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Kahlia1981 10-04-2010 02:46 PM

*huggles all*

Sorry for the lack of individual replies. Last night I had intended to come on here this morning but I woke up really not feeling 100% today and things have just continued to go downhill.

Good news for the day: my housemate and I undertook an introductory coffee making course that will act as a stepping stone for us to begin working as a barista. We learnt about extracting the coffee and heating the milk and also appropriate hygiene etcetera. It was really interesting. The course went for 3 hours and the instructor (and his assistant) were both really good - very helpful if you had any questions. The worst part for me was that I had to stand for about 2 hours and I was nearly collapsing.

The bad bits of today: We went down to get pizza for dinner and apparently it was burnt. I smelt it and then started to feel sick and just couldn't eat. The almost collapsing at the coffee course. Almost falling down the stairs at our residence because my legs were threatening to give way. And, of course, the waking up and not feeling 100%. Also I've been having really strong urges towards su and si. And today have kept wanting to cry ... I'm getting a bit sick of that.

Anyway, I'm hoping that I'll start to get a bit better and then will be able to keep up a bit better.

*huggles everyone then disappears quickly into the smoking shelter before settling down in a dark corner*

Doikers 10-04-2010 03:48 PM

*hugs Kahlia* Sorry you are feeling so low :( That coffee making course does sound interesting :) What is a barista? Am I just being dull?

nicole94 10-04-2010 06:11 PM

hey guys. hope you're all enjoying the nice weather :D im loving it. spent the day at millets farm with my cousin and auntie and the little ones :D had a great time. even the fact that it was too hot to wear a jumper didnt spoil my day. because guess what-apart from 2 tiny little cuts-i havent cut in almost 2 WEEKS!!!!!

Doikers 10-04-2010 06:19 PM

2 weeks !! Thats really good to hear Nicole , well done :) I'm glad you are having a good day .

nicole94 10-04-2010 06:22 PM

thankyou :D hows your day been?

Doikers 10-04-2010 06:27 PM

Well the weather here is nice too so I walked about a bit , down by the canal here , saw the ducks and ducklings :)
Been triggered all day though and S.I. won . Again . * sigh * I just don't feel it will ever stop . Not ever . Sorry to whine .

nicole94 10-04-2010 06:31 PM

aaawh. you're not whining. thats what these boards are for, supporting eachother. im sorry you felt the need to SI :( *hugs* it will stop eventually. glad it was sunny there too :D its nice to have some sun. we get rain most of the time!!

MammaMia 10-04-2010 06:53 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Hope you're feeling better, at least physically Kahlia. Course sounds fun though :)

Mark, I'm sorry SI won this battle, but think about all the battles YOU'VE won against it & you will be free one day *snuggles* Glad you got out though, that's good.

Nicole, congratulations on the two weeks free darling & glad you got out today with family :)

Today's been bit annoying. It's been lovely here, woke up early so was impressed with that & eventually went to my Nan's. Saw my aunt, uncle & my brother :) Plus my Nan, obviously!!

But before that, I said to a couple of friends that I probably should be able to go out with them for a bit & then head to my Nan's. But my plans changed and K seemed to get really huffy with me about it. Nearly turned into an argument. Then they've been clearly talking about me AGAIN because I said something to H the other day about not having a present for my birthday off K. Don't know how it came up but I said it in a jokey way and how she never forgets Christmas, but does birthdays. She's obviously told K about it because got a text asking why etc :/

Friends eh? Who'd have 'em? =P


nicole94 10-04-2010 07:42 PM

aaaweh *hugs* glad you managed to get out and see some family, well done :D sorry to hear your friends are being like that :( i still havent spoken to mine. lol. when was your birthday hun?

SoMuchMore 10-04-2010 08:04 PM

*cuddles everyone*

nicole94 10-04-2010 08:14 PM

*cuddles laura* you ok??

jonikd 10-04-2010 09:44 PM

Hey everyone.*drags herself out of bed and asks Kahlia real nice for a double shot flat white*
Mark- SI will not always win ok, otherwise we wouldn't all be here in the ward. We must believe we will beat it! I had 15 years SI free, so view my current space a temporary blip!

