*hugs*

i'm meant to be packing for uni but instead im hiding in here away from the sharp things

xx

**Hugs Jo**

Ur doing well..hang in there :-)

hmm im rubbish

Have faith in urself Jo :-)

U haven't touched the sharp things yet and ur doing well there!

didnt stay far enough away

xx

I can't even talk about certain things without feeling down afterwards.

I'm ****ing cutting and I know it's not the answer.

cut badly-im gonna disappear for a while from here as i dont know when i'll be able to get back on here

sorry all and take care

xxx

Bad night.

Grrrrr I hate her. I hate me. I hate this. I hate that. I hate everything. Wish I could stop this.

*cries* I thought Id feel better, exams are over, I saw him again and all thats happened is me wanting to cut ********************

Had a big breakdown last night. Cried for over two hours.
I hate people who don't understand that I don't handle confrontations
*sits in corner with new banaids and thinking of buying a muffin*

**hugs Joanna and emily**

checks self back in again. i need somewhere safe that i can hide for a while, i´m scaring myself, don´t want to be alone. so so scared. i feel like a little kid again. i want to be a little again. :-(

Had a massive cutting session on/off today.

I hate life =[

**hugs midnite** Hang in there :-)

Dance!dance! i know life sux but u gotta hang in there...ur special to so many ppl

thanks for the hugs, i needed them. not so sure bout hangin in tho.

sits in a corner n cries

*offers u some cupcakes to eat midnite*

thanks for the offer but i don´t do food at the minute

the qurator at my studentnation have let me know that I'm not welcome there anymore. I think i scare them. And my ADs make me look drunk, so now they also think I have drinkingproblems. If this turns out to be PMS Im going to be SO mad!!
*hides under a cover and wish i had a cat*

hugs johanna

everything is going wrong, I feel so sick and its making me more depressed

**hugs Johanna*

Hey

*hugs* For everyone!

Sorry i aint been here much.

If anyone needs to talk im always available in some way or another!

Sixx

I know I have to hang on in here. This lovely world that hurts so bad. I know I'm special to so many people. I have a lot of people who mean a lot to me aswell, wether it's because they're my family...or a friend...or one of my best friends...or just a part of my fantastic support network. I think it'd hurt them bad too. I keep ****ing self harming and nobody is seeing the signs that something is seriously wrong!!! I'll bet that one of my family will notice this weekend but it's not them I want to notice because they're not very nice to me about it. I think they just don't understand or something. It's been a rough year anyway and I so know there's still more to come. I keep thinking somebody, maybe close is going to die. I don't know why I just get this dodgy feeling about it. There's so much going around in my head. I jus want to cut constantly, because even with the amount I've done this past week only a few scratches have been left behind. I hate this, I hate everything, I'm mixed up!

*hugs Dance!Dance* i just wanted to say that i'm hearing what your saying and that i care

why is it that people love and are loved and here I am lonely and alone and feeling like **** *cries* I feel so pathetic no one ever wants me people come to me for advice as the last resort and thats it, Im unwanted and unneeded, it would just be easier to drop dead

big hugs to emily. i don´t believe that thats true, someone somewhere always wants you hun.

**hugs emily**

I agree with midnite..there is always someone who wants u :-)

checks in, sits in corner and looks out window.
she speaks in third person sometimes
it makes her life more like fiction than the reality she faces every day
its not working anymore
she needs hepl, and nobody can see to give it to her
shes a danger to herself and nobody cares

**hugs down*in*the*dumps**

Hang in there m8 :-)

Thanks, this whole weekend has gone wrong =[

*finds quiet corner, sits with blanket*

Will this PAIN please stop? My arm hurts well bad :(

*hugs those in need*
I'm so sorry to see that you are still really hurting Helen.

**hugs all who needs them and leaves a few cookies to u to eat**

*eats some cookies and offers hot drinks around*

Thanks *hugs back*

Thanks.

Emotionally I've not stop hurting like hell for ages....and I don't like getting happy anymore because I come crashing down again, usually sooner than later. Obv cutting still isn't helping.

I sent an email to my enabler today (shes like one of my helpers at college) about Tina's supiciousness and the fact that I wanted to tell her too.It was about me starting to self harm/cutting again :wow:

*hugs Helen*
If you ever need a chat, my pm bow is open. As is my email inbox.

*hugs Dance!Dance!4eva* hope things get better for you soon.

I'm doing very shaky, i'm taking a girl I like out to lunch tommorow because we have an early release.

