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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

CrazyHayley 10-06-2009 06:56 PM

thanks banana for the support. I have moments when I can think like that and then as you can all see, 5mins later I loose the plot again. I can't keep up with my mood swings sometimes, its soo draining.

Anyone for a game of snakes and ladders?

*tries to roll a six*

Damnation. 10-06-2009 10:39 PM

Okay, I'm feeling even stranger than usual today. I kept having weird moments last night, like my head would feel really peculiar for a brief moment, not even a second long. I can't really describe it. I feel sort of...faintish? Maybe not. I really don't know how to explain it. I dunno what it is, but it's triggering the void o___O;

MammaMia 10-06-2009 11:06 PM

*crawls in*

<offers hugs to all>

Hope people start feeling bit better soon :(

xxx

Damnation. 10-06-2009 11:10 PM

*Hugs Helen back* Hope you start feeling better soon as well.

>_o Getting very spacey. ****'s sakes. The sooner this appointment with the MH team comes round, the better

wildly insane 11-06-2009 12:14 AM

*hugs all round*

~Kaytee~ 11-06-2009 02:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrazyHayley (Post 1675814)
Thanks big bear - sorry not sure of your name, hope you find writing theraputic. My naps not happening, can't still my mind as much as I'm exhausted, the fuzzing and whirling won't go. So....to do something that'll probably make my M.E worse but is good for my mental health....Super Clean!!! whilst listening to green day! :) Kitchen done.....

Thanks hayley, you can call me katie :) writing is therapeutic for me.. i havnt finished the first chapter though. hopefully today after i do my essay.. grr.

good luck with the job application hannah! hope u get it :D

*cuddles everyone*

Kahlia1981 11-06-2009 03:49 AM

*pokes head out*
*offers cuddles all round*

Still at least another month and a half with this cast on but it looks like my shoulder surgery is going ahead so i'll have my dominant arm ouit of action for 3 months or so. Fun. Apologies for hiding in a corner somewhere but with my arm like it is it is just so hard to type.

shadowedseraph 11-06-2009 09:37 AM

*hugs to everyone* i have started the new medication the psyche gave me and i feel weird spaceyish (if thats a word) and the crisis team are coming between 10 and 12 so i've had to drag myself out of bed. boo hiss. Hope today is a better day for everyone

zowie 11-06-2009 10:58 AM

Went to the doctors about the horrible cigarette stain on my fingers, he said it was nothing to worry about and that the lumps were just hard skin. He prescribed me some cream, and after two days of using it, the nasty skin has peeled off!

realflifefaerie 11-06-2009 11:09 AM

*hides in corner until all this is over*

zowie 11-06-2009 11:44 AM

*Hugs Secrets*

CrazyHayley 11-06-2009 12:07 PM

*gives up on trying to roll a six*

*snuggles with everyone in ward*

Hey peeps, I'm off to therapy soon. Rather anxious as it triggered me so badly last week that I cut after 4weeks free :( I've made it 6days thanks to you guys and I'm worried I'll mess up again. Why do things have to get worse before they get better?! *sigh*

zowie 11-06-2009 12:18 PM

Good luck with therapy Hayley. It can be hard and triggering, but in the long run it is there to help you and get these thoughts and feelings out in the open.
Don't worry too much if it triggers you to the point where you slip up, just remind yourself how brave you are for going to therapy even though it can be that hard.
Let us know how it goes? xxx

Revival 11-06-2009 01:25 PM

*pokes head in* Is it ok if I come in?

shadowedseraph 11-06-2009 01:33 PM

Sure melancholia come right on in theres room for eveyone *gives hugs to everyone on the ward that wants them*

Hey Hayley hope therapy went ok, its ok to slip up but i know its a bummer when it happens

Revival 11-06-2009 01:40 PM

thanks shadow *hugs back*
Is it possible to be 'normal'?

shadowedseraph 11-06-2009 02:05 PM

I think first of all you'd have to know what normal is, and why you'd want to be it! *offers chocolate*

Revival 11-06-2009 02:22 PM

very good point *ponders*

what are you up to tonight/today?

shadowedseraph 11-06-2009 02:41 PM

Just hanging around the ward really :) i've had the crisis team in and as usual failed completley at talking to them, why is it always so hard to talk about how you feel? *sighs*

Revival 11-06-2009 03:00 PM

I know what you mean about not being able to talk I have the same problem. Wish I knew the answer to that question. Have you ever tried writing down what you want to say to them?

wildly insane 11-06-2009 03:04 PM

drops by with some hugs and ice-cream, my application is nearly ready to go :) then my fingers are crossed. Does anyone ever get the feeling that they actually really don't have a clue how they are feeling? take care guys.

