerto by M Mower, Short ride in a fast machine by J Adams and Scheherazade by Rimsky Korsakov.
I may PM you soon, when I get a chance to write a paragraph for you, but won't be on tomorrow will be in a concert, so it will be sometime in the next few days.
you are definetly not stupid. *more hugs*

*cuddles Helen* I'm glad the pain is a little better, if you like bananas they can help with it.

*cuddles Crimson* yeah thanks, thats a good way to think about it, just dreading it and I know when I see my mum in the sunday concert she will laugh and make some joke.

one more rehearsal left today and then we are having a quiz tonight, then rehearsal tomorrow in the venue and then the first concert, really stressing, one of my solos I keeping ****ing up when playing it in front of everyone, but when practicing it goes fine, I just hope it will be ok on the night.

MammaMia 16-04-2010 06:59 PM

*cuddles April* The pain's still there but more bearable now than earlier. I'm sorry for all the whining earlier :( Still no update on my best friend. Hmm a little concerned but they do say no news is good news *sighs*

Oliver, haha, I hate bananas but thank you :)

Scarletdreamer 16-04-2010 07:09 PM

*cuddles Oliver* I love Scheherezade by Rimsky Korsakov!! :D Will there be a recording of the concert? I've never heard of any of the others (I mean, I've heard of the West Side Story but never seen it or heard a soundtrack, etc.)... hope it goes well. Just remember that everyone else is focused on other things other than you, most of the time - which can be a good/bad thing to think about - but it can help when you are doing solos or whatever. They're probably not paying 100% attention to you and if they are, they probably care enough about you that they wouldn't judge you or criticize you for making a mistake. :) Does that make sense? Hope so... *more cuddles*

*cuddles Hels* I'm sorry that you haven't heard more from your friend, but hopefully that means that nothing more bad has happened. Will keep you both in my prayers... Hehe, I hate bananas too... never mind how good they are for me, my mum made me eat them when I was little and now I HATE them. :P

Oh, and when/if you send me paragraphs, please include whether or not you are receiving any sort of treatment (therapy, medicine, etc.).

(I hope I'm not breaking the rules... I will change names etc. and anyway, I don't know who you all are IRL and neither will my prof.)

*cuddles all*

MammaMia 16-04-2010 07:13 PM

Poor April *cuddles* I feel **** naturally. Mum's going to be mad at me probably :(

PoisonedApple 16-04-2010 07:17 PM

April~ You aren't stupid just stressed. *cuddles* and I'm feeling better than I was... It wasn't too hard to find the loophole I just had to leave the paperwork and calm down a bit to think about it.

Oliver~I'm sure you'll do fine in your solo. Might want to try imagining you're playing only in front of the people you rehearsed with... Depends on the lighting but when I was in concert choir the lights were so bright I couldn't see the audience so I pretended they weren't there (stage fright issue... kinda funny for someone in concert anything, huh?).
As for your mom making a joke... It's probably her way of coming to terms with your transition until she can fully accept it. She probably doesn't understand how it makes you feel.

Scarletdreamer 16-04-2010 07:22 PM

*cuddles Hels* Awh, wish you didn't feel ****. :( *more cuddles and a cuppa*

*cuddles Crimson* Yeah, sometimes it just takes a step back from stuff to see a clear solution. Gahh, I have to do that with my senior sem paper... heh. Take a step back to see where it's not tied tightly and neatly together. But anyway... :)

I'm so exhausted. Seriously exhausted. Getting up 2 days in a row at 5am is draining. And I updated my r/v thread with the recentest "drama" (not really)... gahhh... :'(

MammaMia 16-04-2010 07:47 PM

*cuddles up with April*

Just been out for a walk, was alright. I guess. Just want to know what's going on..

frenchhorn 16-04-2010 07:52 PM

*cuddles April* I'm sorry your exhausted, I really hate feeling like that, will you bebale to get up later tomorrow? Yeah there will be a recording of the concert, its a wind band so its slightly different from the original with flute doing most of the violin cadenza's, but a very good arrangement. You should watch west side story its amazing and the music is just genius.
Yeah that makes sense, I just stress and think everyone will think I'm rubbish if I mess it up

*cuddles Helen* fair enough, if you dont like them you dont like them I suppose. I'm sorry your feeling **** and havnt heard about your friend, nbut as you said no news can be good news.

