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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Scarletdreamer 09-05-2010 06:27 PM

Stay strong, Mark, love... and don't you worry that you've caused concern, it's better than not saying anything and then just one day disappearing... :( I would miss you SO MUCH, you have no idea how much you brighten up my day. *cuddles* And yes, it does make sense... the suicidal urges come on me the same way... it is scary, isn't it? how there can be such a rush in them... but you WILL make it through. Remember that...

so stand in the rain, stand your ground
stand up when it's all crashing down

Don't forget to listen to that song!! Here, I'll post it again... :D

I don't THINK that has anything triggering in it... if it does I will take it down.

*cuddles Hayley* Yer it is a good distraction, isn't it? (this ward I mean) Have you played much WoW lately? I miss talking WoW with you. :) This morning I ran Ahn'Kahnet (Old Kingdom, a WOTLK dungeon) with my husband and another guildie and two randoms. It was good. I only died once and that was the only death in the whole thing... pretty sad that I died though since I was 73 and the tank (Jarrod) was an 80... but oh well. Lol. We might do another random dungeon this afternoon... I don't know if I will be "unanxious" enough though... And thank you for your kind words, I just hope that I get past the memories of the abuse... it's been over a third of my life since it's happened and yet it still bothers me... and I don't have a therapist now to talk it over with so my NP will "have to do." Heh. :-S

*cuddles everyone else, then hides* :(

Doikers 09-05-2010 06:38 PM

*Hugs April* Thankyou for posting up that song , it so inspirational :)

katnovia 09-05-2010 06:40 PM

*hugs nicole back* yeah, thats why i've got no support at the moment, there isn't any. I dont think anyone of authority even knows i have these problems. I have a gp diagnosis of depression from aged 15...!

CrazyHayley 09-05-2010 06:44 PM

*nods head and agrees with nicole* yes Mark, listen to our wise young one, far better to talk about things with us then let it bottle up. And I too know how things come in waves, it makes you wonder if you're coming or going. We just need to get you a surf board so that you can ride the waves and get to shore safely.... (sorry my mind just went to that metaphor)

Kat - I'm glad Hazel is sleeping a little better, just give it time. She'll throw in a hellish night from time to time too just when you think you've made a breakthrough, just to keep you on your toes. I remember my godson, when he got to about 10months, he refused to go to sleep with me in the flat. From about 7months he would only let me be the one to settle him - which his mum gladly let me have the duty! (we lived together for a while incase your wondering how that worked) but then at 10months when he got to big to hold like a baby to soothe he wonuld have none of it. So I would have to get my coat and shoes on and say goodbye to him so he thought I was going out, I would then go round the back of the flat and climb in through my friends bedroom window and hide quietly in her room until she had him settle down for the night. That went on for at least 6weeks! oh the joys! LOL Kids hey?!

April - thanks for reposting the song. I was thinking of the ward motto that Kahlia taught me "It can't rain all the time!" Oh and as for WoW I've not played since friday night. Well I started during the day helping mark, which was soo much fun going into a low level area and looking like I knew what I was doing, haha, cos I keep dying on my current quests. But then after I found a few helpful people to team up with to do quests and I ended up playing 7hours straight, which was fantastic to not have my mind think about anything else. Eoghan didn't come round mine fri night, but I went to his yesterday but came back this afternoon. I'm just really not in the people mood, got as cough and feel extra lowsy on top of PMDD and all I could think about was getting hom to be on line to say hi to my ward mates. But now you mention it, I may go on WoW for the rest of the evening....

Oh Oliver, if you're still popping in and out, sorry I missed your birthday. I hope you enjoy your 20's to the full! *belated birthday huggles*

nicole94 09-05-2010 06:44 PM

*hugs kat again* i have a counsellor, consultant psychiatrist, and a DBT worker, but they say i havent got depression, and that theres nothing wrong with me! they wont admit me to a psych ward, even though after 7 ODs in 3 months, and a 136 admission, i ASKED to be admitted because i knew it was best for me :/

EDIT:hayley-did you just call me a 'young one'?? i'm 16 now :/ lol. (sorry, just get a bit funny about people thinking i'm a child :/)

Scarletdreamer 09-05-2010 06:53 PM

Nicole, sweet, I'm sure that Hayley meant nothing mean by saying that, it's just that you ARE young compared to the rest of us... but that doesn't mean that you aren't mature or wise or anything. It's just a number deal. :) Personally, I don't really think about the ages of the people who post here, unless it's an alt and I NEED to think about his/her age. Make sense? *cuddles*

I'm sorry for the lack of individual replies here, I'm really struggling myself at the mo... :(

katnovia 09-05-2010 06:54 PM

*huggles nicole* I dont get the MH system, it's more messed up than we are. Down where i am, depression/pstd/MPD or anything like that is just 'a bad reaction that will go away' and not a mental health issue.