Hayley hope the therapy goes okay, it is a good thing, honest
*hugs ShadowedSeraph*talking is difficult, but hopefully it'll get easier
Hiya Melancholia *waves* I think being normal would be dull and probably drive me crazy LOL
*cuddles Secrets* we're here if you want to tlak about it
Hey Arwen, hope you're having a good day
*hugs Kahlia* doesn't sound like much fun *squidges*
*cuddles Katie* how'd the essay go? have you finished your chapter?
*hugs Kat*
*hugs Dayna* hope you managed to fight off the spaceyness and the void
*hugs Helen* hope last night wasn't too horrible
*hugs Hayley* I think cleaning the house is a huge achievement and I think you'd be surprised at how few people keep their house spic and span without a cleaner :) but I do know what you mean *squidges*
*hugs HannahBanana* how's things today?

[Fog] 11-06-2009 03:12 PM

*Hugs and cuddles to everyone*

Hayley hope that therapy wasn't too triggering for you today, I hate having therapy for the same reason but it's just try and focus on the benefits in the long run.

I had a completely sh*t night last night. Anouk (the bad one) decided it was Punishment Night and so there was the usual various forms of SH and she beat me up (now I realise it was me...) so I have bruises all over my face. I look like I've used ash as blusher or something. Feeling really down today, I've spent most of the day in bed or on my bed except for eating some lettuce for lunch. Urgh.

Hope everyone is doing ok xxx

shadowedseraph 11-06-2009 03:17 PM

*snuggles to all that want them* I haven't tried writing down what i want to say to the crisis team, i think i'll give it a try, afterall what can they do to me (please dont ask me that im suffering the BIG paranoia at the moment)

~*Rainbow*~ 11-06-2009 03:42 PM

Sorry I havent been about much my job is keeping me working for ever and a day!!!

Well its official I will not be moving back down to B'ham as there is nothing for me down there bar the friends i have like Hells and the ones in Cannock!!!! Me and The Other half split last night this time for good as he refused to put me before his job!! He was asking me to give up everything i had and all i asked him to do in return was tell people at work we were together he wouldnt do it so its ended!! i havent heard from him and i doubt i will ever hear from him again!!! i dont know how to feel! at this moment in time! i am just trying to get through the day today and its seems to be easy!! does this mean i never really loved him or does it mean that because i have felt the devide and split between us growing bigger everyday that i prepared myself for the worst and have just accepted it!!!

I dont know the answers to my own questions!! i just feel like im drowning in a sea of questions that no one can answer!!!!!!!!!!!

*hugs to all*

CrazyHayley 11-06-2009 04:50 PM

*snuggles rainbow* oh no, I don't have the answers either, but whislt you're trying to figure out how you're feeling and finding those answers, coming in here and focusing on your day are really positive steps.

*snuggles all others in ward* Gosh guys, thanks for your support on therapy. I think it went ok..... I didn't cry this time, which just seems really bizarre..... like maybe I didn't really 'let go' and be honest as I was so anxious of being triggered. I did feel tense and aggitated a lot through it though and am now feeling rather drained. So I dunno..... but no urges so far which is fab.

I'll be back in later when hopefully I'll be able to offer a bit more general and individual support to those of you who need/want it. Or else just leave random things for us in the ward.....

such as.....

.....a Wallace & Gromit themed modelling clay kit!!

