STUPID HUSBAND! His damn appologies mean absolutely nothing! Why should they if he's going to continue on with the same damn ****... grrr....

*puts headphones in and turns music up as high as it will go*

*hugs Kelly* I'm sorry about your husband :( I'm here if you want to rant/talk at all

*hugs all*

*hugs back*

We talked earlier today about what's been buggin me lately and he appologized and we spent the rest of the day well... took boys to the park and what not, but then he left to go to an old neighbors which was one of the things we talked about... so his appology means **** to me... it hurts more than anything

a few months ago i heard a rumor that he had been cheating on me... i chose to let it go cuz it was an unreliable sorce for one and because i believe in trust, but now that the seed of doubt has been planted i always wonder what he's really up to when he takes off :(

*cuddles Kelly* that sounds really tough, I'm sorry I dont have any words of advice, but I have as many hugs as you want.

I wish I could have just one ****ing stable day, is one too much to ask for.

I wish you could have a stable day too :( ... and again i don't think anything is gonna help me aside from me getting up the guts to get up and leave, but I really scared shitless at the possibility of tearing my family apart like that... my kids are still so little and I dunno if i can do it all alone

*huggles Kelly* you have us all in the ward.

*hugs back* i'm so thankful for that... dunno what i'd do if i didn't have you all to talk to ...

*hugs* the ward is a good place, its got me through a lot of dark times.

its 1.30am and I'm still wide awake, am going to go for a run in an hour and going to do a vlog.

wow... i'd be dead on my feet if it was 130 here... it's only 730 pm here... the kids should be getting ready for bed but hubby said he'd be back soon and that was 45 mins ago... so about to give up and put them to bed myself w/out his help ... sigh

*hugs frenchhorn and Kelly*

Blah. I am just going to sit in here for a while

*hugs Yodabear and Kelly*

Hi Yodabear I'm Oliver. how are you?

Hi Oliver, I'm Matt. I have this feeling we have crossed paths before on here somewhere :)

Meh. Probably going to go to bed soon. Bouncing around between a bit of psychosis and reality isn't helping things at the moment, plus I cried earlier which I guess helped when no one was home.

Hi Matt, yeah I think we have crossed paths before. I hope going to bed and getting some sleep helps. I'm just about to go for a run, at nearly 3am! but I like going when no one is around as I'm really paranoid that people are going to kill me.

I can sort of understand that too Oliver, in the sense that I am paranoid of people as well to a part. Sleeps well, I am off to bed myself. *hugs*

Night Matt *hugs*

god its 6am here and I'm still wide awake, cant bloody sleep

*hugs oliver* I hope you get to sleep soon. I always drink a hot chocolate or warm milk with honey when I can't sleep.

*Curls up*

*Hugs Serenity*

*Hugs Charlie*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs YodaBear*

*Hugs Kelly*

*Hugs Oliver*

Thanks everyone for your concern , I am safe , I want to bath but am worried I'll open my stomach cuts up, They're not deep enough to rewuire attention but I feel stupid :S

*Cuddles Mark*