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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 01-04-2010 03:56 PM

You're right Hayley :) *cuddles*

CrazyHayley 01-04-2010 04:36 PM

bathroom supercleaned and back to white! :-D

I need to have a break before I continue though as the pain in my back is getting silly and the muscles in my arms are burning. I've just taken more meds and caffiene though, so hopefully a half hour lay down and I'll be good to go again.:-)

*toddles out to smoking shelter taking puppy sinclair with her again - he's picked up the habbit!* :shocked:

Scarletdreamer 01-04-2010 04:39 PM

*cuddles everyone*

I am so triggered right now... just want to cut. :( But I don't have anything here that I can do that with... "sadly" - I know it's a "good" thing but I'm sure you all understand the pull... :( I feel so stuck. And I don't see my SW again until Monday. I wish that I could text her like I can my NP (who also does therapy, a fact of which I wasn't aware!!)... but nope, uni counselors apparently have more privacy than do private ones. I don't know... I just want to talk with someone who understands, **** it all. :(

I'm at tutoring right now... urgh. :( I hate being here... I feel so stuck... but that's everywhere right now, anyway, and the only place I know I can cut I can't go to right now because there are people there. ARGH!!!!

Sorry no individual replies, although Hayley, I'm sure your hair looks awesome!! :D

*more cuddles*

Scarletdreamer 01-04-2010 05:21 PM

Updated my r/v thread...


MammaMia 01-04-2010 05:26 PM

*cuddles April & Hayley*

Keeping myself busy or attempting to. Even if it's daily tasks, ah well :S

CrazyHayley 01-04-2010 05:29 PM

Thanks April, my hair looks like it does on my profile pic, just instead of red its more a reddy/bright pink. It's meant to be "fire engine red" according to the bottle but for some reason gets more of a pink tinge to it on me!
I do indeed remember the pull all to well of needing to cut. I remember when I used to go into public toilets when I was out and about 'cos I couldn't even get through the day and what it entailed. All I can say that it is a good thing that you can't can't right now, but I also understand that having those urges and being so triggered is only going to make your tutorial harder to handle. I'm just glad that your able to get on here at the same time. Shame we don't have a resident support worker for us when we're all struggling. Wish I had more words of substance for you. *huggles April*

Well I'm still hurting but that's to be expected with my conditons, but I think I can manage supercleaning the living room now. I want to get flat all sparkling and rid of bad stuff so that I can enjoy Eoghan's leave with him and not be freaking out about my cleaning, the germs and dust....eek! I'm busy tomorrow also being sociable whislt I'm still sane...I hope I've still got the energy, though I've still 5cans of diet red bull in the fridge to help me get through today and tomorrow so I should be fine with that and topped up with coffee and cola and the caffiene in my slimming tablets.

:crazy: this is what I look like with no caffiene
Today I've had 375mg of caffiene so far and so I'm....:woot: *chuckles*

*poss ED trigger*
I've only had 4 satsumas and a few handfuls of raisins today - all negative calories - so only my drinks have counted, about 38cal and what with my cleaning spree its all good. I think I'll be able to eat a 'normal' healthy dinner and not feel the need to purge. I've been really naughty with laxatives past few days whilst Eoghan has been away on exercise. Need to get a grip of myself....but I so so want to get rid of my muffin tops....so so ugly :sad:

*thinks positive - reduce muffin tops by supercleaning more!*

ooh just seen you Helen! *huggles Helen!* we're both keeping this place busy today - but its good distraction. You'll get through the day and then enjoy time with your dad.

MammaMia 01-04-2010 05:51 PM

Sounds good Hayley :P

I'm having a mad clean of my room, haha, won't stay tidy!!! Hoping to hoover my floor, needs doing!!!

MammaMia 01-04-2010 05:59 PM

Oh & forgot to say, my best friend is home again :D

CrazyHayley 01-04-2010 06:16 PM

Glad that your friend is home again Helen - its nice for you to have some positive news rather than worry. *huggles*

*huggles everyone else* How's you all doing at the mo? Any updates?

I've finished super cleaning the living room. Time for a lie down on my bed before my back breaks and then time to super clean the bedroom. Getting there. Cleaning and RYL psych ward = happy day!

