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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

effervescence 16-04-2008 01:38 AM

night night alexx. enjoy the concert :) you know the denial tent goes everywhere with you.

yeah i know emma it amuses me every time i imagine her fully spazzing at the customer....hehe. be good ok?

thanks for the couch *curls up* can i have my cat too? i miss him :(

ally how are you today?

~*forever_broken*~ 16-04-2008 01:51 AM

And I have to go to work...

Pomegranate 16-04-2008 01:58 AM


You don't suck hun :) Hope work goes ok xx

*passes Chloe the cat* just make sure it doesn't pee ok? Dont want to have to explain that to a crazy therapist person. 'Heres your couch back, sorry for nicking it....oh and have some eau d'cat piss free of charge'.

I am off to bed me thinks cos I have work tomorrow am and am babbling *****. Much love all xx

p.s Ally.......don't tell anyone bbbuuuuutttt...................................... .................................................. .................

you rock.

chocostashchick 16-04-2008 03:46 AM

*wanders around Denial Tent and is excited to see new people*

i feel really behind now on what is going on! i swear i am offline for like 2 days and it's like 200 days on RYL. hahaahaaa it's like the opposite of watching a soap opera it is faster than real life! or it's just exactly like real life because it is real life in real time and i am just slow and hiding...

*squishes everybody*
*hugs Alyssa and Chloe and Emma and Carole and Jeremy and Alexx*


chocostashchick 16-04-2008 03:47 AM

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! the kitty looks like my black and white kitty!!!!! fo real!
we really ARE twins!!!!

chocostashchick 16-04-2008 03:53 AM

okay i am protected by the magicalness of the Denial Tent so i should be honest and confess something here
i think i hate my therapist
and i dont know why but i really want to be like in a cartoon or something and smash his head in with a frying pan and beat him until he is a pile of goo on the floor
i'm serious

i purposely accepted an assignment today that was at the same time my group therapy was supposed to be at even though i didnt actually want the assignment because i wanted to not have to go to group and have an excuse

and yesterday i bought more pills and i am supposed to feel bad about that oops
okay i do feel bad because i recognise so far that this therapy thing isnt working... yet? am i supposed to say yet?
but i am still in that place where i have to make myself pretend to care

i am going to take my kitties and sit in a corner of the Denial Tent and make smores at the campfire and instead of dealing with this because i dont know how i am going to draw pictures of my therapist being beaten with a frying pan and laugh hysterically like a crazy person

Ileana 16-04-2008 04:18 AM

I'm weird. I want to stay here.

chocostashchick 16-04-2008 04:26 AM

*lifts up flap of Denial Tent for Ileana*
don't worry i think we're all weird
probably only weird people pretend to live in an imaginary Denial Tent in a Virtual Psych Ward
but if that is true i dont want to be not weird

Bella_forever 16-04-2008 04:32 AM

I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT crap happened I knew life was getting too good
my dad took me to the effing aisle with scented things and then my throat started to close and then I was puking and then my daddy got me benadryll

~*forever_broken*~ 16-04-2008 04:53 AM

lol thanks Emma*hugs*... I don't agree but it's nice to hear. You are a lovely person, you know that.

*snuggles Callie* I'm sorry you don't like your therapist, that's not cool :-( I wish I could fix it for you

*leaves hugs for everyone that wants/needs them*


I hate feeling awful :crying:

~*forever_broken*~ 16-04-2008 04:56 AM

Oh and I hope you're feeling better Bella *hugs*

chocostashchick 16-04-2008 05:15 AM

awww Bella that's icky i'm sorry
that's great your daddy got you some benadryl though i hope you feel better now
*gives you a fuzzy Denial Tent blanket*

thanks Alyssa :)
and Emma is right btw
you're awesome very awesome
how could somebody lucky enough to be an RYL Twin NOT be awesome? not possible
plus how could somebody with a kitty that loves them so much not be loveable and awesome? kitties are very discerning creatures after all - they don't accept just anybody

effervescence 16-04-2008 08:22 AM

hey guys.
my cat is black and white too. seems like we all have good taste :) i miss him soooooooooo much tho :'(

you are all awesome and you all rock. unfortunately i have no energy tonight to elaborate so you'll just have to take my word for it and no arguing.

