Psych Dr appoinment over.
He said to look at all the things I Have acheived i.e. moving out , quitting drinking and not to keep focusing on all the negative thoughts then he laid the "what about all the people you leave behind" guilt trip on me ( I should have seen that coming ) . Also he is going too look at my Lithium levels and maybe increase that , I hope so , it's the only proactive thing I really got out of the session . I'm not being hospitalised ,it didn't even come up, I don't know how to feel about that :S , I'm exausted mentally but at least it's over , I just have to wait for my Lithium levels to come through which by chance I got taken yesterday.
I ran into my best friend in the waiting room for like 2 minutes , I haven't seen her in a while so that was nice:)

*Hugs Jessica* Can you say you want to keep your blades , if you agreed to it surley you can unagree ?

*Hugs Helen* I hope you enjoyed shopping :) good luck with your phone call :)

*Hugs Oliver* Whats up , whats happened ?

*hugs Mark* glad the appt went well

Alex's dad is withdrawing all financial support, his mum doesn't agree but won't try to change his mind, they are seperated, and both his parents think he is immature and think he is coming out as trans just to get attention, and mess his life up.

Argh!!! What the hell!!! How can it go from everthing going not bad, to everthing going crap again. And this is only going to get worse.damn it this us heartbreaking to watch this. Just want it all to go back to the way it was. can't deal with this.

Oh Oliver thats horrible , can Alex maybe apply for benefits if he needs the money? Thats all I can think of right now , I'm not an expert :s

*Hugs Jill* Whats up Jill ? are you okay?

I'm feeling so low. I wish the men in my head had won last weekend and had killed me.

*hugs Lindsay* I know the feeling... but I'm still glad you're still here.

Thanks. I'm just so tired of 'living' with mental health problems.

How are you doing?

*cuddles all*

Glad you're still here Lindsay.

I feel so bad and my sister helped make it worse, over ****ing toilet roll....

*Hugs Lindsay* I'm glad the men in your head didn't win but I can certanly empathise with being sick of "Living" with mental health problems .

*Hugs Crimson* How are you ?

Tired, lonely, angry, guilty, hurt, etc... The usual. Or at least that's how it feels.

*hugs everyone* How is everyone else today?

EDIT

Forget it.

Whats up Helen? *cuddles*

I already posted what's wrong, I got ignored.
Ignore me, I'm being a bitch.

*curls up and cries*

I missed it and didn't intentionally ignore it. I've not been here and focused lately. But I'm sure you were not simply being a bitch and I won't just ignore you. *hugs*
*goes to sit in the corner invisibly*

lol I love emails from Pam...

Helen , I'm sorry you felt ignored , I certanly didn't mean to make you feel that way :( *Hugs*

*hugs you both* Sorry..

Don't be sorry Helen*Hugs* I understand the feeling of no-one responding to your post and I know you are having a rough time :S

*cuddles* Thanks Mark.

*hugs Helen, Mark and Crimson* sorry thats all I can offer right now, started my AD's again and side effects again, so feel like **** and bloody worried about Alex he has text me saying he wants to die.

Huggles Helen hope you feel better soon.
Huggles Oliver feel better soon. Huggles mark how are you Hun.

Thanks mark, I'm hmm just had a heartbreaking and very sad day. Just upset.

*Hugs Oliver* Hmmm I hope the side effects don't mess with you too much, could you ring Alex ? maybe hearing a friendly voice would help him? or if thats a bit late at night for that you could text him? sorry thats all I can think of right now .

Oliver, hope you & Alex feel better really soon *cuddles*

I hate this...

*Hugs Jill* I'm Drained , been a long day and I honestly thought they might hospitalise me , I hope they increase my Lithium soon , Does anyone know how long blood test take to come through? , I need to do something and the Lithium increase is all they've offered me if my levels are low hmmm, He said my AD doseage is already at the maximum allowed . I'm getting suicidal more and more recently which scares me when I'm feeling non-suicidal but I just think of suicide when I'm thinking of it , make sense?

*hugs mark, shadow and Hels*

thanks Mark, have just text him, he just said well he's alive, so worried though, he is very impulsive because of BPD and so I'm worried when he feels like this he could just suddenly do anything.
also I think blood tests take a few days to come back

Hels whats up? and thanks

shadow what has happened? also I'm really sorry I have forgotten your name.

