*huggles Julie to help keep her warm*
It seems its been a busy evening/night again...I'm gonna catch up with everyone....

So then, all caught up, lets see....

*huggles April* I love the WoW talk and glad that amongst your busy hetic day you manage to fit in playing it. I don't think you're on it too much, like Mark says, its a really good distraction for us. As for the hair cuts, from the shape of your face (which is a pretty one, not ugly!) you would actually suit both. I like the longer style, but thats me and close to what I've had in the past and what I'm currently growing my fringe out for, so I'm biased, lol. But for the reasons you stated, perhaps you'd be better going for the shorter do?

*huggles Mark* so sorry to hear that you've been so anxious and paranoid. WoW will definately be a good distraction for you. Ooh if you start, chose 'Darkspear' as your realm...PLEASE....as then we can meet up and play together!

*Huggles Oliver* congrats on legally becoming Oliver! And as for being a loner, don't dwell on it. You are still young and you're only just being able to be your true self around people, it'll take time to get friends IRL. Until that time, you are not alone when you have all of us in here. I used to have a lot of 'friends' IRL, but when I got ill, they all disappeared. Now aged nearly 29, I have 3people who I can call real friends IRL, the longest history out of them is just over 6years. Sometimes I feel alone and a loner, but then I come on here and think well at least I can be accepted and be myself in here and sod the people IRL who can't cope, one day I'll meet up with people IRL who are like people on RYL who don't judge. Please don't give up hope.

*huggles Helen* Oh its horrid you had so mnay tears last night. I hope that today goes ok for you and you manage to enjoy dancing on ice.

*huggles JK* are you feeling overwhelmed by the pace of the ward? Or what's going on IRL? or a bit of both? We're here if you need us. Please don't go anywhere, we'd miss you!

*huggles Crimson* are you feeling any better today? Still needing to cry? I hate that when the tears won't come out, it gives me a headache, don't know about you... I think it'd be good for you to get back onto WoW too, you have so much overwhelming stuff going on around you that I think it'd do you good to just loose yourself for an hour in the game...when you get a spare hour!

*huggles Laura* How did the appartment crawling go? Hope the thunderstorms held off.

*huggles Julie* ooh a 7am start, at least its in a coffee shop though, expresso shots on tap to perk you up! lol

*huggles Kat & Rosie* I hope you're keeping as safe as possible. We're here if you need to talk.

*huggles Kahlia* oh thats crummy about when you shut down the computer, I'm glad you've a housemate who is willing to share though and you can get some time to do work and come on here as an outlet.

*huggles MouseInDarkness and A&S* welcome to the ward, I'm hayley.

*goes looking in all the hiding places and dark corners of the ward to give out extra huggles incase she's missed someone*

Well I'm irrational....not completely, 'cos I'm aware that I'm thinking stupidly...but I'm on the slippery slope. It's the 1st of May...my 29th bday in 26days....what have I achieved with my life? **** all....even when my mental health is under control I'm a ****ing waste of space useless peice of **** whose body doesn't work properly and has a career as an envelope licker ahead of her....only you don't need to lick envelopes anymore as they have those sticky things, so I've been made redundant!!! So yeah, I'm a ****ing survivor, but what have I survived for?!!! RAAAA!!!!

And then I think, why am I thinking like that?! I try and be positive and support you guys, I believe the words when I'm typing them to you and yet can't find the words myself....and so I want to cry.....and then I think....pathetic cry baby, how are tears going to change anything...get a grip!!! RAAAA!!!

*picks Hayley up and gives her a big cuddle, then pops her down gently* Sweetheart, you are an amazing person who takes the time to make each and every one of us on here feel special. Noone in my real life has asked how I am today, and the fact that you even remembered about me in here has made my day. Potentially sad, but true. If we could all listen to the advice we give others none of us would be in the ward. *hugs again, less dramatically this time* If you ever want to chat or vent hun you're welcome to PM me, cos I real like you.

Gorgeous April, I would vote go for the short haircut, only cos I recently did a bit of a makeover thing and they drastically changed my hair and it made me feel really different and everyone commented how awesome it looked.

Mark its funny how a few days of no SI creeps up on you, I'm up to 2 weeks now somehow, trying not to think about it too much. Hope your sleep was a good one and you have a great day today!

Helen, sweetie, I really hope you're doing a bit better. I have been trying to get on to msn to "talk" to one of my new buddies here on RYL who is struggling at the moment, but I can't do it and it is so frustrating cos I really want to touch base with her more easily than phoning and stuff, hang in there babe, you are a beautiful person and an AWESOME hugger x

Kahlia, the piece you wrote a few pages back was very powerful and passionate and I have printed it and will read it often. We all need to believe it. Thank you. *hugs*

*cuddles Julie* hope your day at work was OK, busy cafe day in Auckland today!