~*forever_broken*~ 16-04-2008 08:27 AM

Oh. My. Gosh.
I'm am SUCH an idiot :blush:

So, I was contemplating a current bain of my existence, mindfulness. This is something that both therapists I've seen keep coming back to and to be honest I think it's silly. However, considering the shape I was in during Mondays session (not really capable of any sort of discussion) I decided to take out my dumb handout and look at it and see if I could put it in a way I could understand. And... I got part of it :woot:
That's not the idiot part...
The idiot part is that I just shot off an email to my therapist and shared it with him... Cause heaven forbid I wait till next Monday :pinch: ugh, I am SUCH a child :crying:... And all of a sudden don't feel proud of myself any more or very accomplished... Damn why do I have to go and ruin everything???

*buries herself under a pile of cushions and wishes she really COULD die of embarrassment*

~*forever_broken*~ 16-04-2008 08:30 AM

*hugs Cloe*
And the same to you luv, you're pretty much amaizing :-)

effervescence 16-04-2008 08:31 AM

next monday is a long time away. i see my therapist next tuesday and it seems like ages away. so actually no, maybe you couldn't wait :p and anyway, if you hadn't told him now, by the time you got there on monday the detail would have worn off, and the enthusiam, and you might really not be in the mood to talk. this way he knows you did it and knows how much you understood and it's good!! and anyway i said you rock and so therefore are no stupid and i said there was to be no arguing :p so HA.

Sugar and Spice 16-04-2008 11:23 AM

*hugs Ally, Chloe, Callie, Alex, Emma and everyone else*

Ally, your awesomeness just shines through :)

Sorry for not having much at all to say apart from the fact that you are all wonderful people and I hope you are all keeping safe x

MammaMia 16-04-2008 12:15 PM

*walks in*

Hey guys, can't stop long, just wanted you all to hear from me. I'm so sorry, I have things I need to say but can't right now. If I don't pop in by 2:50pm my time, it's cus I went home early.

I'm still ill, so god knows why I've turned up to college....!

Sugar and Spice 16-04-2008 12:31 PM

*hugs Helen*
Glad to hear from you. Being in college and around people today is probably better than spending another day alone at home.
Hope you are ok x

Sugar and Spice 16-04-2008 01:16 PM

:cool: *hugs everyone and offers round some freshly made salad, lemon drizzle cake and belgian chocolate ice cream*

Hope you are all looking after yourselves x

Bitch. Cheap. Dirty. Disgusting. Bitch. Cheap. Dirty. Disgusting.
It's a ****ing mantra in my head....Please make it stop

Detour. Derail 16-04-2008 02:01 PM

Anyone home?:crying:

Sugar and Spice 16-04-2008 02:06 PM

*cuddles Alexx*

Is everything ok?

Detour. Derail 16-04-2008 02:13 PM

nooo I can't do it Carole...its been a horrible day...and the stupid thing is? the things that have happened arent even that bad so now I feel WORSE...
If I wasn't meeting my mate later...I'd OD right now...but she's paid for a concert ticket for me and I dont want her to hate me so I'll have to wait I guess...
Why do guys have to mess around?
I feel so dirty...and used and unloved...

*cuddles Carole tightly and cries*

Sugar and Spice 16-04-2008 02:40 PM

*cuddles Alexx as she cries*
Who's messed you about sweetie? x

Detour. Derail 16-04-2008 02:46 PM

One of my mates text me this morning and said he regretted picking this other girl over me (i asked him out months back..and after keeping me hanging for a while he turned me down) and he said it was me he wanted...I was only just starting to move on..and i stupidly thought maybe something might happen then he text again saying he was still glad we didnt go out even though he loved me.
Then I saw the guy in my psychology class. We've been meeting up and stuff for ages..and I thought we were getting somewhere...but he said himself he feels like hes stringing me along because he has no intentions of going out with me...but the stupid thing is?...I'd give him the ****ing world :crying:
Then I was working home...and these ****ing builders started wolf whistling at me and shouting stuff that I cant even repeat on here..but you know the typical stuff...and I felt so dirty...I've not done anything wrong but it seems that guys just want to use me and then abandon me

Sugar and Spice 16-04-2008 03:02 PM

You are NOT dirty *hugs*
I'm sorry that he's messing you about and leading you on.
Hun, some guys are like this. The important thing to remember is, they aren't all like that.

Detour. Derail 16-04-2008 03:02 PM

I'm sorry...I know its stupid :-(
I just want someone decent.
i feel like im missing so much in my life...love is one of those things...
Omg...the adapter for my laptop wont work ><
can my day get any worse?!?!
Maybe someone will stab me when i go to town...
we can only hope...