Right so I self harm, I talk to myself in my head and have other people living in me, one of whom would kill me and anyone who got in the way given half the chance to come out front, and I have to fight this ALONE?!because i'm not 'ill' i'm just 'reacting' to some 'traumatic experiences'?! *sighs* sorry getting wound up and angry.

How the hell can this be just depression? How can it be over anaylsing myself? (one not so clever Psy Health nurse's diagnosis after one meeting) I've told them time and time again that i'm blank and normal in counselling because i've been taught to be, its my built in protection system. I was conditioned to be 'normal', that's what a good abuser does. but they dont listen.

Just because i'm not suffering with a chemical imbalance or an incurable mental illness, then i'm not ill, i can do it by myself. just because there is a person to blame, i dont deserve help and support.

nicole94 09-05-2010 06:55 PM

*cuddles april* i know she didnt mean it like that, i just get a bit paranoid because i get treated so much like a child at home that i HATE being called young.
sorry hayley. :/

katnovia 09-05-2010 06:57 PM

*cuddles april* i'm sorry you're not doing well right now

nicole94 09-05-2010 06:59 PM

*hugs kat* its the same here, i self harm, have made 7 suicide attempts this year, have violently attacked my mum, not because i wanted to hurt her, but because i wanted her to hit me back, i have flashbacks and random urges to do stupid things, yet according to MH proffesionals, i dont even have depression :/.

CrazyHayley 09-05-2010 07:03 PM

Ooh Nicole, firstly sorry for delayed response, have just been reading up on past pages of everyones recent struggles, including yours. Secondly, I didn't mean it in a patronising way at all. I'm sorry, but what I meant was, when I was 16 I didn't have half of the wisdom that you come out with in here, often I forget that you're younger than some of us until you mention school and I know that you're not that much younger than a few of the other ward mates. You'll just have to excuse me as my 29th birthday is fast approaching and all of the things that I had thought that I would have achived by now, that I had planned for myself at 16, haven't happend. The last time I achieved anything I was 16, my GCSE's, so I'm just feeling old and full of regret and wish to be 'young' and 16 again, before any of my bad stuff. But I know full well that 16 is not a child. Sorry...I'm waffling again.

Gosh, just looked at bottom of page, lots of people in the common room....sorry can't cope....

*goes out to smoking shelter*

nicole94 09-05-2010 07:08 PM

*cuddles hayley* i know you didnt mean it like that, i'm just paranoid and being stupid, sorry if i sounded ungrateful about you calling me wise. thankyou, it means a lot (although i really dont see where you got that from, i'm not wise at all!) and sorry you havent managed the things you wanted since you were 16, but if it makes you feel any better, my GCSEs start in 2 weeks, and i'm going to fail because i have litterally been into school 6 days since christmas :/

CrazyHayley 09-05-2010 07:29 PM

*creeps back in from smoking shelter*

I spy the guys! *huggles Oliver and Mark*

nicole - honestly some things you have said I think of as wise, even if you can't see it yourself. And no sweetie, it doesn't make me feel any better that you have struggled so much. At least I can count myself lucky that I was relatively happy until I was 16 (did have some problems, but they seem not so important now, I'd go back in an instant). It is so unfair that you have been through so much and are still struggling in what is - in the grand scheme of things - a short life so far.

I just wish we could all be happy. I've just written a journal entry hoping it'd help me. Now I'm just thinking about getting my 'for emergency use only' blade out. Screw 10months. I don't give a **** anymore.

Help. I don't know whats wrong with me today.

