*Hugs Kahlia*

Off to meet my nurse .........

I hope it goes well, Mark! *hugs*

Reaper, how have you coped safely with the voices before?

Kahlia, do you want to talk about it? Stay safe.

Mark, good luck

Felicia, how are you?

I spy with my little eye someone beginning with H...

Hey all. It wasn't too bad, there was nothing to be scared of. Except the whole damn place felt empty. That might be because it WAS empty, just my year an the year sevens, but it was also because she wasn't there, and never will be again. I can't quite get used to that fact.

Oh heck, I can tell you, you lot won't judge me. Two years ago, I fell in love with my English teacher. And I mean really fell in love. I care about her more than anyone else in the world, and when she said she was leaving the school adn moving 200 miles away, I was...well, I don't have the words, but if I had the choice to bring her back, I wouldn't. She wanted to move to be near her family and if that's what makes her happy...well her happiness matter more than mine. Point is she was the only person who made me feel worth something, she told me I could do it and I almost believed her. She helped me through my nan's death and when I was being bullied.

It's just weird now she's gone. I'll miss the way she put her hands on top of her head when she was trying to remember something, I'll miss the way she was so damn organised, she would have the year's lessons planned by October, yet she was ALWAYS late for class, I'll miss the way she would say this one girl's name, it was triple barraled and she would always say the whole thing and really quickly, I'll miss her sarcastic comments and her routine 'Alright?' when I passed her in the corridor each morning.

It's because of her I'm still her today, and I don't know what to do now she's gone but I'm going to stop talking about this now because it's just upsetting me.

Right, people.

Mark, you would have left by now but I'm sending you luck and I hope it all went OK. *Hugs* I also hope you feel a little better than you did this morning when you get back.

Kahlia- Could you explain a little more? Don't worry if you can't, it took me three months just to confess I fell in love with someone. But what do you mean it's all gone bad? I really hope you don't give up, we all love you hear and I for one couldn't stand for anything to happen to any of you wardies. Please try and stay safe. *Hugs*

Lindsay- I'm sorry to hear about your cutting, but it's good that you went to th the hospital and got it looked after. I know you're strong enough to resist those urges, no matter how hard it may be at times, and just like I said to Kahlia, I would be devestated if anything happened to any of you. We all would. *Cuddles gently*

How are you Felicia? Sorry if you've said, but I've looked at the last page. I hope you're alright. *Glomps*

Reaper- I swear down I already replied...or maybe my mind's making things up again...anyway. Is there any way you can stay safe from the voices? Maybe remove yourself from anything dangerous, or drown them out with something loud? I hope you can stay safe. Try to remember they aren't really there, and they can't really hurt you by themselves.

*cuddles everyone*

Started my college enrolment today, got to go back and finish it tomorrow morning :D But it's all good :) Said I can start right on level 3, so will only be there for two years :D I'm really excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*hugs Lia* I can understand some of what you're going through. There was a teacher at shcool who really helped me through my struggles and when I left school I had no idea how I was going to cope without her, but I did, and you will cope too. I can see that you are a strong person.

Helen, good for you!

Met up with my nurse okay . It was very intense indeed , I asked her to breathalise me with a view to me going back onto my Antabuse and she did and I read a zero so it's not dangerous to go back on it. We then did some "If I drank" exercises and talked some. She said I don't HAVE to S.I. and I'm really going to try not to tonight , I know , good intentions and all that . But she was really pleased with me that I started volunteer work at the Cyber Cafe :)

Way to go Helen :)

Thanks Mark & Lindsay :D

Yay Helen!!!!!!! *super hugs*
Mark, I'm super glad it went well *hugs*
Lia, I too have some idea of what you're going through. I have this English professor that I love dearly (I'm still trying to figure out what kind of love it is) and I have no clue how I'm gonna cope if he leaves this uni or when I graduate... whichever comes first.

To anyone who asked how I am, I'm surviving. I can't explain much of how I feel, except I feel alone and unloveable. I debate a lot about going back to my abusive relationship with my ex fiance... just to have someone to love me. Not that he cared about anything. Not that he cares whether I'm alive or not. But he said he loved me, which is more than I hear from a lot of others.
I don't know. I'm just sick of all my friends getting married, and engaged, and having kids. I pretend I'm perfectly happy in uni, single, etc etc... but I really just want someone to love me.
And If you read this pity party, I applaud you, cause I know I'm being whiny and stupid and juvenile.

I feel exactly the same way Felicia :S...... So I totally empathise , if that helps at all?

*Hugs Felicia* I know it's not in the way you want, but we here all love and care about you in a way your ex never will. You're right, he can never really have loved you if he could hurt you. I for one know I could never hurt the woman I love, not ever. I understand you feeling lonely, I do too, to a point where I have imaginary people to help guide me through. Sam was with me today when I was feeling lonely without my teacher. But you don't need him, you will find someone, someone who really loves you for who you are and would never dream of hurting you. When that day comes you will struggle to see what you ever saw in your ex. I promise it will happen one day. Or you could always do what me and my friends have decided to do and marry each other if we're still single when we're 50 :) *Squeezy hugs*

Congrats Helen, that's great! *Massive hugs*

Mark- I'm glad the appointment went well and I really hope you can not SI tonight. I know you can do it, you're strong enough. *Encouraging hugs* And the same goes for you what I said to Felicia, minus the abusive ex bit.

x

Yeah, Mark, it helps to know I'm not totally alone in these feelings. Since anyone else I talk to just tells me "give it time, there's someone out there for you. You're still young... etc etc"
If there is someone out there, they are in hiding and I don't know where to find them.
But I swear, I'll stop whining eventually. Sorry...

Haha, Lia, I like your idea. I'll bring it up with my best friend! Surely if we're 50 and still single, he'd marry me.

Just checking in for the day, had a good day today, which was a nice change.

*hugs Felicia* You'll find someone who loves you for who you are and that is worth so much more.

*hugs Mark* Glad things went okay, I know you'll make it through tonight, you're strong and we'll all be here for you

*hugs Lia* I remeber a teacher at my college who helped me through so much and I cried for days when I left, but it got easier with time. You'll be okay, you can make it.

*hugs Helen* Thats fantastic news :) Well done!

*hugs for Reaper and Kahlia*

Well it's been months since I knew she was leaving, and it still hurts like hell. She's the first person I ever loved. I hope she's not the last.

I know this doesn't sound like a lot to you, but it's a massive deal for me since I NEVER get to this point. But I trust you guys. I really do. I know you won't judge me on anything I have to say, I know you'll all listen and many of you will understand. I love you lot. *Group hugs*

x

Lia , This is a place where I trust everyone too *Hugs ya*

Lia, I trust everyone here, feel like I can just be myself and everyone will accept me for who I am. Its nice. *hugs*

*joins in the group hug*