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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 08-04-2008 12:21 PM


I'm sorry your hol was crap, never leave us again!! I'm using the college computers atm, sure it's not the best idea but it's gettin me some time with you guys....my net shall be back next tuesday WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Infact I'm pretty suidicial guys, I'm sorry that I'm gonna make y'all worry cus I have no net really and I have no trust in myself.

I have a lesson in 8 minutes time, I'm not sure I'm going, too scared >.<

But I'll probs go =\

Urrrrgh I hate me, life and my cuts >.<

MammaMia 08-04-2008 12:30 PM

Oh guys, I'm so sorry that I'm so **** in supporting people and not really reading your posts, it's just hard with having limited net until they come to fix ours, it really cannot come quick enough (next tues I mean).

I have a lot of anger bubbling away at the moment and I've took it out badly on me on sunday night, it looks awful and yeah I can't move for it hurting me. But yeah I went a did a little bit more yesterday and now I'm self harming today by not eating- how pathetic? I'm getting pathetic, I mean in the last two weeks (well when it gets to sunday) I'll have OD'd...self harmed badly....not eaten for a long amount of time.....WTF?

I need help and I'm scared to ask for it I think. I STILL haven't made my appointment because I have no phone line and no credit on my mobile. Also I've been offered by Jane (she's so lovely!!) to make that call in college, had planned to do it again, but when I was rushing around panicking cus I couldn't find my hearing aids....I then went downstairs without the letter (got the number I need on it)....and when I do call...WTF do I say?

I'm scared, suidicial, worried, sore....what am I gonna do? I want someone to convince me not to go sit in a road aswell (damm why do people have to give me ideas through telling me what they did =\ and I don't mean on RYL either).

I'm so worried about Emma (lil-princess), she's been in hospital and wants to leave today, and they might be letting her. I can't tell you what's been happening there, because she hasn't said I could or anything...so I have to respect that, but believe me, she NEEDS to be in hospital. So I'm very worried about her!!!

I should be on my way to a lesson now, I'm not going, too scared to go, this is silly, I should go but I wanna stay HERE!


Jetforce 08-04-2008 01:49 PM

I'm keeping well Callie :-)

I didn't know u were gone..but wb **huge hugs**

Did u get me any pressies lol?

MammaMia 08-04-2008 02:46 PM


Jess caught me when I was walking at lunch...and made a comment, I pratically ignored it thank god. Erm yeah, I went saw Jane again and told her a lot, spoke for nearly all of lunch. But wanted to tell her how I was feeling, but couldn't quite do it, and now she knows I self harm. Hmmm =\ But anyway I just sent a quick email; (cus my last lesson of the day-and the first really- is gonna begin in 3 minutes)

Sugar and Spice 08-04-2008 03:45 PM

I've been to see the psychotherapist today as he wanted to finish our conversation. I was really apprehensive and when we entered the room I was just overcome by such anger. I didn't trust myself to speak initially.
He reiterated what he said last time. It didn't sink in, so he repeated himself. It finally sunk in that he wasn't denying that I need help changing. Just that it is not in my best interests to undergo therapy at this specific moment in time. I do agree with him that it would hinder rather than help me at the moment.
Apparently, the likelihood that I will need future intervention is pretty high. He also said that it would probably be in the form of a therapeutic community >.< I'm so freaked out. I don't want to end up in one of these places or to enter any other form of group therapy...

When I came out, my boyfriend asked how the appointment went. I reasoned that honesty is the best policy and so told him about what the therapist. He has been awfully quiet ever since. It's obvious he doesn't want to admit that I need any form of help. I thought that I would be able to talk with him about it in an attempt to calm my mind. What will probs happen is that he'll just avoid the topic.

*hugs everyone in need*

I'm sorry that your holiday was so bad, Callie. At least you are back home now, eh?

