Heya Lex. I'm Lia :) We have a lot of newbies recently, not that it's a bad thing!

I hope you're alright Helen. PM me if you need to talk, although I might be going to sleep soon, I will get back to you as soon as possible. I can sympathise with the itching. I got bitten to buggery in Canada.

xxx

hey lia.
Ive been here for a while...but lurking lol
I left for like a year but im back now

Hi Alex, how you doing hun??

Oooh yay for all 3 of us reaching a milestone on the same day :D I've not had anymore news on my bestie, but hopefully she's improving. I'm trying to cope, I've had to try calm myself down, was making my chest pains worse. Meh >.<

I'm trying to be okay. Thanks for the offer :) Oh that sucks about being bitten lots >.< Hope they stop itching soon :)

*curls up*

pretty **** hels.
but hey
you?

*hugs April & hands tissues*

*hugs Lia* How are you doing?

*super special hugs for Hels* I do hope your bestie makes a fast and healthy recovery <33

*hugs Crimson* My fingers are crossed for you getting the job! :)

*waves to Becci* Hey, I'm Taz :)

*hugs Kahlia* Enjoy your textbook :) Am I the only geek who loves reading her textbooks when they're new? Probably. Whatever.

*waves to Lex* Welcome back then. *EDIT* I was typing this in Advanced mode and didn't notice the avatar or the signature, hence why I didn't realize it was you. People need to stop changing their names >< Confuses the hell out of me! On a side note, why feeling so ****?

You know what guys? I'm going to shock you all now and actually answer! Honestly!

I'm trying to be OK, but I'm not really. The woman I love has left. She's moved away. She really was my everything. She was what I held on for. Each day I looked forward to seeing her, but she never loved me back. She broke my heart and stomped on the pieces, and now, from Dorset, she's managed to hurt me again. It's killing me inside, if I wasn't dead enough already.

There's something else. Something I can't bring myself to talk about, to tell anyone. I trust you guys on here, but I just can't.

What's up Lex?

How are you Taz?

*Hugs both*
xx

haha sorry taz
my nana is dying.

*hugs Lia tightly* I'm so sorry to hear hun :( Broken hearts always suck. *hands over big tub of calorie-free ice cream* Indulge :)

*hugs Lex* And now I feel like a jerk, because I should have remembered this from reading earlier. **** >< . That really sucks though - cancer is a horrible disease to have :( I'm looking forward to the day they find a cure for it...

Oh darling *cuddles tight* I'm in pain & bit low meh.

Oh thank you *special hugs for you too* Me too =[

*cuddles really tight* I'm sorry. Can you get in contact with her??????

it doesnt matter taz.
Me too.
Im considering doing a sponsered bungee jump for cristies cancer hospital...but right now..im too down to sort it out :(

No Helen, I can't. It's complicated. She can't wait to have me out of her life though. So yes Enrigue Iglesias, I do know what it feels like loving someone who's in a rush to throw you away.

Thanks Taz, that actually made me smile. I'm off for an ice cream feast at the weekend, although it just hurts so much. All of it. Not just her, everything. I'm so alone.

Lex, I'm so sorry. Sorry this won't be as long as I would like because although it was a year ago Friday, I find it hard to talk about. Point is, my nan was dying this time last year. I called her Nana too. This is the worst part though. I know it sounds awful, but it gets easier once they die. You don't have to watch them suffer anyone and you can get on with greiving. NOt that I ever did. I never let myself. Still haven't and although it's been a year tomorrow, I can't greive. Oh crap, tomorrow. Gah. Anyway, I know what you're feeling right now, but I also know it gets easier. In time. PM me if you ever need to talk. *Hugs*

xx

thanks lia. im scared

Sorry I wish I had something useful to help you both =[

This is weird. I'm actually talking about my feelings. My tears must be melting my ice queen heart. Anywho...

I know Lex. I was. I still am. This is the worst part though, watching them suffer and knowing there's nothing you can do. For weeks I didn't know if she was gonna live or die. She would be doing really well, then she would get sick again. This was in the summer holidays, so I didn't even have school as a distraction. Still, I did well on my Romeo and Juliet essay. I thought writing about other people's **** lives would take my mind off my own. I promise it gets better. It might help if you grieve with your family. I shut myself off from mine, never cried in front of them, never bought it up. Shutting off and pushing people away doesn't help. Take my word for it. See her as often as possible and tell her you love her every time you leave, even if it's just to go for a pee.

xx

I hope so. I feel like im falling apart

*squishy hug for Hels*

*squishy hug for Lia* It takes a lot for some people to talk about their feelings. Once you're on a roll, don't stop :) I'll give you lots of duct tape for the heart, although it's been known to only do a half-assed job in the past... But fingers crossed you find somebody else who can love you as much as you love them :)

*squishy hug for Lex* My grandma died from lung cancer in July of '06, right before my 16th birthday. It sucked... and it's normal to feel scared, and sad, and worried... and anything else. When it gets to be too much just remind yourself of the great times you had, and treasure the time you spent with her. You're strong - you can fight through this <3

You don't know the half of it Taz, how odd this is...Well I am on a role though. But there are things I can never talk about. Mainly because I don't even believe myself, so I don't know how I expect anyone else to.

It just hurts so much right now. All of it. I'm falling apart and I'm doing it all alone. My own fault I know, but sometimes, I just wish I wasn't. This mood will be gone by tomorrow and I will be back to saying I'm fine, pushing eveyone out and I don't know how much longer I can do it and I'm gonna shut up now beacause I know I will regrett saying all this when I wake up, but I'm hurting so much and I'm so scared.

Lex, do you ever talk to your family about this? Others who are feeling the pain of losing her too? We're always here, I'm just wondering. It helps talking to those who know exactly how you feel. I do, but obviously, for a differnet person.

x

Huggles all, sneaks back in borrows some blankets and dives under them before I get spotted. Hmm still feeling low, stuiped thoughts in my head.going to stay here don't feel safe.

Hello Jill *hugs* Already been spotted, but dw, you don't have to talk to me if you don't want.

xx

Damn lol thought I got away with that =p Lol.it's not that lia, just can't explain how Iam. I'm rubbish at telling people how I feel. Sorry. How are you?