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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

mouse in darkness 05-01-2009 11:07 PM

*Runs out of denial tent, hugs everyone*:hop:

Lucy glad you could get up and on the go *hugs*

Kat hope you feel better soon *hugs*

Mary Anne glad you took a step foward *hugs*

Dayna Maybe it was the release you needed, hope your day and feelings change for the better *hugs*

*Hugs anyone I missed and runs back into the denial tent*

Damnation. 05-01-2009 11:09 PM

Nicole: Perhaps. I hope so x_o *hugs back*

Mary Anne 06-01-2009 12:41 AM

*hugs everyone*

having the worst night I have had in months, I need to get up in under 6 hours and I just can't go to sleep, I went to bed but for the first time I couldn't sleep there because it is 'our' bed. I tried the couch but it is not big enough.

*hugs Dayna tight* - crying is good, I had a record breaking cry tonight (we are talking hours here), it is a good release.

I was a month si free and that has gone tonight too (crappy cuts tho - first knife out the drawer was pretty blunt) I want to bleed but don't have the energy to do it.

I desperately want to be close to someone :(

*hides under a duvet to cry some more*

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 12:50 AM

Could I have a hug from someone..?
=[

Jetforce 06-01-2009 01:09 AM

**cuddles lucy**

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 01:14 AM

Thank you.
Are you okay?
x

Snuffles 06-01-2009 01:38 AM

*bangs head on desk*

why Why WHY do I continue to try with the church people?? They don't give a **** *cries* Time to give up on them I think


*huggles everyone who needs them*

I'm so sorry I haven't been around lately... blah.... just have hit rock bottom, missing my family, struggling with who REALLY cares... gah hate life.

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 01:53 AM

*hugs everyone* it seems like everyone is having not so great a day. *cuddles* sorry I don't have more to offer right now; quite drained/triggered... take care everyone.

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 01:55 AM

*cuddles everyone*

I'm just going to curl up in a corner for the next few weeks if no-one minds.

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 02:13 AM

*joins Kahlia curled up in the corner*

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 02:17 AM

*joins Lucy and Kahlia in the corner if that's ok*

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 02:18 AM

Wow, crowded corner now.
*hugs everyone*

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 02:24 AM

Lucy, I think the corner expands to fit in anyone who wants to be there.

Ravyn, join away.

I'd really like to get into Schrodinger's cat's box right now. Although I bet I would come out in the state of alive or (my suspected unknown third option) totally furious when someone opened the box.

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 02:27 AM

Thanks Kahlia - lol! i love Schrodinger's cat's box... but until someone opens the box you can be anyone or all three things at once... that's kinda cool.. i like that idea... we should have a Schrodinger's box in here beside the denial tent...

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 02:29 AM

I'm glad. 'cause I don't want to be kicked out. =[

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 02:31 AM

*hugs lucy* i wouldn't have gone in if it meant kicking you out

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 02:44 AM

Thanks.
*cries*

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 02:46 AM

*hugs* how are you doing?

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 02:48 AM

*offers hugs to everyone else too* sorry i haven't been good at supporting today... i've read your threads and i'm thinking of you all... wish i could do more... sorry..

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 02:49 AM

Everyone has off days Ravyn. We can't all be superwoman every day. & hey, I never give any support in Vets so you're beating me. =\

ravynsoul 06-01-2009 02:53 AM

thanks lucy... i like trying to be superwoman though... it sucks when reality comes crashing in... and so the record's straight.. i have seen you give lots of support in here!

i'm going to call it a night... take care everyone..

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 02:55 AM

Mm, I think I'm just gonna try & go to sleep as well.
Beats sitting up feeling like crap.
Night. x

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 03:03 AM

I'm going to build a Schrodinger's cat's box in here if no-one minds ... hmmm, perhaps one that changes size whenever someone wants to get in ??

Pomegranate 06-01-2009 03:08 AM

Go for it Kahlia *hugs*

*squishes everyone who needs it*

I am not even feeling overly low tonight, but I need to harm. I don't understand it but that is what has to happen.

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 03:18 AM

Thanks Emma. *cuddles you* If you do harm, please do it in the safest way possible, although I hope you remain strong and survive the night without harming.

