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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

BoundNoMore 11-08-2008 04:23 AM

thanks... I just feel stupid when people ask me "what's wrong?" and all I can tell them is, "honestly, I don't know" HOW CAN I NOT KNOW???!!!!

All I'm Living For 11-08-2008 04:30 AM

easily. i rarely know how i feel or whats wrong or anything. you're not alone sweet *hugs*

BoundNoMore 11-08-2008 04:32 AM

*hugs back*
Thanks Sophie
it is comforting to know I'm not the only one...

All I'm Living For 11-08-2008 04:33 AM

honey you are far from the only one that feels like that here.

BoundNoMore 11-08-2008 04:41 AM

I guess the "not knowing" (or at least not being able to figure it out) is a by-product of nasty old depression :-(

All I'm Living For 11-08-2008 04:43 AM

that it is *hugs*

BoundNoMore 11-08-2008 04:47 AM

made me get up at like 12:30 this morning, eat breakfast, then get back in the bed around 1-ish and sleep til like 8:30 or so... and it is now almost 11 and I am having to fight to keep my eyes open...

blondiebear 11-08-2008 04:59 AM

I understand. All I have wanted to do today is either sit at the computer or curl up on the sofa. It is not quite 8pm, and i plan to go to bed in an hour or so. I know what is wrong. There is nothing at all to do but wait it out.

Oh yeah, as of 5pm pacific time, 7 months no Self Injury. It feels hollow. I'll likely redo the bracelet sometime, dig the loose beads out of the drawer, but it is like I don't care. Damn me.

All I'm Living For 11-08-2008 04:59 AM

*hugs* maybe have a nap?

BoundNoMore 11-08-2008 05:00 AM


Originally Posted by blondiebear (Post 992840)
I know what is wrong. There is nothing at all to do but wait it out.

*nods* Congrats on 7 months free!!

All I'm Living For 11-08-2008 05:03 AM

yeah congrats. its a wonderful achievement

effervescence 11-08-2008 05:58 AM

hi aimless! you've found where i hang out. :)

yes jem i stayed safe. wohoo. yay. i'm supposed to be happy about that, right?

i want to die. so much. but i can't cos i'm scared of being found before i can finish the job and taken to hospital or something and then my psych would call my family and all **** would break lose.


an hour with my psychologist isn't enough, i always run out of time to say what i want to say.

my pills are calling to me. as are my blades. arghhhh. i want to bleed. i want some PAIN.

zowie 11-08-2008 10:02 AM

*Hugs effervesence* Can you put the pills and blades somewhere where you can't see them? That sometimes works for me.

Going to see the clinical psychologist today. I don't like CBT.

Auburn Shadow 11-08-2008 11:51 AM

I want to tell them how bad I feel today, but they'll just worry. I told them I wouldn't be in contact for a while. I can't be in contact with them for a while, everytime I do, it turns to them, no matter what. I just want one of them to realise I'm not ok.

Kahlia1981 11-08-2008 12:24 PM

*hugs to everyone who wants, needs and can accept them*

I'm struggling at the moment. I had what was quite possibly my final ECT this morning. I should be feeling almost 100%, instead I'm down and while I'm not as far down as I have been I'm absolutely terrified that I'm going back there and that makes me want to do something stupid. I'm just about to ring my bf because he told me this afternoon that if I get like this and even think about doing what I did on Saturday (OD) he wants to know about it. He told me that taking that sort of action is just selfish - which I do not dispute - and that he'd kick my arse if I did it again. Well, provided I didn't succeed of course.

That said, I don't want to put anyone through that. I just need to work out how to deal with the absolute gut-wrenching terror. I'm nowhere near as depressed as I was, and just because I'm slightly down doesn't mean that I'm going back there. Some down mood is normal .... and I have to learn that.

I'd really appreciate a hug if anyone has one they can spare.