Thanks for the coffee Kahlia, friends can be weird, especially cos with MH issues we can be a bit sensitive too huh *hugs and understands*

*cuddles Helen* hope things still ok for you, good that you got out and about hun

*high fives Nicole* 2 weeks is awesome, keep going chick, it takes a while to break the habit but when you do you've won. Very proud of ya! X

*hugs Laura* how you today sweet? Hope you looking after yourself ok?

*Hugs hope-is-overrated and any other peeps I've missed and heads off to breakfast*

nicole94 10-04-2010 10:17 PM

YAAY *high fives* thankyou, that just made me feel really proud of myself and motivated me to try more :D. i reckon, if i get through tonight and tomorrow, then monday im going back to my cousins until thursday, shes staying at mine thursday night, its my 16th birthday on friday, im going clothes shopping saturday, and i should have my RYL meet sunday :D so i've got enough to keep me going as long as i can get through tonight and tomorrow :D

jonikd 10-04-2010 10:28 PM

You should be very proud of yourself, its really not that easy huh! Keep yourself busy for the next couple of days, ok? You can do it, us lot believe in you *hugs to give the strength you need*

Doikers 10-04-2010 10:40 PM

Sounds like a plan Nicole ! and like JK said keep yourself busy until Monday , it should be nice weather so you could go outside :)*Hugs*

*Hugs JK* Good Morning. Flat White ! thats what I drink! .

I started playing runescape again , not sure if I'll continue , my head is full of stats now , and quests ! I missed quests .Am I the only runescapee here? you are all WoWers aren't you , you know that's the darkside :P

I'm off to bed so I can get up early then sleep ok tommorow night so I can get up early on Monday for my ENT appointment at the hospital several towns over . (Make Sense?)

nicole94 10-04-2010 10:42 PM

thankyou guys :D once my brother has his bath, im gonna get in, spend a coupla hours in there lol, then go to bed :D

MammaMia 10-04-2010 10:57 PM

*cuddles everyone lots*

Laura, how you doing?
JK, I'm kinda okay.

Ugh my friends are still being nobs :P Worried about the besties. Dreading tomorrow. Nicole, I think it was you whom asked when my birthday was? 7th March =)

nicole94 10-04-2010 10:59 PM

yeah it was me lol. cool :D mines friday :D sorry your friends are still playing up :( whats happening tomorrow hun?

MammaMia 10-04-2010 11:13 PM

Oh exciting :) They'll talk to me tomorrow I'm sure. Six years since I had a miscarriage. One of my closest friends is doing something really sweet for me, for her, on Wednesday :')

nicole94 10-04-2010 11:23 PM

aaaw im so sorry hun. hope you're ok now??

MammaMia 10-04-2010 11:42 PM

No? Not really? Well I'm hanging on my good mood at the moment. But slowly getting upset, because I know Sunday's nearly an hour away.

Scarletdreamer 10-04-2010 11:56 PM

*cuddles all*

Am not in the best place ever at the moment... am feeling so socially anxious right now, I don't really know how to explain it. My bestie is out doing stuff with her group of friends, and everyone is telling me that I need to make more friends, get out there more, etc... but I can't, I just can't, I'm too scared and too much of a coward. Literally, this is what I do every day:
- get up, do my morning stuff, play WoW for awhile and maybe chat to a friend or two on there if they're on
- go to uni/tutoring, talk to people in class if they talk with me first
- come home, play WoW with Jarrod, chat with friends if they're on
- eat supper
- take shower/bath
- go to bed early (7:30-8pm)
And that's my day. It's going to change a bit with a job, I know that, but still... I don't have a group of friends except a bunch online, and those apparently "don't count," because opening up via text is a lot easier than with words. And I can be in my apartment whilst doing so. I used to have a group I hung out with, my 4-H group, but we've all gone our separate ways. I don't know. I don't party, never have and probably never will. I'm so lame.