Hope everyone is keeping safe and please stay strong x

Pomegranate 08-04-2008 03:58 PM

*hugs Carole* I am sorry things went so....well....not quite great sorta with your psychiatrist. Did he mention how you will know when it is right for you to start therapy? Your boyfriend has probably just reacted like that because he cares and to be honest, it is quite a difficult thing for people who haven't experienced it to comprehend and it is never easy to see how much loved ones are hurting and struggling. Maybe give him a week or so and then gently broach the subject?

Helen, I have texted you and replied to your thread but am sending more hugs your way *hugs* Take care hun and GO TO LESSONS and make the APPOINTMENT xx

Chloe- Could you not tell her some of it, sort of as a test to see how she responds? It may not be as bad as you think? I really don't know sweetie but I am worried about you so please take care. I've gotten used to you being around here lol :)

*hugs Alexx, Jeremy, Squiggles, Ally and Callie* How are you guys doing today?

Sugar and Spice 08-04-2008 04:22 PM

*hugs Emma back*
No, he didn't say when I will know the right time to enter therapy. He was saying that he hopes I can get through my degree because of the difficulties I could encounter trying to get back on to it if I had to drop out for therapeutic intervention. So, that's what I'm aiming for. I'm going to try to get and complete an Assisstant Psychologist post and (hopefully) a doctorate after that without needing to disturb it all for this treatment.
I'm trying to give my boyfriend time, but I just feel so alone right now. I need someone here with me just to reassure me. To reassure me that everything will be ok...

Helen, please do as Emma's already said and make that appointment.

Sorry I'm not full of support for you all at the moment. My thoughts and good wishes are with you all x

Detour. Derail 08-04-2008 07:27 PM

ljfek;vntp4bkokbng,mlbm :pinch:

Ok...*takes deep breath*
I woke up this morning....panicky and shakey and low as anything...managed to walk into the doorframe but really enjoyed the pain :pinch:
Then I managed to somehow make it out ater drugging myself up and walking down the street with my eyes CLOSED, repeatedly telling myself I was in the Denial Tent. Got to counselling and she looked at me funny coz I had a massive big thick scarf on (for comfort more than keeping me warm) and my session...was..odd...it doesnt feel like ive ACTUALLY had it...I dont think we got anywhere...
had my lesson..which was crap...
coz id taken so many meds...i was drowsy and kept falling asleep.
Then i got home to find out someone had called for me and i panicked incase it was the team ive been referred to but she called back and now i have to go in at 10am on Friday so i cant make it to my lesson....and the teacher is gonna be well pissed off....:/

im really struggling today....
I dont want to give up this anymore...
I want to carry on doing what im doing...
Im ok...
really I am...
please dont make me stop...
im not ready...

I keep panicking...
*hides and cries*

Detour. Derail 08-04-2008 07:30 PM

I just dropped my psychology folder...
everything fell out and i started crying...

Im an idiot.

Pomegranate 08-04-2008 07:46 PM

You aren't an idiot Alexx hun *offers warm hugs and helps you pick up stuff from folder*. I think you do need the help they are offering you and I think it is 'her' that is making you not want it. You deserve a life where you don't wake up feeling like you did today, you don't enjoy the pain of accidents and you aren't so full of emotional pain and distress that dropping something makes that pain spill over and you cry. Your teacher can get stuffed if she/he has a problem with you going. I think you are an amazing and incredibly brave person and eventually you WILL be alright, better than alright if you take the help. Friday is the first step towards that xx

Sugar and Spice 08-04-2008 08:02 PM

*hugs Alexx*
You are not an idiot. You are just really struggling at the moment, you said so yourself. Try and let them help you, no one deserves to go through this.

I feel so alone right now. I know he's busy and will call in a bit but even then it will be small chit-chat and I'll get wound up. I want to just vanish. If I could then I wouldn't be around to feel alone...