Auburn Shadow 11-08-2008 12:54 PM

*hugs you tightly*

zowie 11-08-2008 01:03 PM

*Hugs Kahlia*

Saw the psychologist. Had to do a questionaire about my thoughts and beliefs which was hard, but next week he said we're going to talk about Beth which I know she wont like.

zowie 11-08-2008 01:04 PM

Also I got my blades back from my dad, had to promise I wouldn't use them today which is a promise I don't think I can keep.

~*forever_broken*~ 11-08-2008 04:20 PM

*cuddles Chloe* oh sweetie *snuggles*

*massive hugs* Zowie, hun, your dad shouldn't have given you your blades back. PLEASE be careful luv. As for Beth, I'd give her a good swift kick on the arse if I could. You are TOTALLY stronger than her hunni, don't let her convince you otherwise.

1ofmany 11-08-2008 04:53 PM

If anyone fancies shooting someone please aim at me.

Automatik Teknicolour 11-08-2008 05:07 PM

Quick q, has anyone heard from Alex (Voice Of Reason) either today or yesterday? :/

blondiebear 11-08-2008 05:13 PM

Can't say that I remember doing so. What's going on?

Kuwairo 11-08-2008 05:13 PM

No, not for a few days.
I was gonna text her yesterday but I've got no credit...

Automatik Teknicolour 11-08-2008 05:17 PM

I'm not sure, haven't heard from her since I saw her on Saturday
She said she'd be on yesterday and there was no sign and same today :/

Kuwairo 11-08-2008 05:19 PM

I'm sure there's a reason hun.
Did she seem ok on Saturday?
Alex get your arse on here =)

Automatik Teknicolour 11-08-2008 05:19 PM

I've just remembered she started work today, but I still thought she'd have been on last night :/

~*forever_broken*~ 11-08-2008 05:49 PM

No shooting in the psych ward Marc *hugs*

*sits in her corner and rocks*
Don't want to go... And am looking like an idiot because I have a hard time typing and walking at the same time... Damn, I'm there :crying:

Kuwairo 11-08-2008 06:06 PM

*hugs* where hun?
Maybe she'll be on tonight Jess...

blondiebear 11-08-2008 06:34 PM

*finds water pistol and shoots Marc just enough to dampen him*

*cuddles everyone*

I'm okay now but morning is my best time of day. Always has been.

1ofmany 11-08-2008 06:43 PM

Well you made me smile thanks!
Still got an itch (the only way i can describe my physical urge to harm) in a notacable area but i worry about scars and marks as it is so need to resist.

*puts a bag full of cuddley squishables in the room for all*

Auburn Shadow 11-08-2008 07:05 PM

*sigh* I want to help everyone, but I can't when all I want to do is destroy myself.

Kuwairo 11-08-2008 07:07 PM

^ focus on yourself for a bit. do you want to talk?

my mum just asked if the herbal tablet things she's giving me are working. I actually have no idea...

~*forever_broken*~ 11-08-2008 08:04 PM

*tackles Ku* Haven't talked to you in a while :-)

My last session... wasn't a lot of fun. I suppose it must be the rule that you talk about hard stuff during your last session lol, I don't know... I DO know all I want to do is go home and take a nap... instead I'm hanging around campus until my last meds appointment, then running around getting my paperwork for Basic Health together and in the mail so I can get some sort of health care... *shrug*

*returns to her corner, drained, emotional, and confused*

And jobless :-(

Auburn Shadow 11-08-2008 08:10 PM

I don't particularly have that much to talk about to be honest. Just... I feel pretty rubbish, for no apparent reason, and everyone else (who is 400 miles away from me so I can't do much as is) is dumping their stuff on me as well, and it's just not helping. I've told them I'm not around for a week or so, to give myself time to sort my head out, but in reality I'm too worried about what they're going to do when I'm not there. At least 3 of them have considered suicide in the past couple of days. Urgh, it's too complicated.

~*forever_broken*~ 11-08-2008 08:28 PM

*cuddles Auburn* I'm sorry luv, wish I had something helpful to say...

Auburn Shadow 11-08-2008 08:35 PM

*cuddles back*

Thanks sweetie, cuddles are what I really need right now.

