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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

MammaMia 02-05-2008 06:45 PM

I can't do this :(

I feel so upset =[ and annoyed :|

blondiebear 02-05-2008 10:00 PM

I've never been in a psych ward before. Just 30 years of counseling. May I hang out here please?

I'm exhausted but think I'll be a loser if I nap. I've had two screwy weeks of personality conflicts. Yet more changing relationships. My body is hungry but I don't want to eat. I have a mess of cleaning out I want to do before tenting (tent fumigation) next week. I can't decide where to start.
Maybe I should go sleep.
Help please.
*hugs daughter Ally*

MammaMia 02-05-2008 10:19 PM

Welcome Susan :)

I'm really exhausted too, might be why I'm feelig tired all the time. I get lousy amounts of sleep anyway and even when I get good amounts, I can't get up quickly because I'm still so tired. I can't win. Infact I've suddenly gone rely tired again, might go to sleep soon, got to be up about 10am tomorrow to be ontime for my hair cut :)

*hugs*

Detour. Derail 02-05-2008 10:23 PM

*hugs ally* im sorry about your friend hun...but you arent a bad friend. you're amazing!!

HI SUSAN :D *waves*

Hi everyone :) *waves somemore*

Im tired. Obessessive behaviour is exhausting.
Ive just made my bed about 8 times.

MammaMia 02-05-2008 10:37 PM

*hugs Alex, Callie, Ally, Susan, Emma, Emma, Jo, Zwie, Carole, Chloe, Jermery & anyone else I've forgotten*

I'm still upset over stuipd stuff :(

How can ANYONE say "thats not good enough, I want both tasks done by 10.50" in reponse to "I can only try my best"

=\

Seriously?

I think I might have a word with someone higher than her, because I'm sick of this.

Detour. Derail 02-05-2008 10:44 PM

YOU GO FOR IT HUN!!!!
Kick some ass :)
*pounces on you*

~*forever_broken*~ 02-05-2008 11:04 PM

*hugs her RYL mother*
Welcome to the psych ward mom, sorry you're having such a rough time of it :-(

*hugs Susan, Helen, Alexx, Callie, Carole, Emma, Jeremy, and anyone else I missed*

Pomegranate 02-05-2008 11:04 PM

pounces back at Ally* *wonders if it is against the ethos of the virtual psych ward to pass her a bottle of vodka/wine* Keep safe hun x Susan! *hugs* Don't be so hard on yourself, there is nothing wrong with sleep! Sleep is good and necessary, it may even be that you wake up with a new perspective on how to tackle your tidying. You have had a rough couple of weeks, give yourself a little break :) *Hugs Alexx and moves her away from the bed* You alright hun? Stay safe and remember you can text me at any time x Helen, I don't know what to say, maybe she just meant that what you were doing wasn't your best or something. Could complain if you liked and thought it would help but you only have a little bit left before you leave. Is it worth the aggro? Just a thought *hugs*

Pomegranate 02-05-2008 11:05 PM

*bangs head against the wall* Going out, don't feel like it but hey ho x

chocostashchick 02-05-2008 11:07 PM

no no no no no i dont want to do this i dont
my cousin is having a bridal shower luncheon tomorrow
and that was it, that was all that we were invited to and all i had to do
now all of a sudden yesterday i find out i am invited to a lingerie shower/bacheloretter party (wtf?) and am kind of obligated to go but i dont want to go
my cousins are older than me and have kids and careers and i only will know my 2 cousins nobody else and i dont want to go i am not up to this but i cant SAY that and nobody has actually asked me if i want to it's all just assumed i will go and i cant say no because that will prompt a WHY and then i would have to explain that i cant handle all the socialising now because they would ask why and i am so not saying "i've been hiding mental illness sorry peeps i'm outa here"
i hate my life i cant do this how do i do this i will have to get stoned its the only way get stoned and be miserable and put on an exhausting happy face and then go home sunday and cut myself to shreds oh joy i hate family
hugs to you all
alyssa i am SO SORRY about your loss and you are NOT A BAD FRIEND none of it makes you a bad friend
emma i hope you are okay
alexx helen chloe kit jeremy jo the entire world HUGS for you

