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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

Jetforce 05-02-2010 06:09 AM

*pokes his head in to see if anybody is around*

hmm, guess not..*leaves newspapers and muffins for all*

PoisonedApple 05-02-2010 06:48 AM

*pokes jet*
i am sporadically here this eve.

Imaginary_friend 05-02-2010 08:50 AM

*hugs everyone*
*hugs helen* i hope you're feeling safe this morning. *hugs*
*hugs Kahlia* hope you're feeling a bit better too. the denial tent rocks :)
*hugs April* I'm sorry you had a rubbish day hun. hope today's better :)
*hugs Crimson* thankoos. hangover went by about 8pm last night.....lol uurgh

i don't feel great tbh. i don't think the other night helped. my counsellor said that i probably feel "numb" because i'm not letting myself feel anything. so i tried last night....and i got so scared because i felt awful so i went back to the numb thing. i dunno. it's weird. like, at the moment, feeling numb is my default so to feel anything i have to really try. but because everything isn't great at the moment, to get on with my life feeling nothing is probably better. although i know when i eventually do feel it it'll be so much worse. argh. i just wanna get it over and done with and get on with my life but i can't. it hurts too much and i'd probably do something stupid if i felt that bad.....i dunno what to do.
*curls up under a blanket with a teddy*

Scarletdreamer 05-02-2010 09:30 AM

*cuddles Kahlia* Are you IP at the mo? or did they release you? Sorry, got a bit confused by your post. >_< Was sleepy last night & am sleep-deprived this morning, so yeah. Anyway, I hope that you're doing a bit better, or will be doing so shortly. ♥

*squishes Helen* I'm sorry about the argument... please try & stay safe though. Arguments aren't worth harming over. It may seem that way but it's not true. You're worth so much more than that, sweetie... try to believe that, sometime(s) at least!!

*huggles Crimson* How you doing this morning?

*cuddles LauraFriend* I understand about the numbness thing... I am feeling kinda that way myself... it's really hard to let yourself feel the feelings that you "need" to feel - without acting on them. Like anger, or pain. I hope that as time passes you'll get more comfortable with expressing your feelings & feeling them as well.

I just got up... it's 4:30am here... hardly slept last night & would cancel tutoring for today except I have to go on campus anyway, to go to class. I am sick with a head cold and am so stuffed up it's not even funny. :( Thanks, dearest hubby, for sharing - lol. I guess it's only fair though, as I gave him the stomach flu in January. >_< I just want to feel better though. :(

I'm listening to Flyleaf right now... love that band. :D

Going to be so ****ing tired today. If I have caffeine, I get anxious, too anxious to be of any use anywhere. Then I have to take Klonopin but I "only" have 4mg/day to take, so I have to be careful how I dole it out. *sigh* I hate being an anxious person, I really do...

*hides in denial tent again* :(

Kahlia1981 05-02-2010 11:05 AM

April: I got discharged this morning because they wouldn't discharge me when I asked them to yesterday. Considering nothing had changed or was going to change, they should have just let me go. It all comes down to power over people

MammaMia 05-02-2010 12:15 PM

Bleh. Boyfriend is on his way home. He had to come sleep in my bed last night, shrugs. Our argument was pure horrible but least we sorted it =)

Feeling bit low? Worried aswell. My best friend's phone is off. So can't even ring her and accidently wake her up. Really need to talk to her. Hopefully she'll wake up soon and give us a call.

*cuddles everyone*

Kahlia, sorry you've been discharged again and nothing seems to be helping.
April, I hope you feel better soon.
Hope everyone else is feeling bit better? x

Scarletdreamer 05-02-2010 01:45 PM

*holds Kahlia gently* I understand what you mean about power, the power of the doctors etc. over the patient, right? Anyway... how are you doing? ♥

*cuddles Helen* Awh, your boyfriend only stayed for that short a time after not seeing him for so long? Glad you got the argument sorted, that's good. :) It's always best to do that shortly after an argument happens, unless tempers are too high... then take a break - a breather, lol - for a bit. Hope your best friend is okay & hope that you feel less low shortly.

*hugs Jet* How're you doing this morning?

*hides in denial tent where crying is possible for her*

MammaMia 05-02-2010 03:19 PM

Well he was here for nearly 24 hours, but yeah, he needed to get back in time for stuff tonight. Plus, he was always only stopping a few hours anyway, he only stopped party because I had an empty house and stuff. Have caught up with my best friend, infact talking to her now :)n Feeling ****.

Kahlia1981 05-02-2010 06:56 PM

Helen: I wanted to be discharged because they weren't going to do anything. They don't care about their patients, they just want the power to control other people's lives. If they changed a drug I would have stayed because I'm still not safe.