CrazyHayley 01-04-2010 07:24 PM

I've managed to ruin my happy day:sad: Whilst resting I sent a text to my parents, siblings and best friends. I wanted to share with them that I was having a sane day and sent a 'kiss bug' mms with it and told them I wanted to take the opportunity to say "i love you" as I don't express it often enough....

best mate 1: aww thats cute
best mate 2: thanks
dad: you only have to say it once (apparently he got the message twice)

umm....no "i love you too" :-(

MammaMia 01-04-2010 07:28 PM

Well Hayley they probably do love you but aren't repeating it back. Well...I LOVE YOU =D

*squishes tight*

CrazyHayley 01-04-2010 07:51 PM

thanks Helen. It's just I know it can be hard to express how you feel - you as in anybody. But I thought with me taking the first step, its much easier to just say "u 2" in a text. I know that I'm not easy to love 'cos of all my problems, thats why on having a sane happy day I wanted to let them know how much they all mean to me.... and now I just feel crummy..... still a lot haven't replied yet, hopefully its not that they're not replying, just that they haven't read the text yet....hopefully.....

Oh and I love you too Helen, really, I love all of my RYL psych ward inmates. I don't know what I'd have done without you all in here the past couple of months. You all hold a special place in my heart.

MammaMia 01-04-2010 07:59 PM

We'll always be here for you sweetheart. Try not to let it get you good mood down. *squishes*

I love all the inmates too, we're one big family <3

I'm HUNGRY & my dad's running late (not that he was due til 2 minutes time). Ha, never mind. Thank god I ate some biscuits about an hour ago. Want some more now..

*eats and passes around for those who might want some* :D

CrazyHayley 01-04-2010 08:53 PM

*mmm dinner* I've done a pasta salad - I was making it for taking with me to the spiritualist church buffet tomorrow (also making a rice & veg dish) so made a bit extra for dinner. The 'salad' bit is negative calories so I only have to count the pasta and extra virgin olive oil - but thats a good fat so not too panicked. yum yum

Doikers 01-04-2010 09:55 PM

I'm being extra cautious and plopping a *Trigger Warning* on this video

I hope you like ,
Sorry for being quiet today .
Good news ! My Brother in law got his permanent Visa today :)
I'm still all sporadic as to when I can online so sorry if I come in spits and spots , I'll be back in my flat on Monday ( I hope ) and my own puter and not a shared laptop :);-)

Enjoy your pasta salad Hayley :-)

MammaMia 01-04-2010 11:01 PM

*curls up and cries*

Scarletdreamer 01-04-2010 11:09 PM

Wow, a lot of posts...

*cuddles Helen* What's up, love??

*cuddles Mark* Good to see you on, and I'll listen to the song as soon as the music on my hubby's comp is finished. :) How're you doing? how's it going at your parents'?

*cuddles Hayley* I don't think you're supposed to put numbers (i.e., calories) or a listing of food anywhere on the site... site rules, ED trigs and all of that. No condemnation, just want you to know that before the mods get to it. Heh. :) I'm sorry that you didn't get texts back like you wanted... and yeah, it seems like it would be a little thing to do... but we love you here. :) You're a lovely person. *extra cuddles*

*hides in a dark corner with Puppy Sinclair*

MammaMia 01-04-2010 11:29 PM

Good mood just disappeared and I feel like crying. Just want someone so much right now :'( I know it'll be a really good natter and stuff when they can get online. Hopefully tomorrow :/

PoisonedApple 01-04-2010 11:45 PM


Originally Posted by Scarletdreamer (Post 2215663)
*cuddles Hayley* I don't think you're supposed to put numbers (i.e., calories) or a listing of food anywhere on the site... site rules, ED trigs and all of that. No condemnation, just want you to know that before the mods get to it. Heh. :)

Yeah... It's only listed in the rules on the ED forum but it applies everywhere RYL. I found out the hard way on my r/v thread :) Pasta salad sounds nummy though. And even if they don't text it back... (I know this has been said already but still..) we love you here *hugs*

Kahlia1981 01-04-2010 11:53 PM

*hugs all*

Man I had a crap night. Got up about 6 times. Took me ages to get to sleep initially as well. Starting to feel as if I should just give in ... or give up. Meh. Just wishing .... Idk. It was all over maybe? My sis is coming around today, luckily this afternoon, but all I want to do is crawl back into bed and not get back up. So...damn...over...this. I know. I'm preaching to the choir. And I'm sorry.

Sorry for my lack of individual replies. Just not feeling able to keep up with everything. I have been reading though, and am thinking of you all.

Oh, and Mark. I love the clip from The Crow. One of my favourite movies of all time.

*hugs everyone then attempts to disappear into a corner*

MammaMia 02-04-2010 01:19 AM

*cuddles everyone*

I am so tired, going to go to bed really soon, read & try sleep. Hopefully before 4am!! Last night, well this morning, I was up til nearly 7am and woke up not long after 12pm. It's already 12.20am....

Kahlia1981 02-04-2010 07:27 AM

*hugs all*

I do not exist. I can not exist. For if I exist the raven of my destruction has missed my soul. Instead, I must belong in the imagination of a being that in itself does not exist.

