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Detour. Derail 21-08-2010 04:33 PM

My nana is dying. shes in hospital AGAIN, my mum shouted at me for some reason or another...because I said I couldnt go see her today coz im working.
I cant just drop everything and get on the train. I have bills to pay. I have a job. I cant go next week because if I dontget away from here im gonna do something stupid.
I ACT like I follow impulses...but I need the stability. I cant call in sick at work. I CANT

Doikers 21-08-2010 04:39 PM

*Hugs Lex* I's so sorry to hear about your nana and your mum shouting at you . Of course you can't drop everything at the drop of a hat and get on a train .

Kahlia1981 21-08-2010 04:49 PM

*hugs Alex* I'm sorry about your nana. But Mark is right you can't just drop everything at the drop of a hat whether you want to or not. Just wondering if you are able to get some family leave from work? I know some places do it and some types of jobs have it. Sorry, I don't remember exactly where you are, and lots of different workplaces have their own rules under workplace agreements anyway.

Detour. Derail 21-08-2010 04:52 PM

so why doesnt she understand that?
All she ever talks about is how important it is to pay your rent on time and pay the bills and she has literally been on my back ALL year going "find a ****ing job. Stop being lazy. find a job!" and when I do she keeps going "call in sick and come home...book time off...come home"
I DONT WANT TO ****ING COME HOME!!! Thats why I moved so far away in the first place.
I dont want to see my nana dying. Shes had cancer my entire life and Ive had to deal with it.
How can a six year old girl comprehend the fact that her nana has cancer? Yeah. Im older now. I understand what it is. But im tired of it. I dont wanna go...but if i dont my mum will be on my back. I cant deal with it

Detour. Derail 21-08-2010 04:54 PM

Kahlia Im in Sheffield....but I dont WANT time off work. I just wanna keep going. I need to stability and routine. and my mum doesnt understand that. just because she wakes up and goes "oh....i may knockdown a wall today" and I have to plan things through

Scarletdreamer 21-08-2010 05:43 PM

*tiptoes in & curls up in the warren, crying softly*

Doikers 21-08-2010 06:03 PM

*Hugs April* Whats the matter lil sis?

I tried to make homemade curry and eat it at about 4.45pm , It was not nice , I'm still hung up on the whole BMI thing , I want to cut , I want to go to bed at 5pm *Sigh* Sorry I know a lot of you are having bigger problems than me. Just moaning.......pathetic me:(

Detour. Derail 21-08-2010 06:04 PM

*hugs Doikers tightly*

Doikers 21-08-2010 06:05 PM

*Hugs Lex* You can call me Mark if you like :) Thankyou for the hugs

one_step_closer 21-08-2010 06:11 PM

*hugs Mark* You're not pathetic at all, and neither are your concerns. I'm here if there is anything that I can do.

MammaMia 21-08-2010 06:17 PM

*cuddles all*

Kahlia, I think we should. Hope you're fast asleep now though. I knew the election was today, because of another Australian member, but that's all I know :P

April, you're very right. I'm really tired. Started waking up again, am hoping I can just about keep myself up til a reasonable bed time :D I did get back to sleep earlier this morning for couple more hours but had a ****ing nightmare (Y) Although some parts were a tad amusing, I woke up crying, so I know it was a nightmare aha. If I have nightmares, you can guarantee I'll wake up panicking or crying :( So sometimes, that's just how I know :S Meet didn't really happen today, only two of us made it.

Doikers 21-08-2010 06:26 PM

Thanks for you'er offer Lindsay :) *Hugs*

*Hugs Helen* 2 people is still a meet although a small one , Sorry you had a nightmare though :(

MammaMia 21-08-2010 06:34 PM

*hugs Mark back* Indeed it was. No way was I going to have gone all the way to go straight back home again lol.

Doikers 21-08-2010 07:13 PM

I spots you April :) *Huggles*

Scarletdreamer 21-08-2010 08:53 PM

*huggles Mark back* Went off to take a nap, that's where I disappeared to... hehe.

Am really not in a good place today with my ED. It's come back with a vengeance. :'( And I have no idea how to cope with it, no idea at all...

Doikers 21-08-2010 09:51 PM

*Hugs April Tight* I'm sorry you are struggling with your ED :( I hope you enjoyed your nap though :)

I'm finding it hard not to S.I. , it's like I set the ball in motion , like I started again and now really don't know how to stop it grrr . I am just waiting for it to be 9pm then I figure it is a reasonable time to be in bed . *sigh*

Scarletdreamer 21-08-2010 10:02 PM

Stupid ED. How I hate you. :'(

And now Jarrod's frustrated/disappointed since he's found out how "well" I've done today. On not eating, that is. >_< He doesn't get it so isn't the most understanding.