*gets hands onto modelling clay to start making a Shaun-the-sheep*

zowie 11-06-2009 06:26 PM

Hello Malancholia *waves* Welcome to the ward. Don't worry about being normal, I don't think any of us fit that catagory :P

Hey Shadowed, I've had different experiences with the crisis team, but I always found that writing down what I felt and what I needed did help. So, yeah, good idea :)

*Keeps fingers crossed for Hannah's application*

*Hugs HannahBanana* Hope you're feeling a bit better now

*Hugs Gil* I'm so sorry this has happened to you sweets. I don't know the answers either, but maybe you're getting through the day easily because you were prepared for this? Or maybe because you haven't fully accepted what's happened? I dunno. Hope you're okay.

*Hugs Hayley* Well done for getting through therapy; I'm glad to hear you have no urges at the moment, that's great. Try to stay positive!

-----------

I've spent the day doing **** all really (as usual). Did some washing up and made a healthy lunch, went to the doctors too. So I guess I've done more than I usually do. But as always, I ended up asleep on the sofa. I wish I would stop doing that, especially since I'm always asleep when my little sister gets home from school. It's not a good example to set.
Ah well. She's a little cow anyway. It's not like I could make her any worse.
I've gone all day without a cigarette. Not sure how I feel about that. Part of me is saying I would have smoked if I had the money, part of me is saying I'm doing really well. It's bloody hard and The Man isn't helping. For some reason he likes it when I smoke.

realflifefaerie 11-06-2009 06:38 PM

I'm really sorry I don't have the energy or concentration to reply.

There isn't alot to talk about, 2 deaths and a family member with a stroke since monday and my birthday in there. I'm not sure how I'm meant to feel.

youonlyliveonce 11-06-2009 06:41 PM

secrets hugs well happy bday. is there nething we can do to help. my thoughts are with u xx

[Fog] 11-06-2009 08:27 PM

ShadowedSeraph - yeah, I always write down what I want to say when I see my psych. At the ward in team meetings there were always 5-10 people there and it was so intimidating, so I used to just read off my piece of paper so that I didn't get all my words mixed up or forgotten. Whatever works for you though :-)

Rainbow - really sorry to hear about the split. Hope you're doing ok. Don't worry about not knowing the answers to the questions, just try and look after yourself *Hugs*

Hayley - well done for getting through therapy, try not to dwell on it too much, it sounds like you did really well, especially as you aren't really feeling any urges. Stay safe :-) *Starts modelling a little stick man*

zowie - well done for not smoking! That's really good, I'm very impressed. Keep fighting it, but if you do slip up then don't worry about it too much. And sounds like you had a more productive day than me!

Secrets - I'm so sorry to hear that. I really hope you're ok *Comforting hugs* And happy birthday too, look after yourself sweetie. If you ever want to talk my PM box is open :-)

I've had an ok day. Ate barely anything at lunch so I had two sausages at dinner! Feel really fat but I checked and my calorie intake for today is acceptable. Feeling really stressed out and anxious at the moment and I'm not sure why. *Cuddles a teddy bear and rocks in the corner*... *Changes mind and goes to the smoking shelter*

Hope you are all ok xxx

zowie 11-06-2009 09:27 PM

*Hugs Secrets* I'm so sorry to hear that you've had so much bad news over the last week. I'm here if you need to talk.

HannahBanana - Thank you :) I could have easily bummed a cigarette off someone in the street while walking to the doctors, but I didn't. I've also got my dad to hide my filters, rizlas and tin. Well done for eating some sausages, are you feeling any better now?

-----------

I ate two big meals today. No breakfast, chicken breast in pitta bread for lunch and half a quiche with potato salad for dinner. I feel like I've eaten way too much, but my dad keeps reminding me that they were both healthy meals.
I went swimming yesterday. Couldn't do more than a couple of lengths as I haven't been swimming in years (always had cuts everywhere), and got breathless because of smoking. But it felt like an achievement. I'm going again on Monday. Oh, and I'm not drinking as much beer as I used to...Which is stopping me from feeling bloated and getting a beer belly.
And I'm hoping for a meds review soon to come off most of the meds. All these things ought to help me lose weight.