Sorry, I'm sorry. Fu*ksake please please let this get better or at least easer cause this is ripping our family apart. I don't want my mum to that point were she gets depressed and wants to kill herself. Please god, please help I need my mum.sits I'm corner rocks back and forth.

Just really low Alex, hating it. I'll be okay eventually...

*hugs Hels* sorry your feeling so low

Should get used to it really *hugs*

*huggles everybody* Sorry it isn't more. :-(

*hugs helen, crimson, oliver, mark, jill, luke, felicia, april, kahlia, and everyone else*

I wish i had something to say. Wish I could make things better for everyone.

*sets out extra special cuddle box for everyone in case anyone needs one*

Oh and those who asked... nothing is up with me, nothing ever is. going back to my hometown in a few days again. I should've just followed through with my plan from last time i was there. but I wont b/c I never do.

*sits in the corner, rocks, & cries*

Sorry no individuals right now...

*gives extra tight hugs to april and kahlia*

well if today doesn't just look like a **** day for us all...
*hugs everyone*

*locks self in padded cell, sits on floor, back against the wall and begins repeatedly hitting the wall with her head* why? why not. might shake this stupid illness out of my head. I dont know if i can take it much more. My mind is running so fast. I can't stop it to catch a thought. This might not make much sense. Nothing ever does. I dont know why I'm writing. Why are we writing. everything is wrong. always wrong. and always when i'm low, hazel wakes constantly.

hi i bes bak =) i bes Sarah an I is 6.
we nervis bout hosptl. hops michel wil tak us evn tho it hard for him to go hosptl.
Hiding gonna bring my mikey bare teddybares wif us.

we reeli hop drs let us kep him wif us if we has sta nite ther, if not ten tings will bes reeli reeli worser.

Sarah

*hugs everyone*
I would reply individually, but I am *this* close to giving up, and I just can't.

im sure the doctor will let you keep him there sarah, im sure they want you to feel as comfortable as possible <3 plus, maybe take one of your tiny teddies in pocket if will make feel more comfortable?
:)

*huggles everybody*

My arm is not good .... getting scared about it.
Getting work done which is good, but really struggling mental-wise.
Really want to just give in.

*curls up*

*offers cuddles*
i dont have any advice at the moment, but take care <3

I just had a dream about some of the wardies here... totally weird... got up because of that and I had to go to the bathroom, hah, and decided to stay up. It's 5:18 in the freaking morning, and I was up at five!! >:( Gonna be super tired today... guess it's a good thing I don't have anything planned. >_<

On WoW my pally dinged 20 last night - that's 3 levels in one day, ahaha - and it only took me a total of 6 days to do it. But that's with a lot of guild chatting and mining along the way... /played (the total time that you've played your toon) was probably under a (total) time of 24 hours. So two really long days (12 hour days) spent playing, I can get a toon to 20!! :P (And yes, people DO play for that long & longer!! heh... One of my guildies from my guild on Silvermoon spent two 18-hour days playing when one of the last expansions came out >_<...)

Anyway. So I'm happy about that. And hanging in there otherwise, using WoW as a distraction I guess... also got to see my bestie last night.

Sorry no individuals, I will try to do them later, promise!!! ♥ *cuddles all*

Glad you're doing ok April.

Huggles everybody. Hmm feeling very stressed and worried, need somthing to get rid of the stress. But I no idea were my tool is. Damn it.

*Hugs Felicia , April, Kahlia , Jill , Lindsay,Heather,Hiding,Kat,Crimson,Laura,Oliver,He len and everyone else*

No Appointments today , I totally stayed in bed too long :S, I'm struggling so hard to get out of bed let alone to do anything productive , Depression eh :S?

yeah sarah has some tint stuffies that she keeps in our purse.. so those willbe going with us to
Hiding

*huggles everybody*
Wish it could be more . . .

*Hugs Kahlia* How are you doing?

Fu*ksake what the hell I wanted Friday to hurry up and get here, now I just want to hide. Urgh can someone please kill me now.

*cuddles all*

We can't kill you Jill. What's up sweetheart?