April: I'm not doing all that good. My mood is depressed and I'm still having dangerous thoughts and urges. But I'd rather be at home.

*hugs everyone then slips into the denial tent where everything is okay*

PoisonedApple 05-02-2010 09:52 PM

*hugs everyone*

april~ better than i was last night... not so stressed about finances. still kind of fed up with everything and a bit overwhelmed but i got in contact with the va center to see about getting help from there. we'll see how that goes.
hope you feel better soon and don't let the cold bug ya too much. :)

Imaginary_friend 05-02-2010 11:03 PM

*hugs kahlia* :( I'm so sorry your still feeling unsafe. If I can do anything, lemme know ok? *hands a cookie* :)

*hugs April* why you crying Hun? Wats up? *hands a cookie*

*hugs Helen and crimson* how you doing? *hands cookies*

I'm at home for a family party and it's stressful tryna hide my cuts from my parents and pretend everthings ok when it's so not. I want to let go and feel something but I'm so scared what will happen if I do. I know I could if I wanted to but I think I'd hurt myself. Or worse. And I'm scared i'd hurt someone else...:( *hides in the denial tent with teddy, blanket and more cookies for everyone*

Kahlia1981 05-02-2010 11:55 PM

Thanks Laura (friend). If I find anything any of you can do I'll let you know.

*cuddles everyone tightly and then disappears into a dark corner of the denial tent*

MammaMia 06-02-2010 01:46 AM

*curls up in a ball, cries and cries but first hugs everyone in the ward*

Kahlia1981 06-02-2010 03:58 AM

*holds Helen tight and offers tissues*

*hugs everyone then disappears back into the dark for a nice long crying session - oh why can't our hospital doctors be competent??*

Scarletdreamer 06-02-2010 03:47 PM

*needs hugs & cuddles* :crying:

Uni work is overwhelming me & I'm crying over it & my husband's unsupportive stance towards it. I was sat on the floor crying & he was on his computer chair reading, didn't even come down to give me a hug or anything. Just sat there & kept reading.

I feel like ****. I'm sick, I have so much work to do, I don't know how to do half of it, I want to go somewhere, want to do something FUN instead of feeling like crap mentally & physically... but no, have to stay home & do work. **** IT ALL!!!

I hate my life & see no reason for me to stick around.

nologola 06-02-2010 05:49 PM

*comes in, unsure, grabs and blanket and sits in the corner*

SoMuchMore 06-02-2010 07:03 PM

*cuddles laurafriend, kahlia, and helen* how r u guys doing?

*hugs april* im sorry that your husband was not supportive.. i hate my bf just ignores that im having a hard time. Hang in there though. You can do it. Uni work has to ease up eventually.. at least that is what i am hoping

*hugs nologola* (sry i dont know ur name). How r u?

Everyone here is out of town this weekend on conferences and whatnot. which sucks b/c i dont get out much as i dont have a car so its not like i can go anywhere really. I wish my stupid mind would calm just for just a few minutes and let me concentrate and relax.

Sorry i didnt reply to everyone...

Imaginary_friend 06-02-2010 08:16 PM

*hugs everyone*
aww April *hugs* there is def point you sticking around! I'm sure your husband loves you, even if he's not being too supportive atm so there's one massive reason to stuck around!! *hugs*

hey nologola :) *hands a cookie*

hmph I'm on my way back to uni. Had a really good time at the family party (apart from feeling really I'll) but I can't keep up the pretence. At least at uni people generally don't notice that I'm getting a bit out of control...argh I wanna get drunk :(

Kahlia1981 06-02-2010 09:41 PM

*hugs everyone then disappears into the denial tent to stop herself from crying yet again*

Imaginary_friend 06-02-2010 11:22 PM

*hugs Laurastar and Kahlia*
sorry can't say much more than that right now....feeling pretty crappy.
*hides in the denial tent*

Scarletdreamer 06-02-2010 11:29 PM

*holds everyone gently* Am feeling pretty crap myself so can't do individual replies at the mo - plus it's nearly time for supper/showers.

Still feel crappy, still feel ill, blah blah blah. What I have to say isn't important.

:crying:

Can I come in the denial tent again?

SoMuchMore 06-02-2010 11:47 PM

*hugs kahlia* hope you are ok.. or as ok as u can be right now.

*hugs laurafriend* glad you had a good time at ur family party thing. Hope u are alright.

April - the denial tent is always open! *cuddles* im sorry that you are feeling so poorly

*joins everyone in the denial tent* thinking thinking thinking = bad. Trying to keep distracted.