Discuss .... lol.

ebec11 02-04-2010 07:32 AM

I want to be safe, but apparently I need to attempt suicide again to get any f***ing attention. Seriously, is it not enough that I'm hurting myself? Because the suicidal thoughts are gone - for now - they just don't care. I don't feel safe, I feel like that if one more freaking thing goes wrong that I'll forget about how horrible my suicide attempt was and just do something stupid. Ugh, nobody cares, do they?

Snow White. 02-04-2010 10:17 AM

ebec11, People do care, even though it might not seem it sometimes. I'm sorry you're feeling like you need to do something like that to be seen, but I promise you don't need to take that drastic measure, and it would be great if you could avoid it. Who can you talk to about how unsafe you're feeling at the moment? Be honest and open and tell them how you're feeling, try and stay safe though.


Scarletdreamer 02-04-2010 04:12 PM

Good morning everyone... *yawn* Am still tired even though I got about 11 hours of sleep last night!!

*cuddles Kahlia* I'm sorry that you slept so crap... :( That sucks. How're you feeling now? I guess it's nighttime where you are... so weird, these time differences!! It takes some getting used to.

*cuddles Helen* I'm sorry that your good mood just disappeared... :( wish I could do something to help but I'm afraid that I can't, not really anyway. Is there? I'm here if you need to talk... ♥

*hugs Ebec* Attempting suicide is NOT the right way to go about getting people to talk with you... I understand how you feel about them not realizing how much in pain you are, if you are SI'ing, but maybe just speak to someone that you know will care and talk to him/her about how you're doing? and be honest? Just a thought... and we're all here to chat with you if you want. Oh, and welcome to RYL. :)

Hi Aimee!! *waves & hugs*

*cuddles everyone that she's missed*

I have to do a "reflection journal post" for today, due at 4pm... I started it and it's already over a page long, NOT double-spaced (typed), and I haven't even gotten to the main part yet!! I must be waffling an awful lot... I hate feeling like I have to do that to get a good grade. I got a 75% (C) on the last one and I didn't even know why. The prof only told me that I needed headings on it to make it more clear. That's it. ARGH!!!! :(

Anyway. I am frustrated right now... just want to curl up somewhere and hide away... :( Hate this life. Want to die. But Jarrod's home today for the day due to it being Good Friday... so I can't really "do anything" ... at least whilst I'm home. :( I keep seeing myself doing something "stupid" on campus though...

Yesterday was a rough day. Won't get into it here except to say that I SI'd in class. >_< I don't know if anyone noticed... no one commented at least.


PoisonedApple 02-04-2010 05:53 PM

*cuddles everyone*
Anyone up for a nap?
I only got 4 hrs of sleep last night but couldn't miss work today...
*yawns and stumbles off to find a warm corner to nap in*

Scarletdreamer 02-04-2010 05:55 PM

Mmm nap sounds good.

I spy a Crimson!! :D

I don't think I'll go to tutoring today... I hate that I am such a ****ing slacker but I... don't know. I just don't want to go, and my husband is home for the day, and I don't have any appts. Oh, how I ****ing HATE MYSELF!!!

Oh well.

I need to go hide somewhere for awhile... :crying:

SoMuchMore 02-04-2010 06:04 PM

Im about this * * close to a panic attack right now.. I have to call some people out of state for a story that im doing in my science reporting class in a few minutes and i have so much anxiety... I feel like i am crawling out of my skin... I hate phone calls.

*cuddles everyone* sry i will do individual replies later..

*hides.. with my phone.. b/c there is no way i can get out of this*

Sefka 02-04-2010 07:43 PM

I'm back and I would like to hug everyone. I'd like to extend a big group hug because I'm really not okay on my own here. Please help me.

Scarletdreamer 02-04-2010 08:13 PM

*cuddles LauraStar* I'm sorry you're so anxious. :( I understand though... phone calls are so difficult.

*cuddles Sefka* What's up??

I'm so tired... :( and anxious too... although thankfully I'm not shaking anymore. That's a relief. It was awful trying to play WoW with shaky hands because I was so anxious. :(

I have to call my old therapist soon because she sent me a bill for the sessions that SHE SAID were pro bono. We can't really afford to pay a lot... so yeah. I don't know. I just wish that someone would take over my body and do all of the things that need to be done, and do them WELL.


MammaMia 02-04-2010 08:15 PM

*rocks back and forth* Please shut up :'(

Scarletdreamer 02-04-2010 08:20 PM

*holds Helen gently and rocks with her* Who do you want to shut up? (I hope not me!! :-S) What's going on?

SoMuchMore 02-04-2010 08:29 PM

*cuddles april* Maybe the bill from your old therapist was just a mistake.. I hope so anyway. And i agree anxiety sucks.

