thanks for the hugs and support for those who answered

Sorry to be such a downer...it's just I realized I will spend the rest of my life alone :(

*curls up in corner of ward*
im sleepy but cant sleep =[
and feel huge and just ergh =s

im sick of being lonely =\

I know what's like *hugs*
I am sick of being lonely too

Morning ward mates,
I'm sorry for the lack of individual replies it's just I'm feeling numb, numb and Low ( note the capital L ) , you would think they would cancel each other out but not today it seems. My social worker is coming by at 10am and I am anxious about asking if I could have built up a tolerance to my anti - depressants as I REALLY don't want to come off my Lithium as I think it helps my anxiety but my duloxetine I am not sure is still working hmmm.

I Hate being lonely too guys, and I'm so sick of it , I don't have many friends IRL , ( Only 1 that I see regulary ) , we met about a year ago , in hospital , Man was that a whole year ago !!!?

*Group hugs*

*Hugs Julie* What do you want to scratch?

Ouch ! Try not to scratch it mate , it will make it more itchy , Have you any lotion you can put on it? Try to focus on something else:S

EDIT.
Oops I have to go out for a walk, Promised SW :S HE thinks my AD are haveing a dip but will start working again hmmm....Beside I need foor if I'm going to eat lunch *Sigh* Tired.

Lia, sweetie, I would miss you if you were gone. And not just because of all of the support you've offered. I'd miss you because you are a sweet, kind, caring person. *gentle hugs* And I can appreciate, to some extent, just how damn hard it is to keep up that brave mask, to reply to all of us, to keep on going even though you're not getting any support. We're here for you though, love. Maybe you'll realize that sometime... *extra special cuddles if okay?*

Laura *cuddles* How you doing, love??

Heather, sweet, you're not fat. But I can also appreciate your & hope.is.overrated's (sorry, don't know your name - Michelle?) & Mark's feelings on being lonely... I don't have that many friends IRL either and it's really hard sometimes... :( But I'm lucky in that I have my bestie. However, that's all going to change when we move away for the army... if Jarrod gets in. :-/

Taz *hugs gently* I hope that the appt with your counselor goes okay... I'd be nervous too, although I'm sure you don't "have" to be... I know, not much consolation, but still... :) You can do it. S/he probably just wants to have your family involved in your treatment - did s/he specify why s/he wanted them there??

Mark, love, I hope you enjoy(ed) your walk. (Oh and I spy you!! and I spy a Julie!!) I'm sorry that you are "Low" ... that's better than feeling nothing though, isn't it? or is it?... I don't really know, in my case I'd rather feel something than nothing... but maybe that's just me. :-S

Amy, love, don't scratch the bite, it will just get worse if you do. *gentle hugs if okay?* How are you doing, other than the spider bite being itchy?

I think I got everyone that posted recently... guh, so sorry if I missed you. :( I tried!!! :-S *cuddles everyone*

I'm... I don't know. The reality of Jarrod potentially getting in the army and me having to "survive" up to year-long deployments, and the changes that will take place between him being there & him being gone... that really hit me hard last night. I still want him to go for it... but I am scared. I guess that's typical, but I don't know. :-S I don't have anyone to compare to.

Anyway. Enough blathering about me for now, shut up, April... :-X

*feels so alone*

:crying:

Thanks for all the hugs and asking what's wrong, I went to bed after posting that. Naughty perhaps. I just felt low, still do, I think. Feeling bit better...

Kept waking up and had a nightmare, glad I woke when I did, think I was bordering on committing suicide.

*hugs everyone* Sorry for lack of individual replies.

April you okay? Stuiped question I know. Cuddles.

Glad you feel a little bit better Helen, and es ist sehr gut that you didn't give into the urges to end it all. Whether they were in the dream or not, you must still have been pretty low.

What's the matter April? You don't have to be alone. I'm here and listening (well, reading).

*Massive hugs to Helen and April*

Oh and Jill, how are you? You can join in the hug if you want.
xx

Yeah I have been pretty low and suicide has been a lot on my mind recently. Not always just about me, if that makes any sense whatsoever?

*hugs Michelle* Sucks to have that lonely feeling, but everybody has somebody out there for them. Don't lose hope :)

*hugs Heather* Try to battle through it <3 You're incredibly strong.

*offers hugs to Amy* Scratching it only makes it worse in the end. Tempting though, I know! Hope you battled it off :)

*hugs Mark* Try to keep your head up mate, as easy as it can be to want to give in to all the urges when you're feeling low. You're better than it :)

*hugs April* I'm sure that's typical. I mean, if I had someone like Jarrod around all the time and they suddenly took off for a year at a time, I'd definitely be feeling lots of anxiety about it. But you're a strong woman, you'll get through this <3

*hugs Hels* The fact that you came back and responded is a good sign :) Glad you're feeling a bit better, and I hope today turns out even better for you :)

*hugs shadowedsoul* Is it Jill? Sorry, I'm kind of hazy on the names >< How are you doing?

My counselor said basically he think it would be handy to have them there and keep them updated... but now I'm just tempted to lie through my depression/anxiety sheets because I don't want my parents to see how screwed up I am. The same thought keeps coming back in, that this should've all just been some stupid teenage problem I should've been able to kick by now... so being 20 and going through the same stuff feels a lot different =/

*wanders off to ramble in r/v*

*sits*

*cuddles Taz and Nicole*

Hey ya Nicole. You alright?

Hey Taz, not met you before. Well, breif encounter last night, but I haven't spoken to you. I know somene called Taz, what's it short for?

xx

Well I've jus seen your profile and that's not even your name, but oh well :)

*hugs lia and helen* not doing to well, am getting really confused about my family situation and dont really know how to handle it :(