Not too good, I really wish that I was dead.

How are you?

That makes sense April .
I'm coping.
Not doing well but coping.
Just ug , preocupied about the result of the medical and I am going to have to wait weeks yet grr.

There was a knock at my door and it was my houseing SW , to say he was sorry he didn'tcontact me and didn't come ,and I was the only one he didn't inform!(that doesn't make me feel good about myself like ,oh Mark, he doesn't matter :S) a 2 minute phone call is all it would have taken .
and he is away next week so can't come then and will come the week after hmmm
I don't know what to eat for dinner , I feel I ought to make something but I could just be lazy and have cereal , no energy or motivation to do anything *Sigh* 20 minute nap first I think I need. am achey.

Argh this sucks people are just pissing me off today at
work up stairs in the staffroom and I feel so like I
really don't want to be here,want 6 to come around
before I end up doing something to myself cause that
is were it is heading.

*cuddles everyone lots*

Hi April, not doing great feeling very triggered want to
cut badly can't seam to get stuiped thoughts out of my
head, kind of sinking fast today. Really had enough.

*hugs everyone tightly*

Doctor appointment in one hour. Damndamndamn.
Will do individual replies after.

Good luck with your appointment sweetheart.

Good luck, i'm thinking about you.

Best of luck, Taz. *huggles*

Mark, I'm glad that you're coping but sorry that you feel ****. :( *cuddles* Hope the nap helps...

Jill, sorry you're feeling **** too, wish I could help more but I'm in a pretty crap place myself. :( *huggles*

*cuddles everyone else who wants them*
*spies a Hels and gives her an extra-special cuddle* :)

*cuddles everyone*

*spies Hels, Mark, & Crimson*
*cuddles them all - group huggle time!!*

How are you all doing now?

I just got off WoW... it was a nice distraction but I still feel like I HAVE to cut, can't get around that feeling... ugh. :-S

And I'm still ill although not as badly. Stuffy nose and slight cough is all. Whew... I'm glad I'm getting better. :) Birthday's on Tuesday & even though I have to work (boo hiss!!) it still should be nice.

Stapling stuff and folding it (pamplets/booklets) is all done. Woohoo. :)

*hides in her hole trying not to cry*

I have no idea how I'm going to make it through 5 hours at the front desk this morning. I can't come on here from there and I dunno if I can deal alone today.
I fail....
I'm sorry.
*hugs everyone*
We'll see how it goes.

*cuddles Crimson* You're not a fail, sweetie... what's going on that makes you feel like you can't get through it alone? And anyway, even if you can't post on here, know that you are in our thoughts/prayers, 'k? *more cuddles* ♥

Crimson , you are not a fail , You are a great person :)

*cuddles everyone who wants*

*Cuddles Heather*

*cuddles more* =]

How are you Heather?

*cuddles everyone lots and lots*

*yawns* morning

*pops in for a quick hug session*

Its my sister high school graduation today. And i'm going to be seeing a lot of people from my class that have little siblings. I'm not sure i'm ready for all this, but we'll see how it goes. I'm happy for my sister though, its exciting for her to be able to go off to uni.

Whoa today was shitty from start to finish, so glad it over
manged to stop myself from cutting, still feeling like I want
to play in traffic, just feel noithing, just numb want to cut
so I know I'm still alive. as stuiped as it sounds.

*cuddles shadowedsoul* not stupid hunny

If it wasn't for the fact I knew no one else would be here to cover Ra being out today and Ri being on part time I don't think I would have even bothered getting out of bed this morning. I just feel like crap. And when I feel like crap I hang around different places on RYL.

Thx but I don't feel great.

*huggles Mark and April*
I s'pose I'll finish my break after a trip to the vending machine...

*hugs left for wardmates*

*Hugs Shadowedsoul, Crimson, Julie, Laura and Helen*

Right , I've finally worked up the nerve to take off my dressing and Look at my cut I made , I won't go into how it physically feels for risk of triggering anyone but I am going to un-dress it , clean it , go straight to bed and hopefully tomorow will be better , no medicals causing me stress, No urges and if urges no acting on them the best I can.

Goodnight , Morning , afternoon wardies :)

*Group Hug*

Ughhh................... :'(

*hides in the warren* :crying:

updated r/v........ :'(

i am so definitely a selfish controlling bitch. :crying: and i wish i weren't.

*cuddles everyone*

*cuddles Hels & spies Jill* :)

Hey April you about, just had a massive argement with
brother mum and dad, walked out of the house,now walking
about with a t shirt on and it's really cold . Not sure were I'm
going just angery and numb

*cuddles you both tight*

Thanks Hun, holds on really tightly. It's getting dark and is
so damn cold, allready manged to hit my head of somthing
I should go home just don't want to, can't stay out here all
night .

Could you stay at a friend's hun?

Nah no freinds live near me, it's all okay tesco stays open
24 hours will be okay, wish the cafe was open I'm kinda
cold.my heAd hurts.sorry

*hugs Crimson* You're not a fail at all <3 I hope your shift went alright.

