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mouse in darkness 19-10-2008 08:58 AM

Hello kahlia1981

Kahlia1981 19-10-2008 09:09 AM

*hugs Auburn Shadow* No words hun, but I'm thinking of you.


Originally Posted by mouse in darkness (Post 1161626)
Hello kahlia1981

Hey Nic, how are things going ?? Sorry it took me so long to respond. *hugs you*

Well I'm coming back down again. I'm not as low as I was ... but now I want to cut again. Meh.

*hugs everyone then crawls back under the bed*

mouse in darkness 19-10-2008 09:22 AM

Am crying again
crawling into the cuboard

mouse in darkness 19-10-2008 09:28 AM

I am missing my two best friend even though they are only a phone call away

Kahlia1981 19-10-2008 09:34 AM

*hugs Nicole*

We are only a phone call away sweetheart. And it's okay to miss us. And it's okay to cry. Maybe you could send some of your tears to Helen ... mine keep getting caught by customs, or maybe lost in the post, as they don't seem to arrive.

*drags you out of the cupboard for a cuddle and hands over a box of tissues*

mouse in darkness 19-10-2008 09:38 AM

Thaks you made me giggle and cry at the same time it is wierd

mouse in darkness 19-10-2008 09:40 AM

Helen can take the tears if it helps her feel better

mouse in darkness 19-10-2008 09:46 AM

I have to be honest at the moment I am feeling like a danger to myself. My head is going through the usual idea and its not cutting although Ireally want to do both

Kahlia1981 19-10-2008 09:47 AM

Nicole, between you, me and Kai the supermarket is going to make a fortune out of selling tissues.

Just remember that I'm always here for you sweetheart. Post absolutely anything that is on your mind on here. I may not always respond immediately, but I will be reading, and so will other people.

Love you always Nic.

I can't stop you Nicole. From doing either that is. I'd prefer it if you didn't though. I can offer you my support and ask you the usual. Please call one of us before doing anything "silly".

*cuddles you*

zowie 19-10-2008 11:10 AM

Had a really good night on Friday. Went to the pub with some mates to have a few before clubbing with some different mates.
Problem is, there was this really annoying guy who really fancied me who I invited back to mine for a couple of beers with another mate. (I didn't know he fancied me at this point) then my mate decided to go home and left me alone with him, at which point he starts majorly coming on to me and making me feel really uncomfortable.
I let him sleep on my sofa, and luckily he didn't do anything (like someone has done before - tried to have sex with me while I was sleeping). Made him a cup of tea in the morning, and then he wouldn't leave. I had to lie and say my bf was coming round just to scare him into leaving.
Ahhh it was lame. Good night ruined by annoying guy.
Feeling alright today. Might go down the pub this afternoon for a pint. Dad said he might go buy the ingredients for a roast, so I can spend most of the morning making a roast dinner for my family. I hope he does, I like family meals and cooking.
Okay I've chatted enough, how was everyone elses weekend? x

shadowedseraph 19-10-2008 12:22 PM

Zowies shame the evening was ruined by that one annoying guy, hope you get to cook your roast

*hugs to everyone and a plentiful supply of hankies*

Kahlia1981 19-10-2008 01:02 PM

Zowie, sorry about they one annoying guy. *hugs you all*

*hugs to all and handkerchieves frorm everyone.

*hugs an love to all*

MammaMia 19-10-2008 05:27 PM

*gives hugs to all*

Hi Nicole :)

OMG where are my damm freaking tears??

How the hell did I manage to sleep til half an hour ago, I know I went to sleep earlier than the night before but it was still like 4am. I hate having out-of-control sleeping patterns >.< Mum blames it entirely on me staying on my laptop which IS the problem sometimes, but not always :S

Dramatic 19-10-2008 06:10 PM

Kahlia - Diazepam is awesome for "chilling out" the mind. I'm glad it helped you, even if it was for a little while, and i'm so glad you didn't cut sweetie. *Massive huggles* Keep your chin up.

Hells - You went to sleep earliar than me! I didn't go to sleep until 7am >.<

*Big hugs to Auburn shadow, mouse in darkness & Zowie*

Mum does a paper round at my local newsagents, she goes around all the local villages in her car and delivers them. Well, dad does the round on weekends but mum goes to the shop with him to put the papers in order for him (so he knows what one goes to which house).
She usually does weekday mornings and dad weekends, as my mum had a hip replacement in May and finds it difficult doing the big weekend deliverys.

Anyway she got back at 6.15am, and she was making a racket! She was whipping cream for the home made triffles she made, as she's going round my brother Richards today and said she'd do the pudding.
I ended up getting roped in and had to decorate them.

A massive spider (the size of my hand) crawled right near my feet (she thinks it came from the towels/cloths she brought back from the shop to wash) and i screamed/had a massive panic attack/nearly fainted/didn't stop crying for half an hour.
She calmed me down but i was too shakey to sleep, i think i eventually dropped off though at just gone 7am.

