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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

FlyingNy 24-09-2010 09:21 PM

I'm learning how to do that. For months after she left I felt nothing. I didn't allow myself to.

Sarah, it's ok, we're always here if you need us. I know what you mean. I love this place too. I don't have a lot of advice about tomorrow, but I'm sure you'll be OK. We'll all be thinking of you.

shadowedsoul 24-09-2010 09:25 PM

Cheers lia. Erm got so many messed up thoughts running through my head. Also feeling very triggered the thoughts won't go away.

Doikers 24-09-2010 09:25 PM

Well I typed it out and accidently deleted it sheesh . Very loud hectic evening with mum,dad,sister,bro in law , Baby neice, Granny , Hyper Uncle , Aunt , 4 year old cousin I've never met . Was okay glad many have left and its quiet .

My Assesment for this therapy???? meetings went okay , I came out to a new worker ( to me ) as an injurer , was a little awkward but okay .

nicole94 24-09-2010 09:26 PM

yeah. its like sometimes i cant, but theres certain things that i can. heh. i think i just like her because she is so caring, yesterday we were in a lesson and she changed to whole lesson plan so that i didnt get panicky. i dont know any other teachers that would do that.

MammaMia 24-09-2010 09:27 PM

I can vouch for the hurting like hell bit. Not that I fell in love with any of my teachers. Well I've had crushes, think most people do, but some fall harder than that I know and it uscks :(

*cuddles everyone*

Lia, I think it was you that asked how I was? I'm relatively okay, itchy, ha! How you doing? Thank you for your PMs last night x

SparkleKitten 24-09-2010 09:29 PM

Wish it was tomorrow, but alas its not until 21st October, so I'm panicing already :( hope you are all okay *massive cuddles*

MammaMia 24-09-2010 09:35 PM

What's 21st October Sarah? *cuddles tight*

Ward's moving fast again tonight, don't think we've moved this fast in a while?? Or maybe it's just because I'm not around in the ward so much these days aha.

Kahlia1981 24-09-2010 09:38 PM

*huggles all*

Just realised that it's our milestone day Helen & April again today (25 Sept)!!
*big hugs to all*

Feeling extremely tired as I got up at 4am.

SparkleKitten 24-09-2010 09:40 PM

Consultation with a surgeon :(

I may hate my gallbladder but I want to keep it :p

Doikers 24-09-2010 09:41 PM

*Hugs Kahlia*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Nicole*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Jill*

FlyingNy 24-09-2010 09:41 PM

Hey all who have joined since I went to make tea.

That does sound sweet Nicole. My English teacher was lovely like that. When I told her I was being bullied, she goes 'I'm going to sort this out, I'm not having you being bullied.' I was like 'Aww, bless you'. I miss her. I'm trying to shut that out thought just as I shut out everything else.

I want to say something, but I really don't know if I can.

nicole94 24-09-2010 09:47 PM

it was sweet. and we had a copy of our work that we did in a group, and everyone needed a copy so she said we all had to copy it out, then she said to the class 'and im gonna give the original copy to nicole cause im being nice to her today' so i didnt have to do any work lol.
lia-what do you want to say sweetie, you can say it to us.

MammaMia 24-09-2010 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 2503524)
*huggles all*

Just realised that it's our milestone day Helen & April again today (25 Sept)!!
*big hugs to all*

Feeling extremely tired as I got up at 4am.

Sorry you woke up so early. Yay for 25th in Aussie :D Will be the 25th here in less than 4 hours.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ribenalion (Post 2503527)
Consultation with a surgeon :(

I may hate my gallbladder but I want to keep it :p

Ah I see *cuddles* Hopefully it'll go well.

SparkleKitten 24-09-2010 09:52 PM

Should do, I mean I'm being irrational, it needs doing so I can eat again properly, but still, the thought of things poking around inside me terrifies me. :(

*hugs all* sorry for my lack of individuals, I just feel terrible and my memory is horrific right now

FlyingNy 24-09-2010 09:56 PM

I don't know if it's time or if I will regret it only if I keep it in much longer, I will bottle it. And now I feel I'm being utterly stupid.

nicole94 24-09-2010 09:58 PM

lia-we cant force you into telling us, but i'm sure you will feel a lot better when you have, and you shouldnt bottle things up, its not good for you. but you're not being stupid hun.