*hugs Laura* My brother graduates next Tuesday! So exciting for them... but I know how you feel - my brother is graduating with the little siblings of a lot of people I went to school with. Haven't decided if I'm going or not yet...

*cuddles shadowedsoul* I know the numb feeling :( Sorry to hear that... but I'm really happy to hear you managed to keep yourself from cutting! That's awesome!

*hugs Mark* Hope you sleep well tonight <3

*huggles April* Sounds like you're in a tough spot :( I don't know Jarrod at all, but you sound like an incredible person on RYL, and he should consider himself lucky to have you :) You're caring, and respectful, so NOT self-centered and not a bitch at all!

*hugs Hels, Lindsay, Julie, Heather, and anyone else I might have missed*

Doctor's appointment went alright. He hadn't talked to my counselor yet, but was going to call him today. Basically he just checked my cuts, bruises, etc. and then changed my meds, which sucks... because I have to decrease one, then I'll be one two for a few days, then increase the new one.

*tackles Kahlia* How are you?

Jill (shadowedsoul - did I get that right?): That doesn't sound good sweetness. Please try to stay safe. *wraps you up in warm and safe hugs*

Hels: How are you doing at the moment honey? Are you feeling any better? *cuddles you tightly*

April: Sorry you've been so sick. I hope you continue to improve. Also sorry that you have to work at your internship on your birthday and therefore have to cancel/reschedule with your bestie. I hope you manage to reschedule. *offers hugs* Sorry it's not more.

Laura: I can understand the mixed feelings with regards to your sisters high school graduation. The feelings for her and her future, and the feelings about seeing all the "old crew". *offers hugs*

Mark: I thought that I was seeing things with that mistake in your signature. In a way I'm glad I wasn't. At least it was an easy one hey! Please take good care of your wound. *big hugs*

Sorry I haven't mentioned everyone. There were more than four pages since I was last in here and I'm just not managing to remember everything. Even if I haven't mentioned you I am thinking of you. I'm sending all of you *big hugs and cuddles* or *big packages of tender loving care in any way you can accept it*.

Taz: Very tired, and the day will get worse lol. Have to completely clean the flat then go buy everything for dinner. My housemate is working this morning and I'll probably end up cooking as well. Damn my parents coming over. lol. Also my mood has bottomed out. Really low with strong SI and SU urges. *sigh* When it rains . . .

Thanks kahlia, it's my own fault i ran out of
the house crying and smaked my head straight off a wall, nearly
knocked myself out. Iam trying to stay
safe it's hard at the sec,yeah you got my name right, it's jill

Jill: No wonder you have a headache! You'll have to be a little more careful around walls. But it's hard when you are running while crying - you usually are thinking so much about what you are running away from or how fast you need to get away from there, that you aren't watching where you are going. Trying to stay safe is all that anyone can ask from you hun. Is there anything we can do to help?

*cuddles everyone lots* Sorry it's not more

Thanks Kahlia and Taz for the replies - and Taz, I wanted to thank you for the PM. *cuddles both of you*

I'm really not doing well. I ended up cutting, Jarrod's not here, and I feel like ****. I texted Vince (close friend/personal trainer/our WoW guildmaster) and told him I really really wanted to cut, and he texted back about half an hour later saying "no no :)" and I was like... are you serious? no call? just a "no no :)" and that's IT?! I'm sorry if it sounds like I'm overreacting but he's said that I can call him anytime, that "we're going to get you through this," etc., etc., making it sound like we're a team, like we'll work together. He does have his own **** going on but still... I feel kind of alone. Well, scratch that, make it "very alone." :'(

But the cut isn't bad... :-/ I wish it were worse... :(

Right now I'm waiting for my bestie to get here... I have no idea where she is, she's half an hour late... so yeah. Ugh. :-X I hope she'll be here soon... :( She usually runs quite a bit late so I'm not really worried, but still, I would like some company. :(

*cuddles Hels and Jill and everyone else* Sorry for the lack of individual replies...

thanks Hun, yeah I know but I was trying to
run and also get on here and speak to
someone, before I did somthing stuiped, the way my heads being today
yeah I'm trying to stay safe.sorry

r/v updated.........

*spies and cuddles a laura*

:'(

:'( :'( Knew something bad was going to happen tonight :'( :'( :'(

What happened, Hels? *cuddles gently*

*cuddles April* It's my best friend G, I don't know all the details yet. Like this week hasn't been a nightmare enough for her (aswell as me & my other bestie) :'(

Aw sweetie, I'm so sorry to hear that. :'( That's so sad... will be praying for her and for you. ♥

I'm feeling a little better... am listening to Christian music, which usually tends to help me get my mind focused on the "right things" ... so that's good. My Superchick station on Last.fm... lol... Superchick FTW!! :P

Anyway. Remember... it can't always be this bad. *huggles tight*

Thanks sweetie, her Gran's texted me again. *cuddles tight*

Glad you're feeling bit better xx

I spy a Crimson *cuddles* How are you, sweet?

Also, this is my 1003rd post in here!! I meant to celebrate at my 1000th post but no, missed that. Oh well. Lol. Silly of me anyway. :-/