*cuddles Hannah*

He just needs to get over the shock maybe hun? Sometimes men don't expect that and still want to be friends but need to think? Oh I'm probably talking crap anyway.

I'm a bad person. Mm. Ruining uni even more. Don't deserve the help they're tying to give me. Deserve to die. Shouldn't have told anyone yesterday either. Feel so ugly. I am ugly. Bad girl. Mental health haven't got hold of me so far, not sure if they've rung me or not. I don't really want to go back there anyway. But I am when I have an appointment. I hate this. I hate me. Can't do anything right. Can't even make a simple revision meeting before my lecture. Yet I'm still going to be the lecture (or going to try anyway). I was supossed to be dead by now. Why am I not dead? Because I handed the rest of my pills over. I want them back. My head is pure banging again. My hayfever has started early and irrtating me. I wonder if that's why I'm having so many headaches. I espically get headaches when walking around in hot sun, because it makes my hair very hot obviously. Bad Helen. Been cutting. Bad bad bad Helen. *curls up really tight*

*cuddles Helen back* don't be so hard on yourself, Uni is hard and you do deserve their help, headaches are really ****, make sure you drink lots of water, cutting doesn't make you bad, it just means you're hurting more than you can deal with right now, and for risk of sounding patronising, I'm really proud of you for handing over the pills and for telling people, that took guts and strength and shows how brave you are and how you can fight this and beat this *more cuddles*

*Hugs Dayna, Hannah and Helen*

I need to smoke. Wish I had money.
Ah. I need to phone some places about jobs.

Dayna, I speak German so I get why you want to be called toedlich. Hope you're ok dear *Hugs*

Wildly Insane sorry to hear that, it's so scary when that happens. If he's a good friend though hopefully he'll just need a few days to get used to the idea and then things can get back to normal.

*Cuddles Helen* You are not bad at all sweetie. Don't be too hard on yourself. Well done for being so brave. You do deserve help because you're a wonderful person. Promise :-)

Zowie I know the feeling, I'm pretty much in a constant state of craving at the moment but I need to ration my tobacco. Hope you find a job soon.

*Bangs head on wall*

*cuddles Hannah* I really really don't deserve their help. Headaches are indeed really ****, least it's not my tension headaches or migraines I suposse. Been drinking lots of water today anyway yaaay =) I guess you're right about the cutting. I'm still not proud of handing over the pills and telling people. Regardless of the fact it took guts. I'm not brave though.

*hugs Arwen back*

*cuddles back* I am bad. I'm not being hard on myself? I'm not brave and I don't deserve help and I'm no a wonderful person.

Sorry Hells but its two against one here i agree with Bannana
you are NOTa Bad Person,
you DO deserve help,
you ARE Brave and
you ARE a Wonderfull Person!!!!

/\ Yeah :)

*screams in frusration*

LOL

Yup you're definitely outnumbered here Helen!

You are brave. I lie to my mum every day about the fact that I have a secret stash of tools and stuff which I use every night. I don't even have the guts to admit I have and use them, let alone hand them over.

I'm so angry today and I don't know why.

Dammit. lol.

*curls up*

Helen is lovely, full of win, amazing, awesome etc etc, so there! *Blows raspberry*

Banana: (Another Hannah? Sorry, my memory's dodgy, lol) Yeah, doing okay today thanks. Eclectic*a and me met up irl round her's, t'was awesome

Hannah: "Tödlich" is German for "deadly". I feel that I, as a person, have changed since I became rather...unstable back in December, when I first started posting here, that I'm a lot darker, more full of self loathing, and have been hurting myself a lot more, blah blah, all that ****. Basically, who I used to be (Däyna) is dead/dying, and when I'm feeling seriously low, I genuinely believe that I'll die by my own hand. Therefore, deadly. Tödlich. Thatandplusit'sinasongbyoneofmyfavouritebandsandis acoolword. But nah, it's more the "I've changed omg" reason <_<;

I love you guys, you're amazing to me. One day I'll agree with you????????

Certainly hope so *snuggles Helen*

AUGH TRIGGERED, GOD WTF O_O

I am sooo burnt out.
I've been running nonstop for the last few days after doing practically nothing for five days... ugh...

Sorry I haven't checked in for a little while there.

*hugs for everyone* sorry it isn't much...

& another Thursday begins, I usually like Thursdays except my normal notetaker isnt around, make one very boring crappy lecture seem worse lol

I'm checking in again - if I ever really check out.

I feel like sh*t. Have since yesterday. Failed an exam - I can redo the exam after the 26th but still .... Just feel like crap. Can't concentrate and think it's a reaction to the injections. Not looking good for the meds trail. Hope everything works out okay,

*hugs all*

*Hugs Kahlia* sorry to hear that hun, hopefully the meds will settle down and you can concentrate again and then next time you'll pass with flying colours.

*hugs Helen* hope your thursday goes well. What are you studying?

*hugs Ashley* hope you get some time to recover

*Hugs Dayna* I thought it meant deadly so I was nearly right :) Dayna will be back one day, better and stronger thanks to Todlich

*hugs HannahBanana* hope the anger's gone, you ok?

*hugs Arwen* how's quitting smoking going?

*hugs Gil* how's things going?

gotta dash am late, have an eye appointment, am going to get myself new glasses.

*hugs everyone else wanting/needing a hug*

Quitting smoking. Pah. I'm smoking loads and I'm not seeing any way out of it. I'm buying packs of ten here and there and it's pissing me off. I'm only buying them when I have scraped together enough money to, and it would be so much cheaper if I waited until I had enough cash to buy a pouch of baccy. But I get desperate and waste my money on 10 tailors which will be used up in a day.
/rant

*hugs Widly*

yesterday to much stress and had a cig!! but only the one!!
Today is much better!! none so far today!!!