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~*forever_broken*~ 14-04-2008 12:30 AM

*tackles Alexx and wraps her in a nice warm blanket, and a good, safe snuggle*
Alexx hunni please take care sweetie *snuggles*

Detour. Derail 14-04-2008 12:33 AM

I cant stop crying...i dont know what to do....ive tried telling her i dont want to talk..she guilt trips me...i tried being honest..she twists it around to be all about her...

i want to feel safe...but at the same time...i want to fall..i want to give up...

Sugar and Spice 14-04-2008 12:40 AM

*hugs Alexx*
maybe give her a shade of the truth? It serves the purpose of satisfying her and protecting you. Something along the lines of im struggling at the moment but doing better than before may work?

The following content has been hidden - Reason : dont want to trigger anyone (myself included) by reading this - mentions violence
these thoughts have returned. thoughts of standing in front of him, talking, asking questions. he wouldnt be honest tho. hed lie. i know hell never say what i need to hear. still i feel compelled to try. id cut him. upon seeing the crimson, i would freak. how could he be human and lie so freely about something so serious?

~*forever_broken*~ 14-04-2008 12:43 AM

Alexx you can come live with me... We'll find a place where we can live that will take my kitty and we won't have to answer to eachother about our SI... Pluse, it'll be easier to talk to eachother cause we are coming from similer places...

As for me...6 shots down, still more to go...

Detour. Derail 14-04-2008 12:48 AM

Ally I like that idea...I wish I could...
she told me she didnt want me here anymore yesterday...all because I was struggling and was in a bad mood.
Why does she hate me so much? why cant I be perfect? why do I have to me me :pinch:
Im pointless. Useless. ****ed up. Ugly...blah all the rest of it..

Carole...I wish shades of truth worked. :( she locks me in the room and makes me answer question after question and doesnt care when i get worked up and panicky and anxious.

~*forever_broken*~ 14-04-2008 01:02 AM

*snuggles Alexx*
Sweetie, you're a wonderful person luv, really.
*hugs you tight*

8 shots... I'm hoping for at least ten... That means two more... FYI whisky burps... Worse than the whisky :pinch:

Hunni 14-04-2008 01:03 AM

*hides in the corner under my invisible blankie*

*hugs everyone else on my way in*

Sugar and Spice 14-04-2008 01:03 AM

*hugs Alexx*
Sorry, I can't offer you more than hugs and knowledge that you are not alone in this. My mum did the same thing a lot. It won't always be like this though.

*curls up and leans so hard against the wall that I think, for a moment, that I might fall through it*

Detour. Derail 14-04-2008 01:16 AM

*screams in her own sound proof bubble so she doent wake anyone up*
can I ask you guys something?

do you ever get too old for cuddles?

Pomegranate 14-04-2008 01:16 AM

*hugs everyone that needs them*

Alexx, you are so special hun, don't let your mum tell you otherwise and certainly don't hurt yourself over it.

Ally, be careful there ok? Maybe 8 is enough? *offers hugs and cookies*

I am sorry I had to go offline earlier Carole. Try to ignore the thoughts hun, I am sorry I don't have more for you but I really like the 'girl interrupted' idea Ally said, everyone in here is so lovely, shame people outside aren't always like that.

*hugs hunni and the newcomers* welcome too the psych ward! *offers blankets and teddies*


I have actually had quite a good day today. I saw my friend (the one who when I was drunk said he was glad to have 'the old me' back) and acted all happy and hyper, I think at one point I may even have stopped acting and been genuinely enjoying myself and comfortable which hasn't happened it a *long* time.

He spoke about how different I have been in the last six months or so and I jokingly said, 'well yeah but I warned you I struggle with change' and he said 'next time you say that I will believe you and just stop talking to you for six months or so until you go back to being normal'. Guess it just made me realise that this is really not something I can discuss with him. He's one of my two best friends. I learnt 4 years ago that the other can't deal with it, and it seems he can't either. Back to lying.

Pomegranate 14-04-2008 01:16 AM

no Alexx, you don't EVER *cuddles you until all the bad feelings are squeezed out* xx

~*forever_broken*~ 14-04-2008 01:21 AM

*hugs Hunni* Welcome luv, we are messed up but also free with the hugs.

Alexx, no, you are NEVER too old for cuddles.

Emma, I am SO glad you had a good day. Even more glad to hear that some of your hyper and happy may hane been real *squishes*

Carole, luv, please remember how wonderful you are.

Me? 10 shots and feeling... Nothing. SO not cool :pinch:

Pomegranate 14-04-2008 01:27 AM

*notices Chloe and pokes her* How are you doing hun?

Hunni 14-04-2008 01:29 AM

*needs to check out for now my man is home and i have make dinner*
*hugs everyone on my way out*

Detour. Derail 14-04-2008 01:30 AM

my mum never gave me any affection..and i wanted a cuddle the other day..but was told to "grow up"...
Im starting to think i dont even want to be around people anymore...
a friend in one of my classes poked me on Friday and I cowered away from him...
I dont understand...I dont want to change....

Emma hun, thankyou for texting me the other day btw...even though i ran out of credit...i did EVENTUALLY come out of the bathroom...

~*forever_broken*~ 14-04-2008 01:50 AM

*snuggles Alexx*
Well sweetie... I'm sorry luv, I've got nothing... I'm not feeling all that great... And I'm working my way to s**t faced... 8 shots of whisky, four shots of flavored rum... And I plan on nursing a wine cooler the rest of the night... Oh, and some of that liquore... But that was too sweet :pinch: grossgrossgross.

Take care all

Sugar and Spice 14-04-2008 01:58 AM

*hugs Hunni, Emma, Ally and Alexx and anyone else who I missed or is in need*

Emma, don't worry about going offline earlier. Sorry to hear about how he reacted. May it not be possible he enjoyed having a laugh with you for the first time in a while and didn't want to risk losing that? I'm sure you can still confide in him, just try to have a good laugh with him as well :)

Alexx, no one is ever too old for a cuddle. Some people are not cuddly people and it seems that your mum, I'm sad to say, is one of these people.

Ally, what is a wine cooler? :notsure:

I am thinking of you all and hoping you are all staying safe (or at least trying) xxx

Detour. Derail 14-04-2008 02:15 AM

I feel really sick.
I think im gonna go to bed...
but I really dont want the morning to come...

~*forever_broken*~ 14-04-2008 02:15 AM

12 f**king shots and I'm hardly feeling anything... At least... I think it's 12... Might be only 11...

Carole, lol, sorry, a wine cooler is basically punch with a bit of alcohol in it... This one has 4% alcohol by volume... Not a lot... As opposed to the 25% and 40% of the rum and whisky I've drank...

Damn alcohol... I must be too fat... Probably need more :pinch:

Sugar and Spice 14-04-2008 02:25 AM

Ahh ok, thanks - i like punch :) and it is a good idea to move on to something lower in volume *hugs Ally* No, it's probably more to do with you having built your alcohol tolerance level up.

*waves goodnight to Alexx* I hope you sleep well

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