Urgh hello everyone... *waves & cuddles*

Am feeling like proper **** right now... can't focus worth anything. Just want to die. Am so sick of this. I don't know, am so over it. And I just found out that a friend of mine is doing something that REALLY is a pet peeve of mine (won't mention it here) and it goes against our morals and... it's just upsetting. :( I hope that makes sense. I really don't think it's the right thing for her to be doing right now but she thinks it is and I'm not going to start up an argument over it. :(

How I ****ing HATE life. :crying:

*hugs april* aaw hun. sorry you're feeling so crap! life wont always be like this xx

*hugs Nicole back* I don't know. I honestly don't. I don't have hope for the future, not really.

Updated my r/v thread... :(

i know hun, i know its hard, i have days where i cant see myself ever having a future or a job or a family, but they pass hun, really they do. *holds tightly*

*cuddles* It may be true for others but I still don't have any hope... :(

I just want to escape out of this life... get away... am so sick of living.

Going to my parents' in a bit for Easter lunch... should be nice but at the same time it's like... food? I'm not hungry!! :(

*hides*

*hugs* i dont know what to say :( sorry

going offline now hun. stay safe. *hugs*

*cuddles you both lots*

*hugs helen, april, nicole, kahlia, mark, and lindsay*

Sorry if i missed anyone.

*sit alone in dark corner*

*sits with Laura and hugs her*

*cuddles everyone lots*

Laura, what's up, sweetie?

Hels, what's going on?

Just got up from a quick half-hour nap... urgh. I just want to go back to sleep. :( Feel like **** and don't want tomorrow to be here so quickly.

But, to work on my senior sem paper. Don't worry, I'll be hanging about and posting when I take breaks. :)

*more cuddles*

I don't know where to begin.
How to explain.
But I do know that all this **** is too much to cope with.
I have no choice to cope somehow :'(

You can cope... you'll be able to make it through, love. *gentle cuddles*

I'm fighting with this damn paper... :( I am supposed to have come up with some ADAPTIVE coping mechanisms for suicidal ideation and there is VERY VERY LITTLE literature on that... so yeah. :-/ I'm relying on using therapy as the main adaptive coping mechanism, and going into depth with that in my paper. Gahh, how I ****ing HATE this topic!!!! :crying: It's so hard... and my brain isn't working... and my husband is on WoW and I want to be as well. :(

*hides in a dark corner with her PC and stack of books and articles for her paper* :(

*cddles April* You can do this sweet, keep at it, soon be over :(

*curls up next to Helen* I wish it would be... I am going to feel like such an idiot, handing in such a ****ing awful paper tomorrow... I mean, I'm not a bad writer per se, but writing under pressure just does NOT work well for me. I did start the paper sooner, but I couldn't keep up. I don't know. :(

*hides back in her corner* :crying:

I'm sure it'll get a good grade. Don't be so harsh on yourself. *curls with you and carries on crying*

*cuddles helen* you can make it through this. Hang in there hun.

*hugs april* Im sorry you are having such a hard time on ur paper. I hate when my brain doesnt let me do my hw very well.. it sucks.

I am not doing well at all. I don't see the point in staying where I am anymore. In the past few weeks my whole life took a turn that i never thought it would... idk how to deal... So i am doing my usual put on the happy face and pretend like everything is super fantastic, nothing bothers me... I even told some ppl that i've been in worse situations than i am in right now so dont worry i can deal... I think thats a lie... Although, maybe not.. idk... either way I am not handling life very well. *hides*

*cuddles Laura* Sorry it's not more.

*cuddles within helen* its okay hun.. i know that you are having a really hard time right now. We can both make it through our lives.. right? i mean.. we have to

*cuddles both of you*

Laura, love, is there anyone with whom you can talk and be REAL? Like a uni therapist or something, I don't know. (Sorry, I forget if you're seeing someone or are against the idea.) I know that being real with just one person, even if it's someone that you only see once a week or whatever, can really help you manage to keep up the mask. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe that masks are GOOD things to keep up, but... sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do, you know? *holds gently* What all is going on? "just" the stuff with your ex? or is there more? ♥

Hels, you WILL make it through... you, LauraStar, LauraFriend, Joc, Mark, Nicole, Kahlia, anyone else I'm missing... you will all make it through. Just keep fighting... you can make it...

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuyAynr6WOk[/ame]

I feel like **** still. I just want to die... I honestly don't think that I can get this paper done by tomorrow... although I have several hours tomorrow morning after my SW appt that I can work on it, I'd really rather have it done by tonight. Which is NOT realistic. :crying:

I HATE MYSELF.

*hugs april* I hope your paper gets done. Good luck with it. I'm sure you will get done in time.

And for your questions...

I am pretty much real with one of my friends... but i dont get to see him very often... And no im not seeing a therapist or anything... ive had some very bad experiences with counselors in the past.. so unless i get to emergency status, i dont think i am going to go back.

It is mostly stuff involving my ex... but not just with him... A TON of people are involved in it and I feel like i am being pulled in 50 billion directions... 1 of my friends is suicidal over the whole thing (her ex-girlfriend was the one my ex cheated with.. athough she has known about it for like 3 months.. and i just found out a little over a week ago) and she ALWAYS wants to talk about the details of the break ups and cheating and i just dont want to talk about it all the time. Plus she keeps saying things to other people like, "well once everyone knows people are only going to care about laura." which just makes me kinda feel bad. I mean, shouldnt people be able to care about both of us? And that is just one example of how people are involved... it would be a very long post if i went into all of it... Its just stupid... I feel replaceable and unnecessary.