*cuddles Crimson* yeah, I get really bad performance anxiety, but still love performing and have to do it, I should be ok, I hope

Scarletdreamer 16-04-2010 07:55 PM

*spies a Laura, a Jill, and an Oliver!!*

Awh Hels... I wish I could give you some good news. :( You've had a rough time of it. IS there anything I can do? *holds you and rubs your back gently*

I just wrote a poem about St. Brid of Ireland. It's pretty rubbish at the moment... but it will get looked at by my poetry prof/friend/mentor and she'll help me revise it. That's my final project for Women & Spirituality - writing poems about some saints - namely Julian of Norwich, Brid, Hildegard of Bingen, Catherine of Sienna, and Therese of Liseiux (I don't know French so I am totally going to butcher pronouncing that name when I read these in front of the class!!). The poem about Brid is actually a prayer - I'm not Catholic and do not really believe in intercession etc., but, well, it just came out the way it came out. :)

Ugh, just heard that it's raining. :(

SoMuchMore 16-04-2010 08:03 PM

*cuddles everyone* sorry there have been a lot of posts... i'll try to do individual replies later. Hope everyone is alright.

I have relay for life tonight.. For anyone that doesn't know, its a walk to raise money for cancer treatment and just to celebrate life. We stay up all night (it goes from 7pm to 7am), listen to talks from survivors, and play silly games. I would be looking forward to it but that girl my ex cheated with is probably going to be there, and I havent seen her since i found out and i just feel like the whole thing is going to be weird/upsetting. I mean i think we will just ignore each other but.. *sigh* i just dont want to deal with it i guess.

MammaMia 16-04-2010 08:09 PM

Laura, sounds fun honey, don't let other people ruin it for you darling *snuggles*

April, I don't think there's anything you can do to help except keep being here? I really do appreciate your & everyone else's support right now. Seriously. *snuggles*

I think I may have a ghost or something in my room...My desk just tipped itself forward (and back) again & yet again...it wasn't because of me :O :|

PoisonedApple 16-04-2010 08:25 PM

I agree with Helen, Laura. Don't let other people ruin it for you. I let people ruin Light the Night (A walk for the Leukemia Lymphoma Society) for me last year and I regretted it. This year I am going no matter who does or doesn't support my decision and no matter what is said... If you want to do it, Do it!

*huggles everyone*

Scarletdreamer 16-04-2010 08:25 PM

*sighs* Just ate lunch, so full, now I want to purge. :'( And it doesn't help at all that I've eaten a lot today already... or so it feels. GAHHH I make myself so angry!!! :'(

*curls up next to lurking Mark* How are you doing? :)

*cuddles Hels* Heh, that's odd about your desk. :-/ I don't believe in ghosts... not really, anyway - I could get into a religious discussion on my beliefs but here's not the place, lol. Have you heard anything yet about your friend? And what are you doing to try & take your mind off of feeling shitty?

*cuddles Crimson and Laura* Laura, hon, don't let your ex's *cough cough* ruin the Relay. It should be a fun time... :)

Doikers 16-04-2010 08:26 PM

This afternoon I left Morrisons and I ran into Hannah P , we met last year on the pych ward and have been in touch ever since . WE were both admitted on the same day , both ( at that time ) lived in the same village but had never met , both origionally *Spelling?* from the same English county , Both the same age. The coincidences are freaky , outside of our respective family's we are the only people we both know in this area . SO today we went for coffees , 2 coffees each as usual and we went and walked by the river and sat on a bench and talked . On the ward we were an unoficial "couple" but over the past 9-10 months we've just been meeting up for coffee , we went hiking once and I got us lost :) , the thing is we don't do couple type stuff, we don't kiss or hold hands or exchange valentines gifts ( well I made her a mix CD but she didn't give me a card or anything ) but the way I feel about her is just unbeleivable , I totally love her , I'm IN love with her and I think she just wants to be friends and I don't know how to declare my feelings for her without it ending up with me being humiliated . Wow this may be the longest post I've ever written but I'd like some advice if anyone has any . sorry

Seeing her today has bought all my emotions to the suface , I was THRILLED to run into her :)

MammaMia 16-04-2010 08:35 PM

Aww Mark, I'm glad you're happy & ran into her ^_^

April, I'm not really attempting to take my mind off things. Well I'm online obviously & watching tv =) Going to make dinner soon :P Still no news hmmm :(