Sorry for chatting so much. Just in a good mood :)

Damnation. 11-06-2009 09:34 PM

I want to go void. Anything to protect me from these feelings. I'm not even sure what the matter is

[Fog] 11-06-2009 10:19 PM

zowie - sounds like a really positive day, well done! Well done for eating too, I don't know if you have an ED or anything but personally (I'm anorexic) it is hard. Your body needs the food though to keep going, especially for going swimming. I really want to go swimming too, bless my mum she's bought me these swimming shorts that go down to just above my knee to cover up all my scars. It might look a bit weird but I'd rather I look like I'm wearing guy's swimming stuff than have people see my scars. I kept the sausages down and I'm feeling ok, got a kind of nagging feeling of anxiety and fear but I'm hoping for an early night and then hopefully I'll avoid any more punishment. Glad to hear you happy :-) Hope you have a good night.

Dayna - I hope you're ok, thinking of you. Is there anyone you can talk to? Or maybe distract yourself with a book or something?

Night all xxx

Damnation. 11-06-2009 10:27 PM

My housemate's come back from her rehearsal now

wildly insane 12-06-2009 12:08 AM

*hugs Dayna* sounds like poo, if you need a hand feel free to pm me :)

*hugs HannahBanana* glad you managed the two sausages, sorry to hear you're feeling stressed and anxious, don't be too hard on yourself and give yourself credit for what you did get out of the day :)

*hugs Arwen* yay for healthy meals and swimming and for not smoking, sounds like you've achieved a helluva lot today. I love swimming, need to go again, don't really care about strangers seeing my scars, as long as nobody I know sees them.

*hugs Secrets* sorry to hear that you're having such a hard time, happy birthday for whenever it was, we're here if you want to talk and we're here to support you.

*hugs Hayley* am so glad therapy went okay. Are you still feeling okay?

*hugs Gil* I'm so sorry hun, I think Arwen's right, you've either already accepted it or you're in denial, please use us if you need us. It sounds like the job is good though, busy is good, but I hope it's not too stressfull. we don't have to know the answers to all our questions, they'll answer themselves eventually

*hugs shadowedseraph* hope you're doing okay

I'm a bundle of pent up emotion, good and bad, but I did get my job application sent off so fingers crossed :)

~Kaytee~ 12-06-2009 02:37 AM

Essay never got done, poo. Spending the weekend to finish it and I'll hand it in late. Better late then never right? I'm hoping for 500 words today, 500 tomorrow then sunday will be editing etc.

Chapter 1, haven't finished it yet, been trying to finish the essay but hopefully I'll do more today :D Keep a look out ;)

I gave in last night too =[

shadowedseraph 12-06-2009 09:40 AM

*hugs to all on the ward that want them* Thank you guys for your generaous replies, sorry i couldnt post last night but my mum was hovering over my shoulder, got the crisis team coming in again today so im going to write down what i want to say, now i've just got to get it straight in my head! *cuddles teddy*

CrazyHayley 12-06-2009 11:57 AM

Sorry I've not got the chance to do personal responses and I feel that I really need to, I want to support you all, but I'm running late and I'm going on holiday, but wanted to pop in and leave a message so you all know that I'm thinking of you all and you won't wonder where I've gone.

*mad dashes round ward to give all huggles*

*escapes the ward to go to Kos!!!*

zowie 12-06-2009 03:18 PM

My dad said it gets easier to go without cigarettes as time goes by. Well it's the second day and it feels harder than yesterday.
Gah.

Damnation. 12-06-2009 07:47 PM

Well if it's only the second day, then it's bound to be difficult. Just keep at it, and I'm sure it will lessen as time goes on *hugs*

zowie 12-06-2009 08:00 PM

Thanks guys :) xx

shadowedseraph 12-06-2009 08:07 PM

*curls up in a corner and cries* why however bad i feel do i have to keep this smiling happy mask in place, im such a fraud

zowie 12-06-2009 08:09 PM

*Hugs Shadow* You're not a fraud, you're just finding it hard to reveal how you really feel. And that is something that is difficult for lots of people.

shadowedseraph 12-06-2009 08:23 PM

*hugs zowie* thanks i just feel so awful and cant seem to get it across, they ask how are you and i say fine instead of f*ing awful thanks for asking :)

[Fog] 12-06-2009 09:13 PM

Wildly Insane - hope you get the job! How was your day?