Imaginary_friend 06-02-2010 11:53 PM

*hugs April and Laura* hope you guys feel better soon :( *hugs*

i wanna go somewhere safe so i can sort my head out without having the chance to hurt myself or someone else. i need to. :(

MammaMia 07-02-2010 12:41 AM

......

MammaMia 07-02-2010 01:47 AM

.....

Kahlia1981 07-02-2010 02:02 AM

*cuddles everyone then disappears back into the darkness once again*

nologola 07-02-2010 03:27 AM

*hugs laura and laura (and anyone else who wants hugging)*

I'm Ayla. Feeling quite low.

I've got a lot of uni work piling up.

I've been in control of urges for almost a year but it's suddenly got really hard this week. I can't really talk to anyone in my house, they get too freaked out.

I know I should sleep but I'd rather be doing something rather than just staring at the ceiling driving myself crazy.

How is everyone else?

SoMuchMore 07-02-2010 04:19 AM

*hugs laurafriend* try not to hurt yourself hun.

*cuddles helen* I read what u posted before u deleted it i just didnt have a chance to respond.. i wont mention it specifically since idk if u dont want it up or something but... Im sorry about all of that... U okay?

*hugs kahlia*

*hugs ayla* Uni can be so hard.. I have a lot of work for mine right now too. Im sorry u cant talk to anyone in ur house... can u tell someone else? u can always talk on here...

MammaMia 07-02-2010 05:01 AM

I had to delete it because partly of the people involved, two of them are here. Partly because it's not 100% true right now.

Everything's really bad right now :/

Kahlia1981 07-02-2010 08:18 AM

*hugs everyone tightly*

*runs into the darkest space she can find and curls up into a little ball crying into bear*

Imaginary_friend 07-02-2010 10:09 AM

*hugs Ayla* uni work sucks. i dunno why they bother cos it's not like we went to uni to get a degree or anything.....:/ lol hope you manage to get it done...i know the feeling of having far too much to do..*hugs*

*hugs Laurastar* how you doing?

*hugs Helen* aww hun....hope it gets better soon.

*hugs Kahlia* .... *hands a dry teddy and blanket*

i've got to the point where i'm only just holding it together...i occasionally get these moments where it all goes red and i feel EVERYTHING for a few seconds and it hurts so much, but then it goes and i know i've got to deal with it at some point. i'm scared....
*curls up to sleep in the denial tent*

MammaMia 07-02-2010 12:04 PM

It hurts too much. It really hurts, but I have to deal with it, the other option hurts far too much more and I really would lose everything. *sighs* Been crying pretty much since 1am, except when I was asleep, it's 12pm now :/

*cries some more*

Imaginary_friend 07-02-2010 12:24 PM

aww helen *hugs* i...i'm a bit rubbish at being helpful at the moment. :( sorry. have some more hugs and some tissues. lol *hugs* hope you feel better soon. anything i can do?

MammaMia 07-02-2010 12:30 PM

*gratefully accepts tissues and hugs*

Nothing anyone can do except the person it involves and they are. I wish I could get rid of this nasusa, shows that I've cried tons and tons. Thought it might go away after sleeping, but clearly not.

*curls up and cries*

Imaginary_friend 07-02-2010 12:43 PM

aww *huggles* i always find that if i'm really upset going for a walk helps...i dunno if its the fresh air or the fact that i'm moving that helps... i dunno if it'd help you. altho having said that, if the weather's anything like it is here where you are, you're not gonna want to go out! lol
*hugs* look after yourself :)

MammaMia 07-02-2010 01:04 PM

Well I'm going out with my Dad in a bit, maybe that'll help :) Hopefully. Just had a shower, feel better for it, cleaner...

*hugs some more*

shadowedsoul 07-02-2010 02:27 PM

curls up in corner and sleeps, needs some sleeps 2 hours last night, had a very bad night, even worse morning. trying not to hurt myself really want to. crys

Imaginary_friend 07-02-2010 04:04 PM

*hugs Helen* hope you have a great time out with your Dad and you feel better when you get back :)

*hugs shadowedsoul* sorry, i don't know your name :/ try and stay strong. we're here if you wanna talk. *hugs and hands a blanket and a teddy* :)

i just hurt myself. for no apparent reason. this is why i'm scared to actually let myself feel anything because if i can do this when i don't feel anything what am i gonna do when i feel really bad? :( i'm so scared
*hides under a blanket*

MammaMia 07-02-2010 04:25 PM

*cuddles both*

nologola 07-02-2010 04:54 PM

It's so nice to be back, I'd forgotten how helpful it can be to talk to people without being judged. I'm feeling a little more with it today, aside from having woken up with flu-like symptoms, I've obviously exhausted myself.