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 03:23 AM

Or not.
Soon as I closed my eyes, thoughts raced so so fast.
Couldn't take it.
I'm back. Sadly for you guys.

Damnation. 06-01-2009 03:29 AM

Yikes, I missed a fair bit O_O;;

*Hugs all*

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 03:33 AM

*hugsback*

Pomegranate 06-01-2009 04:47 AM

thanks Kahalia*hugs* think it is manageable at home. Trying to ignore urges to continue :(

Did you manage to get some sleep Lucy?

How are you Dayna?

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 04:49 AM

Nope, no sleep for me.
*sends hugs*

Pomegranate 06-01-2009 04:57 AM

:( *hugs* hope you are ok there x

Damnation. 06-01-2009 04:59 AM

Emma: Rather volatile. Up and down like a yo-yo again x_o. Although I'm okay for the moment, having said that, and you?

*Hugs all again*

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 05:00 AM

[deleted]
Hope you're okay xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pomegranate 06-01-2009 05:09 AM

Please take care there Lucy :(. Here if you want to talk. I hope your thoughts control themselves soon xxx

Any idea why you are up and down Dayna? *hugs* Glad you are ok atm though x

------

Me? I am ok. I have SI'd some more and think it could do with a few stitches. Problem is, my pride won't let me go get it sorted atm. My mind is telling me to harm more but I'm not sure I have the energy tbh.

Accidentally Abstract 06-01-2009 05:13 AM

Don't do anything else *hugs*.
Get them looked at?
=[

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 06:08 AM

Emma, although it is probably too late. My hope is that you didn't SI anymore. *hugs you*

Lucy, sorry you were unable to sleep. It's a bit of a nasty (sometimes circular) situation. *offers you hugs*

Dayna, hope you are okay at this present point in time ... after all, that's all we can really look at isn't it ?? *hugs you*

Damnation. 06-01-2009 06:10 AM

Emma: The fact that you have no energy left to harm more is probably a good thing. But if they need stitching, then you really ought to go and get them seen to properly. As for my mood, eh. God knows

Kahlia: Well, I was ._.; *hugs back*

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 06:16 AM

Dayna : I'm assuming from that [and your mood symbol] that things aren't so good now. *hugs you tight* I sincerely hope that they improve.

Damnation. 06-01-2009 06:17 AM

Kahlia: I've no idea what set it off, either >_< *hugs back* I was alright earlier, and now it's just...wannagoandgiveinagain

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 06:41 AM

Dayna : That can be really hard. I damaged myself during an incredibly lucid dream and now all that I can think about is making it bigger/deeper/more like a worthy answer for all the evil in me. Sorry, didn't mean to be selfish and take the conversation towards me ... I was originally just trying to offer some understanding and gentle support. *offers you hugs and a choice of stuffed animals to cuddle*

Damnation. 06-01-2009 06:42 AM

No no, it's fine, I understand what you mean (and have done the same sort of thing once or twice myself). I still keep thinking I should go back to my GP, but I just don't know if I can .__.;;

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 06:46 AM

Aye, understood. Excuse my forgetfulness [sp?] (please), how long have these intense mood swings been going on Dayna ?? Please try and stay safe.

Damnation. 06-01-2009 06:52 AM

Um...a good few weeks now. I think they started around mid December/couple of weeks before Christmas. Around about that sort of time. Really, since I first started posting in here, I think

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 06:59 AM

Hmmm ... I thought that might be the case. It really doesn't sound good. It's hard enough to cope with the severe emotional rollercoaster for a couple of days let alone a couple of weeks ... Maybe it is time to see your doctor again. It sounds like you need a bit or support irl as well as through us here on RYL.

***
You know the really good thing about having a virtual psych ward ?? For me it means that I don't have to put up with the supercilious doctors and nurses who have their heads so far up certain doctors arses that they are unable to think anything other than what that particular doctor would like them to think. Whoa ... GD it felt good to get that out.

Damnation. 06-01-2009 07:10 AM

The thing is, what's stopping me is my housemate. I can't go out alone, unless I'm only going down the road for a minute (that and plus I can never remember how to get to the doctors alone =D), but I haven't been able to talk to her. I know she'd want me to, but it's just...gah. I can't do it. I clam up, mumble, stare at my feet, etc etc. And I don't know why, but the typical 'Oh Däyna...why didn't you tell me?' reaction irks me, too.