Seriously, when people say they're scared of spiders it often makes me wonder *how* scared someone is. I am absolutely rigid with fear and often hypoventilate just at the sight of a money spider.
I hate my fear, as when i move out they'll be no one to get them out for me..the only thing i can do is "hoover" them up, but i can never get close enough to do it.

Er, that was a useless ramble.
I just hate how scared i am of spiders. It's not even funny anymore. I don't want to bring an asthma attack on when i'm in my own place as i'll be ****ed about getting to hospital to be put on a nebulisa. Bleurgh.

I didn't end up going to my brothers like mum & dad did. Someone needed to stay to feed the animals at 4.30pm and let my dog Candy out for a wee. It wouldn't have been fair to leave them. I guess i was also looking for a genuine excuse not to go, as i don't want to meet his new girlfriend Gem..i'm rubbish about meeting new people and i know i'd end up making an idiot of myself by crying unnecessarily when i was there through nerves.
Damn my agoraphobia. Damn my paranoia. Damn my hatred for social situations.

I'll shut up whinging. ;x

shadowedseraph 19-10-2008 07:04 PM

*hugs laura* sounds like you've had a bad day

MammaMia 19-10-2008 07:48 PM

*hugs Laura tight*

Spiders suck. I think yours is a geuinue phobia.

Most people are just scared and don't pass out at seeing one but will calm down easily. Where with people with phobias, they pass out/panic attack/etc

Damm those spiders >.<

Dramatic 19-10-2008 08:23 PM

*Snuggles Hells*

I wish i wasn't such a freak about spiders. I hate passing out or having major panic attacks over them.
Sucks monkey balls. Heh.

I'm stressed.
Personal digs = not cool.

MammaMia 19-10-2008 08:26 PM

Try not to let it stress you out anymore darling.
They're not worth it :)

*hugs tight*

Dramatic 19-10-2008 08:31 PM

I know.
Just hate bullies.


shadowedseraph 19-10-2008 08:31 PM

*hugs Helen and Laura* spiders arent nice, i'm afraid of them, but you do sounds genuinley phobic

MammaMia 19-10-2008 08:37 PM

I hate them too.

*hugs Becca & Laura*

Dramatic 19-10-2008 08:44 PM

10 days SI free,
will be going out of the window.

shadowedseraph 19-10-2008 08:46 PM

*hands out the chocolate*

MammaMia 19-10-2008 10:06 PM

I want some more chocoalate :P

Dramatic 20-10-2008 03:23 AM

I'm in tears.
This just isn't good.

MammaMia 20-10-2008 03:37 AM

*rocks Laura*

shadowedseraph 20-10-2008 10:21 AM

*holds helen and laura close and strokes hair*

xflutterbyex 20-10-2008 02:08 PM

is it ok if i stay here for a little bit? ill only take up a corner, i am not coping atm

shadowedseraph 20-10-2008 02:18 PM

take up as much space as you want honey *hands over blanket and RYL teddy*

MammaMia 20-10-2008 03:04 PM

Thinking of dropping out of uni.
What a ****ing failure.

Dramatic 20-10-2008 03:08 PM

You aren't a failure Hells.
Does that make me a failure for dropping out of college then?
Does that make me a failure for quitting a job i couldn't emotionally cope with?

It doesn't make anyone a failure if they feel emotionally they would benefit from spending a bit of time out for themselves.
We can't all be superhero's and get through school/college/uni all in one massive lump. Sometimes we need to re-energise and put ourselves first before going back into situations.

MammaMia 20-10-2008 03:12 PM

You're right.
Like I said, I very nearly didn't make it through my 2nd year of college.
So it's time I need a break.
I think I pushed myself too far and need to get out of education for a while.
I'm just scared about telling my mum.
Although she'll understand, my eldest sister did college 3 times (dropped twice) and raised her beautiful son and eventually got into uni and through all that aswell.
So proud of her, she's going up in the world, and is making a wonderful life for her, my nephew & now her boyfriend too (though he's obv works too).

shadowedseraph 20-10-2008 04:09 PM

*hugs Helen* its not a failure to neeed some time out *provides more chocolate*

MammaMia 20-10-2008 04:17 PM

*hugs Becca*
I know, but it feels like one for me

Pomegranate 20-10-2008 04:57 PM

Why do you think time out would help Helen?
What would you do if you dropped out of uni?
What would be different if you weren't at uni?
Where has this idea come from?

MammaMia 20-10-2008 06:12 PM

Why do you think time out would help Helen? I think it'd help by getting my head together, having a break from education and gaining more money.

What would you do if you dropped out of uni? Get a job, most likely full time.

What would be different if you weren't at uni? I wouldn't be studying, I'd be working instead...

Where has this idea come from? It's one that's entered my head several times. Plus a few people think it'd be a good idea.

