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-   -   why bother?! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=260627)

Darkwings44 05-09-2020 12:06 AM

why bother?!
why bother with stupid therapy when I have self harm and ryl!!!? they never knew me anyways!!!!!!

EyelinerAndCigarettes 05-09-2020 06:03 AM

Hey - it sounds like you were really struggling last night, how are you feeling now?

Darkwings44 06-09-2020 03:56 PM

I feel like im a iceberg so often hideing so munch pain, sadness, depression just everything that is so messed up about me under the water and show only the fake happy smiles laughter and the im fine shit on the surface!!!!

Straight 3 06-09-2020 08:54 PM

Hi, Darkwings44.

I can relate to everything you wrote. I'm finding it harder and harder to fake that smile when there is so much pain and sadness and regret on the inside. Sometimes I just have to accept that today is going to be rough and push through it and find something to distract myself; even for just a little bit.

I hope when you listen to music it takes you away from your troubles. For me music does that.

Sorry if that wasn't much help.

Darkwings44 07-09-2020 04:10 PM

thank you...

music that i listen to makes me less alone... i listen to music that i can relate to...

dont be sorry!! you helped me!! =)

Darkwings44 07-09-2020 05:34 PM

yesterday I was on my laptop on RYL talking about ranch and mayo and two staff at the group home was like "you're not allowed to talk to people online!" but the boss of the group home has been knowing that I go on this site and has said that its ok for me to use this site and then the two staff (one day staff S and the nurse G) cut me off early of my time on my laptop and I was so mad I yelled at one of the staff (S) because she went and said "you brought this on yourself" and that pissed me off because I was doing what I was SUPOSED to be doing in the first place!!!!!! so I yelled her and then later on another staff came in early (B) and wasn't on the clock yet and ask me if I was ok and I was SOOOOOOOOO very very very triggered but I don't have a blade so I asked her (since I cant drive and or go places on my own) if I could or if she could get me a blade and she asked whats wrong and why I needed a blade I didnt know that if I was going to get in trouble if I told her why I needed a blade so I told her and she said that we would talk about it later.
so later on.. the two staff apologized( S and G )( the staff who cut me off of my laptop) then said something about self harm I went to the one staff (B)that i asked the question to and she said that she didn't say anything so I later on found out what happened when boss of the group home called me...he said that one the staff (the nurse G) over heard me and the staff (b) talking about it but I don't know how because I whispered it to the staff!!! so I self harm a lot yesterday because of what happened (other then cutting because I decided not to get the blade from the staff(b) because she was going to get it for me.. but I didnt want her to get fired)...….

Darkwings44 07-09-2020 09:36 PM

anyone esle feel like this?
:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: im sorry but.... anyone else feel alone even on RYL? is it just me whos feeling this way? feeling like shit???!!!! because that's exactly how I feel......:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

Soft Kitty 07-09-2020 09:42 PM

I think a lot of us probably do. It's a much quieter community than it used to be and sometimes it feels risky reaching out. That's certainly not to blame either RYL or any of its community, things just evolve that way sometimes. I do believe people still care though.

Koala hugs 07-09-2020 09:49 PM

Yeah i been feeling like this too and its making me log in less although i still browse as a guest to see if theres been comments on my threads n that n check up on ppl who i care about on here

Darkwings44 07-09-2020 09:50 PM

im sorry for making this thread.........:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

Soft Kitty 07-09-2020 09:50 PM

You don't need to be sorry :) sometimes it's helpful to have a discussion about these things.

Either way, I'm sending hugs.

Darkwings44 07-09-2020 09:52 PM

thank you! *hugs you*
koala hugs i do that too!

Darkwings44 07-09-2020 10:26 PM

i NEED it!!!
I need to sh right now!!!! I feel soo triggered and overwelmed but I don't have anything to do it with!!!!!! expect for my teeth and fingernails but I need more then just those things!!!! but I cant drive or go to stores by my self!!! :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

MunchBox 07-09-2020 11:32 PM

Try and surf the urge, they will start to lessen.
You don't need to do it, try and find other healthy coping skills.

Darkwings44 08-09-2020 01:32 AM

I HAVE NONE!!!!!!!!!
i feel like screaming out at people irl "DO YOU SERIOUSLY KNOW HOW I FEEL??? HELL NO!!! SO SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!!"

EyelinerAndCigarettes 08-09-2020 02:12 AM

Hey - am sending you hugs if that's okay.

Darkwings44 08-09-2020 02:16 AM

yes!!!!! hugs is allways welcome but only if there safe hugs

Darkwings44 08-09-2020 02:17 AM

should i?
can i ask a qestion?
im wondering if i should go to a pro site or not because maybe i wont feel alone there but ive never been to a site like that (RYL is the first and only sh site I have used) so im unsure what it like on those sites............:notsure: :notsure: :notsure:

Pomegranate 08-09-2020 03:20 AM

How DO you feel?

Pomegranate 08-09-2020 03:20 AM

What would people ‘irl’ know to make them understand?

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