I don't know... I would be better off dead...

frenchhorn 10-04-2010 11:58 PM

*cuddles everyone* I keep coming in here, reading everything and then not having time to reply because I have a rehearsal or a meal I have to dash to, so I apologise for the lack of individual replies, but I send lots of cuddles to everyone.

I've been busy today, 4 rehearsals, evening one was cancelled and its tough work, especially when you are principal of your section, but the music is good, although very hard.
Bee to the pub tonight with people from course, played darts with a couple of friends, found out I am rubbish at it, but never mind, few conversations going on and that I was expected to join in with that made me feel really uncomfortable, but I am getting by at the moment.

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 12:04 AM

Updated r/v thread...


SoMuchMore 11-04-2010 12:08 AM

*hugs april* if it makes u feel any better, people tell me i need to make more friends too... I hide out in my apartment a lot b/c of anxiety... so, ur not alone in ur feelings.

*hugs helen* Im sorry about tomorrow.. I hope your friends are supportive. Try to hold onto that good mood as long as possible.

*hugs oliver* Im glad that your getting by right now. Sounds like ur really busy!

*hugs JK, nicole, and mark*

.... I dont really have much to say about myself...

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 12:19 AM

Thanks Laura. It's just that I feel so alone, IRL, because I (obviously) don't have anyone else that has social anxiety... :( But thank you. *cuddles* How are you feeling??

*cuddles Oliver* I'm glad that things are going okay so far... keep hanging in there and coming on here when you can!! :)

*cuddles Mark* Sleep well, sweet dreams... wish I could go to bed now but it's just hit 6:15pm and that's too early... I'd wake up at like 2am and be unable to get back to sleep if I went to bed now. Heh. I hope your ENT appt goes well (what's ENT stand for?). Er and yeh, I think you're the only Runescape player here... hehe... there's only two of us WoW players, though, so it's not like there's a ton of us. :P

*hugs Nicole* Glad to hear that you're doing so well. :D Just keep swimming, just keep swimming... lol. :P

*huggles Hels* Awh, I hope that tomorrow goes by so quickly you won't even really notice it being there... but if it doesn't, we're here for you all the way, love. Do you have any plans of ways to distract yourself tomorrow?? (er, today I suppose, since it's just hit midnight over there, right?) *more cuddles*

*hugs JK, Crimson, Kahlia, & Hayley* How're you all doing? :)


MammaMia 11-04-2010 12:57 AM

It's actually 11.56pm here, so turns into Sunday in 4 minute's time.

Online friends do count...well to me?

*cuddles everyone*

I need my best friends && guess what? Nobody's here :'( Jade promised she'd try really really really hard to be online tomorrow & hopefully she'll be able to. But I really am doubting it. Cruel. Gemma's not been on all night. Hopefully she'll be round at some point.

Got to see in midnight alone :(

*curls up and rocks*

3 minutes to go now :'(

Sorry. :'(

MammaMia 11-04-2010 12:57 AM

Also April, you would not be better off dead =(

SoMuchMore 11-04-2010 01:20 AM

*holds helen tight* You can make it through this hun. Hang in there.

*hugs april* I know its hard when u feel alone. And I agree with helen that to a certain extent online friends do count for something. *finds your hiding spot* - if ur allowed to find me when im hiding in the ward im allowed to find u lol.

MammaMia 11-04-2010 01:49 AM

*cuddles Laura tight* Thank you. Don't feel too bad at the moment..

How are you feeling?

SoMuchMore 11-04-2010 02:50 AM

Not very well right now.. I'll be fine though, I can be whoever people need me to be.. and right now ppl need me to be okay... so I am.

