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-   -   Beyond repair. (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=248931)

tamobhuuta 08-10-2019 03:48 PM

I am very frustrated for you! I don't know what the answer is though. Sending hugs.

chinahorse 08-10-2019 03:51 PM

Thank you.

I've done the only coping mechanism I can to stay safe which was go to bed and sleep. Now I don't know what to do.

chinahorse 09-10-2019 03:18 AM

What am I meant to do now?

I've basically been told I'm never going to recover to the point of having a useful life. I'm not worth supporting. I'm going back to plymouth so why bother.

This life is impossible. Utterly impossible. It hurts to breathe.

Irisflower 09-10-2019 11:54 PM

Hi Lily,
I've been reading your posts and your R/V, and I think the following is what you need to tell them when they ask what help you need: "And by the way support looks like someone actually asking how I am. Someone helping me to apply for PIP and helping me to get to appointments. Someone working with me to try to integrate me into life and someone coming to my house to help make sure I'm cleaning and washing myself and eating. And someone helping me make a plan to deal with stress." Those are great things to ask for, and could really help. I hope you get the support you need. Are these things you could talk to the CPN, or the person you see, about? (I'm in a different medical system so am not always sure of the terms/functions of, say, a CPN, etc.)

Irisflower 09-10-2019 11:57 PM

If I've missed the boat, by the way, and if you've already asked for these things, please forgive me!

chinahorse 10-10-2019 11:56 AM

I don't have a named worker or see anyone. There's no one to ask.

I didn't make it to my hospital appointment today. I was too anxious. It's a very long way from my house and I hadn't made the journey before and I couldn't do it. I feel I should be punished for this. I don't know what to do about future appointments.

Just had to apply for a loan to cover my rent which will be deducted from my benefits. I feel like such a failure. I'm in such a financial mess. I've never been in this situation before. It's horrible. So now I'll be paying that back. Paying my credit card back and paying my parents back. And I don't even know how much benefit I'll get if I get it.

one_step_closer 10-10-2019 03:47 PM

Which form did the CMHT give you and who are you seeing in a month? Can you contact that person?

You shouldn't be punished at all for missing your appointment, you were punished enough with the anxiety you felt. Did you get in touch with the hospital? Maybe they could arrange patient transport if that's a thing where you are.

I'm sorry you're having money worries, that doesn't make you a failure though. I really hope that you can get benefits sorted out. Have you had help to fill in the applications for benefits? From citizen's advice maybe?

chinahorse 10-10-2019 04:23 PM

Seeing a psychiatrist and the forms for a blood test. I made a gp appointment for Saturday with a nice gp and will see if she has anything to suggest.

I haven't been in touch with the hospital no.

Crisis helped me with the application for universal credit. A friend supported me to make the initial phone call for PIP. And after a Google I applied online for a reduction in council tax today. Citizens advice can help with benefits? Would they help with PIP?

nonperson 10-10-2019 04:31 PM

I think they would. My sister worked in citizens advice for a while and I'm certain she used to deal with that sort of thing. If they can't help though I'm sure they would tell you who could.

one_step_closer 10-10-2019 04:42 PM

I'm sure citizens advice help fill in most forms. In my area there is a specific service called Money Matters which I think is run by the council, there might be something similar in your area.

I hope it goes well with the GP, and you can make further appointments if you need to.

Do you think you'll get in touch with the hospital?

tiptoes 10-10-2019 05:51 PM

I think there are some Facebook groups that can help you understand / answer questions about benefit options.

I'm so sorry that the cmht had little to offer it seems wholly unfair that you are left strugglingly like you are.

Is there anyone else that could phone the hospital on your behalf?

chinahorse 10-10-2019 10:19 PM

I will look into fb groups and citizens advice.

chinahorse 10-10-2019 10:31 PM

What more can I do to help myself? Seeing as services wont.

chinahorse 10-10-2019 10:56 PM

I'm never going to get well am I? Never.

Bellatrix 11-10-2019 12:20 AM

I'm not sure if it'd be something you'd consider, or I'd you already have ruled it out, but have you thought about consulting a lawyer? There are some who will take MH cases such as this pro bono. My dad did it as a legal consultant for Learning Disabilities. It might help.

ETA: I mean to make the NHS aware of the severity of their neglect. Hopefully they would implement changes in response

one_step_closer 11-10-2019 01:29 PM

I don't know if I've asked you this about where you currently live, but are there any MH charities who could support you? Citizens advice might have some info about that too if you are going to see if they can help you with benefits forms. I'm sorry you're being left to fend for yourself, you deserve support and a chance to move forward in the way you want to.

chinahorse 11-10-2019 09:22 PM

Don't think it'd work J.

There aren't any charities in the town no.

I need support. Please.

one_step_closer 12-10-2019 11:08 AM

I know in the past I've said to directly say that to someone, that you need support. Could you try that again? If you can't fight for yourself is there someone who can contact the CMHT on your behalf?

chinahorse 12-10-2019 12:37 PM

Why keep trying?

I'm in A and E. The doctor asked me how to deal with my injury. Hardly reassuring.

one_step_closer 12-10-2019 01:00 PM

I think you need to keep trying, giving up will only make things worse. How are you getting on at A&E now? Will you be seeing the psych team?

chinahorse 12-10-2019 01:03 PM

Seriously resigned to life like this until I die. There's no point any more.