Laura (Fallin_star) - the people I live with are by far my closest friends but I can't even bring myself to talk to them about it. I think talking about it face to face often makes me feel worse. Nice to know there's a few of us feeling the pressure of uni work. I've just let it get on top of me and haven't been doing as much as I should have. Going to try and get myself back on track this week.

Laura (Imaginary_friend) please try not to be so hard on yourself. You say you hurt yourself for no apparent reason - I don't know anything about your situation but perhaps you hurt yourself because you're not letting yourself feel anything? I know for me when I let the shutters come down on my emotions I'll do anything to feel real again. It can be really scary to embrace even the positive feelings, let alone the negative ones, just take it one step at a time and try and show yourself some love. *hugs*

shadowedsoul (again, sorry I don't know your name), I feel for you. I often have trouble sleeping and it makes everything seem a lot worse, and when you feel worse it's harder to sleep and so on. Try and at least let your body rest though, maybe get in bed and try and read a book or something. *big hugs* i hope you get some sleep soon.

Imaginary_friend 07-02-2010 04:59 PM

*cuddles Helen* you alrite chick?

*hugs Ayla* thanks :) yea maybe that is why i'm hurting myself but....i dunno. like i said in an earlier post, i do occasionally feel everything all at once and it's really scary. it's like i can't separate out my feelings...i have to feel everything all at once. i don't wanna let myself feel all that while i'm by myself because i'll end up doing something stupid or hurting someone else....i dunno. guess i need to talk to my counsellor about it tomorrow. i wish someone could help me *cries*

nologola 07-02-2010 05:06 PM

Oh Laura you poor thing. I understand feeling that way - it becomes impossible to separate the feelings out, know where they came from etc etc. It really can be scary. Sounds like talking to your counsellor about it would be a good idea. Do you have a good relationship (it's taking me a while to get up to speed with everyone)? Just take the rest of today bit by bit. *hands Laura some tissues and puts the kettle on*

Imaginary_friend 07-02-2010 05:11 PM

thanks :) *takes the tissues and cries some more* i've only just started going back to counselling...like, last week was my first session! i think she thinks i'm a bit stupid tbh but i don't know who else to go to...it doesn't feel like the kind of thing i could go to the doctors about. i don't know. i just want to be somewhere safe where if i go mental i'm not gonna hurt anyone. or me. i just don't know what to do anymore *hides in a corner*

nologola 07-02-2010 06:54 PM

Laura - I'm sure your counsellor doesn't think you're stupid, it just takes time to build up that trust you need to feel safe in that environment. I've always had trouble with counselling but I think if you can make it work it can be a really good place to get it all out of your system. Keep your chin up sweetie, I'm around for the rest of the day so feel free to PM me as well.

*Sits close to the corner where Laura is hiding, just in case she needs more tissues and cuddles*

Imaginary_friend 07-02-2010 07:07 PM

:) thankies. i'm hoping she'll be able to help...otherwise i am actually gonna go insane. i dunno what i'm gonna do....:(

Kahlia1981 07-02-2010 07:20 PM

*cuddles everyone*

Can this depressed mood, suicidal ideation and urge to self harm stop now please?

*disappears into the dark to cry*

MammaMia 07-02-2010 07:59 PM

Make this pain stop.
Make these tears stop flowing.
Make it go away :'(
I want to harm in so many ways.
I'm trying to keep my promise though.

*curls up*

nologola 07-02-2010 08:17 PM

*Puts a blanket over MammaMia so she doesn't get cold* (sorry I haven't picked up your name yet).
*Pushes a box of tissues into the darkness towards Kahlia just in case she needs them*.
*Lies down and pretends that if she stays there long enough she'll fall asleep eventually*.

Scarletdreamer 07-02-2010 09:28 PM

Urgh, sorry didn't respond all day, have been pretty busy!!

*cuddles for all* Sorry also, am not in a good place for responses atm. Really anxious & stressed... feel like **** for no good reason & want to die. Can't talk to my NP or therapist about it though as they want me to go into the hospital if I keep feeling this way... :(

Busy day, yes. Went to my parents' in the morning & my mum helped me get some uni stuff done (yus, once again skipping church for uni work :( that makes me sad but I can't really help it... or can I? am I just a stupid slacker? :crying:) - resume & cover letter are complete!! Woohoo. So that's good. Ate too much at lunch, wanted to purge.

Came home, got stuff for laundry, went & did laundry, came back home, & here we are. Hopefully won't be going anywhere else tonight.

*hides in dark corner*

MammaMia 07-02-2010 09:51 PM

*cuddles all*

April, please look after yourself love, don't want anything bad to happen to you :'(


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