hi just to let u all know im going on holiday in the morning for a week scared but ill be ok thanks for everything the last few weeks xxx

*hugs everybody in the ward*

No individual replies I'm afraid because too many pages were passed.

I had my first lecture yesterday and have lectures running until Thursday so I might not be around all that much.

Still been getting spacey a bit, so have been resisting the urge to go void today <_<;. Other than that, a bit on the lonely side, and rather down *shrug*

*Hugs everyone*

Dayna/Todlich ~ That doesn't sound too good hon. Thinking of you

*hugs everyone on the ward*

I had my second lecture today and the lecturer for that subject is a friend of mine. That subject should be a breeze for me as it is an Introduction to Information Technology and I wouldn't be doing it at all if I didn't have to but they wouldn't bring over any of my OT subjects because they didnt fit with the joint Business/IT degree. Oh well.

I got the job, I can't really believe it, so damn typical, I just start seeing this really lovely guy and a spanner gets thrown in the works in that I'm going to have to move to Liverpool - 4 hours away!!!! :(

*hugs to all* Don't know where I've been but it seems to have been busy here

*hugs Todlich* sorry to hear you're feeling lonely and down, loneliness to me is so diffficult

*hugs Arwen* good luck at the GPs

*hugs Kahlia* good luck with all your uni stuff, try not to stress too much

*cuddles Louise* hope you're feeling better today

*hugs Oly* sorry to hear about your mum but glad the leave is going well

*hugs Shadowedsoul* I can sympathise hun, if you ever want to rant fell free

*hugs Katie* hope you slept better last night

*hugs Nicole* friends are difficult to leave behind, because they mean so much, but they are still there, and still friends.

*hugs Fallinstar* hope you anxiety is lessening

*hugs Papabear* hope you get well soon

Ugh. My Pdoc has cancelled the meds review until Thursday. I'm not too pissed off, I'm just going to be honest and tell him I stopped taking the fluoxetine a month ago, and have gone four days without the other two. He may still want to reduce them; but I'm hoping he'll say that because I've gone without and felt fine, I can just stop now.

I know I haven't been doing individual replies for a long time, and I'm so so sorry. Just been busy, feeling sick, and usually checking in when there have been too many posts to wrap my brain around.
I do read all your posts though, and I am always thinking of you guys.
Love you all xxx

*hugs to everyone on the ward* sorry no individual replies but the place has been busy!

Spoke to my psyche and he's increased my meds which is a good thing, im now able to sleep, hurrah!

Hey guys, sorry I haven't been around for so long. I've changed meds and been struggling to cope with side effects/ withdrawal from my old meds. I'm doing ok though, I'm still here I guess! I really hope you are all doing ok, I've missed you all xxx

Hi guys,

really sorry I haven't posted for a few days, there's too many posts for individual replies.

*hugs everyone*

Oh my goodness!!! I seem to have stayed out in the smoking shelter for 2whole weeks!! How on earth have I lost that much time?!!!! Hmmmm..... there are just over 10pages since I toddled out for a fag, a bit too much for my brain to cope with on catching up at the moment and to do individual replies, but I want you to know that I have been thinking of you all and was aware that I needed to post, but really, 2weeks?!!! hmm...

I'm still in my good place, I wouldn't say I'm excstatic anymore, I just weirdly feel what I think could be described as 'normal'. I vaguely remember this feeling but haven't had it in over 4years. I haven't been discharged from my psych as she says I still have a lot of issues and she wants to make sure my mood doesn't slip back as quickly as I went from suicidal to angel happy. So I guess thats ok, better safe than sorry right?

Anyway, I've not SH in a whopping 26days!!!! And just to share the positive progress and light of hope, yesterday was the 11th 'anniversary' (urgh) of my rape. It was a normal day....well I was babysitting to keep myself distracted, but its the first time since that I haven't fallen apart, cut and wanted to die. Its weird, but I think I've finally accepted what happened to me and made my peace, I won't be a victim any longer. I hope for those of you who are reading this who have been through the same or similar, this will bring you a ray of hope. It takes time, a long time, but we can get past what has happened and learn to live for the future again.

*HUGE GROUP HUGGLE FILLED WITH LOVE & HOPE!!!*

*offers hugs to all*

Seems we've been very very busy :)

Ugh. Sorest ear ever, I have (possibly infected) a sore or something, having my hearing aids on it hasn't helped (Y) Damm you ear!!! Whcih is the last thing I need on top of everything else at the moment..

Yawn. Early night tonight methinks.
Night night.
xxx

*hugs all*

I made the mistake of falling asleep without putting my sling back on and now my shoulder is killing me.

*hugs all even those hiding in the smoking shelter or the denial tent*
(By the way, has anyone seen Puppy SinClair lately?")

my friend who was supposed to come and visit me today has just informed me that she can't find the time today and wants to come and visit me on Friday. In some ways Fridays is better because I don't have to go to Uni but I still feel hurt and let down. Am I wrong to feel this way? I realise she is a busy girl but still...

Just to let everyone know Nicole [mouse in darkness] is in hospital. Hopefully she will be okay soon and be back with us on the board. I'm sure she would appreciate some hugs if anybody has any to spare.

Speaking of hugs I could do with some myself.