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 03:04 AM

Awh Laura, that shouldn't be how it works. :( You need to be YOU... I understand the feeling to need to feel fine (if that was understandable... heh), for other people especially - I get that a lot. But I've learnt that it's not the way that things are supposed to go. I don't know how to explain it really, it's just not right. It's sweet in a way, but it's also messed up... sorry, I'm not being very coherent. It's just past 9pm here and I am utterly exhausted, so words elude me. :( But please, talk about how you're doing? *cuddles*

*cuddles Hels* I would too be better off dead, no one would really miss me. I'm a shitty wife and Jarrod would be best off with someone who doesn't have my issues... we had an "argument" tonight that wasn't very good... I don't know, I just want to be dead. And that's that. :( How're you doing? planning on getting some rest soon? ♥

*cuddles everyone else*

Kahlia1981 11-04-2010 03:31 AM


Originally Posted by Doikers (Post 2231913)
*hugs Kahlia* Sorry you are feeling so low :( That coffee making course does sound interesting :) What is a barista? Am I just being dull?

Mark: *big hugs* Before I answer your question I just want to say something. SI is a battle that you will continuously face. If SI wins, that doesn't mean it's won the war. If you SI once during the day, how many times did you not SI during the day. Yeah, the course was really interesting. A barista is someone who makes coffee in places like cafe's and restaurants. We learnt how to make espressos and lattes yesterday. A lot of fun.

*huggles everyone*

I'm going out to my parents place in a bit ... they are picking me up. I kind of want to go, but I kind of don't. See it's hard in some ways because of a) my illness and b) my smoking. I have to leave the "main group" to be able to have a smoke - or not smoke. And if I don't smoke I start to get stressed and then begin to feel unwell (in regards to my MH).

Meh, I really don't know anymore.

Anyway I just wanted to drop you all a line to let you know that I'm thinking of you, and to send you some hugs. If anyone wants an espresso or a latte let me know. :-D

*cuddles everybody then slips into the smoking shelter for a quick smoke*

xXxDeathDancerxXx 11-04-2010 04:23 AM

hugs everyone sorry

I haven't been here in a while. life has been so chaotic the last few months. I'm back at my dads for spring break. its weird not having my grand father around. this town reminds me of how close we were and it kills me knowing hes gone. its been five months sense he died; I haven't been here sense that time and it feels empty and lonely. On top of that I found a drawing I made in Art for my grandfather I was suppose to give it to him for Christmas I cried for a long while after ward.

we moved it to a bigger house about a week ago the one we lived had no hot water or a heater so winter was hard until my teacher called DHR. It was not my mom fault that we had to live in the crappy house(our old landlord sold the house out from under our feet) the house we are living in now is 3 bedrooms (so no more sleeping on the couch)and is so much better then the other.

school sucks on top of all the moving I have research papers and term test till the end of school.

I AM TIRED. emotionally. Physically and spiritually TIRED. If I had the ability to stop time and rest I would.

Doikers 11-04-2010 12:30 PM

*Hugs April* You would NOT be better off dead , I bet more people would miss you than you realise . I would miss you for one . Which brings me to my second point which is online friends matter a lot to me too , they really do count :) you all count . And April I read your R/V thread and can totally relate to having problems with language and being anxious around people I don't know , just to let you know you aren't alone:)

*Hugs Helen* How are you coping ? I hope you are manageing to distract yourself today:)

*Hugs everyone else on the ward*

jonikd 11-04-2010 01:12 PM

*hugs everyone on the ward, and is pleased to be home *

Kahlia how did the parental visit go? Any wee ones around today too?

Helen - sweetie, sorry I haven't been around the last 24 hours, how are you now gorgeous girl *cuddles gently*

Deidre - coping with the death of someone close to you is really hard yards. Do you have some support? I am still working through my uncle's death just over a year ago, just back today from the scattering of his ashes and still miss him every day. Have a look at my thread
http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...41#post2233341 if you like.

Laura - "I'll be fine" is something one of my friends says on here, and normally it means the opposite! Please take care of yourself and keep talking to us. *hugs*

*spies April hiding and offers her a night out on the town with her online friends* we do count sweetie, don't let anyone tell you anything else.

*hugs oliver *[who keeps completely separate hours from me]

*dances around with Mark, after 4 flat whites today!*

*pops out a raspberry muffin and fabulous accompanying tea for Crimson and hopes to catch her here one day soon too*

TBH I'm not sure how I am, about to go to bed after 3 days away full of emotion and cuddles and tears. Hoping I'm ok tomorrow. *crosses fingers*

MammaMia 11-04-2010 01:36 PM

*cuddles everybody*

I don't know how I'm doing? It just hurts?

