I'm not amazing. I'm really really not. *cuddles Sarah*

*hugs Lia* Good to see you, was thinking about you earlier because yu hadn't been in....

I wish I could tell you. I just need to go die. That'll fix it all.

*Hugs Sarah* I'd be confused about a meds change too:S

*Hugs Helen* No Helen you can't just die , we would miss you terribly *Squishes*

*Hugs Lia* How have you been ?:)


*Hugs Lindsay* I have gone 3 and a half days S.I. free :S my parents are back so I can't really cut although I really want to , still 3 and a half days is going some for me . soon to be 4 days probably :S

Dying will never fix anything Helen, it'll take away pain, but it will take away all the joy and good times as well.

And me? I've been...well up and down.

Mark, you'd get over me. Everyone does. Everyone else who's walked out all hate me now. Well nearly everyone. *hugs*

Lia, it will fix it. Yeah it'll take away good times, but haven't had many of those in last few years. Without someone, I'd rather not breathe.

I know how that feels Helen. I feel the same thing with every breath. But we can both do it. Losing someone is meant to stop hurting so much after a while. And we wouldn't get over you. I'd never forget.

I know you do and I wish you didn't :( I haven't exactly lost them yet, but I'm scared I will. I just need to know something and I need to know it now. Doubt that decision will be made today. In the meanwhile, I'm just sat here sobbing and sobbing. Wanting to harm and to die. I really know how to **** it all up don't I?

*cuddles helen* I would also miss you terribly and would not get over it. Dying is not a fix for anything hun. Think about how much your best friends would be hurting if you disappeared on them. Think about how some of us in the ward would miss you, because I know we would. PM me if you need to.

*hugs lia* i'm glad to see you around and that you are still alive. Sorry you've been so up and down lately. That can be hard sometimes.

*hugs mark* 3 1/2 days is awesome mark! I can really tell that you are trying to kick SI's butt lol. Keep fighting those urges, you can do this.

*hugs sarah* i'm sorry about the fight with your mom. Hope you are okay. Glad that you had a good rest of the day though. Sounds relaxing. And yes google is amazing lol, i don't know what generations before the internet did without instant knowledge lol. Glad you were able to figure out some of the questions you had about the meds.

*hugs heather* you are not huge or yucky. No matter what the scale or anyone is telling you, you are not yucky. Hang in there hun.

*hugs lindsay* don't cut or od hun. its not worth it at all. Call the crisis team if you really need too or talk to us or anyone.

Wow i slept until almost noon. That's a little ridiculous considering what all i have to get done today, but I was really exhausted all week so i guess I needed it. Anyway, for some reason or another I got home and had a total break down last night. I don't know if it was because I had to keep a happy mask on all day when i was out and tailgating/watching football.... but then later, it was just tears. I did not SI though. Thought about it, even brought out tools, but I didn't. That's good of me right? i mean of course it is... I don't know I'm rambling.

Off to do uni homework and later go to work, but will be around on and off all day if anyone needs to chat

I just lost everything I wrote to you Laura, grr. But you're right I suppose.

Aw, i always get so frustrated when i lose things I am typing on here. I'm sorry that happened. But I know that people would miss you. Things will feel better eventually hun, they have too. Just try to hang in there. I know that you are very strong and you can get past any of these feelings.

Remember I'm always here if you need.

Well everything's going to be okay, after all that. Had to promise not to harm/die. Well it'll take bit time, but least I know what's going to happen. Probably making no sense. Sorry for my outburst :S I still want to harm but I'll manage not to I'm sure.

*Hugs Laura* Way to go on getting out your tools but not harming :)

*Hugs Helen* I would NOT get over it if you died , I'm sorry you feel so wretched :(

*hugs helen* im glad that things are going to be okay. You don't need to be sorry about any outbursts. We are here to listen. Good job on keeping trying not to harm.

*hugs mark* thanks. how r u doing this afternoon/evening?

Well done Laura!

I'm sat with my parents watching a re-run of the Grand Prix that my Dad likes , I could just sneak off upstairs and injure , I could but I shouldn't. I'm a little conflicted :S

Hi everyone. Hope we're all doing okay *hugs*

Please don't, Mark. You're doing so well.

How are you, Claire?

I'm not doing too good right now. I'll be okay though.

Hey Claire *Hugs* How are you today?

Oops we posted together :)

Do you want to talk about it, Claire?

hi everyone

*sends hugs to everyone*