I really don't know what to do :S

xflutterbyex 20-10-2008 07:32 PM

Thankyou for the blanket and Teddy *curls up on a bed with the blanket and teddy* I feel like the baby of the group here...

I just need to feel safe. I discovered today... well i realised i may have an eating disorder... i just cant accept that... im scared... im really scared x

BoundNoMore 20-10-2008 07:49 PM

*offers KJ safe cuddles*

Kahlia1981 20-10-2008 10:28 PM

Hi again all.

*hugs everyone*

I want to go to sleep .... but I can't sleep. I'm out of sleeping pills. Meh. Thankfully I see my pdoc today .... although after the last conversation I had with him I don't know whether I want to go or not. Meh.

shadowedseraph 20-10-2008 11:21 PM

*hugs Kahlia* how did it go?

MammaMia 20-10-2008 11:37 PM

*is hiding*

Kahlia1981 21-10-2008 01:33 AM

Becca, *hugs you* Will tell you how the pdoc appointment goes a bit later on ... it's only 9:30 am here and the appointment is for 12:45.

Helen, are you okay ?? Is there anything I can do to help ?? *hugs you*

Pomegranate 21-10-2008 04:12 AM

I ****ing hate A+E. The staff are either brilliant or complete *****. Just got told it would be hard to stitch one and it wouldn't close with strips but 'never mind eh? You self harm so you obviously can't be too bothered what your body looks like'. This after waiting a total of 5 hours. Bastards. Oh and ignoring me whilst I sat there crying, the nurse wouldn't even speak to me as she dressed it. In the end a patient across the corridor came across (the door was open as I was a 'psychiatric case' so for safety reasons) and asked the nurse if she was blind and couldn't see I was upset. It was so humiliating. And now I have to go see my practice nurse every other day to make sure it doesn't get infected.

************ *********????!!!!!!!!!!!!

*throws self into corner of cushions and hides from everyone*

MammaMia 21-10-2008 05:12 AM

Kahila, I'm not ok. Fell asleep at 11pm but woken up now and can't nod back off- it's ****ing 4am!!! I have to be up in a few hours for my assessment grrr. Hope you're ok.

Emma- that's not on at all!! Please make a complaint? *gentle cuddles if you will take them :)*

Kahlia1981 21-10-2008 06:39 AM

Helen, I'm sorry that you're not doing so great. Wish that I had some more words to say that would help or provide comfort. *cuddles you and holds you tight*

Emma, those nurses at your A&E sound like the entire health system where I'm from. I've been up there before and been the only psych patient in A&E, and the nurses from psych Intake & Assessment refused to see me because it was more important to them to have lunch and coffee. *cuddles you if you are able to accept it*

Well I saw my pdoc. He was quite happy because my lithium levels have jumped from 0.5 (barely therapeutic) to 1.2. Toxic is over 2.0 so he's currently quite happy with that. I told him about recent circumstances and he prescribed me 50 diazepam. He told me that he wanted me to get the Valium brand instead of the generic because the Valium comes in push-out packs instead of bottles and that should hopefully make it harder for me to OD, even though he knows that I don't OD regularly. He just wants to make it as easy for me to get control over those urges as physically possible .... which I quite understand. The bad thing is that he wouldn't give me a prescription for Stillnox (my sleeping pill). He wants me to try for a couple of nights without it to see if I can sleep without it. I did tell him that sometimes it takes up to 4 of them for me to get any sleep at all. He's really worried that I'll become addicted to them .... or that I might already be addicted to them. If I'm still having issues with my sleep in a couple of days I think that I'll be ringing his receptionist and asking her to arrange for him to write me a script.

I actually feel okay. Not brilliant, but okay.

*hugs everyone and offers soft drink and chocolate*

MammaMia 21-10-2008 06:43 AM

Yay for feeling a little ok. I'm still flipping awake and my mind keeps thinking about this year- what a train wreck (excuse the pun) I've made of this year and uni so far. ****ing hell. I think I'll stay at uni- just need to catch up during reading week and then stop missing lectures....

My head really hurts :( It's nearly 6am, maybe I'll go have a long breakfast :P and try not to wake my mum...

Kahlia1981 21-10-2008 07:59 AM

*hugs Helen*

*hugs everyone else*

zowie 21-10-2008 09:56 AM

Ooooh page 666. Uh oh. :P

Pomegranate 21-10-2008 10:05 AM

lol Zowie!

Thanks for the hugs :)

Went to bed at 4.30am and been up since 7 cos of this god damn virus thingy. The worst thing about yesterday was after all the crap, nobody even asked if I wanted to talk to anyone. I hate the NHS.

shadowedseraph 21-10-2008 10:18 AM

*hugs to everyone* I have to go back to the flat from hell today :( my mum wont let me move in with her and dad, say i need to be more independant *cries*

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