Detour. Derail 02-05-2008 11:10 PM

EMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
CALLLLIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*runs around*
God...it feels like I've not been in here for years :/
My positive attitude of "i CAN do this" is starting to slip a little :/

Detour. Derail 02-05-2008 11:12 PM

Im cold...but dont wanna get in bed...coz it took me 2 hours to make...

chocostashchick 02-05-2008 11:23 PM

alexx i aplaud you for making your bed i never make my bed except for the days that i wash my linens which now that i think about it is especially pathetic since i dont even use sheets i just use my duvet so all making my bed involves is lifting up the duvet.....
but go get warm honey, and get some sleep tonight

gah my mom just rang my aunt and uncle and nobody ever listens to me and i am totally stuck going to both these showers and i dont want to i dont want to i am going to hate it and i am going to be nervous and anxious and i am going to have to hang out with a room full of people i dont know and i am just tired and feeling antisocial this is not my type of thing i am so awkward and utterly crap and useless at this i just want to be alone with my misery and destroy myself in peace is peace and quiet so much to ask for i mean i hardly know my two cousins and i have never met their friends why the hell was i even invited?

chocostashchick 02-05-2008 11:24 PM

going out to the movies now..... being dragged out my girlfriends

why wont the world leave me the **** alone

MammaMia 02-05-2008 11:27 PM

Meh.

I hate being depressed. I hate having such an itchy hand. But I need to stop cutting it :(

*cries* I feel so pooey. Bring on tomorrow I

blondiebear 03-05-2008 12:34 AM

Heya Helen, a haircut is worth getting up for. Reminds me, my bangs/fringe is getting long.
Callie, instead of getting stoned, sit back and look at how weird and pathetic normies really are.

Make bed? Yeah, kinda toss the sheets and tattered comforter towards the pillow if Bozo cat isn't on it. No point in replacing comforter, is very washable.

I think I'm going to have to take a dose, well for me partial dose, of anti psychotic tonight. Am so tired that circles under eyes go to corners of mouth but too wound up to sleep cause tried to nap.

~*forever_broken*~ 03-05-2008 12:54 AM

*snuggles Alexx* aw, sweetie, I hope you manage to get warm... What about a shower?
*massive hugs Callie* Sweetie I'm sorry you've been essentially forced into something you don't want to do :-( but I don't think getting high is the answer dear RYL twin *snuggles* you can do it hun, you're a strong, capable woman.
*hugs Emma* Sorry to hear you're going out even though you don't want to... But I'm proud of you for doing it in spite of yourself. You're so very strong.
*cuddles her RYL mom* I hope you manage to get a good nights sleep.
--------------
*sigh* my mom is on her way over for the weekend... I don't know whether or not I'm happy about that :-( sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not... But it changes so fast I'm never quite certain where I am:crying:
Ugh! And this change in my meds (higher dose) is making my hands shake like none other:crying:!
*sits in her corner, arms wrapped around knees and stares vacantly, numbly at the floor*

Pomegranate 03-05-2008 02:18 AM

*hugs everyone*

What time does your mum arrive Ally? It may not be as bad as you think hun.

Callie....ummmm.... I'm not sure what to say. I hate the very idea of bachellorett parties...thank Christ none of my friends are engaged yet.

Let us hold your 'can do' attitude in place Alexx hun. I have faith in you!

*hugs Helen* hopefully tomorrow will be a better day hun.

*offers comforting hugs for Susan*
I'm sorry I have no more guys.

----------------

I am back early. I really want to carry on drinking and cut but I didn't sleep at all last night and had about 4 hours sleep the night before so am exhausted. If I cut I am just going to end up in a+e which I really can't be arsed with... damn 12 hour stitching rule. I just want to sleep damn it but the urges won't go away.

Bought, well I don't think I can say but lets say several packs of meds today with the full plan earlier of oding on them. I have quietened down the repetitive thoughts as far as thats concerned. But if I sleep and don't SI i will feel so crappy tomorrow and I cant cut tomorrow cos of church on sunday am. Damn it. Rant over.

blondiebear 03-05-2008 03:53 AM

I took a small dose of my antipsychotic, as prescribed! with dinner. I'm feeling it which means I should be able to sleep tonight. That stuff hits me so hard that as soon as I have it ready to swallow, I disqualify myself from driving.