And heh, I can agree with you there. I have a different GP now (thank ****!) but the first one I had when I moved up here was a complete dick. I mean, seriously. I told him I was having suicidal thoughts when I went to see him a few years ago, and his attitude was along the lines of 'so what do you want me to do about it?'

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 07:24 AM

OMFG that reaction irks me as well !! And I fully understand what you mean about not being able to tell your housemate ... I get the same way. My gut instinct is that maybe if it's possible you should write something down for your housemate (perhaps with an added caveat of don't you dare ask me why I didn't tell you - just kidding) which would avoid that having to do things personally immediately. Idk if it would help, just a suggestion ... feel free to take it or leave it as you wish.

Heh ... one of the pdocs here is just so full of snide and supercilious comments. He is of the "if they SI then all they can have is BPD which is not a real illness" breed. Sorry to anyone sufferring from BPD, that isn't my opinion on the illness, but a common one shared among the psych community here. He really gets my goat. Mind you, having said that ... I have renamed the pdocs at the hospital here. One of them I will only call by his first name ... which he really hates. I believe that I told him once that calling him "Dr x" would assume that I had some respect for him, and since I didn't I wouldn't waste the energy or breath calling him that. One of the others I call Dr Death. I have been known to call him that when talking to the nursing staff and also to his face. He isn't really all that bad but I'm pretty sure that death is sitting in his office every day waiting for him to carc it.

Seriously though, if you are either going to be a GP or a pdoc you need to have at least a little respect for both the emotions of those you are going to treat and the truthfullness [please excuse my disgusting spelling] of the person sitting across the desk from you.

Would you like me to get off my soapbox now lol.

Damnation. 06-01-2009 07:27 AM

Wtfs, since when has BPD not been real?! Christ almighty, you've got to wonder how some of these people actually got their jobs ._.;;. So go on then, if it's not a real illness, allegedly, what does he think it is? *Half expecting the reply to be 'a figment of the imagination' or something*

<__<;; We should revolt against the bastardly doctors

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 07:41 AM

That was kind of what my calling him by his first name was the start of. He can't be my pdoc when I'm IP though unless my private pdoc says he can. My pdoc knows the interactions and atmosphere between me and that doctor. I would not be surprised if "a figment of their imagination" was exactly his response ... I think it just means "put the person in the too hard basket so that we don't have to treat them" to them ... could of course be wrong. A long time ago they gave me the BPD dx and then started refusing treatments and refusing to actually take me seriously when I started having hallucinations and so forth because he had put me down as (and I quote) "BPD with a tendency towards compulsive lying and severe attention seeking behaviour". My father cracked the shits because I was getting more and more unwell and none of the public doctors were doing anything about it - some of them went so far as to tell me that I was getting my symptoms out of textbooks - and put in a ministerial injunction. We got a full copy of my hospital records (all 5 volumes) and I got two seperate private assessments. Initially the head of the psych ward (who I do actually respect to some degree even if I don't like him) couldn't give me a dx. He took a half hour to decide that he would have to agree with the previous doctors because he couldn't get deep enough ... [As a side note, I saw him before being given ECT this year and he had definitely changed his mind to a dx of schizoaffective disorder (bipolar type)]. The private pdoc said it was definitely not BPD and my parents decided that I needed a private pdoc because the public system "were too busy greasing each others palms".

Sorry Dayna ... I got a little carried away there. It's been simply ages since I've really allowed myself to even think about that time, let alone have a good old-fashioned rant about it. I'll try and keep that under control from now on however.

Kahlia1981 06-01-2009 07:43 AM

Oh, can we burn them at the stake ?? Lol. Idk why but that has always sounded like fun. I do realise that it's a terrible way to die, but maybe that is what makes it so enticing for someone like the pdocs in the hospital here ...

Damnation. 06-01-2009 07:44 AM

Jesus Christ, that's terrible >__<

But obviously don't feel you have to keep quiet about it. I mean, isn't part of the point of this place to rant n get stuffs off your chest? As for burning at the stake, sounds good to me XD


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