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SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 02:15 AM

Having fun dear?

ljmeep 03-01-2011 02:24 AM

I'm not sure if the "having fun dear?" was directed to me or not.. but I'll answer anyway... lol

Not at all! I hate cleaning... the laundry keeps reproducing so fast I can't keep up with it (I cloth diaper so that's a large part of it), and it seems as soon as i finish cleaning something I'm back at it with in an hour or so (the joys of having small children)... lol :P But I am getting it done ... even if it is slow going... and that makes me feel good.

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 02:29 AM

-hugs kelly- sorry you are so busy.

-curls up next to sarah- its ok. I understand. I honestly dont even know if theres any help or hope for me anymore. :(

ljmeep 03-01-2011 02:32 AM

it's k, kitty... just a fact of life.. I've been putting off repairing this blanket for over a month now... it feels good to get it done now.. and it's a good break

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 02:34 AM

*Hugs Kitty, Sarah, Oliver, Kelly, Ian, Laura and Felicia*

Kitty, Sarah, neither of you are what they say you are. Some people just don't realise how much their words can hurt people, or else, they're too ignorant to care. People who don't experiece mental illness rarely understnad. They think that it's all in the person's head, and whereas that may be, they don't understand that it's not as simple as talking yourself out of it. It's a disorder that takes a lot of strength and courage to overcome. And Sarah, it says so much about you that you've found the strength to see that your mum is nothing more than a bully, and you are not everything she says you are. Kitty, you can fight it too. You don't have to believe what they tell you, it's not true and they have no right to say it. You're beautiful, both of you. I feel this is the moment for a little Christina Aguilera.


MammaMia 03-01-2011 02:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ribenalion (Post 2637386)
I love you. Seriously. Thankyou. xx

Assuming this was directed at me, I love you too *cuddles*

Quote:

Originally Posted by frenchhorn (Post 2637387)
*hugs all*

*hugs Oliver* How you doing?

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsychoKitty2010 (Post 2637391)
-hugs helen, oliver, and sarah- Sorry there's not much I can say to help right now. Hugs are about as good as it gets.

-hugs Kitty- It's okay if you can't help much, just doing hugs is still great and much needed by everybody. Well usually, as I know some people can't accept hugs, or can't always.

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsychoKitty2010 (Post 2637410)
-whispers- Can I just die now..?

No.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monsoon (Post 2637415)
Thanks Helen. *Walks away in to the corner and hides*

*finds and hugs Ian* What's wrong Ian?

Quote:

Originally Posted by IceQueenHasAHeart (Post 2637464)
*Hugs Kitty, Sarah, Oliver, Kelly, Ian, Laura and Felicia*

Kitty, Sarah, neither of you are what they say you are. Some people just don't realise how much their words can hurt people, or else, they're too ignorant to care. People who don't experiece mental illness rarely understnad. They think that it's all in the person's head, and whereas that may be, they don't understand that it's not as simple as talking yourself out of it. It's a disorder that takes a lot of strength and courage to overcome. And Sarah, it says so much about you that you've found the strength to see that your mum is nothing more than a bully, and you are not everything she says you are. Kitty, you can fight it too. You don't have to believe what they tell you, it's not true and they have no right to say it. You're beautiful, both of you. I feel this is the moment for a little Christina Aguilera.

YouTube - Christina Aguilera- Beautiful (with lyrics)

I agree with your post so so so much.

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 02:45 AM

-hugs lia- thankyou -starts crying-

I hate me. I hate what *they* have made me become. But I cant change it. My husband doesn't understand that. He just gets so upset with me when I SI but he dont understand that I cant help it. He dont understand that feeling physical pain is easier for me to deal with than feeling emotional pain. He thinks I should just be able to get over it. And my mom is just so sure that it's a phase. Its so hard when you dont have anyone in your life that really cares...someone you can open up to and talk openly and honestly with without receiving any judgment or anything. Yeah I have you guys I don't know what I would do without you. But the main flaw is there are time differences and nobody can control that. It just makes it extremely difficult. If all of us had someone in our lives like that I think it would be better. Why can't we find that? I keep searching but have no luck. Everyone who I can talk to lives so far away and in different time zones (referring to everyone here). Wish we could all live in one area. Even if it was just all of us broken people living there (with mental health professionals that were willing to help us for free) we would at least have each other. -cries more-

Edit: -hugs helen back- thanks. Sorry I was posting when you replied. Didn't purposely ignore you.

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 02:51 AM

I wish that too Kitty. I wish we could all be together and help each other. You can always PM me if you feel the need to, but the same with this, I obviously can't promise to get back to you right away. I really hate the lack of healthcare in the US. That is one thing I love about Britain, we care about the people who can't afford what we can. I could get all into Capitalism vs Communism now, but I'm sure no one wants a politicshistory lecture.

