Allaloneallaloneallaloneallaloneallaloneallaloneal laloneallalone... Here and in my apartment... Well, I've got the cat.
:crying:
Why did I do that? Why did I cut my wrist?:crying: now I can't get it out of my head... I feel awful... And so... Weird...:crying:

Scaredscaredscaredscaredscaredscaredscaredscaredsc aredscaredstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstupidstup idstupidstupidstupid

not stupid hun and not alone, we will always be with you. You will never be alone. kick those awful images out of your head. You dont need them. We are with you. Stay strong.

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I am back at uni and drunk. Helen is texting me saying she is alone and nobody cares. I do care but texting is way too hard in this state. ****ing hell this message has taken an age to type. I just want to be free.

*hugs everyone who needs them*

Carole you are not dirty. You are wonderful x

Carole i like you a lot and i am sorry you feel dirty but i want you to know that you are not the dirty one, not at all. the people who hurt you are dirty.

Emma dear i hope you are okay. please put the alchy away and have some water or some tea, and something simple to eat like toast or cereal or something

Alyssa i am sorry you feel scared. you aren't alone. we are all here and so is your kitty and you are in the Denial Tent with all of us. take care of yourself and please consider telling your counsellor. *sends you courage to talk*

HI ROBY

hey ally. how are you today? it's ok to feel scared about what you did to your wrist, but i think it's better to be honest with your counsellor about it. that way you can get it off your mind.

emma, i'm worried about you. are you ok?

hi to callie, carole and roby.

i think i might go for a walk today, if i ever get the energy. i shoud go out, it's such a nice day. but it's so much easier to be reclusive :s

walk is a good deai chloe! I am alright just a little stoned and drunk. Debating whether or not to SI. I want to but am thinking not. Too tired. But the crash is coming, big huge crash. just will it be lack of SI tajt causes it or lack of it?

please don't emma. i had a huge crash a couple of years ago, and tbh my cutting didn't change before, during or after it. i realised it wasn't as important as i thought. doesn't mean i managed to quit. but don't let the SI become powerful enough to control how you are feeling.
drink lots of water and go to bed hun

A walk sounds nice Cloe. I understand what you mean about being reclusive being easier.

Emma hun, please be careful. I probably would have done it any way but I'm pretty sure the alcohol helped last night when I cut my wrist.

Callie luv, thanks hun *squishes*

I'm not so much scared about what I DID so much as what I still want to do:pinch:. I keep thinking about it, doing it again... :crying: I suck

*hugs everyone*
Take care all.

*leaves a pile of hugs and more red balloons so we can all have balloons like Chloe*

*hides in her corner and puts up a kits not here sign*

it hurts to breath i dislike panic attacks i donno where to go or what to say anymore... i give up eh my fault the world needs to put disclaimers on movies... seriously...

*covers Kit with a blanket*
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad hun. What movie did you watch?

*sits silently and looks around*

Hows everyone today ?

Georgia Rule

evil evil movie :| :( bleh bed time for me.....

night night kit. we will keep an eye on you while you sleep. i've never seen that movie but don't think i will now.

hey roby. i am ok. i went for a long walk and borrowed someones camera and took lots of random pictures. so yeah. i did something active yay.

ally honey you don't suck, you're just struggling. when do u next see your counsellor?

yay for balloons.

where is everyone? emma? alexx?

Hey ally, emma, callie, alexx, chloe, carole and any1 i missed

*hugs all and leave some white chocolate chip cookies on the table*

Hope u r all well :-) I'm keeping ok...although i got uni tomorrow argh..not looking fwd to it :-(doh

heya *hugs everyone*

How are you doing Ally? I know how scary it can be when you want to do that to yourself, especially when it is so powerfully tempting but try to believe me that it is not worth it in the long run. When do you next see your counsellor? *hugs*

Hi Chloe, how are you doing? Did you go for a walk? Did it help?

I am glad you are keeping ok Jeremy *hugs* Try not to worry about uni tomorrow, it's my first day back tomorrow too....fun fun huh? Still I keep telling myself it is only a few weeks until the end of the year :)

Heya 3inchesfromtheedge (Roby?) how are you doing? Welcome to the psych ward!