Oh great, here come the tears. bollocks

CrazyHayley 09-05-2010 07:32 PM

decison has been made. If I'm not meant to bugger up then divine intervention will stop me!!

nicole94 09-05-2010 07:33 PM

*hugs hayley* thankyou sweetie. PUT THAT BLADE AWAY NOW! dont even think about ruining it! whats brought this on huh? you might not care now, but you will later, when its all ruined, sorry if i'm being hypocritical, and i know i cant talk, but honestly where does it get you? it helps for a while, and then you're back feeling worse than you were before you cut! sorry for shouting, but please, please dont ruin it?? *extra sepecial hugs*

CrazyHayley 09-05-2010 07:38 PM

well it hardly counts as a cut...its pathetic really....ooh was going to explain then but then thought it may be triggering for people. I'll be able to get away with it though. So no one needs know. So I haven't really messed up....

I feel bit better now, like I think I could focus on WoW now to keep me safe.

Thank you for caring enough to shout at me Nicole. xx

nicole94 09-05-2010 07:39 PM

thats ok. :( sorry you felt the need to do that. *big hugs*

Scarletdreamer 09-05-2010 07:43 PM

*cuddles Hayley tight* Sweetheart, if I had been here (was on WoW :o) I would've yelled at you too... well, "yelled," because I totally understand... but please try not to get back into the habit of cutting, okay, love? :( *more cuddles*

Just found out that a girl I thought was a SI'er IS a SI'er... and that she has bulimia. That triggers the hell outta me... I wish I were brave enough to actually purge instead of just have the urges... :'(

But I have to get healthy because I am not in school anymore.

BOLLOCKS. Yeah right I have to... other people hold down jobs and aren't "healthy." :-/

Sorry, am not making much sense right now... :'(

Doikers 09-05-2010 07:51 PM

*Hugs Hayley* I'm sorry you feel so crap , I'd join you on WoW but I can't get it to recognise my password so I may have to start over *Sigh* Anyhoo just *MASSIVE CUDDLES*

*Hugs April* I'm sorry you are so triggered :(

*Hugs Nicole*

CrazyHayley 09-05-2010 07:51 PM

*huggles April* Sorry I don't have much more at the minute.

*huggles Mark* I can still see you! lol I'm gonna clean up my cut (it appears to now need attending to when it previously didn't, whoops) and then go on WoW for a couple of hours before meds and bedtime, so log on if you would like me to help you level up. No dramas though if your too stressed still to focus. Just wnated you to know...

*toddles of to sort herself out*

EDIT: ah mark, just seen your post about WoW. Thats crummy. Well if you have to start over again, or when you get logged on just give me a text if I'm not online and I can help you level up more quickly again so that time hasn't been wasted.

Scarletdreamer 09-05-2010 07:52 PM

*curls up next to Mark to keep him company and safe*

just updated my r/v thread... still a pathetic bitch... i REALLY AM. :'(

nicole94 09-05-2010 07:52 PM

*hugs april tight* sorry you're triggerd :( and i'm glad that you dont have the guts to purge, although i know what you mean about wishing you could, i do too. i cant even restrict anymore. i used to be able to go like 4 days without eating, now i cant even go one :(

Scarletdreamer 09-05-2010 07:55 PM

i can't have an ED anymore because i've got to be professional. and handle life in good ways.


i WANT my ED back. i can't restrict much anymore either, although i can if i don't think about it.

damn it all...................

see, am a pathetic bitch. :'(

nicole94 09-05-2010 07:58 PM

*squishes april* you're NOT a pathetic bitch! you're a lovley girl who's been through a lot of **** and is struggling!

Doikers 09-05-2010 08:00 PM

*Hugs April*I read your R/V/ thread, You are NOT pathetic and certainly NOT a bitch , You are a lovely person , cm'ere *MORE HUGS* you deserve them :)

Doikers 09-05-2010 08:05 PM

OOooo WoW Seems to have let me log on now , I'll go on in a sec but will check back in on you guys again before I go to bed :) Stay safe

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 08:18 PM


katnovia 09-05-2010 08:35 PM

*huggles julie* morning hun, well evening here

SoMuchMore 09-05-2010 09:26 PM

*gives extra special cuddles to mark, hayley, and april* None of you are pathetic and I'm so sorry that you are all having a hard time.

*hugs kat, nicole, and julie* good morning and evening and everything in between :-)

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:28 PM

*shivers* god i'm cold

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:35 PM

*hugs laura*
*cuddles julie cos she's cold*

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:36 PM

thank you julie for talking to amy and miel. I was really shocked to find out his name, it's thrown me a bit.