*hugs sefka* Whats wrong hun?

*gently cuddles helen*

Phone call went ok-ish... I just hate them. The only good thing about concentrating on the phone call is that i wasnt concentrating on the rest of my life.. *sigh* back to reality i suppose

PoisonedApple 02-04-2010 08:30 PM

I'm tired to April... I think we should curl up and go to sleep petting Puppy Sinclair :)

*huggles, LauraStar, Sefka and Helen*
What's up?

Scarletdreamer 02-04-2010 08:33 PM

Mmm that sounds nice, Crimson. Is it okay if I sneak Daniel (our cat) into the ward? He's sweet... and cuddly... and a little wild now and then. Just a little wild. ;) (He zooms around our apartment like a... well, I don't know, madman, I guess, when he's wild... lol. A sight to see!! especially when he crashes into stacks of stuff or the wall or a door. :P)

I am such an EPIC FAIL.

SoMuchMore 02-04-2010 08:40 PM

can he be a non-allergic cat? otherwise i might get very sick.... lol

*cuddles crimson and april*

Scarletdreamer 02-04-2010 08:42 PM

Well, considering I used to be allergic to cats, when I lived at my parents' house, and I'm not now... maybe he's hypoallergenic?? :D We can try it at least... maybe, if you want. :P

*cuddles back*

PoisonedApple 02-04-2010 08:45 PM

lol I have chinchillas.... most people with animal allergies can be around them... Corgis are good with allergies too :) And both are furry and cuddly.

I like cat's though, so I'd like the ward kittie too. But only if non allergenic.... wouldn't wanna make LauraStar ill. *huggles everyone*

*crosses fingers in hope I can keep from falling asleep at my desk till it's time to go home*

Scarletdreamer 02-04-2010 08:47 PM

ARGH I want to explode... :crying:

I feel like such ****.


PoisonedApple 02-04-2010 08:53 PM

*huggles April*

MammaMia 02-04-2010 09:05 PM

*cuddles everyone lots*

I'm allergic to cats too :( I wish I wasn't, I really want a cat :( Can't have one anyway because of Charlie, my sister's dog but he's awesome..

nicole94 02-04-2010 09:10 PM

hey guys *hugs everyone* havent been on in a while, had a bit of a bad week, but im ok now. :D lol,i have 3 cats, two of which are pregnant, and about to give birth any day now...... :/

PoisonedApple 02-04-2010 09:36 PM

The following content has been hidden - Reason : My pets. :D Kinda long... no pics right now since I'm at work.... But I'm a proud fur mommy. LOL
I have 3 chinchillas.... I was only gonna get one but I couldn't leave the adult ones in poor conditions... So I took them in as rescues and still got the baby chinchilla too (From different places. The baby was kept in good care)... Just had to make more room and get an extra cage lol. My daughter has a rabbit and my SIL got my kids each a fish.
I miss having cats and my SIL wants to bring her dog over but we can't have uncaged pets in my apartment. *shrug* That's ok I'm more or less a night person and chinchillas are nocturnal so it works out. And the littlest one (Dagda) loves to come out of his cage and play and explore. Still working on getting the older 2 (Xochitl and Sorley) to let us hold them. Xochitl likes to be pet through the bars and gets jealous if we pet Sorley and not her but if we open the cage door and reach in even to fill the food bowl she panics and runs... But we've only had them for about 6 months and it can take about a year to get the trust of an animal that's been treated badly so we don't push the issue. It took forever to get her to let us pet her at all.

*cuddles everyone*
How are you doing now Nicole?

nicole94 02-04-2010 09:44 PM

*cuddles* im good thanks, bit worried as i have a phobia of men and im home alone but my mums boyfriends coming over soon :/ but other than that im good :D you??

PoisonedApple 02-04-2010 09:49 PM

tired beyond comprehension but managing not to fall asleep at work lol

nicole94 02-04-2010 09:59 PM

lol. sounds like fun. im on easter hols now lol, then after the hols, back to school for a couple of weeks then go on study leave for my GCSEs :/

Doikers 02-04-2010 10:09 PM

*Hugs Nicole , Laura , April ,Crimson , Sefka , Helen *
I hope I missed no-one

*Hides in a dark corner*

nicole94 02-04-2010 10:14 PM

*hugs* yikes, im awful with names, whats yours sorry? :/ lol, you ok??

Marina 02-04-2010 10:14 PM

Not sure what we're talking about here, but I'll post anyway >.>

PoisonedApple 02-04-2010 10:18 PM

lol Doikers is Mark.

Marina~ We talk about just whatever... good, bad, in between. right now we aren't talking about much though... Welcome to RYL, Vets and the Ward. :)

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