Thank you sweetie. I don't think anyone has the words to make me feel better. But people's words & support is helping somehow. *cuddles* I am thinking about baby Grace lots already.

*curls up ino*

Her note makes me cry. :-( (I just got it now)

*offers silent support to Helen*

I feel like I should be studying but my brain just won't let me. First semester here doesn't even begin until March, which I guess is good because it means that I'll be already through one textbook, plus the seminal work on C++ programming and hopefully even the whole way through the textbook I need for the semester. It's really weird. A little part of me is telliing me that I'm being lazy by not having finished the book (approximately 22 chapters) within a couple of days. Meh.

*cuddles everyone*

*cuddles back*

Oh I sooooooo want to have a go at someone in my thread, but I know I'll regret it, upset Stef and everyone else and land in trouble.

Grrrrrr >.<

*continues cuddling Helen*

Maybe you could write the stuff you want to aim at that person down the old fashioned way (on paper) or in a file on your computer. That way you have gotten it out of your system but it's in a way that doesn't involve anyone else and therefore keeps you out of trouble. Just a suggestion, feel free to take it on board or not as you see fit.

*brings blankets & doonas for everyone*

I think I will and then I will delete it :p

Ooooh blankets!!!! It's FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZINNNNNNNNG here!!! I went out shopping with my mum & sister. Which I refused to do anyway and eventually dragged my sorry arse out of bed and went. BUT I gots a new dress!!!!!!!!!! =D

New dresses are always fun :)

Feeling better for a couple of days off work, had a record breaking 11 hours sleep last night, have been living on about 5 hours for weeks now.
Still feel crap about life but at least the pressure of work has been removed for a bit.
Going to a graduation ball tonight (not mine) promised my friend I would go as her boyf dumped her and he was supposed to go. Should help me forget about things for a bit.

*cuddles and electric blankets for the cold* (it is absolutely freezing up here in bonnie Scotland)

Indeed they are Mary Anne. Glad you had lots of sleep and I hope you enjoy tonight. *sends some warmth* It's cold in England too =[

I hated it today, we were so ****ing high up in the carpark. Just made me think of it. Damm you. >.<

Life sucks.

I went to bed about 2130 hours (9:30 pm) last night and woke up around about 0200 (2:00 am). Now I know with me that I won't be able to get back off to sleep so I've come onto the forum that keeps me alive.

What I'm finding weird is that here in Australia it's pretty close to summer and the days are scorching hot, yet I'm still freezing in the early hours of the morning and remember that most of you are heading into winter and therefore offer blankets.

Moving day today. That should be fun. I just hope that things go well. Fingers crossed that the new living arrangements work out for everyone involved.

*leaves blankets for those heading into winter, and cool drinks for those heading into summer*

Media wasn't too hard today. My teacher gave me a handout about the cw and I have a week to do the first part. I think I'm gonna be okay with college.

My teacher said that my care co ordinator phoned the college (she had to to vouch for me that I'm not going to hurt any other student) and apparently told them that I'm not as ill as I want to believe I am.
It's because of this stupid personality disorder they've diagnosed me with, isn't it?? They think that because I haven't responded to three different APs (except put on a ****load of weight) that maybe I'm lying about the voices.
I'm not ****ing lying! Is that what they think?

I hope that typing it all out helped Helen. I like getting new clothes .... I just wish I was a bit thinner so that dresses and the like looked good on me.
:crying:

Zowie they tend to use personality disorders as a catch all. Here in Australia - well Townsville anyway - they label people PD (usually borderline) no matter what the symptoms are.

You might not have responded to AP drugs because of the type of drug they are. Can I ask which one's you have been on ? The reason I ask is that some people respond better to different types. Take me ... I respond to olanzapine (which so far has made me lose weight - a good thing because risperdal made me gain heaps) and quetiapine, both of which are atypical anti-psychotics. Now I've through almost every drug on the block and these two (with the quetiapine as a PRN) actually work for me in making it so I can manage the hallucinations.

They may be thinking that you're lying, but if you are consistent with your symptoms they will eventually realise you aren't. As you might be able to tell, I don't think you are lying.

I hope you can work something out.

1ofmany,
life sure does suck.

So do rushing thoughts and you can't tell whether you're suicidial or not because everything is confusing you and hurts.

I haven't typed it out yet. I'm sure you look perfectly fine in dresses *cuddles* I hope moving day goes well sweetheart, sending you lots of strength & luck.

I think I'm going to cry in a minute.
Please let me cry body.
Please.
This hurts too much.

Thankyou Helen. Maybe it's just me looking at myself. I'm terribly self-conscious and have almost no self-esteem whatsoever.

Thankyou also for your wishes regarding moving day. Which is here, but also not here as it's only nearly 3:00 am. So most people aren't up and about yet.

I hope you manage to cry Helen. *cuddles*

Ahh I see. *cuddles* Well I hope it goes well when it's like here if you get me :p

Still no tears. *shrugs*

I am sorry they are being so silly Zowie but well done on going into college today *squishes*

Kahalia- hope it goes alright today hun, thinking of you.

*hugs 1ofmany and Mary Anne* how are you both doing now?

Hope you sleep well Hells x

--------------

I am so sore, another a+e trip, I just can't control it at the moment. 7 sets in under two weeks and I am really struggling not to do it again. They only let me go home today because I promised to call the crisis team over the weekend, especially if I wanted to SI or anything and I have to call my CPN monday. If I SI I can't go get it checked out in case they won't let me home. I just feel so out of control. Cut deeper and worse than ever before. Even getting up, showering etc seems a big deal. Drunk almost every night for the last two weeks. I just can't cope much longer...

I don't know what to say.
S.O.S.?