Scarletdreamer 24-09-2010 09:59 PM

Wow, the ward IS moving quite quickly at the moment, hasn't been like this for awhile - you're right, Hels. :)

Oh & Kahlia & Hels - I've been counting weeks and it was 12 weeks for me on Wednesday so now I'm confused... lol... because I know that we were synced up at some point, so how could it go wrong? I've been going by counting weeks with each Wednesday... ahhh, brain totally NOT WORKING. :( But congrats to you anyway!!! XD *cuddles*

Sarah, I'm sure the surgery won't be that bad, and you'll feel tons better after it's done (well, not immediately after, but you know what I mean :P)... but that being said, I don't blame you for being panicky. *cuddles*

Sorry not more individuals, Jarrod ought to be home shortly... :)

*glomps Sarah, Lia, Hels, and Mark, as I spy you all!!* :D

shadowedsoul 24-09-2010 10:11 PM

Er okay this half an hour should be interesting. Erm

MammaMia 24-09-2010 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ribenalion (Post 2503546)
Should do, I mean I'm being irrational, it needs doing so I can eat again properly, but still, the thought of things poking around inside me terrifies me. :(

*hugs all* sorry for my lack of individuals, I just feel terrible and my memory is horrific right now

*cuddles tight* What terrifies you about it? Feel free to PM if you want it to be kept private x

Quote:

Originally Posted by IceQueenHasAHeart (Post 2503551)
I don't know if it's time or if I will regret it only if I keep it in much longer, I will bottle it. And now I feel I'm being utterly stupid.

You know you can tell us, but we won't push or force you. Be kind to yourself, especially if you feel able to tell. Do you know what's stopping you?

Quote:

Originally Posted by nicole94 (Post 2503558)
lia-we cant force you into telling us, but i'm sure you will feel a lot better when you have, and you shouldnt bottle things up, its not good for you. but you're not being stupid hun.

*agrees*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2503562)
Wow, the ward IS moving quite quickly at the moment, hasn't been like this for awhile - you're right, Hels. :)

Oh & Kahlia & Hels - I've been counting weeks and it was 12 weeks for me on Wednesday so now I'm confused... lol... because I know that we were synced up at some point, so how could it go wrong? I've been going by counting weeks with each Wednesday... ahhh, brain totally NOT WORKING. :( But congrats to you anyway!!! XD *cuddles*

Well...I think me & Kahlia count by months so like everytime it's the 25th in Australia/England we are another month free?? Every time I've give up, I've counted the first four weeks, then one month, two, etc!!! Does that make sense???

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadowedsoul (Post 2503591)
Er okay this half an hour should be interesting. Erm

What do you mean?

FlyingNy 24-09-2010 10:18 PM

*Draws deep breath.* While I am utterly disconnected from my emotions I will get this over with.

I don't even know how to start as there's nothing really to tell. I'm just scared there might be. Right, well I guess here goes.

Damn, I'm sorry I can't figure out how to hide this so I'll just warn you now this contains SA.

I'm worried I have repressed memories of sexual assult. There, said it now. Might as well finish.

I have reasons for thinking this...I think the best way of going about it is making a list, but that just seems stupid. Oh I don't even know and I'm meant to be good with words. This is stupid anyway. I'm stupid. I just don't know how to do this. There are no rules and this isn't one of my fictions. It is very, very real.

I hate physical contact. But not all. I just don't like intimate physical contact, including hugs (although cyber hugs are fine). I have a friend who wants to 'cure' me of this and keeps putting her arm around my waist and I just want to shove her off me each time. It makes me feel uncomfortable and weird.

I also dislike men. They make me feel uncomfortable too, although the ones in my theatre class are growing on me. Girls are my preferred company.

I know there's more, but I can't even think now.

Oh yes. My other fear is public toilets. Not as in 'argh! It's a toilet!' But I hate being in them alone. I get all paranoid and it freaks me out.

I'm also just a generally jumpy and fidgety person. I can't sit still and jump every time my phone goes off or the toast pops out of the toaster. I get moods where being around people is just awful and I develop a random fear of everyone around me.

There's also the 'badness'. The worthlessness I feel, so deeply that I want to kill myself sometimes just because it's the only way to be away from me. I feel dirty, disgusting. I hate myself so much, I can't even put it into words. I don't even know why, there's just a badness somewhere there.

What started this off is an episode of EastEnders of all things. For those of you who aren't in the UK, it's a soap opera. Basically, there was this SA storyline, and I was like 'oh that's pleasant' but I watched it anyway and just totally freaked. I was shaking afterwards and panicking and I had no idea what was wrong with me. It was weird, but since then, this is all I've thought about.

I also seem to 'know' the topic more than I should. If the topic comes up (which is a surprising amount), I can say things and people will just be like 'how the hell would you know that?' I know what it feels like and I shouldn't. ANd that's when I try to restrict what I say so people don't give me odd looks.

But I'm being dumb and I doubt anyone will bother to read this and I am so so sorry because I know there are people that really have been through it and then there's me who can't even remember and I'm so sorry if I offend anyone and you have every right to call me any name you want. Throw me off the ward, call me the pathetic, dirty cow that I am. I'm so sorry.


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