Detour. Derail 16-04-2008 03:05 PM

I should probably go pack for later and redo my makeup :-(
I feel ****...
whats the point?><

Sugar and Spice 16-04-2008 03:09 PM

Stay here in the denial tent with me. We can feel **** together and make sure we both stay safe x

Detour. Derail 16-04-2008 03:11 PM

whats up hun?

MammaMia 16-04-2008 03:17 PM

*squesses Alex*

You are NOT worthy of being stabbed or whatever, seriously Alex you mean the world to me and so many other people.

I know I've scared you a lot in the past few days, but I swear to god, it's made me NEVER want to OD again :]

I feel sooooooo ill, but I'm somehow strong and still here in college yay, might be at Alton Towers tomorrow, so if I don't post that's why, but Alex you know u can text me if u want or even call. xxxx

Detour. Derail 16-04-2008 03:24 PM

Thanks Helen *hugs tight*
I really have to go pack guys....
and figure out HOW I'm going to get my laptop fixed WITHOUT the computer people taking it away....
If they take it away I'll fall apart :crying:
I might take it in on Saturday...and pray the battery lasts until then....
Love you all
Take Care and I'll see you later

MammaMia 16-04-2008 03:35 PM

*hugs tight*

I wish my internet was ****ing back. I wish two of my bestest online friends weren't shutting me out. I feel like I'm being pushed away from this online forum, just because of what I did on friday and then wouldn't do on Saturday.....**** sake.


I have a one2one soon with my enablers- great :) But I'm feeling increadibly rough, dehdrayted, depressed and hurt. I think I'm gonna actually die from this OD >.<

~*forever_broken*~ 16-04-2008 05:37 PM

Helen!!! *pounces on you and hugs you tight* So glad to see you hun :-) I'm sorry you're still feeling sick :notsure:...maybe you should go get checked out..?:notsure:

Alexx, Carole, I'm sorry y'all are feeling so bad. Alexx, you are SO not dirty, don't let some idiot boys make you feel less than the amazing girl that you are. Carole, I'm not sure exactly what's going on or I'd address it *hugs* but I think you're pretty great.

Me? Good lord I am SO anxious :crying: and I woke up that way :crying: I'm not anxious over anything in particular, at least, nothing I can put my finger on... It is a possible side effect of the new medication I started about a week ago... But if it's going to keep this up I'd rather just go back to being on the one and feeling slightly better than the depressed hole I'd been in... Is it strange that I prefer the feeling of depression to that of anxiety :confused:?

For heaven sake, make it bloody stop!!!

*sits in her corner, arms wrapped around her knees and sobs*

youngatheart 16-04-2008 10:21 PM

hello everyone, how are you?

Pomegranate 16-04-2008 11:21 PM

You know how you know things have gone wrong? When things are really ****ed up?

................................. the answer?

When you would rather feel ****ing awfully depressed than feel this. This weird, empty feeling. I am *wishing* to feel ****ing depressed because I can't deal with this. How ****ed up!

effervescence 16-04-2008 11:47 PM

emma its not ****ed up i have felt like that before. at least if you are depressed, you know what you are feeling.

good to see you helen.

i want it to be tuesday. i want to see my counsellor and not have to function.

Pomegranate 16-04-2008 11:55 PM

I am drinking, and yet somewhere there is this little corner of crappiness that I cannot blot out and get rid of. I HATE THIS. I ****ING BLOODY HATE THIS! Please someone, make me normal. Anything, normal. What the ****? WHY? I have so much and I cant ****ing enjoy this. WHY??? I want so scream and slash but I can't!!!! aaaaaaaaaggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh please........

effervescence 17-04-2008 12:04 AM

drinking won't make it all better honey unfortunately. please keep resisting the urges to cut.
hmm, make you normal. well, i don't know hun, what is normal? don't think i can do that sorry but i can keep you safe.

*sits emma down on my couch you brought in for me ad covers her in a blanket. takes the bottle out of her hand and replaces it with calorie-free chocolate* have some scrummy choc instead. it will make you feel better

Pomegranate 17-04-2008 12:15 AM

maybe I should be in a real friggin psych ward? Maybe that would be best. Or maybe I should drive somewhere WHERe I can think? But no, I wont be allowed out this house to drive this drunk. Damn them. I want to be free, in the air to think. but no. they ruin everything. Head won't shut up. be normal, have goals, ambition, drive, all these things I want. I used to be so driven, 'such a bright future' but NO i ****ed it up. WHY? I want to be alone, but I am alone, but also so afraid of being all by myself. Not fair. It just feels so bleh, not depressed, just bleh. enough is enough. STOP. Please someone stop it. dont want this, dont want to do this or be here. Want to be old me, decided hate word 'happy'. load of crap. Want to want stuff and a life! Not so hard surely?

