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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Jetforce 05-03-2010 10:59 AM

*hugs shadowedsoul*

Doikers 05-03-2010 11:28 AM

I gave in.
I gave in to the urges and hurt myself last night.
I feel wretched despite sleeping well.
I almost didn't get out of bed this morning, it was late when I did .
I can't believe I slipped up and now all I want is do it again:S
Over a months hard work wasted.

*go's and sits in the corner*

Jetforce 05-03-2010 11:48 AM

*hugs doikers*

don't beat up urself too about it, everybody goes thru periods where they slip

Maybe you learn from it? like identify the triggers or things that you could of done to avoid it?

hang in there ! x

one_step_closer 05-03-2010 12:02 PM

I overdosed yesterday so that I could feel out of it. It worked and it's still working a little today. I feel better. I wish that I could OD all of the time but I get my medication weekly. I don't know what to do any more. I can't live with this pain but I can't die because of my brother.

Doikers 05-03-2010 12:08 PM

Thanx for the hug Jetforce

I don't know whats triggered me but I'm triggered again now :(
As for thing I can do to avoid it this time I'm on here , listening to music , took a Diazepam which I hope will kick in soon.

*hugs one step closer*

shadowedsoul 05-03-2010 01:17 PM

thanks for the hug jetforce i needed that, hugs doikers, hugs jetforce back,hugs one step closer. hides under blakets again.

MammaMia 05-03-2010 02:02 PM

*leaves cuddles for everyone*

Try keep safe everyone :( I know it's really hard.

Thought we were quiet, until I realised, I'd missed a whole page of posts, silly Hells!!!

Strawberry.Bananas 05-03-2010 10:59 PM

I am completely worthless. :crying:
I want it all to finish now. Everything. I've had enough.
I've had enough.

PoisonedApple 05-03-2010 11:19 PM

*cuddles Vicki*
Anything you're up for talking about or just everything at once?
*offers ze hot cocoa n muffins, duvet and plushie*

Scarletdreamer 06-03-2010 01:10 AM

I feel like ****. Utter ****.

Can't remember if I posted about my internship in here or not...

Sorry you all are feeling shitty too... :( *cuddles all* Mark, don't beat yourself up if you can help it... you slipped, you'll regain footing.

This year I'm aiming to be SI-free. I haven't cut or SI'd since December. The self destruction is more aimed at my ED now... if that makes sense. That might be too big of a goal though so I... don't know if it will work. :-S I mean, spring break is this week, and I will probably go nuts during it. :(

*hides in a dark corner* :(

MammaMia 06-03-2010 02:08 AM

*cuddles everyone*

April, good luck sweetie.
Vicki, you're not worthless.

I found out some crap news about my **** of an ex boyfriend (and that's putting it lightly), really hurt & upset. He's not ****ing worth it.

Almost my birthday, less than 22 hours to go haha

Jetforce 06-03-2010 11:30 AM

*hugs lindsay* how u feeling there atm? hopefully u ain't too sick from the OD? take care of urself over the next few days...maybe find something u like do regularly?

*hugs doikers* hopefully u manage to get some sleep after taking diazapam... :-) tc there x

*hugs vicki* keep fighting there! things will improve, it can't stay negative all the time x

*hugs scarlet* i hope u reach ur goal! 1yr is a good goal...but maybe 1/2 yr first? or 2 weeks? something which is achievable and then u can extend longer if problems arises! but yah...i'll be cheering u on, pm me if u need a chat or anything, tc x

*hugs helen* i'll probably chat to u when u wake up later in the day x

me...well, i feel iffy. Not the best nor the greatest. oh well nvm, i'll keep pushing on i suppose. *leaves some Orange juice on the table* tc all..toddles! lol. I think the time difference makes it harder for me to talk to u, oh well :-) x

MammaMia 06-03-2010 01:07 PM

Anyone want my back pain & migraine???


*curls up & hides*

Strawberry.Bananas 06-03-2010 05:55 PM


Originally Posted by angelic_monster (Post 2168721)
*cuddles Vicki*
Anything you're up for talking about or just everything at once?
*offers ze hot cocoa n muffins, duvet and plushie*


Originally Posted by MammaMia (Post 2168948)
*cuddles everyone*
Vicki, you're not worthless.


