thanks mark, sorry guys

*Cuddles Lia, Mark, Jill and Sarah*
I want to change my name, and was looking through names, and Charlie just stuck out to me :)

Nicole , you could be a Good Charlie! Why do you want to change your name?

Jill , why do you think it's your fault hun?

Thankyou Mark :) My mum has agreed to let me legally change my name to Charlie aswell (not that she had any choice anyway lol) And I dunno, I was just thinking about everything, I wanna make a fresh start, Nicole was a silly little girl, I don't wanna be her anymore. :)

*cuddles Mark* thanks. I just wish people IRL understood that I can't be helping if I'm so bad myself that I just don't care what happens to me. Last night I was hallucinating so badly all I could hear was the door chime from my fiance's work over and over, solidly, for hours. So I wasn't really capable of doing anything to help anyone :(

Thanks for being here guys.

Nicole, Charlie is a lovely name. *cuddles*

Jill, its not your fault hun, even if they try to blame you *cuddles*

hmm it is my fault,well most of it is.

Okay Nicole , that makes sense :) *Hugs*

I'm Sorry you were hearing the door chime so much last night Sarah *Hugs*

I'm sure it's not your fault Jill :S *Hugs*

*cuddles Jill*

*cuddles Mark* it started rows and things, from my state last night, this morning. So I've had a real crap morning too. 3h of on and off rows about my mental state. I wish I could help it. I wish I didn't need constantly looking after. I wish I was different >:(

I'm sorry , Obviously we can't help out mental state , If we could do something about it we would , I take my meds and meet with CMHT (When they feel like it) but I still get **** days and I'm sure you do all that you can do as well hun, I wish I could help more Sarah *Hugs*

I'm doing everything I can, I've been to my GP so many times and I see my counsellor weekly, I take my meds without fail and I'm going to see mind for a chat, I'm waiting for the mental health team to ring me for an appointment but there's nothing else I can do. I can't "just be happy once in a while" because thats not how it works. I can fake it, and I can fake it bloody well. But with people I can trust I'd rather just be truthful, open and honest, but thats just biting me on the ass now. Balls to this, I'm gonna be a hermit.

It sucks when we have to fake being Happy :S Don't be a hermit I'd miss you , I could be a Hermit , I try not to be TOO honest with my family ,I sometimes say I'm down but I never mention the S.I. or just how low I get .

I'm never open with my family about it for the reason they don't think mental health problems don't exist. :/ I just want to hide from everything sometimes because its so much effort faking happiness and its so hard when the people closest to us are getting fed up with looking after us :/ my mind is racing. Had green tea but not calmed down. Grr.

*Hugs Sarah* I'm sorry your family are of that opinion , what about your finance could you go to his?

I was there last night and this morning. I think he needs a break from looking after me, plus he's working till 11 :/

Oh okay . Hmmm Could you secrte yourself in your room to get away from everybody? Are you on a Laptop that you could take into another room?

*Cuddles Sarah* sorry, I don't really have much advice.
I just nearly took my thumb off while peeling potatoes :/

Crickey Nicole! what are you using to peel them? a Machete?:P Be careful hun.

Oh Nicole :( *cuddles* you okay?

*cuddles Mark* Nah not really, I'm not feeling too stressed now.

Good Sarah :)

*Cuddles Sarah and Mark* I'm ok, put a plaster on it and carried on lol. And erm-a what now Mark? :/