I'm dropping in to mooch some hugs. And I sniff a bit, tears in my nose, and make sure that my bandanna is still in my pocket. It is wait and see.

I'm going to my in-laws around 4:00 this afternoon. I suggested taking the little Independence Day picnic to them, so we are. Only thing that will need to be cooked is the hot dogs. My aa sponsor didn't have any place to go so she is coming along too and looking forward to meeting Rosemom.

Even in my sorrow, I am so blessed.

*gives out hugs as well as takes them*

*hugs Susan*

*leaves a weeks worth of hugs for you and everyone else who wants/needs*

Leaving in 4 hours... for a 2 hour car journey then a 4 hour plane journey. Then the week with my parents, and brother, before I come back. Kind of looking forward to it actually. I think it's the break I need.

Hope you have fun at the picnic, Susan. *more hugs*

Hope you have fun Hana & Susan :]


*sits there and cries*

*hugs Hells* Thanks :)

*more huge hugs*

It's no problem :)

*huge hugs*

:) Right, leaving in 10 mins, so gonna sign off computer and everything now. See you guys in a week or thereabouts.
Hope you're all ok, take care of yourselves. :)

*hugs for everyone*

Hana
xxx

There is a bit of good news about my friend.

We had a nice picnic.

There were fireworks shows across Orange County this evening. Traffic was a tangle, esp since my husband forgot we were planning to take a different route to take our friend home. Oops, he got off at the exit for Disneyland.

So now I'm at home, appreciating the quiet, winding down so I can sleep.

*hugs all around*

feeling sick still. :'(

*snuggles everyone*

Susan, we like good news. I hope your friend is doing a little better x

Jess, hunni I'm not suprised. Drink water and lots of it. Seriously!! Water sucks I know >.<

I totally overslept this morning. Something about a 20 hour day yesterday.

*hugs all around*

On a night's leave from the hospital. Just thought I'd check in and see how y'all doing xxx

Excelellent news, my friend is awake!
*does happy dance*

I am compleatly lost i have no clue what to do anymore.

I've been doing better today.
But now I'm just crying.
I miss my best friend.
September seems so close yet so far away.
Life is cruel.
I can't stop crying.
Maybe I should die after all.

Blood everywhere.
Sorry.

No one desrves to die, no one is worthless.

*hugs 1ofmany*
*hugs hells*
*hugs zowie*
*drools exhausted on keyboard*

*clutches pillow tight*
I am so scared...but being here is stopping me for the moment from acting on things the way i shouldnt. thank you all.

*hugs everyone*

I thought I could do. Be strong. But it's not working. *cries* Yet I'm so excited about my holiday. I hate this. I really do. Give me strength :(

I will give you all my strength...sorry it isnt much but i am a weak person. Have a pillow too...

On a side note strength is the longest single syliable word there is...why am i so werid like this? my mind is so screwed.

At least your mind is still here. Mine goes allover the place. I just go along for the ride.

*hugs everyone*
*goes off to look for travel alarm clock and a nice place to curl up for an hour*

I'm back fully in the psych ward, 2 days at my parents was hard, having to hide my cuts, not being able to smoke (Thats my more sociably acceptable form of SH when out and about that my parents don't know about either) and pretending I was happy. I'm exhausted from it all.
The consultant was confident that the pre-cancerous cells found are not aggressive and can be easily removed with laser treatment. I know I should be over the moon as cancer is a horrible disease that robs us of our loved ones in an ugly manner, but part of me thought that at least if I died of cancer that would be easier for my family to accept than for me to continue this facade of a life. Then I feel awful for thinking that way and feel that i should punish myself, let the badness flow out of me....
time to go and curl up in the corner of the ward without sharp objects for my own safety me thinks.....
hope all you others going through a tough time don't think I'm tiz-wozzing over nothing, I can't begin to imagine your pain and I wish I could make it better and find the words to support you, but tonight my heads just not in the right place, sorry.xx

*hugs Hayley gently*
Hope things get better for you real soon.
If you need to talk, I am just a PM away.
*hugs again*

Thanks for that. i don't know whats up with me. Just reading that short message has made me cry. part of me wants to go to bed but I get scared of my own thoughts at night when I'm all in a tiz-woz, my brain just goes over and over and I can't stop the bad thoughts. Any tips on getting to sleep quickly and safely?