Detour. Derail 08-04-2008 08:08 PM



Sugar and Spice 08-04-2008 08:22 PM

Oh damn, I'm now in physical pain. It's soaked through my jeans in a couple of places :(

Pomegranate 08-04-2008 09:02 PM

*hugs Carole and Alexx*

Take care of yourself Carole, change, dress your wounds and try to stay distracted. I know it is hard but he (I presume you mean your bf, apologies if not) is probably still getting his head round it and doesn't know how to help).

How are you doing now Alexx?

*pokes around for Chloe, Ally, Callie, Jeremy etc*

Detour. Derail 08-04-2008 09:14 PM

Really bad...

I've worried my friend...because I cant describe it...I just. want.this.to.end.

I hate this....
I really do...

Pomegranate 08-04-2008 09:26 PM

Alexx, I am worried about you and so are a lot of people. We care a lot and you are such a valuable member on here. Is there any chance you would go back to the hospital tonight and tell them how you are feeling?

~*forever_broken*~ 08-04-2008 09:57 PM

*hugs Carole, Alexx, Emma and anyone else who needs/wants*

Carole, I'm sorry things are so crap at the moment. I agree with Emma, your boyfriend probably just needed some time to let things sink in... It's sort of funny I think sometimes we don't realize that this is hard on those who love us as well as on us. *warm, safe snuggles*
Hope you got your wounds dressed sweetie.

Alexx hunni, you're not an idiot. Tbh I probably would have cried too. It sounds like you're having a really rough time of it and when things are bad we are more easily upset. *massive huggles*

Hey Emma, thanks... How goes it luv? I hope things are well.

I've got a two inch cut on my arm that I had to butterfly... And it hurts :-(
I also went to fill my wellbutrin scrip (to take in addition to my zoloft) and was told they wouldn't have enough till tomorrow afternoon... I'm tired, teary (but can't cry)... And I just feel awful... All I really want to do is hide in bed and do nothing (except maybe sleep)... Instead I've got one more lecture and then work :notsure:

Sugar and Spice 08-04-2008 10:10 PM

*hugs all round*

Emma, Ally. Don't worry about the cuts, they weren't deep and will be healed in a few days. I can't even do that right (mainly through lack of avaliability of proper blades). He refuses that there is anything wrong with me. He's convinced the doctors are wrong. In his eyes I'm just being screwed over by them in addition to everyone else. He's not going to help me.

*hugs Ally* Try and get through the day sweetie, I know it's hard. But hopefully work won't be too bad and you can be in bed before long.

I hope Alexx is keeping safe. Emma, do you think that she's likely to go to the hospital?

Detour. Derail 08-04-2008 10:14 PM


Originally Posted by Lifeisabitch (Post 683240)
Alexx, I am worried about you and so are a lot of people. We care a lot and you are such a valuable member on here. Is there any chance you would go back to the hospital tonight and tell them how you are feeling?

You arent shouldnt be worried..
and im not really all that valuable....

I WANT to go back...but I cant....I'd have to explain to dad and he'd call mum and she'd come home early from work and get pissy at me..and I have college in the morning and my parents would probably try to section me and....

I'll...I'll chance it...

Sorry I'm a mess guys...you dont deserve this...

effervescence 08-04-2008 10:29 PM

alexx, i think it would be a good idea to go to hospital, expecially if part of you wants to. i know its scary, but it might help you, in the long run. you would be somewhere safe for a while, at least. and even if u dont want to be safe, we want you to be!!

carole, why do u think he is so reluctant to admit something is wrong? can u explain to him gently that it is a problem? cos he shoudnt be hindering you getting help.

thanks emma. i might just try telling her some stuff and seeing what she says. altho i emailed her for another appointment and she hasnt replied to maybe by tuesday i'll have calmed down and we'll have another session where we dont talk about wat i really want to talk about....*sigh*

callie? are u having a good sleep? try to get straight back into normal hours so your jetlag goes away quicker.

how is everyone else?

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