Ally dear daughter, as you get used to the dose of the medicine, the shaking of your hands will ease. Before the holidays my hands were so bad that I had to make everyone's scarves out of chunky yarn. Now I can do my job if I don't try to work too fast. Or have too much caffeine!

hugs all around

chocostashchick 03-05-2008 04:11 AM

ugh i dont know what to wear tomorrow or what to pack. what on earth do you wear to a bridal shower at a yacht club? i've been counting my pills to see how many i can take and spread out over tomorrow and tomorrow night. pills and alcohol or else i am not going to make it i can tell. my next psych appt is may 15th and i am realising that i should probably be going more than once every two weeks despite how much i dont want to even though he is letting it go slow....... but yeah instead of making MORE appts i had to cancel my one after that for early june because of the stupid wedding and i cant reschedule it because he is full. just another reason i hate this wedding and i hate my fam. but yeah i keep dissociating and now that i know that is what it is and know more about it from what he told me i am realising that i do it an awful lot and wasnt aware/wasnt paying attention and ignoring it and this is very bad it makes me feel like such a freak.

Susan i am proud of you for knowing you needed your med and i hope you get some sleep. ally it doesnt matter if your hands shake it's okay, and once you adjust it might stop, too. have fun with your mom and it's okay if you are excited AND not at the same time. some of her coming means good things and some of it makes you feel bad and it can be both. emma i hope you had fun tonite, and Helen hun you can work on the stopping it you are working so hard and i am sorry you are itchy. have you tried cream? okay i am off to bed and to stress about what to wear tomorrow and hopefully i wont make a spectacle of myself. i hate social events ughh i feel like such a hermit or something but it stresses me out so much having to be happy and bubbly and social and all this weddingy stuff and family stuff is so weird for me. wish me luck people and keep the denial tent nice and cozy because i am going to be using it quite heavily remotely from this bridal shower from hell.

~*forever_broken*~ 03-05-2008 05:57 AM

Callie dear, I am sorry you are having such a hard time with this. Please be careful with the pills and the alcohol. You CAN get through it luv. And we here in the denial tent will be waiting for you when you need to vent.
Susan, I am glad you got your AP taken (as prescribed) and that it seems to be working. I hope you manage to get some quality sleep.
Emma, I hope you managed to have fun sweetie, and that you are able to stay safe. Please, please, please take care.
*hugs Callie, Susan, Emma, Helen, Carole, Jeremy, Jo, Zoey and anyone else I missed*
------------
*sigh* my moms here. I am pretty sure I'm glad about it but I just feel so awful... It's tainting it I guess. A shadow that never leaves me:crying:... G*d, please make it stop:crying:

Jetforce 03-05-2008 07:51 AM

*Crash tackles the group*

Hope u r keeping well guys...i am thinking about u :-)

Take care ppl

*leave some juice for ppl to drink*

Sugar and Spice 03-05-2008 08:32 AM

*hugs everyone*

Ally, I am so sorry about your friend. Give yourself time to get over the shock of it all.
Emma, it sucks that you had to put up with the people at the hospital. Glad you were able to get your stitches eventually though. Hope you had a good time.
Helen, you can do this. If you really put your mind to it, then you can do it.
Callie, I hope you have been careful. You can get through this and come out the other side.

missmandy2009 03-05-2008 10:11 AM

grrr i feel really unsafe atm n i dnt kno why or what's making me feel this way? i need some help any1 got an suggestions on what i could do to stp myself from overdosing pls

effervescence 03-05-2008 10:30 AM

hey everyone.
my exam was average. i already know i got several calculations wrong, stupidly. but oh well. i don't actually care right at this moment.
i'm sorry everyone seems to have so much crap going on right now. have read all your posts and am thinking of you but running v low on energy today so sorry all i have is *hugs* and *kind thoughts*.
hi susan.

*retreats into a corner of the tent with a duvet and cries and tries to concentrate on not cutting*

MammaMia 03-05-2008 05:47 PM

*hugs everyone*

Emma, I'm sorry I didn't text you back this morning until nearly 12 hours later. I hope you're alright sweetie and managed to ignore the urges and stuff. Let me know you're ok? I'm worried about you.

