*Tucks Kahlia in to her Pillow bed* :)

Thanks big brother

My username change was approved and I feel a lot better about talking on here :)

*shares snacks and juice*

All of the snow was gone here but it started yesterday again and hasnt stopped yet. Sometimes it's pretty but mostly it looks like there's no colour left on earth. Hoping it stops soon and melts fast. I feel grey to match.

*leaves hugs for everyone who wants them*

#Hi Drew , How are you ?

Did anyone know Carrie was remade ? Am I the only guy who feel the bullies had it coming, however Sissy Spasek rocks.

I'm tired and sad today. I feel really empty and desperately seeking comfort but everything I usually find comforting feels empty too. I want my personality back. Thank-you for asking. I'm sorry I don't have a nice answer.

I did know it was remade. I saw the new one. very unsettling. The bullies were terrible. :(

How are you Mark?

I'm uber anxious , SW in just over 3 hours .

Hey Drew. Glad you're feeling better after the username change. Sorry to hear you haven't been feeling well. Always here if you need a friendly ear. *safe hugs*

Hiya Mark. Yeah, I wasn't overly impressed with the remake. I'd have to agree with Drew that it was/is unsettling. The bullies definitely had it coming. Hoping the meeting with the SW went well.

So sick of being in a wheelchair. *sigh*

My SW's not been yet but ty :)

When is your back surgery due Kahlia? *Gentle Glomps*

I wasn't sure due to all the time zones. No idea when the back surgery will be, hopefully the referral went through today but I'll have to ring the doctor's surgery and if it has gone that far then I need to ring the hospital in Brisbane and check it has arrived down there. A long process..... *sigh*

I hope it all go's smoothly lil sis :)

Thanks Mark. We do too, obviously, especially since we are unaware of how long surgery and recovery/rehabilitation will take, and even whether they will decide that I'm fine to wait some time or decide that I must be seen right now (so to speak).

My head is in a really bad place right now. I mentioned Jem's death to my step-daughter and now have all sorts of images and thoughts getting comfortable in my brain and just playing out over and over. Sleep is going to be almost impossible tonight and I have to be up early in the morning.

*bangs head against wall*

*disappears into pillow fort*

*leaves safe hugs for all* hope some stuff went well for all of you today.

How are you all today?

Same old same old. How are you Mark?

Hey Drew. Thanks for the hugs.

Mark: You probably don't want to know.

Besides everything in my life sucking, me being in excruciating pain, my mood being so low that they'd need to create a new term for how far done through the earth you would have to go, I'm okay. Both my husband and step-daughter are still asleep and I need another coffee. If they aren't awake by then I'm going to play Avatar on the PS3. I do quite enjoy killing the viperwolves and have actually completed a sector challenge which involved killing 110 of the buggers. They aren't too hard to kill unless you are "lucky" enough to have a pack of four or five attack you at once.

Thankfully the anger I felt earlier has changed itself into self-hatred and disgust which isn't really surprising when I'm incapable of doing anything at all without assistance but obviously most people cannot understand that. Please just give me a break from the pain.

Hey Kahlia,
I hope you're okay Sis . BTW I always wanna know how you are, from very bad to very good , I'd be a bit of a crap big bro if I didn't care :P Love ya :)

Horrible night at work. Just bucket loads of abuse. From people who I'm supposed to cut some slack cos they are cognitively impaired. I've felt crappy all day and I hit the limit and broken down. I desperately want to hurt myself. But I won't. Not at work. Not again.
Full metal rocks. But now want to see brotherhood cos the ending might be better

Sorry to hear that Annie. I'm especially sorry to hear that work tonight has been so rough and that you've broken down. I believe in you and that you can get through work without harming your self. Just managing to go to work when you feel like crap shows a lot of strength. Hmmm.... I think I'll have to look into brotherhood now.

My GP got the referral to a spinal specialist done today while we were there and changed one of my medications. Tomorrow I have to phone that hospital to check that the referral arrived and I need to call my university about possibly deferring both an assignment and an exam depending on what happens with my back. Making phone calls to anyone other than family terrifies me but they have to be done. I also have to text my mother and then call her about her mail just in case there's something really important in there.

Right now I feel really bad about bursting into tears whilst we were in with the GP. I feel absolutely like crap for letting my pain show and now I feel even worse. Please let me disappear.

Kahlia , I have serious problems on the phone too :( *Glomps*

*Offers Safe Hugs to Annie* May I call you Annie?

Thanks Mark. I don't know what it is about phoning people but it scares the living daylights out of me. *sigh*

My life is full of absolute crap right now. My pain level is so high that I should be at a hospital but I don't want to ruin my step-daughters holiday with another night in emergency. If my mood was any lower it would be coming out on the opposite side of the earth. I can't control my DID so my younger alters keep popping out and doing whatever they want and it takes all my strength to rein the buggers back in. Sometimes I really think I should just let them go but I cannot afford the damage that would inevitably cause. My brain tells me that every single person I know, whether IRL or online, really is just pretending to care and really couldn't give a damn that I even exist. It is so difficult not to believe it when my husband and step-daughter have to push me around in my wheelchair and do so much for me because I can't do it for myself. The tears just keep falling and it feels more and more like no one cares.