I need wine.

*Hugs Ashley* Talk to us, hon. What's going on?

*Hugs Zowie* Hope you're ok...

xx

Mamma Mia or should I say Hells!!! How could I forget you sweetie, you were one of the 1st people to welcome me on here, nearly a year ago now. I'm so sorry I dissapeared on you and the others. *special squishes*

Right I'm online and in here as I've got to phone my father and update him about my psychologist appointment that I had on friday....hmmm....what a fun conversation to have.....

*goes into phone booth anxiously*

*comes out of phonebooth*
well that wasn't so bad....in the fact that I didn't tell him....but made arrnagements to see him in a few weeks and tell him face to face....eek, hope I don't bottle it then, or trigger myself too badly. I have issues with my real father & step mother. urgh.....time for subject change....

*ponders*

Anyone for a cuppa? Some biscuits? Huggles?

*sits alone with cuppa eating all the biscuits huggling her knees*

Glad it went ok :)

*takes cuppa and joins*

Vicki *clings*

Hayley, I'm glad you couldn't ever forget me. Don't worry about disappearing. Are you back then?

--------------------------------------------------------

Well I really know how to ruin it all. Oh well I'm going to die soon. I have to. I can't keep ruining everyone's lives. It's not fair. I should have never been born. I should have died.

yes I am back....mwahhahahaha....I don't know how long for, hopefully for good as in I'll be here now whislt I'm struggling, I'll then be here whislt I'm recovering and then I can be here recovered to support others. or it could all go tits up and well....hmmm.

So then, anyone need a top up on their cuppa? I'm not having anymore, caffiene makes me pee far too much!!

*goes to the ladies room*

ahh, much better.
anyone smoke? join me for a fag? I'm not too safe with them at the mo, tempting to use myself as an ashtray....

*goes out to smoking shelter*

I was a good girl, just had a fag, used the proper ashtray.
Time for medications, I'll be good and only take the right amount. I've got a doctors appointment in the morning 'cos I'm still depressed and SIing on 60mg of prozac. I hope they can help, I'm loosing my grip.
*goes into corner with blanket to hopefully sleep safely*

its my first time replying to this thread. hello everyone. well im waiting for an empty bed, but it won't be in less than 2 weeks.

*curls up tight into a small ball and sobs*

Huggles, I want huggles

Hiya Hayley, hope you sleep safely and the doctors appointment goes well.

*hugs Helen* Don't give up, As long as you've told your friend how much you appreciate her then I'm sure she isn't beating herself up about it.

hiya Vicki, how are you?

*hugs Arwen* good luck giving up smoking again, you managed a week last time, it's a goal to aim for and surpass this time :) how are you feeling otherwise?

*hugs Ashley* how are you doing hun? have you managed to fight the urges today?

*hugs Kat* sometimes I'd rather be depressed than numb, but it's more difficult to deal with, hope you are okay.

*hugs Dayna* how are you coping?

Me, I spent the afternoon listening to a mixture of live music, including ska, funk and reggae at the city farm which was interesting, would have liked some company though. Had a fantastic freestyle dance last night too :)

*hugs to everybody*

Well Hannah, I made things a thousand times worse. I hope they can find it in their hearts to forgive me. We're so bloody close.

*Hugs back* What's coping? 8D. Drinking more, eating more, ODing more, triggered more, depressed more...need I go on? Finding the early hours of morning when everyone's gone even more difficult than I normally do.

Still waiting for this ****ing appointment with the mental health team my GP 'urgently' referred me to. And he referred me around Christmas/New Year. Apparently they've got a very long waiting list. In my lower moments, I keep thinking that by the time they finally get around to me, I'll already be dead

*cuddles helen* I'm sure they will, real friendship is damn near impossible to get rid of, because it's more than their actions and words that make us like someone it's who they are.

*hugs Dayna more* sorry to hear that hun, sound like ****, keep fighting, you can get through this and hopefully the mental health team will get hold of you soon.

Morning

*hugs all she can find*

I looked at some alternate accommodation today but will not be going for it. They told me that I couldn't have a boy friend over inside the house ..... like WTF??? Not even in the living areas.

On the good side I have all my paperwork to change my degree so hopefully that will be a short process.

*pokes head in*

Yup still full of loons.

*puts on spiderman costume, regurgitates a fur ball, licks own bottom, makes a cheese and pickle sandwich - rubs into hair and goes to sleep*

*hugs back Hanna Banana and Wildly*
Thanks guys...
At least I'm still alive, right?

I have to have a talk with my best friend today...
She kinda betrayed me this week.
I had a performance every night from Tuesday to Sunday,
a performance that I'm only going to ever do once in my life,
and she had some kind of fight with her ex or her boyfriend,
and decided that was reason enough for her to completely miss it.
She had promised she'd come on Friday night...
But she obviously didn't.
I'm really really mad at her right now.
It hurts to feel like you're not even good enough for your best friend.