Because I am clever like that? I don't feel happy as a general emotion, just happy I got some photos. But my general emotion is feeling ****. That makes sense??

Hehe, yus you are clever like that. ;) But yeah, what you said makes sense. *cuddles* Sorry if what I said came off sounding mean or anything... :(

Ugh. Don't want to do uni work. *temper tantrum* :P

No it didn't sweetheart, don't worry *squishes*

My foot is giving me hell, should get it looked at really...:|

*squishes back* What's wrong with your foot, love?

I'm doing uni work, just taking a break... reading articles on leadership. *gags* Boring as hell - at least the second article is. It's just going over the different types of leadership... the first thing I had to read was a chapter from a book and at least that was kind of interesting. :-/ Gahhh... I HATE SCHOOL. :(

I has a kitty in my lap, snuggly warm & purring. Anyone want kitty snuggles? :D

I think I'll paint my nails. Sometime, anyway. It's been too long since I've pampered myself that way. :)

*squishes*

Really painful :( I think I've done something to my right foot, well my toes. You know when you get like pins & needles? It's like that, but when I get those normally, I can still flatten my toes okay, I can't at the moment I can't even walk on my foot properly today. My toes pratically feel numb, but when I scratch my toe next to my big one, it really kills. It's like I've cut the back of my big toe but I haven't Also my big toe keeps itching like something's irrtating it, espically on the side. When I bend my toe, it's really sore like I have a cut in the fold (if that makes sense )...does any of that make sense? I've started having the pins&needles feeling in one/two other toes in my other left foot earlier today. It originally started aroud sat/sun in my right foot.

i cancelled my appt.
*epic fail*

i'm just not bad enough to need it. i'm fine.

*fist head*

i am not having a good nite.
this presentation i went to today was really triggering for me. i am having thoughts about suicide and lots of other violent things. i know its the ocd. i just cant make it stop.

why can't my life just be ****ing easy? or over? one or the ****ing other?
i hate it.
and i cancelled this appt because i am not bad enough. ha. wtf was i thinking? is this not bad enough? the nature of my illness is that i don't think i am ill. hahahahahaha.

i am out of my ****ing mind.

*cuddles everyone*

I have to give an hour long speech tomorrow.. or well technically, "lead a class discussion"

Freaking out.

...Social Anxiety take me away.

*cuddles Helen* That sounds downright awful; you really ought to go see someone about it. :( It must hurt so much - & yes, what you said about it makes sense. :) How're you doing this morning?

*cuddles quiet1* Awh love, I'm so sorry that you cancelled the appt. Is it possible for you to make another? You do need the help, you really do... please try & take care of yourself & don't give in to those thoughts. Pamper yourself some. Try to relax a little. I understand about how OCD thoughts just go 'round & 'round & 'round, but please, keep fighting, sweetie. How's the morning going for you?

*cuddles Laura* Eugh I don't blame you for being scared... is this a group project or do you have to do it alone? & how many people are in your class? That's something that would take desensitization to get used to... I'm pretty used to getting up in front of people now but I still get anxious, sweaty-palmed & tight-chested. It sucks. :( How're you doing now?

*cuddles everyone else* How're you all doing today?

Well, I managed to get through the worst day of my week, yesterday... my last class (Women & Spirituality, night class, 3 hours long) seemed like 3 classes as we had another prof speaking about the Berber women for an hour, then one of the two women teaching the class teaching about the Demeter & Persephone myth (as that has to do with the next book we're reading), and then we watched a film on Hildegard von Bingen. So it felt sooo long. :(

Oh well. It's over now... and I have a few hours before I have to go to tutoring!! Woohoo... heh.

I'm not doing great mentally. I mini-binged yesterday & am scared that I will have gained weight even though I haven't weighed myself since the beginning of December. :( Stupid, stupid, STUPID me!!! :(

*sigh*

*drops in with smoothies and leaves some on the table*

I have work today. I don't want to go. I had a really terrible dream last night. Lots of blood. I'm thinking about calling to reschedule my appt with the iop people. I am scared. I'm really scared.

*hugs everyone*

Quiet1, I think you should call & reschedule. *cuddles* You need the help... it's scary, yes, but I think it would be very very good for you to get more intensive treatment.

Thanks Jet!! *hugs* How you doing today?

*cuddles Helen* What's up this morning, love?

I'm really tired, cranky, anxious, etc., etc. But I'm trying to focus on the positive. *sigh* It's really difficult.

*hugs april* My speech is with one other person in a class of 20... so i know its not like 200 ppl or anything.. but for me, it doesn't matter how many ppl.. u attach the word "presentation" to an assigment and i freak out.. especially with it being an hour long.

Night classes suck. That one I have is 4 hours so I know what u mean. And you are not stupid. Dont beat yourself up about the mini-binge. Just try to move forward.

*hugs jet* thanks for the smoothie! yum!

*hugs quiet1* Im sorry that you had bad dreams. I think that you should re-schedule if you are feeling up to it.

*hugs helen* your foot doesnt sound good. you should go to the doctor maybe. Hope you are alright.

I also had bad dreams last night... They are probably anxiety related though. This is going to be such a nerve-wrecking day. wish me luck getting thru.

My foot is still bad >.> Couldn't get an appointment for today, so going to ask my mum to try get me one for tomorrow. I can't stand it any longer. Had a really bad morning. I went to bed about 2am say, watched some telly and started dozing off, so turned it off to sleep, course I couldn't sleep. It got to half 5 and I was crying :| I was so annoyed and in so much pain by then. Eventually fell asleep and slept for ages :|

Don't know how I feel...****?

*cuddles Helen* Glad you're going to get an appt, love.

I'm really tired & feeling kind of **** too. :(

*cuddles everyone*

I'm knackered, but its my fault for watching curling until 5.30 am, but it was good.
Someone can say one small thing that can really make you smile and make you think that maybe not everyone in the world is against you.

Now I remember what I ****ing hate about work. Me. And every other thing in my life.

Got an appt with my psych today. I called and asked if she had any cancellations. Turns out she did. Now I have to tell her that I cancelled my appt for the eval. I suck at life

**** **** ****.
Things just get worse and worse.
I need a break from this :crying:

I need a break too. I think we all do.

Just ate a large supper out and I really really want to purge.

Think positive, April.............