Good idea

im deffient checking in

arrrghhhhh!!! Is there a padded cell in here?!!!!

oh and welcome little sheep, hope I don't scare you and you enjoy your stay.xx

*yawns* i didn't sleep hugely well last night. But yeah... going to nap on and off today!

Naps are good...

Hey everyone, might not remember me, havent been in for a while i've been (and still am in hospital) i'm just coming in to say a big hello to everyone
hope your all ok *hugs*

still awake, been in the chat rooms to distract myself so think I can go to bed shortly without the need for a padded cell. Am so glad that theres always someone online somewhere when you need them.

Oh I know right?

*hugs you all*

KATEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!! *jumps on you* How's it going hun?

Amanda, good to see you.

Susan, I forgot to say earlier, glad to hear your friend is awake.

Hayley, we'll always be here sweetie.

xxx

Good to see you too Hells
*hugs*

hey Hells, erm still not great. all my meds have been changed, but things are still not going well. i've not been allowed out for a bit, i was last weekend but then stuff happened so not been allowed out again. i'm allwed my laptop though, not ment 2 b on net but never mind! wards busy they wont notice. i'll come in 2morrow and do a better update.

how you? xxxx

Awwww thanks *hugs back*

It's good to hear from you swetie. I'm sorry you're still not great but you sound like you're slowly getting there.

*snuggles*

I'm not doing at all good. Meh.

*huggles you all loads*

I feel like sh*t i have a date today and i sooooooooooo don't wanna go, as i kinda gave in last night :( i know its naughty but i didn't care at the time now i do :( i am so dead later if my date see's my arm. xxx

*hugs you lots*

Take care of that cut/s

be safe sweethearts. please. sfe.

Hey. cindy in checking on wildone? has anyone seen her in here? she threw me out her room last night as she went on a bender. ben drinking since. Hope she doesnt find the blade i've hidden.

*hugs all in here*
*is worried*

I want to die.
I want to go to Dominican Republic.
I want to die.
I want to go to Dominican Republic.
I want to die.
I want to go to Dominican Republic.
I want to die.
I want to go to Dominican Republic.
I want to die.
I want to go to Dominican Republic.

*cries* damm conflictions. damm that topic. damm seeing that pic. damm it all!

*cuddles every1*

Hope every1 is alrite there xxx

*leaves some chocolate chip biscuits for ppl*

*hugs everyone*
*offers nice cool fresh-washed pillow cases for pillows*
*meanders out for a glass of cranberry juice to compensate for eating too much salty food yesterday*

*sigh*

I'm not particularly happy atm :(

I'm not happy either, but so much better than I was. I have a couple of things that I want to tell my husband. See y'all in my morning.

*huggles* night sweets )

hey everyone.
i'm back.
not much has changed with me. still feel crap. haven't seen my psych for ages.

how is everyone? the posts move too fast for me to catch up on 3 weeks' worth.

xxx

I feel guilty....
My dad thinks I'm on leave from the hospital to see him and my sisters. But really it was so I could SH (they took my tools away at the hospital).
I feel so guilty. It's lovely seeing my family and being at home, but all I've done since I've got here is SH.

I'm feeling a tad better this morning, and hope there are still some chocolate chip biscuits for me to munch on.
Zowie, it must be hard, but my councellor told me that guilt is a worthless emotion as it only affects yourself so try not to ponder on it. Easier said than done I know, I always feel guilty over things, but sometimes we just have to accept that we do these things, mess up and we have to try our best to move onto a more positive future. Until we're ready for that, join me in eating whats left of the chocolate chip cookies that someone brought in earlier.xx

*sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* :(

My husband is being cool about everything. Right now, together time is his and hers computers and the small tv showing the rain delay at Wimbledon.

I've been thinking about having an inch or two of my hair cut off. One of my girlfriends wants me to let it grow as long as possible. But she is a 60 year old barbie who wants to be "cute!" and I don't care for the way she dresses.

My husband doesn't care, cause it will still be shoulder length. Oh well, not life and death.

*offers around diet pepsi and brownie bites. Leaves a bowl of potato crisps*