I've also a ton of jealousy around my bestie that I've got to deal with somehow. And I have absolutely no ****ing clue how to do that. I have people that point out WHAT'S wrong with me, but no one that tells me how to DEAL with it. :(


Scarletdreamer 21-08-2010 10:20 PM

Updated my r/v... :(

SoMuchMore 22-08-2010 12:50 AM

*curls up in the corner away from everyone so they don't get sick too*

I dont mean to be a crap wardmate.. just cant concentrate enough to read.. stupid fever

taz35 22-08-2010 01:29 AM

*hugs Heather*

*hugs Hels* Sorry the meet didn't really happen, although it would still be fun to meet anyone from the ward! Mind you, I'd just feel crazy awkward =/ I hate meeting new people.

*hugs Jill & gives earplugs* That sucks :( I hate getting woken up in the middle of the night, it'll keep me in a permanently bad mood.

*hugs Mark* Don't worry about whining in here Mark :) We'll support you! I'm sure you're in bed by now, but I hope you have a good night's sleep and didn't SI too much, if at all.

*hugs April* I can't say I really "get" the feeling, since I've never had an ED. Sorry to hear you're struggling with it though :( I hope you ate something today, no matter how small it is.

*hugs Lex* Awww, sorry to hear :( Hopefully you get to see your nana soon, although it's totally understandable how you can't leave everything else!

*hugs Kahlia*

*hugs Lindsay*

*hugs Laura*

I'm... I don't know. I'm not in a bad place, but I'm not great either. I went shopping with my sister and my mom today and bought three new pairs of shoes, so I'm super pumped! I just wish I could wear them all at once, haha =/ Been tired all day though, and have a really bad cough. My mom thinks it might be pneumonia, but I'm too stubborn to go to the clinic. I'll give it until Tuesday.

MammaMia 22-08-2010 02:35 AM

*hides and sobs*

SoMuchMore 22-08-2010 02:38 AM

*hugs taz* sorry you arent feeling great but yay for new shoes lol. Hope you get to the doctor if you arent feeling better soon.

Whats wrong helen? PM me if you want.
*gives germ-free cuddles*

MammaMia 22-08-2010 03:05 AM

*clings to Laura* I can't really tell anyone :'(

I just need to be brave, give her space, stay safe.....hope it'll be okay :'( :'( :'(

risenfromperdition 22-08-2010 03:05 AM

all my meets are 2 people :P

grr i gotta get offline in an hour =[ so not fair. but i get to see the triplets from my church tomorrow as they're here for a week =] so yay get hugs ^.^

risenfromperdition 22-08-2010 03:06 AM

*leaves safe hugs for everyone and goes off to read peoples threads*

Kahlia1981 22-08-2010 03:18 AM

*huggles everybody*

Sorry for the lack of individuals ... my heads not playing too nicely at the moment.

I haven't slept since 03:30-ish on Saturday 21/08 and it's now 11:15-ish on the 22/08. Last night I took 2 Mogadon which usually puts me to sleep quite a bit before midnight but obviously it didn't work. I spent quite a bit of the night crying and after 02:00 or so watching random episodes of Season 3 of the US version of Whose Line Is It Anyway? It was kind of hard to watch with the crying and with our downstairs neighbours who were playing incredibly loud music but I just felt like I had to do something. To be honest I feel like I'm falling apart. I keep thinking about doing dangerous stuff like jumping out the window (we're on the third floor) and various other things and my head is really not working as it should. In some ways I feel like curling up in the foetal position and just crying until I disappear.

Sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you all with that. :crying:

MammaMia 22-08-2010 03:19 AM

Yes you should have told us Kahlia. I'm sorry you haven't slept and feel like doing dangerous stuff. Please keep safe *cuddles*

SoMuchMore 22-08-2010 03:27 AM

*hugs helen* you are a very strong person. you can get through this. I'm sorry that I can't be more helpful... *extra supportive hugs*

*hugs heather* sorry that you family is restricting your internet still :-/

*cuddles kahlia* it was not bothering us, we want to know how you are doing and be able to offer our support if we can. Keep talking, especially if it will help at all. I'm sorry that you feel like you are falling apart. Don't do anything dangerous hun. Things will get better eventually.. you just have to hang in there. Try to stay safe.

Ugh.. my chest is starting to hurt from all the coughing i've been doing.
Hang in there everyone. <3 you all.

MammaMia 22-08-2010 03:41 AM

Thanks Laura. I know you can't be any more supportive than that as I've hardly explained....*hugs tight* She just texted me...

SoMuchMore 22-08-2010 03:51 AM

*cuddles* well i hope things will be okay.. here if you need anything, just thought i'd offer again even tho i know you can't explain.

MammaMia 22-08-2010 03:59 AM

Thanks. I could explain other stuff....

SoMuchMore 22-08-2010 04:05 AM

i dont want you to feel like i am forcing you to talk, just want you to be okay... sorry if its coming across like that. But if you want to explain/vent/whatever about anything, inbox is open.