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 03:01 AM

Lia, your post made me cry, happy cry. You're lovely *snuggles tightly*

Kelly, it was aimed at you. Sometimes being busy is such an amazing thing :p

Helen, that was aimed at you too <3

(Think I'm having a bad day with names, sorry guys)

I know what you mean Kitty, my fiance understands but sometimes he can get so angry when I can't snap out of being irrational about things. I'm glad I have this ward. You all cheer me up when I feel terrible. Much love to the entire ward <3

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 03:04 AM

*Snuggles Sarah back* I meant it. And I'm glad it made you feel better :)

SparkleKitten 03-01-2011 03:15 AM

Lia, you're so lovely :)

I'm heading off to bed now, I'm a tired kitten. Thanks for everything everyone, you're all amazing, stay safe and I'll be back again tomorrow *snuggles* xx

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 03:20 AM

Yes Lia I agree. I wish I could afford moving to a country with a better health care system. I know of one country that not only offers free health care but they pay for your cab there! I am not sure which country that is but that's amazing. I honestly despise the united states!

Edit: night night sarah -hugs-

ljmeep 03-01-2011 04:18 AM

Holy crow! I don't if I should be worried or pissed! My husband should have been home hours ago! I've been slaving away all frickin day to get the house in order for inspection and he's STILL not home!? He hasn't called so I have no clue where he is. I swear if he comes home drunk cuz he's been partying it up in some damn bar there's going to be a frickin war!

Ugh! >:(

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 04:33 AM

I hope he's alright Kelly.

Night night Sarah, although you've already gone, you may read this in the morning and see my expression of affection at bidding you a nice sleep. Or not. I'm probably talking to myself.

*Hugs Kitty* It really does suck. I wish we could share our health care with you.

I'm off to bed now. Night night all :) I love you guys.

MammaMia 03-01-2011 04:41 AM

I'm off to bed too, not that I've been posting much today.

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 04:43 AM

-hugs kelly- I hope he's alright hun.

-hugs lia- night night sleep tight

-hugs helen- night night sleep tight

ljmeep 03-01-2011 05:01 AM

most likely he's at the damn bar... I'm fighting a damn anxiety attack and I'm not sure if it's cuz I'm worried he's not at the bar or worried he'll come home piss ass drunk and we'll end up in a damn fight. I'm sooo not up to dealing with him drunk! :(

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 05:36 AM

-hugs kelly and hands her a protective teddy- I hope he's ok and that he's not at the bar, but that he got tied up with something else.

ljmeep 03-01-2011 05:39 AM

*takes teddy to snuggle*

thanks, but I doubt it. He should have been home over 3 1/2 hours ago! he hasn't even bothered to pick up a damn phone and call me to let me know he'd be late or that he's ok! o.O This really sucks. I feel sick to my stomach :(

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 05:44 AM

-snuggles and squishes kelly- Does he by chance have a cell phone you could call? Or could you call one of his friends that he hangs with or anything to see if they have seen him?

MammaMia 03-01-2011 06:09 AM

Kelly, I hope he comes home soon or gets in contact. Can you call him?

I am still ****ing awake. It's 5.08am =/ Not impressed.

ljmeep 03-01-2011 06:12 AM

we can't afford a cell and I don't know any of the other guys' numbers. He did finally decide to call. He did end up working late, but IS currently at the bar. He promised to be home within the hour. When I talked with him he sounded pretty sobor... but an hour can leave him drunk :( ...

I'm hoping he's smart enough not to drink himself stupid. There is still a ton of **** that has to get done before tomorrow morning. We have an inspection coming up and everything has to be in order for our land lord to come and fix stuff. o.O

looks like no sleepy for me tonight :( ...

Sorry... don't mean to be a downer... I was actually doing pretty well today upuntil about 2 hrs ago. I've had two really up days actually and am currently 3 days SI free... it's not much, but it's something *sigh*

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 06:13 AM

-hugs helen- I'm sorry that you are still awake and can't sleep. I know how it feels and I know tis no fun.

Edit: Glad you heard from him, Kelly. Hope he comes home sober and functioning. It wouldn't be fair for you to do everything to prepare for the inspection!

MammaMia 03-01-2011 06:36 AM

Glad he's been in touch Kelly *hugs* I think 3 days without SI is really good :) Every day without it, even if you were to slip, is a day without injuring and that's amazing.

Kitty, aye it's not. This is how bad I used to be. Thank god I go back to college on Tuesday and therefore will be in good routine, including sleep, again :D

Doikers 03-01-2011 11:12 AM

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Kelly*

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Solo*

*Hugs Oliver*

*Hugs Ian*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Felicia*

one_step_closer 03-01-2011 11:44 AM

*hugs everyone*

Doikers 03-01-2011 11:47 AM

*Squishes Lindsay* How are you feeling hun?

one_step_closer 03-01-2011 11:50 AM

Not great. Still not sure whether I should overdose or not. How are you, Mark?