How is everyone else today?

Me? I've had a good day so far, got my haircut woop woop and seen my nan on her birthday. =D Other people have made me smile today too- my mum and my sister amy. But now...I'm going back to feeling increadibly jealous of people who've seriously seriously hurt me....just because I can see they're happy...having a good stage of their lives....and there's me left behind and now I'm just so bloody depressed lately. Even I know I'm in a crisis stage at the moment....and I know I deserve to be happy as we all do here. But instead I'm feeling bit upset again.....bloody mood swings. But I feel safe-ish when I'm not happy, if that makes sense? It feels like some sort of comfort zone these days hmmm....

Detour. Derail 03-05-2008 06:19 PM

BOO!!
Hey guys :P
How you all doing?
*leaves cuddles, hot drinks and cold milkshakes because its hot*

Pomegranate 03-05-2008 07:25 PM

*hugs people and takes some milkshake....yum*

I am unfortunately fine. The tablets are still here for emergencies but I realised I promised myself a long time ago that I would never try and kill myself via a huge overdose because of several reasons, hence I am trying not to take them. Overdose is not the way I plan to die.

I have so far spent the whole of today bar 15 minutes in bed. I decided bed is the best place in the world and I never want to leave it again.

Except I am because I am getting trashed again tonight. Ally- your invitation to join me is mailing its way to your corner of the psych ward :P I have lots of wine, some cider and beer for making snakebite and vodka. Oh and I think the boys have whisky and rum somewhere too.

blondiebear 03-05-2008 08:12 PM

I have a headache sort of lurking under the surface. My husband has agreed to go with me today so I can order a new pair of glasses, the frames on these are giving me grief. I need help figuring out which frames look best.
Then more housework the rest of the day, getting ready for the fumigation.

dark_light 03-05-2008 08:28 PM

I am so spaced out cos of all the meds they give me cos i have major urges, feeling v triggery today. can't decide whether this is good or not
Denial tent much more prefereable to real live scary psych ward so may just camp here for the night.
*hugs for everybody*
*goes to lie down*

zowie 03-05-2008 09:29 PM

Been feeling very sedated since they upped my APs.
Had lunch with my auntie; she's pregnant - With twins! Great news!
Feeling a bit crap, Beth's been really bugging me today (Beth's the spirit who talks to me), telling me to hurt people. She really wants to see someone get hurt.
It's hard.
xxx

Sugar and Spice 03-05-2008 09:47 PM

*especially warm hugs to everyone*

Princess_suicide_fairy, I am sorry that you have been so low. I do hope you have been able to stay safe. I know it's been a long time since your post but try the distractions section or the archade. We are always here for a chat if you need it :)

Glad that your exam went alright, Chloe. You must be so relieved to get it over and done with :) Sorry that you are low on energy, hope you have been recharging your batteries and keeping safe.

Helen, it is a comforting thing to hear that you're having some happy moments in your days (however fleeting they may seem). Try to concentrate more on your life and trying to make it how you want it rather than comparing your life with others around you. It is difficult but it's more rewarding.

Alexx, thanks for the milkshake :) how are you doing today?

Emma, well done for resisting the temptation to OD. I don't mean to sound condescending by saying that btw! I hope you enjoy yourself tonight and stay safe hun.

Susan, how is your day going?

Jo, I'm sorry that today has been so bad for you. Stay here in the Denial Tent with us, we have all manner for drinks and foods and toys :)

Ally, Jeremy, Callie how are you all doing today?

Sugar and Spice 03-05-2008 09:49 PM

*hugs Zowie*

It sounds like you had a nice time with your aunt. Ooh twins - you're going to have twin cousins! :D

Keep fighting what Beth says, you can do it. I know it is hard, but you can.

Detour. Derail 03-05-2008 09:53 PM

I'm...abit nervous tbh...
I met this guy..who's really cute...but he's a middle class boy...went to a private boys school etc...and I dunno how to tell him about my past and stuff...I NEED to....because I have scars at the top of my legs...but he's the first guy i've met in about 14 months...I...want to get to know him and stuff...but...I don't know what to say or how to start the conversation...this...probably sounds really stupid...but...I'm...confused

Sugar and Spice 03-05-2008 10:01 PM

Why do you need to? Can't you get to know him and then tell him when you know each other better?
Maybe you should consider giving yourself a bit of a break and allowing yourself time to enjoy the "getting to know each other" stage.