MammaMia 22-08-2010 04:15 AM

I know you're not forcing me :) Will PM you x

misskitty112 22-08-2010 05:07 AM

I'm still alive
*hugs all*

I have a massive amount of work to do. still.

MammaMia 22-08-2010 05:11 AM

*hugs you* Glad you're still alive..

SoMuchMore 22-08-2010 05:28 AM

*hugs felicia* sorry you have so much work to do. Glad you alive though. Hang in there.

*hugs helen*

MammaMia 22-08-2010 05:39 AM

Why is it, when you cry, your nose is just one big snot machine????

Detour. Derail 22-08-2010 06:10 AM

Im back from work!
I survived my shift! I worked on auto-pilot...I cried though...my manager wanted to send me home but I didnt want to come back and mope on my own coz I know Id do something stupid.
Ill be on a train back to Manchester in just over 4 hours.
I dont wanna go. Im scared.
I feel like im 6 years old again...sitting in the hospital looking at all the sick people...
I thought Id be ok if I got drunk. I thought the pain would stop. But now im lay in bed binge eating.
Im fat and stupid and ugly. My nana is dying. She's gonna die knowing what a disappoint I am.

Kahlia1981 22-08-2010 08:25 AM

*huggles all*

Looks like it's likely to be a hung parliament here ... not sure ... last I heard it was still too close too call. Mentally really not doing too much better. Told my housemate everything except for the dangerous thinking. And he said we'll get me sleeping and see how I am tomorrow and just work from there. I keep stopping in the middle of tasks because I can't remember what I'm doing. Just from lack of sleep. I don't think I'm heading manic because of the dangerous thoughts, crying and some other stuff - my head doesn't feel manic if that makes sense - so we're hoping that sleep will kind of reset it. I hope so as I could really do with a break.

Hels & Laura: I just want to send you both *great big hugs* and some thanks. Thinking of you both.

*hugs Felicia & Alex* - to both of you, I'm really sorry it's not more but I can't put my thoughts in order to make enough sense. Just know that I'm thinking of both of you.

*leaves big hugs and safe care packages for all*

xxjuliexx 22-08-2010 10:13 AM

....um hi:notsure:
been 32 page sorry guys

Doikers 22-08-2010 11:11 AM

Julie!! Hi :) *Hugs* How are you ?

Doikers 22-08-2010 11:15 AM

*Hugs Heather*

*Hugs Helen*

*Hugs April* I read your R/V thread and your LJ, I really wish I knew what to say , I've No experiance with an ED or even knowing someone with an ED really , sorry *Mahooisive Hugs*

*Hugs Laura*

*Hugs Felicia*Glad you're still alive :) Good luck with all the work !

*Hugs Kahlia* I hope you sleep well :)

*Hugs Lex*

MammaMia 22-08-2010 11:27 AM

Hi Julie :) *offers cuddles* How you been?

*hugs Mark* How are you?

*hugs Alex* Glad you managed to get through your shift. Crying is okay. I know you'll say it's not at work and I probably agree, but sometimes it just has to happen. Hope seeing your Nana isn't too horrible for you.

*hugs Kahlia* I'm sorry you're still struggling. Keep fighting sweetheart. Thanks for the hugs.

*hugs Laura* Hope you're feeling better today & thanks for PM'ing me last night. I've sent you a quick PM =)

*hugs April* I spy you :) How are you feeling today? Hopefully a little better.

*hugs everyone else*

one_step_closer 22-08-2010 01:24 PM

*hugs everyone* This thread moves so quickly!

Scarletdreamer 22-08-2010 02:38 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Sorry I've not been around much lately. Things just haven't been good lately. I did eat today though, so far... was kind of "forced" to since Jarrod's home and... yeah. I mean, he was home yesterday, but only for one meal (which I didn't eat... :-X) but today he's decided to be more determined about me eating. Blah. :(

I did call my NP about this as I can't get in touch with my therapist (not really anyway)... and no response yet. :( Boo hiss. I am so frustrated!!.........


*cuddles all some more* :(

shadowedsoul 22-08-2010 03:31 PM

Cuddles all. Hmm I'm so tried, it's begin a crazy 3 days. wish people in my real life would ingage there brain before they speak. Just once I would like not be shown up.Just feel like collapsing in a heap. Stuiped thoughts running through my head, way to tierd to act on them tho.

nicole94 22-08-2010 05:36 PM

*huggles everyone.* i should really get dressed....

Doikers 22-08-2010 06:48 PM

Slept in Nicole ? :)

I laid down at 1.30pm and only got up when my neighbour rang my doorbell at 4pm heh.

How are you?
How is everyone?

nicole94 22-08-2010 06:50 PM

lol. slept till about 1pm, but am still in my pjs! XD

one_step_closer 22-08-2010 06:53 PM

Sleep is fantastic, although i'm trying not to sleep too much which will be difficult now that my brother has moved out.

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