The dr asked me if he could call them. I said ok. They said to me last time that they won't come unless it's a suicide attempt.

one_step_closer 12-10-2019 01:05 PM

You don't want to live like this though, do you? If not then continuing to try and ask for help and look after yourself too is definitely the best option I think rather than just giving up. I hope that psych do see you, that seems wrong to only see you after a suicide attempt. What do you need right now?

chinahorse 12-10-2019 02:17 PM

I have to find a way to get to bristol tomorrow.

Mental health say I have a comprehensive plan. Hah. I hardly think a blood test form and an appointment jn a month is a plan. Apparently I have a cpn (no one told me) who will call me on Monday and psyche liason think that's enough according to medical dr

one_step_closer 12-10-2019 04:47 PM

Is it a safe reason you need to get to Bristol? I'm glad your CPN is going to call you at least and I hope you get on well with them and they can offer you some proper support. Will you call crisis if you need to over the weekend?

chinahorse 12-10-2019 06:32 PM

Yeah. To the burns unit.

Not sure I'm allowed to call crisis if I haven't been referred.

one_step_closer 12-10-2019 07:05 PM

Could you ask about patient transport?

Do you have the number for crisis? It might be worth phoning if you need to and ask what the plan is with when you're allowed to phone etc. Some crisis teams allow self referrals.

chinahorse 12-10-2019 07:07 PM

Patient transport is not something they provide is what they told me.

one_step_closer 12-10-2019 07:08 PM

What are your options then?

chinahorse 12-10-2019 07:17 PM

Borrow money/use my credot card and go on public transport or don't go.

one_step_closer 12-10-2019 07:19 PM

How will you decide what is the best thing to do? I think it's important that you go for treatment.

Bellatrix 13-10-2019 12:56 PM

Some hospitals provide reimbursement forms for transport costs

Maybe call and ask if they do - and if they don't ask how do you get to the appointment when you cannot afford the travel.

chinahorse 13-10-2019 12:57 PM

I've found a form online a bit like a HC1 form that I've ordered.

I have to have a graft.

chinahorse 13-10-2019 01:15 PM

And now they're saying they don't know if I need an operation or not. I have to come back on Tuesday and the consultant will see me then. Which begs the question why did I bother coming today.

one_step_closer 13-10-2019 01:17 PM

That's quite frustrating, were there no consultants working today? I hope you get whatever treatment you need.

chinahorse 13-10-2019 02:20 PM

Nope. Just a registrar who called the consultant. I got frustrated and said they better not be treating me differently because of my mental health. He said they need to take it into consideration. Fuck them.

chinahorse 13-10-2019 02:20 PM

And now I'm waiting for a train. And I'll have to wait over an hour for a bus at the other end and then it takes the bus an hour. What a pointless day. I'm so fed up.

one_step_closer 13-10-2019 05:33 PM

Are you sure they meant it in a negative way that they would be taking your MH into consideration? I'm sorry you've had such a wasted day. Will the journey be the same during the week or are there more regular trains etc? Can you do something nice this evening?

Aardbei 13-10-2019 05:57 PM

I'm sorry things are so difficult, Lillie. I can see how hard you're trying and I'm proud of you.

chinahorse 13-10-2019 07:39 PM

I am broken and I can't fix myself. And no one can fix me. And I am beyond repair. Beyond salvation. I have nothing left but a cat.

Bellatrix 13-10-2019 08:00 PM

Could you ask the CAB tomorrow to help you write to your local MP, and the DoH.

You are trying and asking for help and being told no without a reason why. That isn't acceptable in NHS care. At all.

That's not your fault. That's the blame on the people who are failing in their duty of care to you and who knows else. But I know it's hard to want to fight something like this, especially when you're feeling shit.

chinahorse 14-10-2019 12:28 PM

They've just cancelled my 3pm cmht appointment. There's been an emergency apparently. Bull shit. No one ever EVER make me their priority or put me first.

one_step_closer 14-10-2019 02:13 PM

I can understand how hurtful that must be. :( Have they given you another appointment?

chinahorse 14-10-2019 07:08 PM


My mum just defended my old employer. That hurt.

Scared about going to Bristol tomorrow.

one_step_closer 14-10-2019 07:10 PM

If they don't contact you soon will you get in touch with them?

What makes you scared about going to Bristol?

chinahorse 14-10-2019 07:49 PM


It's a long and difficult journey. And worried the consulrant won't be nice and will treat me badly because it's self harm.

Juella 15-10-2019 06:06 AM

I don't really know what to say, but I wish you luck on your journey!

one_step_closer 15-10-2019 10:36 AM

Are there things you can take on your journey to distract you a bit but not so much that you miss stops etc? Maybe some music that you enjoy? I'd hope the consultant wouldn't treat you badly but I understand your worries. I really hope everything goes ok for you today.

chinahorse 15-10-2019 10:46 AM

Feel sick and panicky but am on the bus.

I wish I could listen to music but I have nothing to play it on.

one_step_closer 15-10-2019 10:53 AM

You can do this. Does it help to look out the window and notice different things (nice things) and point them out to yourself in your head? Maybe even sing to yourself in your head.

chinahorse 15-10-2019 11:49 AM

I live in a scenic area so the bus journey was ok.

I feel like I could burst into tears.

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