Originally Posted by Jetforce (Post 2169322)
*hugs vicki* keep fighting there! things will improve, it can't stay negative all the time x

It's just everything. Everything I try and do throws back at me. I feel worthless to everybody and much as I wish I could believe that things can't always stay negative I'm rapidly losing hope. And there's not that much left to lose.

CrazyHayley 06-03-2010 07:00 PM

hey guys, sorry I've been quiet the past week, things didn't go as I had planned and I've been keeping myself busy in the real world...but thats only helped mess things up further, blah...
Ewan came home yesterday....I made it til an hour ago pretending everything was ok, have now fallen apart and am sitting at home crying whislt I've sent him down the pub. I don't know why he loves me. It would be easier for him if he didn't. I wouldn't feel so guilty either.... but I don't know how I'd survive without him. Gosh I feel crap....I really wanna fag but I haven't got any!!! Arrghhh!!!

*group huggle* sorry but its all I can muster right now.

Kahlia1981 06-03-2010 08:11 PM

*huggles everyone*

Guys, just like it says in the movie The Crow: It can't rain all the time.
I take that to mean that one day things will improve. Even though it's hard to see that now, it won't always be this bad, this much of a struggle. Hang in there for the good times and don't let the bad times destroy you.

I love you all and would be incredibly sad if something happened to any of you. :(

And given that I'm in a really depressed place, it's amazing I can find any hope at all ... but I see my pdoc on Thursday morning and will hopefully get a full medication review.

*leaves hugs, one of my sister's homemade cheesecakes and a plate of homemade gingerbread men*

Strawberry.Bananas 06-03-2010 08:13 PM

That's really positive and has actually put a smile on my face for the first time today. Thanks Khalia. :)

I hope you're doing ok hon.

*massive hugs*


MammaMia 06-03-2010 08:40 PM

*cuddles everyone*

My birthday starts in 3 hours & 20 minutes - eeeek!!! :D Haha too excited. *spreads excitement around*

I'm trying to push away all my bad emotions, nothing is ruining tomorrow.

Doikers 06-03-2010 08:45 PM

Cut self .
Hate self.
Die die die DIE!

I'm so sorry.

"It can't rain all the time" grabs hold of quote and hopes............

MammaMia 06-03-2010 08:48 PM

Don't die Doikers, we don't want you to coem to any harm or die :( *cuddles tight*

Doikers 06-03-2010 09:03 PM

*cuddles MammaMia* Thankyou for the words of encouragement

I need to get away from my tools , I need a walk , screw that I'm off to bed , sorry

Strawberry.Bananas 06-03-2010 09:12 PM

Look after yourself Mark. Hope you're ok.

MammaMia 06-03-2010 10:43 PM

*cries and curls up*

Kahlia1981 06-03-2010 11:35 PM

*cuddles everyone*

MammaMia 07-03-2010 12:15 AM

My birthday

shadowedsoul 07-03-2010 12:21 AM

happy birthday mammamia, hope you have a good one. huggles

GypsieKitten 07-03-2010 01:42 AM

*creeps in on kitten paws, finds a pile of pillows and hides*
hi say this place & thought it would be nice to hide for a while.

Imaginary_friend 07-03-2010 02:16 AM

woo im drunk again :) yayayays. makes everything aaaaall beettteer.

SoMuchMore 07-03-2010 05:48 AM

*cuddles everyone*

Happy Birthday Helen! :-)

Hope everyone is alright... Sorry i'm not very active atm.. this is the first time ive signed in in almost 2 weeks. I've been thinking about all of you though.

Scarletdreamer 07-03-2010 10:47 AM

Happy birthday, Hels!! *cuddles gently* I hope that it's a good day. :) Why are/were you apprehensive about turning 20?

Mark, I'm sorry that you feel so shitty. :( *cuddles* Stay strong... I know you can. Don't do anything "stupid" and keep fighting... easier said than done, oh how I know this!! but you can and will manage it. Maybe listen to this and put male adjectives in where it says "she/her"? (I played that song for my therapist & she actually said that that song is now her "theme song" - so maybe it can be yours?) *cuddles & rocks gently*

LauraStar, how are YOU?? Have missed seeing you around. ♥

Sorry didn't reply to all of the posts... oh, and welcome, Gypsie. :) This is usually a pretty supportive place, so come on in & join us!! The denial tent is over there *points* and there's even a mascot for the ward, Puppy SinClair. :)