CrazyHayley 11-08-2008 09:48 PM

*bounds into psych ward and gives everyone a GREAT BIG SNUGGLE*
I'm back!!!!
Well I've absolutley no idea what is going on in here, 70pages have happened whilst I've been gallivanting in scotland and my brain power just isn't up to reading through it all. I do hope that everyone has hung in there ok, I've been thinking of you all lots.
I'm pleased to say that although I was really struggling and very anxious about going away, it was like divine intervention and I haven't felt this positive in a long long time....maybe the double dose of prozac has finally kicked in?! My health problems are actually sufferring for being away, but my mental health has made improvements and I'm hoping to find the strength to stay positive and not fall back into old habbits. This is probably the first time since joining 2months ago that I don't need to be in the psych ward, but I've made good friends in here who've supported me so much, so I wanted to come in and say hello and still stay so that I can now give out supportive snuggles to you and be here for you all.....though I just hope I have some words of wisdom if you need them.
*puts magic feel good nibbles in room for everyone to share*

Automatik Teknicolour 11-08-2008 10:12 PM

Just got off the phone to Alex, wasn't an hour and half convo really >.<

~*forever_broken*~ 11-08-2008 10:22 PM

*huddles in her corner*
And now, in 15 minutes I've got my last meds appointment... and I never really care for them any way because he's SO serious and acts like this is all such a big deal... as long as he doesn't notice last nights cut, doesn't ask about the Hello Kitty bandaid on my hand, and my sleev doesn't slip so he can see the tape and gauze on my wrist from last nights cutting

All I'm Living For 12-08-2008 02:28 AM

*huggles and cuddles lots*

~*forever_broken*~ 12-08-2008 02:39 AM

*cuddles up to Soph*
I like living by myself, most of the time... But sometimes it would be nice to have someone here when I feel so bad :crying:

*rocks ever so slightly in her corner*

Uh, hello?! So it was my last session, my last meds appointment(at least for a while and the last with the guy I've been seeing for a while now), big deal! Could that really be why I feel so bad?

MammaMia 12-08-2008 02:54 AM

*checks back in at last*

Having a SERIOUSLY **** night. So I need cuddles :( and maybe cry myself to sleep? xx

~*forever_broken*~ 12-08-2008 03:07 AM

*cuddles Helen*
You can cry yourself to sleep in my corner sweetie. Here's hoping your tears cause mine to spill over *snuggles*

blondiebear 12-08-2008 03:32 AM

I remade my bracelet today as I promised everyone that I would. Seven white beads of the 24 it takes to go around my wrist, the rest being orange of course.

I didn't want to. I'm just going to stow the bracelet in the bottom of my purse. But then I remember that i'm not just doing ti for myself, i'm doing it to show that it can be done.

MammaMia 12-08-2008 03:34 AM

*cuddles you both*

I couldn't cry or sleep. Grrr. Just keep re-playing things in my head...like when he lied to me. How DARE he?!

~*forever_broken*~ 12-08-2008 03:37 AM

Blondie-mum, if showing folks that it can be done is what it takes then please, do that. But it would be best, I think, if to did it for yourself, dear Susan*cuddles*

*wanders into the kitchen to get a pitcher of water*
Don't want to have a hangover, esp since I'm helping a friend with his Vacation Bible School class tomorrow...
:crying: how much do I suck?

~*forever_broken*~ 12-08-2008 03:40 AM

*cuddles Helen*sweetie sounds like you got the same kind of dad that I did in which case you just expect then worst that way when he does something good you get a plesant suprise.

MammaMia 12-08-2008 12:39 PM

*hugs ack*

Right now....I don't have a father tbh :|

effervescence 12-08-2008 01:50 PM

i want to die.

thank you to those who PM'd me, it REALLY makes a difference knowing someone took the time to care. i'll reply to you guys as soon as i have some words.

right now just have to keep breathing.

take care xxx

MammaMia 12-08-2008 03:30 PM

What's going on hon?

*massive cuddles*

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