One best friend has surprised me, she's already texted and said she'll be online later. Didn't think she would, because she's been super struggling. The other hasn't text me since 9.24pm last night (and it's now 12.35pm) :S Might text her in a bit, if she doesn't first.

April, we would NOT be better off with you dead. :'( *cuddles tight*

Kahlia1981 11-04-2010 01:47 PM

*hugs everyone*

The visit at my parentals place was ... okay-ish. Very crowded and there were three little ones - two 4 year olds and an 8 year old. Just a very crowded and strange afternoon. I picked up my little dogs blanket, and now just have to pick up her jumpers.

Am very, very tired and about ready to crash.

*leaves gigantic hugs for everyone who enters the ward*

one_step_closer 11-04-2010 01:54 PM


MammaMia 11-04-2010 01:58 PM

*cuddles Lindsay & Kahlia lots*

jonikd 11-04-2010 02:00 PM

*sits quietly next to Lindsay*

Helen - yes text your friend 'K? We don't always have to wait for them *hugs and dials the number*

Kahlia - hmmm, those noisy, crazy afternoons can sometimes send us into a spin....bed is a good option, ni night sweet.

MammaMia 11-04-2010 02:24 PM

I've heard from them since that post, her phone's died but she's online <3

Scarletdreamer 11-04-2010 02:27 PM

Good morning, everyone...

Lots of posts. :)

*cuddles Mark, Hels, Lindsay, JK, Kahlia, Oliver, Crimson, Hayley, Laura, & anyone else I'm missing* :( I don't feel very well right now... wish I could feel okay for a change... I don't know... I just am so sick of being this way. :( Just want to be different than who I am... I'm such a burden to so many people... :crying: I think I would be better off dead... it would make it so much easier for so many people...

I'm glad you guys think that online friends count. :) Because I think that too. It's just that... I don't know... I am so sick of not being able to have IRL friends... never been part of a group, and everyone I know is... it HURTS. :crying:

*hides where no one can find her*

Doikers 11-04-2010 02:30 PM

*Finds April and hugs her*

ENT stands for Ear,nose and throat , I have ear issues lol , It's not funny but "Ear issues" sounds it :P

frenchhorn 11-04-2010 02:42 PM

*pops in for a quick visit, cuddles everyone lots* must go writing a part out, the joys of being prinicpal, you have to do stuff and be in charge. I promise I'll reply properly later, when I have a free and have time.

nicole94 11-04-2010 03:46 PM

*hugs everyone*

MammaMia 11-04-2010 04:07 PM

*cuddles everyone*

nicole94 11-04-2010 04:21 PM

*cuddles helen* how're you feeling hun??

MammaMia 11-04-2010 04:42 PM

*cuddles Nicole*

Just hurting :( Want to cry..

SoMuchMore 11-04-2010 07:35 PM

*cuddles helen* Im sorry that this is such a hard day, I'm glad ur best friends are online to talk to.

*hugs april* you would not be better off dead, nor are you a burden on others. you're just struggling, and you need to lean on people. If someone around u was struggling I bet you would want them to lean on u instead of thinking they were better off gone. We <3 u here. I'm sorry your having trouble with friend issues, as I said before, I understand that and it really sucks sometimes :-/

*hugs JK* Im sry that the past few days have been so emotional.. Hope u are alright.

*hugs mark* Hope the ENT appointment went okay. How r u doing today?

*hugs kahlia* Was it okay that it was crowded? Just wondering b/c i know sometimes I get really anxious when there is a lot of noise happening around me. Sleep well!

*cuddles lindsay, nicole, and oliver* How r u guys doing? Hope things are okay.

I know that fine is not fine... but i dont know what else to say. Its not like im actually gonna do anything too horribly bad, I never do. I saw my friend that I always talk to yesterday, and I didnt even say anything to him, even when he asked. I dont want to worry people. There is enough drama going on right now that people dont need me falling apart on top of it.

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