Have not been doing great... want to purge so ****ing badly, want to die, want to cut sooo much. :crying: I hate my life. I don't know what to do about it either... :(

*hides in the denial tent*

Doikers 07-03-2010 11:55 AM

Thanx everyone for being so kind.
April thankyou SO MUCH for the song ,it helped , it's kind of motivational :)
Happy birthday Mammamia I hope you have a nice day :)

*hugs all round*

MammaMia 07-03-2010 01:08 PM

Thanks to everyone who's wished me a happy birthday, got to go ready (again!) to go to the cinema :D

*sends big squishy cuddles for you all* Try keep safe people

Doikers 07-03-2010 06:56 PM

I'm gonna have a SUPER early night , sleep is where I'll be safe , night everyone.
*Mammamia what film did you go to at the cinema?

Imaginary_friend 07-03-2010 07:15 PM

happy birthday helen :) hope whatever film you go and see is good.

one of my friends who i've known for 3 years just came and told me something massive. we've currently got mental health awareness week at college and they've been asking for peoples personal experiences and she decided she wanted to send one in. and i didn't know. and now i feel **** because what she went through was massive and she got through it and i haven't been through anything like that bad and i feel crap and i don't know how i'm gonna get through it. i just feel a whole lot worse now. i wanna die.
:'( *curls up in the corner*


Kahlia1981 08-03-2010 01:01 PM

*hugs everyone tightly*

It has been the weirdest couple of days. My housemate managed to crash my computer ... and when he did it seems that all my data that was housed in non-original folders was lost. It's going to take me ages to get everything back. :( But on the plus side my new TV Tuner card works perfectly on my windows partition, the 2 TB hard drive is installed and working nicely, and so on and so forth.

Anyway today I had a meeting with a tdoc. I really don't think he's going to work for me, but I'll give him a couple of sessions. There's some negative factors there like when I told him where my father had worked for most of my life he said "oh that must be x" ... and it turned out that he'd worked for the same employer but in another city. That might not sound like much, but I've found in the past that a therapist who knows anyone in my family is going to find barriers created between me and them.

On the good side however, he has put in place some caveats, ie. if I tell him "no" or "I don't want to talk about it" he'll respect that. Which is kind of okay, but I'm still a little iffy. I mean ... I don't know. He kept telling me that I had a problem with anger and stuff that I don't have a problem with.

*sigh* I just don't know ...

*leaves behind loads of cuddles and some cupcakes sprinkles with 100s and 1000s (or sprinkles if you prefer them)*

elephant poo 08-03-2010 03:49 PM

*Finds the darkest, quietest corner in the smoking room, and breaths deeply*

PoisonedApple 08-03-2010 05:46 PM

Since I don't remember if I said this already... Happy birthday Helen!
I like the song April. :) Adding it to my Ipod tonight.
*huggles everyone*
sorry for not replying to everyone but I'm just not up for reading all the new posts.

Doikers 08-03-2010 07:41 PM

*Pokes head in*
Can I sleep here tonight ? I'll be quiet and bring my own duvet :)

I seem to be sleeping early a lot lately .....

PoisonedApple 09-03-2010 03:28 AM

Sure Mark. I am too. *huggles for all*

Kahlia1981 09-03-2010 08:17 AM

*huggles everyone then backs into a dark corner to rock, cry and hopefully disappear*

Doikers 09-03-2010 12:28 PM

*Hugs Angelic monster ( sorry I don't know your name or have forgotten )*
*Hugs Kahlia*

*Makes sandwichs for all and leaves them on the top *

I'm just gonna keep popping by today .

MammaMia 09-03-2010 01:23 PM

*sends cuddles round*

One of my best friends is back in hospital *sighs* Have to go pick up a parcel from the post office, which she sent yesterday, for my birthday...feels kinda wrong to be excited.

*curls up and hides in the denial tent*

Doikers 09-03-2010 01:41 PM

I've had an energy bill that was run up by the previous tennant for 1443.10 ! and a letter from the same company asking for my name, date of tenancy etc and threatening "Further action" . I didn't run up this bill , I don't even turn the boiler on until about 4pm as I'm paranoid about the cost .
This has made me REALLY anxious and triggered and I was having an ok day . I guess I'll have to talk to my houseing support worker next Monday.

SO Triggered it's unreal , I'm shaking......