Doikers 03-01-2011 12:15 PM

I'm sorry you are still struggling with the urge to OD Lindsay Keep fighting hun .
I'm triggered , Still/Again from last night , Getting really frustrated at my parents, with the lack of privacy and all , My upper body is all high pitched and tingley if that makes sense? Stressed and anxious :S

ljmeep 03-01-2011 12:40 PM

*hugs Mark*

Dammit! I'm pissed! I've been up most the damn night cleaning and my husbands in there sleeping like a damn baby! grrr. sorry... just needed to get that off my chest. The more pissed I get the more I want to SI.

Doikers 03-01-2011 12:47 PM

*Hugs Kelly* Could you put on some nice music to distract yourself ? Plus it'd probably wake your husband up :P

Doikers 03-01-2011 01:35 PM

a Penguin that was VERY happy about the snow :)
Maybe it''ll raise a little smile for us :)

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 04:32 PM

Your Video did give me a much needed smile Mark :)

And Kelly, I second Mark's idea.

Keep on fighting Lindsey, you're doing so well to resist this urge. *Hugs*

MammaMia 03-01-2011 04:38 PM

*hugs wardies*

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 04:53 PM

Hey Helen *hugs* How are you?

misskitty112 03-01-2011 05:00 PM

*hugs ward*

Mark, that penguin is sooo sooo cute.

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 05:03 PM

*Hugs Felicia* How are you today?

Doikers 03-01-2011 05:05 PM

*Hugs Lia*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs Felicia*

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 05:06 PM

*Hugs Mark* You alright?

Doikers 03-01-2011 05:20 PM

Not really Lia , I'm getting so triggered it's ridiculous . I went out and bought alcohol as that has a good way of getting rid of the triggered thought 9/10 times . But I feel awful the next day and I really don't like the taste and I don't want to lose control of it .... For crying out loud it's like life has said Cut or Drink , you must do one of these :(

Doikers 03-01-2011 05:22 PM

How are you Lia?

misskitty112 03-01-2011 05:23 PM

*hugs Mark* I'm so sorry, dear.

Lia, I don't know how I am. Three words come to mind: Over, finished, and done. None of those are emotions. I don't know.

MammaMia 03-01-2011 05:23 PM

Mark, you can get through life without drinking yourself to oblivion or cutting *hugs*

*hugs Lia* I'm okay. Missing my best friend. You?

FlyingNy 03-01-2011 05:45 PM

*Hugs Felicia* What's the matter?

*Hugs Mark* You don't need either of those things to get through life. Have you thought about going back on the pills if you're drinking again?

*Hugs Helen* Sorry you're missing your bestie.

I'm tired. Tired of wanting to break down in tears all the time, tired of falling apart over nothing, tired of the constant ache in my heart and at the bottom of my stomach, tired of my head being too all over the place to focus on my work, tired of everything being effort and hurting and tired of ranting on here.

Doikers 03-01-2011 05:54 PM

*Hugs Lia*

I haven't drunk so far this year and I cannot go back on the pills , an Ingrediant is against my beleifs .... It would be so much simpler not to have principles heh

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 05:59 PM

-hugs ward- morning everyone. Sorry that everyone is doing so poorly.

Doikers 03-01-2011 06:04 PM

*Hugs Kitty* How're you?

PsychoKitty2010 03-01-2011 06:11 PM

Extremely tired and not happy. I took one of my sleeping pills and went to bed early last night (around 11 pm) but tossed and turned until about midnight then woke up at 5 am because I needed to get a drink of water (don't like having a glass of water on my night stand because the cat likes to drink out of it even though he has his own water dish) so I had to get up go to the kitchen get a glass of water then go to the bathroom and then when I went back to bed it took me until 7 am ish to fall asleep again. And then my husband and I had to wake up at 8:30 am because we have an important appointment to go to at 11 am this morning.

The sleeping pills aren't working the best anymore. I still have nightmares every night. But the pills aren't even keeping me asleep throughout the entire night anymore. I know without the pills I still wouldn't be able to sleep because of the nightmares. I don't understand why they won't go away. I hate using the pills but how else am I supposed to get any sleep? Ugh I just don't know.

MammaMia 03-01-2011 06:17 PM

Mark, can you not ask someone within your team to find you something that would stop you from drinking but doesn't go against your beliefs?

Doikers 03-01-2011 06:24 PM

Helen , That is a good idea , I have a meeting with my new worker tomorrow , maybe thats a good time? :) *Hugs*

*Hugs Kitty* What are your sleeping pills hun? You are building up a tolerance it sounds like . I'm sorry you are having nightmares too :S
Could you get a bottle with a screw top lid to keep water in by your bedside? Thats what I do :)


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