Scarletdreamer 09-05-2010 09:36 PM

Thanks for the hugs & cuddles.... retreated to my own world for awhile where everything is... I can't really describe it?

Mark, I hope you do enjoy your time on WoW. :D Any questions about it? Glad you have Hayley to guide you through stuff... oh and as a warrior, when you start getting "green" gear (green = uncommon, blue = rare, purple = epic; that's the colors of the names of the gear, not the gear itself) you will be looking for stamina and strength. :) Just like Hayley, as a mage, will want intellect and stamina and spellpower. You don't use mana so you don't need intellect or spellpower. :) Sorry, rambling... :-X

Certainly feel like a pathetic bitch... but thanks again, guys... *cuddles Nicole, Mark, and Laura, and everyone else too*

Julie, how are you doing? It's cold here too, weird for May, and our apartment doesn't have any heat. :(

*hides* :(

Scarletdreamer 09-05-2010 09:37 PM

*cuddles Kat too* How are you, love? Sounds like you've had a rough past 24 hours, from reading your other posts... :(

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:39 PM

*cuddles april and nods* I just want to switch them all off. Supposed to be going on holiday tommorrow. not if i can't get back in control.

SoMuchMore 09-05-2010 09:41 PM

*hugs april* I wish i could say something that could make you feel better. We are all here for you if u want to talk though...

*hugs kat* I hope that you can get back in control. A holiday sounds nice. You definitely deserve one. Im sorry that its been so rough for you the past couple of days.

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:44 PM

April: I agree with laura
Laura: I think with the planning to focus on, and actually getting there i'll be alright. I have to watch my parents behaviour doesn't trigger anything off though, but i'm going to try the ice routine, shut them out emotionally.

xxjuliexx 09-05-2010 09:55 PM

kat they may worry about u more they r just trying to help hun

katnovia 09-05-2010 09:56 PM

okay everyone, I'm off on hols until friday, so don't worry about me (not that you would but it's only curtious). Take care everyone, and I will check back in on you all when I get back. Lots of love and hugs!

*leaves cuddles and survival parcels for everyone whos asleep/hiding/outside etc*

edit: Julie: I know they're trying to help, but to barge in all the time isn't the way we work. the girls should know better. as for miel, well I dont know about him yet. I just feel so physically ill after all that. I just need to be back in 100% control, listening to them but not being overwhelmed by them all the time. *cuddles* you're special hun. remember that.

infact, all of you remember that you are special. heck i'm gonna miss you guys and i'm only off for 5 days!

~*forever_broken*~ 09-05-2010 09:59 PM

*hugs Kahlia back* Hey there, chica :-D

Yeah we've popped back in a bit. Don't know about Em but I am going to try and pop in a bit more frequently... I have missed my corner, and my friends.

~*forever_broken*~ 09-05-2010 10:00 PM

Do take care Kat *hugs* And have a good time on your holiday :-)

katnovia 09-05-2010 10:02 PM

thanks forever broken (name gone again i'm afraid) (i should do a note pad file to help me with everyone's names, cos my memory is crap)*hugs*

~*forever_broken*~ 09-05-2010 10:04 PM

lol names Ally but forever broken is fine too

Scarletdreamer 09-05-2010 10:06 PM

I spy a Hels!! you haven't been about much today... how are you? *cuddles*

Kat, have a lovely holiday... :) You definitely deserve it. *huggles*

Pomegranate 09-05-2010 11:16 PM

*leaves hugs*

Thanks for the re welcoming Kahlia lol *special hugs*, have missed chatting to you in here although been keeping uptodate with your thread.

Hope you enjoy your holiday Kat.

*shoves Ally over* Pass the cookies hun x

~*forever_broken*~ 09-05-2010 11:25 PM

Oi! No need to push
*rummages around in the tent for the cookies*
Here, you may have :)

Pomegranate 09-05-2010 11:30 PM

Hi Julie *waves*

MammaMia 09-05-2010 11:31 PM

Hi everyone.

Sorry I disappeared earlier, went to see the boyfriend and stuff :D

Am back now.

I spy Julie ;)

~*forever_broken*~ 09-05-2010 11:33 PM

Hey Julie :) Want a cookie *flips open the tent flap, leans out, and offers the plate*

~*forever_broken*~ 09-05-2010 11:48 PM

Oh. It's so quiet now.

*retreats to her tent*

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