Pomegranate 17-04-2008 12:16 AM

Sorry, Im a bitch. How is everone else? *hugs everyone* counselling will come soon Chloe x

effervescence 17-04-2008 12:30 AM

actually it is kind of hard to keep focused on aims and goals and being happy and wanting to live.
and no hun you can't drive drunk. you might hurt someone. can you go for a walk? can you ring a friend to go for a walk with you so you can have space but not be alone?
pease try to keep going. things will improve. you haven't ****ed up your whole life, you've still got years ahead of you.

effervescence 17-04-2008 12:31 AM

what do you think would happen if you went to hospital? what would you get out of it? how would it change how you feel? i don't know, cos ive never been in one. not yet anyway :p

Pomegranate 17-04-2008 12:35 AM

I dunno, I have never been in one either. I think if I went in they would look after me and keep me safe. Oh ****, just had a psycho analysis moment whilst typing that. I hate them. Scrub the wanting to go into hospital.

Sorry, Chloe I know I am being incredibly selfish. Will shut up now. I just hate this sort of mood and worse thing is I have been seeing it coming for a couple of days or so. Are you ok?

chocostashchick 17-04-2008 04:37 AM

i hate it and i dont understand what it is or when i am supposed to do it and what it is supposed to do hahaha but he keeps talking about it
it's a DBT thing you know hahaha they are DBTing you too twin :)
seriously though what is it supposed to do? i dont understand AT ALL and it has gotten to the point where i smile and nod because when i ask he just repeats the same stuff over and over and he even gave me a handout with diagrams but it just sounds like this zen meditation stuff and my eyes glaze over

chocostashchick 17-04-2008 04:47 AM

Emma i get that feeling too ALL THE TIME it started when i was in high school and i call it my "nothing feeling" because it feels like i have no emotions at all and the first times it started happening i started wishing i was miserable again too because then at least i knew what was going on as opposed to that where i didnt know what i was feeling at all, like at least the severe depression was a feeling even if it was a bad one, right? so i have no idea what it is really but i think i get it too and i think that a lot of us get the nothing feeling thing so you arent alone and it will go away i think *squishes you so you know you arent alone*

HELENNNNNNNNNNNN!!! *pounces on you* so glad to see you post

Chloe i am sorry you have to wait so long
i will wait with you in the Denial Tent because i think i am going to be a recluse and just stay there and never leave
we can play games or something!

Alexx NEITHER of those guys are good enough for you because it sounds like neither is smart enough to realise how great you are or to know what it even is that they want right now
as for the random men on the street who cat-call girls, sometimes it scares me and makes me feel like all they see in me is sex, but i try and remind myself that it isnt true. they are just giving compliments in an immature way, because they dont know us, they just see us walking past, and they notice we are hot and gorgeous and awesome and we are just so awesome that they want to let us know but we are far away so tehy have to yell *nods*

Carole how are you doing atm hun? thanks for the cakes and the treats and stuff. *passes you a pie because pies are nice*

Jeremy hope you are good hun

*leaves a pile of hugs on the floor and hides in the corner*

~*forever_broken*~ 17-04-2008 06:07 AM

lol yeah Callie I know it's a DBT thing :-D lol he emailed me back this morning and said it made his day lol guess I don't feel quite as stupid *shrug*

Still feeling pretty lousy though :-( anxious/depressed... Just plain ick.

*hugs everyone* love you guys

Sugar and Spice 17-04-2008 09:06 AM

*hugs everyone*

Sorry, I'm feeling a bit hungover right now, will be back later with words of advice for people.

Hope you are keeping safe x

Jetforce 17-04-2008 11:05 AM

Thx's callie...i'm so so atm...unmotivated to do my uni work atm, matter fact unmotivated to do anything atm ugh...oh well, i'll manage somehow hmm

*hugs all*

How is every1 else there? *hugs*

effervescence 17-04-2008 11:12 AM

i'm majorly unmotivated too jeremy. so behind :s i have a week off next week, thank GOD, do you have any time off soon?

i am VERY TRIGGERED right now. argh.

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