Carole, I hope you managed not to cut *hugs* how are you doing now?

Are you feeling any better now Kit?

*takes a balloon and goes chasing it*

*pounces on Callie* Good to see you hun x

-----------------

I managed not to cut last night :) not sure if for the right reasons but decided it wasn't worth the hassle and going to a+e today would have just made me more behind and made me feel worse. Don't feel amazing today. My Grandad got taken into hospital last night with noro virus because he kept collapsing due to dehydration. Nothing too serious but still....although they said he should be out in a few days.

*hugs emma, ally, callie, alexx, jeremy, chloe, kit, roby and anyone I may have missed*
I hope everyone is keeping safe x

Emma, I am sorry to hear about your grandad. I hope he recovers quickly. Well done for not cutting last night :) it is a good thing, regardless of the reasons behind it.

Jeremy, am glad to know that you are doing ok.
I know how you feel as it's my first day back at uni tomorrow too :(

Chloe, it is good to be active and taking photos is great fun :) Did you photogragh anything in particular?

Ally, how are you doing? You don't suck, you are just having difficulty coping. I hope you have been able to stay safe.

Roby, how are you doing today?

I didn't SI last night but I'm having another one of my bad days today. But, when I get back to my room at uni I am going to start drinking :)

Haven't been able to get clean either :crying:
I argued with my boyfriend and he's now not talking to me. I tried to apologise but he's having none of it. I'm not sure I want to see him tomorrow (let alone talk to him) but I can't afford to miss another whole day of lecture and seminar. But I can't go and not talk to him.

*hugs Callie, Cloe, Carole, Emma, Jeremy, Kit, Roby and any one else I may have missed*I'm very sorry about that**

Callie, yay for balloons *hugs her RYL twin and then ties a balloon around her own wrist*. How are you missy?

Emma, glad you didn't cut hun, and any reason is a good reason... Shows you were strong enough to resist. I'm am sorry about your granddad... Hope he's better soon *snuggles*

Kit, I hope you slept well hun. I've never seen that movie but now I'll think twice about it.

Carole I'm sorry you argued with your boyfriend*snuggles*. Maybe he just needs a bit of time. Easy on the drink, luv. You and I both know it really doesn't help *wraps you in a safe, warm blanket*.

Cole I'm so glad you got out and took some pictures. It sounds like you had some fun too. What kind of pictures did you take?

Roby, how goes it hun? Haven't seen much to address with you (though it's very possible I'm just a twit and missed something massively important). Hope you're doing alright.

Jeremy I'm sorry you're not looking forward to going back to uni tomorrow :-( neither am I.*massive hugs* Please take care friend.
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Me? Well to answer the question that's been asked several times :-) (I love you guys) I see my counselor next tomorrow at 2 (10 for y'all across the Pond... Not sure what time for our Aussie friends). I'm not looking forward to it.
As to how I'm doing right now... Not so hot I guess. I didn't sleep well at all last night so I'm exhausted on top of just feeling lousy... And I took the butterfly bandages off the cut on my wrist way too soon... Now it's opened up a bit... Making it even more tempting to take my blade to it again:crying:
See? I really do suck:-(

*offers more hugs before retreating to her corner to cry quietly*

I've only been away for what...two nights?
And it feels like I've been away for years.
I feel completely lost....my feet arent even near touching the floor.
I have some vodka under my bed that I'd quite like to down tonight...
WHYDOIHAVETOLIKEHIMSOMUCH?!?!?!>.<
*sigh*

Yes. I'm pathetic.
I've also figured out...
I'm the source of pain and upset for everyone I come into contact with :/

Kit looks around... i didn't really slept but i slept cant explain it i feel more tired then i went to bed... Yeah not a good movie they made it totally out to be something else in the comersial here i was thinking it was gonna be a drama/comedy but yeah wasn't that... at all...

*leaves Teddy Bears and flowers for everyone who wants / need them*