*hugs Laura* I kind of missed the news of your job, but sounds like congratulations are in order. How are you now hun, you didn't sound so good earlier after you got home from your night out.

*cuddles Crimson tight* hope you're doing ok sweet girl.

Oliver, hang in there with your sister hun. She'll come round, just keep being there for her. She loves you and she will find a way to accept you just the way you are ok? *hugs tight*

*waves to AS and Kat/Rosie and MouseInDarkness and wonders where Nicole and Lindsay have scurried off to*

And I'm OK thanks for those of you who asked, just struggling with getting the dose right with my meds and a bit all over the place. In our last session my therapist said "do you understand how sick you are?" I actually thought I was doing OK, I work fulltime, and exercise and have lots of friends, it made me question what my reality is tbh. Then an old friend died suddenly a few days ago and I haven't even cried. I hate that I can't feel anything. *cries if she could*

Haya Hayley and Fallinstar0317 *Hugs*

Wish I was better so I could offer help or at least something nice. I do wish everyone well and hope you all had a great day and that tomorrow is better than today.

Crawls under the bed and shakes.

*puts the 2nd scooby doo movie on for owen and settles into a hamok*

i feel selfish coz i dont do indervidal replys sorry...

lol Julie, its only cos I had an hour to fill in, and I don't have msn ;)

Scooby's my favourite too just quietly

get msn lol or yahoo lol i want to talk to people in my time zone more no offence to the northeners lol

I trying to, just failing dismally at the moment. Not the most IT savvy person I know!

Julie You are not selfish. *Gives Gentle Hugs*

Same end of the earth I m in Australis welll the western side

I can totally empathise with that Kahlia ^

Oliver , I feel I'm a loner too , I have 2 friends IRL and I haven't heard from 1 since he called me Christmas day , I'm really worried about him , but point is before I was in hospital last year I had no friends at all then I met these awesome people who are totally accepting of me and all my problems at the age of 29 . You will so meet people who see you for the kind person that you are you just have to beleive that :)

April , personally I think the 2nd (Short) haircut will look great on you , I'm no expert but I think its very pretty , like you :)

*Hugs everyone who needs em*
*Waves at everyone*

Oh and I'm sorry about saying I was paranoid , all the stress is catching up to me I think .

I got an e-mail from BT not answering my query but asking if I wanted to pay differently *sigh* I'm actually nervous as to what I'll get in the post today and I unplugged my phone last night to avoid THEM phoning me.

*Spots Helen and A&S*

*tucks owen up*
yay mouse in darkness southener

*Peeps out*

*Runs over and gives everyone gentle hugs.*

Doikers - Hope everything goes well. Stress is a bugger. Hands you a ray of sunshine to brighten your day.

xxJuliexx - Go the southerners! I fail utterly with the IT stuff so I guess that is ok.

*Hugs if I missed you. Sorry.* Memory like a minow at the moment.

Thanx for the Ray of sunshine from Mouse in Darkness , I think I'll go by the canal and find out if the sun comes out with it , I need milk anyway lol.
You can call me Mark Mouse in Darkness :) Nice to meet you

Haya Kahlia I sees you!
Gentle *Hugs*

*hugs all who can accept hugs*

mouse or would you prefer MID or something?: *huge bear hugs* Welcome back sweetheart. I hope that things are starting to improve for you. Just remember to take one day at a time, and if necessary one hour or one minute at a time. We're in this life together, right?

Mark: I'm sorry to hear that you can associate with my kind of life without a computer, but I'm still kind of glad you can ... so I don't feel so alone with it. It's really not good though. Sorry to hear the saga with BT is still going on, I hope it's resolved in your favour soon. *big hugs*

JK: I'm really glad you liked it. I wrote it for all of us (and myself) because it's true, but also because we need to hear it (or read it) and we don't. Our illnesses or habits seem to set us apart from everyone else and we all think that we are so alone and so different that no-one could ever like us or love us when it's just not true. Be easy on yourself regarding feelings, they will come when they are ready. The meds can stop them from coming now and showing themselves, but they can't stop them forever. I hope that you reach a sort of optimal level for the meds sooner rather than later.*big hugs*

Hayley: My housemate has now shown me where the password is. Hopefully that should make it all okay until I get my new monitor. *crosses fingers* Things don't sound all that crash hot with you though. I wish I could offer more than just some *hugs*

*offers hugs to everyone else that she is scared to mention by name in case she leaves someone out - damn it gets so busy in here sometimes now*

My mood still hasn't lifted from the drop inflicted from the Champix. The si and su thoughts are getting worse, and I don't have a Plan B. I don't really have a crisis line other than lifeline, I don't have a hospital to go to if things get to a dangerous level ... so I guess I just have to get through. Sometimes it would be so much easier if I wasn't awake to witness all this ...

*gives Kahlia a teddy*

*takes teddy from Julie* Thank you. :)