*hugs Kahlia* You're not wrong to feel like that. I always feel bad when plans are canceled. Think positive tho, It's good that she is visiting you soon!

I don't kno Nicole, but I hope that she will be okay. *hugs Nicole*

My anxiety levels have not gone down at all. I tried to talk to boyfriend about it, and he says he understands and all, but idk. He is always very logical about things... and i'm not always logical.

*Hugs Kahlia* It's understandable you feel that way, but at least she's coming to visit you soon :) Hope your shoulder doesn't hurt too much!

*Whistles for Puppy Sinclair*

*Hugs Nicole* (If anyone can pass my hugs on?) Hope you feel better soon sweetie.

*Hugs fallinstar* Is there anything you can do to calm down the anxiety? I hope talking to your boyfriend helps, sometimes a logical approach can make it seem easier.

---

I'm going to a friend's house today, leaving the house in about an hour. I'm looking forward to it - Spending the day with people I love :)

Hope everyone has a good day.
xXx

Hope you have a fantastic day Zowie ( sorry dont know anyones names, not been around for ages)
Kahlia, I hate being let down too but at least you have somehting to look forward to, hope you enjoy it :)
Hugs to Nicole
And to you fallinstar

*huggles Helen* I've an infected ear too! Been to the doctors this morning and I'm now on my 3rd course of antibiotics. Lets hope these ones work or I'm worried my ear will fall off! lol Better get your ear checked sweetie, you don't want to be getting more ill than you already have been.

*huggles Arwen* I hope the early night did you good and that your day with your friend goes well.

*gently huggles Kahlia* ooh, your poor shoulder, I hope it's easing up for you if you've put it back into your sling. Its ok to feel disapointed, but focus on the fact that they've postponed and quickly reshceduled. Its not just like a 'friend' who cancels last minute and then you don't hear from again in weeks. I'm sure you'll have a fab time on friday. Ooh, and I don't know Nicole, but if you could pass on some huggles to her....*huggles Nicole via Kahila*

*huggles Fallinstar* anxieties crap sin't it?! Have you tried any meds or natural remedies to help at all? Rescue remedy (a bach flower remedy) helps me, along with cammomile tea....oh and the 60mg of prozac too! Anyhoo, glad you're able to talk to your boyfriend about it and I hope things improve for you soon.

*huggles crystalheart* you came in offerring hugs but haven't said if you needed any yourself...though what has need got to do with it?! Oh though, we are in the psych ward, so...yeah....*huggles*

hmm...so then, me, I'm ok I guess, still an Incarnated angel and that is helping me to contradict and fight off the negative thoughts that are sometimes trying to worm their way back in....but I think that's because I had a disturbed nights sleep followed by an early morning for the docotrs, which has done my M.E. no favours and my mood always dips when I'm sufferring with more than my usual dose of symptoms. Anyhoo, was typing this whislt waiting for my tesco home delivery shop, but just had a phonecall that my credit card won't go through so they've cancelled the order!!! What I don't get, is that I have a pre-paid credit card, so I know for a fact that the funds are on there!!! So now I've hardly got any food or drink.....maybe thats a good thing, but I like to have the choice on whether to restrict or binge, I don't like things being beyond my control. Hmmm.....

*goes out to smoking shelter*

Hayley - so glad to hear you so positive, I hope the feeling lasts and I'm very pleased for you!

Helen - hope your ear gets better soon, doesn't sound nice. How have things been going for you lately?

Kahlia - it's not wrong to feel that way, it's hard not to feel let down, but just remember that your friend has rearranged it so it's just that she is busy, so don't worry. Hope your shoulder feels better today. Lots of hugs for you and for Nicole *Hug hug hug hug hug*

FallinStar - anxiety is so horrible, sorry to hear that it's so bad at the moment. I can't really suggest much because I really struggle with anxiety but try to keep yourself distracted, keep rationalising things so they don't get out of proportion and keep talking about what's going on in your head. Hope it gets better soon.

zowie - hope you have a great day!

***

I'm feeling ok today. This morning I went out for an hour long bike ride which made me feel good. Even though I know I shouldn't because I was doing it to burn off calories and I really don't want to relapse but it's just so hard... Soon I'll be going off for family therapy, just me and my boyfriend today plus the hoards of mental health people. I'm sure it'll go fine but it always makes me so anxious. For some reason the psychologist loves to talk about my OCD in particular and it really freaks me out having to talk about it and discussing what would happen if I didn't do my compulsions etc... Plus an old school friend wants to meet up tomorrow but he doesn't know any of my problems and I don't think I'm up to it but I don't want to be rude... And I have a job interview this week for an amazing job but I don't know if I can manage it and be reliable... Urgh. Anyway hope you all have a lovely day! Hugs to all xxx

*spreads hugs*

Thanks Hayley & Hannah, I'm sure my ear will be better soon. It seems to be healing already. Haven't had my hearing aid in it for nearly 24 hours straight now, feels odd without it :( Doesn't seem to hurt so much and seems to have disappeared already :S (it was a sore, but with a nasty scab on top) but we'll see what my mum says later when she puts more cream in it for me, I'd do it myself, but I can't see my ear can I :P

Having a bad day, recovering from a thing or two last night. Ended up hurting two people who I love dearly so very badly :( They're okay with me now, just EVEN more worried :/