Detour. Derail 03-05-2008 10:07 PM

yeah...we're still getting to know each other...but..with things like this...i need to plan ahead...or I'll panic and mess up...
I only told one guy before...and it messed up...all the other guys have found out...

Sugar and Spice 03-05-2008 10:19 PM

Maybe give it a month? Or set a different limit on it? That way you can have a plan and enjoy the getting to know each other stage...Just a thought

MammaMia 03-05-2008 10:23 PM

Emma, well done for resisting the temptation to OD. I know it sounds hyprocritical I hope you enjoy yourself tonight and please please please please stay safe hun.

Alex, you don't have to tell him everything like your past right now do you?

Carole, how are you sweetie?

Zowie, congrats of the news about your aunty. Please try and fight what Beth says, I know it's extremely hard hun. *hugs*

Jo, I'm also sorry that today has been so bad for you. Stay here in the Denial Tent with us, you know we're all amazing and awesome and will help you through this.

I'm really glad that your exam went alright, Chloe. You must be so relieved and happy to get it over and done with :) Sorry I didn't reply to your post about it earlier sweetie.

Ally, I hope you're alright, and same goes for you Callie & Jermery. xxxx

Detour. Derail 03-05-2008 10:25 PM

yeah I guess....
I think I'm just scared. The scars on my legs make me feel worse than the ones elsewhere....maybe because i dont see them as often...so im not as comfortable with them?
Thanks guys *hugs*
hope you are all ok
xxxx

MammaMia 03-05-2008 10:36 PM

*hugs Alex lots*

Sugar and Spice 03-05-2008 10:39 PM

*hugs Alexx*
Try to mix the planning and going with the flow. It may help :)

Sugar and Spice 03-05-2008 10:45 PM

I'm ok - started drinking

How are you Helen?

MammaMia 03-05-2008 11:08 PM

I really don't know. Wish I could go out after all tomorrow evening like I was going to. Oh well. I'm thinking about suidice again. WTF is wrong with me? I want happiness. Yet at the same time, I really crave to kill myself sucessfully.

Sugar and Spice 03-05-2008 11:13 PM

*hugs*
Has anything triggered this hun?

MammaMia 03-05-2008 11:15 PM

I guess a small mixture of thinking about moving house, watching Casualty and thinking about life probs didn't help tbh....and thinking about that comment again....I gotta let it go

Sugar and Spice 03-05-2008 11:17 PM

*hugs*
Haven't you moved already? (sorry if I'm a bit behind or got it wrong)
How has Casualty affected you?

Katey-lou 04-05-2008 12:11 AM

Casualty got to me tonight aswell think its coz of how low i was feeling before hand, its a good story line though.

sorry i've not been around much lately other than coming in and moaning about things.
*hugs* to everyone.

am struggling loads right now and i dont know how to cope with it because i cant ask for help because of being on this course its all just a bit of amess, i dont want ppl to know i'm struggling and am just being stubborn. i know how bad i'm feeling right now and its taking every litle bit of energy i have left (wich to be honest isnt much at all right now) to hold on that little bit longer. i'm physically exhausted aswell right now but thats not new either. i should just crawl back into my corner and hide.:crying:

MammaMia 04-05-2008 12:19 AM

Katey, it sure is a good story line. It shows that people who have been suicidal in the past and commited suidice, can then go back to feeling that way.

Carole, no I haven't moved house yet. I think you may be confused because when I had my net/phone/cable cut off, Alex posted in here saying I may disconnected my net before we moving...because she didn't know what had happened at that point...

Detour. Derail 04-05-2008 12:23 AM

sorry :/

Katey-lou 04-05-2008 12:26 AM

it does show that yeah, its not summit (as we all kno) that just goes away once we've maybe tried it one. its summit that come back again and again. and isnt always impulsive either it can be planned and we can look to other people like we are feeling fine. i know i've done that so many times (and then later been called manipulative by many people, mainly hospital staff!!!!!) yet inside its a completely different story.


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