But the school work is starting to get to me, I forgot how hard holding on to my date was while school work gets piled on top of me

Thank you. I don't know what to do anymore. I think I want to be dead again, I didn't want to hit rock bottom again and be an at all time low. I miss my nephew- not seen in him in almost 2 months, I miss Jess even though I see her nearly every damm day, I miss my best friend because except occasional hello I've not spent any damm time with her since mid august. I really want to keep on coping but I can't? Arrrrrrrgh I DON'T KNOW =S

Thanks.

*im pathetic.. pls just ignore me as i hide under a blanket*

(or better still... sh*ot me... put me out of this misery)


(((( hugz to everyone who needs them )))

****ing messed up still. Things have been calm today again....but worried about one of my friends driving to work even though she had a migraine. :( Jess did get my email and it on top of it...wonder what she means? Looks like things are slowly getting better. BRACES OFF IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS!!!!!!!!!!!!

I feel like no one loves me :-(

Rejected....feeling very rejected hmmm

he is going on a date tomorrow night, I'm happy for him but also scared, I cant see him get hurt again I cant stand seeing him cry, I know the guy is will be with and he is genuine and is really nice but I still get really worried and scared he is like my brother, my best friend and lot more

**hugs emily**

I'm sure ur friend will be okies there...he won't get hurt, coz ur a good friend looking after him!

**hugs carol**

Ur a special person there!

Checking in again...not sure I left the last time...no good to anyone...so sorry.
*searches for her stuffed lamb, blanket and pillow...sets up camp in corner and cries*

I'm a ****ing mess inside.

*hugs Ally and DanceDance* that seems silly to me, you would never hurt them *hugs*

I'm ****ing messed up.

I think I want to ****ing die.

I want the happy me back, that I knew in July.

Feels like she's gone and not coming back.

Everything seems to think things are getting better.

But no, they don't know how I truely feel, they don't see me come home every night since college started and was sad/upset or whatever negative except two/three nights. I can't keep up with my college work when I'm in this state. I'm so ****ing stuipd, I really am.

Why must I mess everything up seriously? I really feel like I do. I keep falling out with friends, some which I will admit maybe weren't worth my friendship in the end. But I need my friends more than ever and they can't give me the support I need I guess. I can't control ANYTHING!

I might be in trouble at college. I'm not sure if anyone who knows about it gives a flying **** as much as I do. Then my parents will find out about that and how much I can be late. Then I'll be in **** with them. My parents don't believe me when I say it's not my fault I don't sleep easily, but relly I can admit to everyone else part of it is...my fault.

WTF am I doing?

I saw one of my support teachers today, and she was like I've improved well in 3 weeks, from being taking out of class in tears to trying to deal with things. ****s sake. She doesn't know about any of the thoughts that enter my head. But she knows most of my **** already (just not my self harm- though she asked about my hand too yay another wondering person. Also she dont know about my suidical thoughts/stuff).

I could tell her, but I can't. Not because it's hard (although that's a reason), I've only known her 3 weeks already. She can't keep any of that to herself if I told her. Plus I'm just going to have to hold it in until monday which I ****ing probs won't be abe to get around to talking about. What is the point in ANYTHING I do? I want the happy helen back, that I knew in July. Every day I feel like I'm living a lie somehow. There are days where I get happy and think it's going to get better. But then something comes along or my bloody mood comes flying back down.

I can't take it anymore, yeah sure I've only ****ing lived 17.5 years and a bit more. Still have so much more to do, see & exprience. But I CANNOT do this. I can't talk to anyone about this **** that's happened in the past week and although it wasn't all ****.

I came out from seeing Jane, feeling really down and **** sake she's just a teacher really and a very good one at that. I know there are people who care and want to help. But the people who could really help, I can't even admit much to. I should be spending my free time at college more I guess doing college stuff. Esp when I go home, not going home, coming online, eating dinner, falling asleep, and eventually going to sleep properly. I have uni coming up aswell and I need to be doing stuff for that too. What's the ****ing point? I'm so bloody stuipd. I can't even keep up with the work I feel, when I'm in this state (well the stuff set by people). Lke I said, I go home every night and since I started college I've felt **** every night bar two or three.

I better go & change now, dry my hair, do my psychology homework & then take a ****ing OD, but don't worry it won't be a high amount but I'll be ill in college tomorrow fun!

**** sake I'm unwell =|

Eh. I'm a idiot. I cut last night. Any real reason for it? no. Why did I do it then? I have no friggin clue. Thats whats pissing me off so much. And the fact that I feel it nssacary to lie to my councler. she's a nice lady too. She don't deserve me lying to her on a weekly basis. Yet I do it anyway. Freaking idiot me.