Thanx for the hug Jetforce

I don't know whats triggered me but I'm triggered again now :(
As for thing I can do to avoid it this time I'm on here , listening to music , took a Diazepam which I hope will kick in soon.

*hugs one step closer*

thanks for the hug jetforce i needed that, hugs doikers, hugs jetforce back,hugs one step closer. hides under blakets again.

*leaves cuddles for everyone*

Try keep safe everyone :( I know it's really hard.

Thought we were quiet, until I realised, I'd missed a whole page of posts, silly Hells!!!

I am completely worthless. :crying:
I want it all to finish now. Everything. I've had enough.
I've had enough.

*cuddles Vicki*
Anything you're up for talking about or just everything at once?
*offers ze hot cocoa n muffins, duvet and plushie*

I feel like ****. Utter ****.

Can't remember if I posted about my internship in here or not...

Sorry you all are feeling shitty too... :( *cuddles all* Mark, don't beat yourself up if you can help it... you slipped, you'll regain footing.

This year I'm aiming to be SI-free. I haven't cut or SI'd since December. The self destruction is more aimed at my ED now... if that makes sense. That might be too big of a goal though so I... don't know if it will work. :-S I mean, spring break is this week, and I will probably go nuts during it. :(

*hides in a dark corner* :(

*cuddles everyone*

April, good luck sweetie.
Vicki, you're not worthless.

I found out some crap news about my **** of an ex boyfriend (and that's putting it lightly), really hurt & upset. He's not ****ing worth it.

Almost my birthday, less than 22 hours to go haha

*hugs lindsay* how u feeling there atm? hopefully u ain't too sick from the OD? take care of urself over the next few days...maybe find something u like do regularly?

*hugs doikers* hopefully u manage to get some sleep after taking diazapam... :-) tc there x

*hugs vicki* keep fighting there! things will improve, it can't stay negative all the time x

*hugs scarlet* i hope u reach ur goal! 1yr is a good goal...but maybe 1/2 yr first? or 2 weeks? something which is achievable and then u can extend longer if problems arises! but yah...i'll be cheering u on, pm me if u need a chat or anything, tc x

*hugs helen* i'll probably chat to u when u wake up later in the day x

me...well, i feel iffy. Not the best nor the greatest. oh well nvm, i'll keep pushing on i suppose. *leaves some Orange juice on the table* tc all..toddles! lol. I think the time difference makes it harder for me to talk to u, oh well :-) x

Anyone want my back pain & migraine???

No?

*curls up & hides*

It's just everything. Everything I try and do throws back at me. I feel worthless to everybody and much as I wish I could believe that things can't always stay negative I'm rapidly losing hope. And there's not that much left to lose.

hey guys, sorry I've been quiet the past week, things didn't go as I had planned and I've been keeping myself busy in the real world...but thats only helped mess things up further, blah...
Ewan came home yesterday....I made it til an hour ago pretending everything was ok, have now fallen apart and am sitting at home crying whislt I've sent him down the pub. I don't know why he loves me. It would be easier for him if he didn't. I wouldn't feel so guilty either.... but I don't know how I'd survive without him. Gosh I feel crap....I really wanna fag but I haven't got any!!! Arrghhh!!!

*group huggle* sorry but its all I can muster right now.

*huggles everyone*

Guys, just like it says in the movie The Crow: It can't rain all the time.
I take that to mean that one day things will improve. Even though it's hard to see that now, it won't always be this bad, this much of a struggle. Hang in there for the good times and don't let the bad times destroy you.

I love you all and would be incredibly sad if something happened to any of you. :(

And given that I'm in a really depressed place, it's amazing I can find any hope at all ... but I see my pdoc on Thursday morning and will hopefully get a full medication review.

*leaves hugs, one of my sister's homemade cheesecakes and a plate of homemade gingerbread men*

That's really positive and has actually put a smile on my face for the first time today. Thanks Khalia. :)

I hope you're doing ok hon.

*massive hugs*

GINGERBREAD MEN!!!! *noms*

*cuddles everyone*

My birthday starts in 3 hours & 20 minutes - eeeek!!! :D Haha too excited. *spreads excitement around*

I'm trying to push away all my bad emotions, nothing is ruining tomorrow.

Cut self .
Hate self.
Die die die DIE!

I'm so sorry.

"It can't rain all the time" grabs hold of quote and hopes............

Don't die Doikers, we don't want you to coem to any harm or die :( *cuddles tight*

*cuddles MammaMia* Thankyou for the words of encouragement

I need to get away from my tools , I need a walk , screw that I'm off to bed , sorry

Look after yourself Mark. Hope you're ok.

*cries and curls up*

*cuddles everyone*