Scarletdreamer 16-04-2010 08:54 PM

Awh Mark, I wish I had advice for you. I'm glad that you ran into her though... you deserve to be happy like that. :) *hugs* Those coincedences are so weird/cool... but coincedences like that don't mean that you're necessarily "meant" to be a couple. Not saying that you're not going to be or anything though. :) You're good-looking, sweet, kind, and a lovely person - I think that any girl would be lucky to have you as her significant other. :) I do hope that things work out somehow. Sorry, don't have much advice though... :-/

*cuddles Hels* Awh, wish I could play WoW with you and introduce you to it. :D It's such a good distraction!! hehe. Maybe try and distract yourself so you don't get worried into a frenzy? or triggered, etc. I'm here if you need to talk... *more cuddles*

Freaking exhausted... :'( Yeh Oliver, I can sleep in tomorrow, although I really oughtn't as I have homework I need to do. It's going to be awful with Jarrod home for 3 months (he's taking furlough from work, 3 months no pay but still health insurance)... going to be getting up early every day, lol, unless I get used to him leaving the bed without me. :-/

I don't want to go to soc today... it's so effing BORING... :'( And I have to tell him that I have to miss Monday's class as I have a thing I have to go to (got outstanding 4th year psych major, it's an academic honors reception). Blah. And I have to miss again on the 28th as I have another dinner thing then!! this time for scholarships, since I got one and have to acknowledge that I appreciate it, etc. Anyway...

*hides* :(

PoisonedApple 16-04-2010 08:54 PM

Hmmmm... let me think on it Mark.

shadowedsoul 16-04-2010 09:13 PM

Hmm would anyone mind if I curl up
in one of the corners iam so tried,and
need somewere peacefull and safe.so
frigging tried

MammaMia 16-04-2010 09:17 PM

Awwww bless you April *snuggles* I ate some dinner, yummy <3

Doikers 16-04-2010 09:18 PM

Hi Shadowedsoul ,
*Makes Shadowedsoul some tea*
You'll be safe in here :)

MammaMia 16-04-2010 09:54 PM

*jumps up & down but remembers she's in pain*

Talking to my best friend. Still in hospital etc. :D Can worry less now.

Scarletdreamer 16-04-2010 11:49 PM

I am so so so anxious... :crying: ...and I don't know why. Just want to curl up in the corner and never come out. :( I hate being anxious... it's like... WHY ME?!?! WHY NOW?!?! WHY ALL THE ****ING TIME?!?!?

Sorry for the caps... I am really just overwhelmed right now... :'(

frenchhorn 16-04-2010 11:55 PM

*cuddles April gently* try to breathe calmly and slowly.

*cuddles everyone*
sorry for lack of individual replies, but lack of time as internet will go off in 5mins.
hope you all have a good day/night

SoMuchMore 17-04-2010 12:43 AM

*cuddles april* try to do something relaxing hun. Im sorry that you are so anxious.

*hugs mark* Im glad that you were so happy running into that girl. You deserve to be happy.

*cuddles helen* Sorry that you are in pain. But I'm so glad that you are getting to talk to your friend. Thank goodness she is okay and that you can worry a little less now!

*hugs oliver, crimson, and jill*

I am trying to not let that girl ruin the relay tonight, but i keep thinking about it.. ugh.. maybe she wont show up.
*curls up for a little while before i have to leave*
I just want all of this to disappear... or maybe i should just disappear.

MammaMia 17-04-2010 12:49 AM

I can't do this. Not anymore. I can't cope. I CAN'T ****ING COPE :'(

*curls up & cries*

SoMuchMore 17-04-2010 12:52 AM

*curls up with helen* you can do this hun. you can cope. what happened?

14MillionMiles 17-04-2010 12:57 AM

Crashing, but please cope. Cope talk and have a cry xxx

Scarletdreamer 17-04-2010 02:01 AM

Still so anxious.... I don't know why... have tried distracting myself, but then ate supper and now feel full and icky. :'( It wasn't a huge supper either... I am so stupid, so idiotic, you all must be SICK of me!! :crying:

My bestie is coming over tomorrow to talk... she's not angry with me... which is really good... but I'm still a little worried about how she said she "really wants to talk." :-/

Bathtime then maybe curl up in bed and get/stay warm? or read for awhile... dunno.


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