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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

FlyingNy 04-10-2010 06:00 PM

No, it's not numbness. I've never really had this before. It's kinda I really don't care about anything that happens to me and...well I guess twisted really is the word to use. It's like I'm not even me. I act the same, but feel so much differet. Perhaps I've snapped. Perhaps I've gone nuts. Wouldn't that be fun!

Doikers 04-10-2010 06:07 PM

Has anything happened to triggered this feeling Lia?

SparkleKitten 04-10-2010 06:18 PM

Had another rough day. Feel so on edge and down. :(

FlyingNy 04-10-2010 06:24 PM

It kinda started yesterday evening. I was talking to my friend Ellis and I went kinda weird on her. I was talking about my growing need to lose weight, despite being at a healthy size. She warned me against it and I got kinda upset and then she said 'I hate it when you're like this'. What I was 'like' is me with my mask off. Obviously I took that as her not liking me unless I was hiding behind the Ice Queen, so I promised her it wouldn't come back off and resolved it never would again.

The thought made my cry almost hysterically into my pillow, but I spoke as if everything was normal to her (we were on MSN). Only once I had stopped crying, I accused her (nicely) of hating me without my mask and she said 'hate's a strong word', so I presumed that meant I was right.

That was when the grin came up. A sort of crazed grin which blocked out the pain I should have felt then. The hurt that should have came with showing someone the real me and it being rejected. She swore she would always love me, and she will as long as I'm not myself.

My mood went kinda twisted then and I started to be very cold. Not to her, but she was getting really upset, and although I continued to reassutre her, I really didn't care. Not like I usually do. The part of me that was still human comforted her, but the other part of me was urging me to tell her where to go. It was like I was two seperate people right then with the twisted one being the most dominant.

It's not as bad as it was yesterday, but it's still there and it's starting to scare me. Sorry about the long post. Feel free to ignore me.

FlyingNy 04-10-2010 06:24 PM

*Hugs Sarah* I hope you're OK.

Doikers 04-10-2010 06:31 PM

*Hugs Sarah*

*Hugs Lia* I know you have your mask but it's scary (To me) that it's taking over , I'm worried about you hun :S

Doikers 04-10-2010 06:42 PM

I am going for a early night lie down , put some music on and try to think non-triggering thoughts.

FlyingNy 04-10-2010 06:43 PM

Hugs Mark* I hope you're OK. Sorry for my rant.

SparkleKitten 04-10-2010 07:05 PM

*cuddles Lia* I really hope you're okay, I'm worried for you x

*snuggles Mark* Nighty night *tucks in*

Doikers 04-10-2010 07:28 PM

*HUGS Lia* i @m just triggered . not your doing . just AM . It'sperfectly okay to rant here Lia , Don't be sorry :)

*Hugs Sarah , Am back up :P.

RYUU 04-10-2010 07:29 PM

Not coping so well the devil keeps telling me to OD

SparkleKitten 04-10-2010 07:32 PM

*hugs Mark* my friends don't want to talk to me and my Fiance is ill and in bed, so I'm all lonely here. As I signed into MSN everyone changed their status and 3 people went offline. I think its because I had such a rough time recently its become a burden more than anything. They all have their own worries, they don't need mine too. Even my fiance is getting fed up of how down I am all the time, I mean I can't help it and I'm trying to make it go away but it won't. My mood won't lift and he's annoyed that there's something wrong every day. Real life sucks.

*hugs RYUU* Please don't listen. You shouldn't OD, you're strong, you can beat it. Is there anywhere you can go to be away from the pills?

Doikers 04-10-2010 07:40 PM

*Hugs Ryuu* Please try not to OD , Can you talk to your hubby? Or Music , Music is so good for diverting attention .

*Hugs Sarah*I'm sorry you're lonely , I know its not the same as IRL friends / Fiance but I'll listen to you :) I'll be on here for about an hour

SparkleKitten 04-10-2010 07:45 PM

Thanks Mark :) you're amazing, I love it in here. I feel safe and calm and like everyone cares. Feels lovely.

Edit: He just said its too difficult to have fun around me now because of how I'm down all the time. Feels like that was a bit harsh. I mean I've been a pain because I've not been happy and I've attempted to OD a few times. I've been really bad and this isn't helping. :(

Doikers 04-10-2010 07:48 PM

It's okay Sarah , that's what's so great about this place , everyone cares :) Thanks for calling me amazing , Made me smile :-)

SparkleKitten 04-10-2010 07:56 PM

Thanks Mark. Just so fed up. I don't know what to do. I've tried, I'm heavily medicated and I'm seeing people and keeping a diary and talking to anyone who will listen and asking for advice... I just feel lost. :(

Doikers 04-10-2010 08:01 PM

I know the feeling of being heavily medicated up and talking to pretty much anyone , you're not alone . I'm sorry you feel lost , could you talk to a Dr perhaps about changing your meds , they clearly don't seem to be working out for you .

SparkleKitten 04-10-2010 08:02 PM

I have an appointment Friday. I feel so terrible. Its just not fair.

Doikers 04-10-2010 08:06 PM

*Cuddles Sarah* It isn't fair no but it WILL get better for you , ask your Dr to switch you onto a different med/s

SparkleKitten 04-10-2010 08:08 PM

I will do, thanks Mark *cuddles*

Been so rough recently, I'm not sure if its because things are getting worse or if its the meds...

So run down too, bones are achy and stiff :(


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