It's the threat of "further action" whatever that means, thats really getting to me.

* hugs Mammamia *

CrazyHayley 09-03-2010 04:45 PM

Hello there peeps! And a belated happy birthday to Helen! :)

Sorry not been on past few days, but with Ewan back home after 6weeks, it doesn't seem right to jump online every day for a while, even if inside I was feeling lost without you guys. Just knowing people are there to read my posts and understand without judgement is a huge relief and comfort for me. I hope that it has a similar effect for the rest of you.

I'm completely emotionally drained today, I wrote a super long email to my sisters last night explaining everything that has happened to me and my mental health crap over the past 15years that they've been unaware of. (We're technically half sisters with a large age gap so grew up in different homes and haven't been that close). But I always swore to myself that when my youngest sister was 18 I would tell them the truth as I wanted to rectify our relationships and bond with them. So anyway, last night I got round to it and triggerred myself badly, but I'm pleased to say that Ewan came round to comfort me (though he was drunk and then passed out wearing my dressing gown, lol) so I ended up on the phone to my mum for over an hour - so good that she knows the truth now, otherwise I guess I'd have been speaking to my crisis team. I have started smoking again and have red marker pen all over my legs, BUT it still means I've not messed up my 8month mark, so with the "It can't rain all the time" and "stand in the rain" song, you guys have really helped me today :)

*takes puppy sinclair for a walk in the gardens whilst having a fag or three*

MammaMia 09-03-2010 05:27 PM

Doikers, my sister had a similar problem, are you with that company who are threatening you?? Even if they take you to court, they will throw it out, especially if you aren't even with the same company. Have you rung them up or your housing support worker could to explain?? *cuddles* Try not to harm over the situation, I know how stressful it is, I really do :(

Hayley, so proud of you *big cuddles*

God I'm so tired, had to carry a huuuge parcel for ages!!!

CrazyHayley 09-03-2010 05:42 PM

Thanks helen :)

Just downloaded the "stand in the rain" song, think we should pipe it through the speakers here in the virtual psych ward, it could be our theme song for the week...or longer depending on who finds a different song to put through the speakers. I'd have a few ideas but I've no idea how to do links and attatch things *hangs head in shame as 28year old technophobe*
Actually, in may 2008 I would never have thought me capable of posting online in a forum and using the word 'download' so I've come a long way, lol

Ooh, just set up an online journal, now the truth is out I guess I can be more free with how I express myself, so I'm hoping that it'll help me. I don't know how regular I'll use it or keep it up for, its just an idea....

Cancelled my friend coming round tonight, I've been in my pj's all day today and am just so drained from everything that I'm not in the mood for chat and wii fit. I think it'll be dinner and early bed, but in the meantime I'll be hanging out around here with you all.

*group huggles everyone in ward*

PoisonedApple 09-03-2010 06:15 PM

Mark~ The name's Crimson. And... I agree with Helen.

*hugs everyone*
Feeling kinda triggery right about now. My mother in law joined the site yesterday eve. I created an alternate acct so she can see that profile for a while... and I'm gonna take out pics of me from the site... Kinda buffer what's here so she doesn't find anything I don't want her to... *Sigh* I had originally changed the name to something people that know me wouldn't look for and have my location as something other than Alaska but I hadn't anticipated anyone in my family joining the site. Sure they know I come round and that I support other people but they have no idea of anything else. Since I'd been on here a number of months without family incidents I put my pic on my profile.... And now I have to remove it... I hate this.
*hides in denial tent and waits for the world to go away*

Doikers 09-03-2010 06:34 PM

No I'm not with the same company as the previous tennant so thats encourageing to hear. It's still so hard not to be triggered.
Earlier I HAD to get out of the flat or I would have harmed but being out meant I ran into my best friend / girlfriend which cheered me up a lot , I'm just totally in love with the woman but I won't go into that now.
Then I got back to the flat and those letters........Grrr , I'm pissed off that the guy who lived here before me hasn't contacted them and has left them chasing me ugh .

CrazyHayley 09-03-2010 07:01 PM

*group huggles everyone before she smokes more fags and stinks*

*goes out to the smoking shelter*

Doikers 09-03-2010 07:05 PM

*Joins Hayley in the smoking shelter , doesen't smoke but needs company*

Ireally like this from your sig Hayley.
"There are moments in life when the only possible option is to lose control"

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