BB - don't beat yourself up about last night. Or about the essay. Just go for it tomorrow! It's really hard doing work and essays when you're not feeling great, I tried to start an essay yesterday and it just didn't happen. I could smell food and that was it really. Hope you're doing ok.

Shadowed - how did it go with the crisis team today? Hope it went well. We all are guilty of putting a mask on, with so much going on it's hard not to just bottle things up and pretend. Don't feel bad about it though - everyone does it.

Hayley - have a great holiday!!

Lucy May - hey, haven't met you before, I'm Hannah :) How are you doing?

zowie - keep going with the no smoking, you're doing really well. It must be really hard, but after the first few days it should get a lot easier. How many were you smoking a day before?

Eclectic*a - you ok dear?

I've had an ok day. Felt really stressed out and dissociated for most of the day but I got through it. And tomorrow I'm seeing by boyfriend I'm soooo excited!! :-D Am now on hair dye number three of the day. The first was high lightener, the second was supposed to be dark blonde but turned out more light ginger, so am now doing a medium/ dark brown, let's hope this one works out... I will go and find out now!!

Love and hugs to all xxx

rockaroni 12-06-2009 11:33 PM

*pokes nose in*

I'm so all over the place. I've just moved in with my boything for the summer, and I just have a really bad feeling about it. I just keep pushing him away and picking fights, telling him we'll be broken up within a couple of weeks and just being an evil bitch.

And on top of this, me and my dad fought before I left, and I got a massive email from him explaining why he's been so knackered and rubbish. Turns out what they thought was a bit of asthma and bronchitis is far more sinister than they thought, and he's been having tests every couple of weeks since Easter, and in and out of hospital. They found scarring on his lung, and it's "rattling". So he's going in for a CT scan and is telling me the only news he'll get will be bad. I can't have my daddy be ill, I can't have him die, none of that. He's strong, he's my protector... I don't know what to do. I'm too scared to call him or even email him back. I'm such a ****ing ****, he deserves to have a daughter that is so much better than me.

*hugs for all* I'm really crap and just can't say anything productive to anyone, I'm really sorry to come in, pour out my pointless **** and not contribute anything.

~Kaytee~ 13-06-2009 01:55 AM

Thanks Banana.. I feel not as stressed about it because I have 2 extra days to do it.. but here's hoping I actually do it. I need to study heaps as well. grr.

*cuddles all*

wildly insane 13-06-2009 07:48 AM

*hugs Rockaroni* rant away, no worries :) sounds hard though. I'm sure you can just email him back, you don't have to say anything except I love you dad or something along those lines, which is what I'm sure is all he needs to hear. we push away the people we are closest too because we are scared, knowing that you are doing it is a good first step, saying sorry is the next. you are not evil or wicked, you are just sad and scared.

*hugs HannahBanana* thanks, my day was okay, I seem to have driven a constant triggeredness into the dark corners of my brain, am just slightly worried when they find there way out again. How did your hair turn out? I hope you have a lovely day with your boyfriend.

*hugs Shadowedseraph* I know what you mean, weren't you going to write down how you were feeling and show them that?

*hugs Kat* hope you are doing okay

*hugs Dayna* how's things hun?

*hugs Arwen* apparently it's only 10% substance addiction and 90% habit addiction, good luck, you can do it :)

*hugs LucyMay* why are you worried about today? I hope it went okay, and am glad you're feeling okay.

*hugs Hayley* have a lovely holiday

*hugs Katie* don't worry about the work, give it another go tomorrow, and my eyes are peeled for your first chapter. There is a famous saying "there is no failure except in no longer trying" you haven't failed hun, you're still fighting.

*hugs Cheryl* *hugs Kahlia* * hugs Gil* *hugs Vicki* *hugs Jem* *hugs Helen* *hugs Secrets* and *hugs to anyone else skulking around*

Am off to Ireland tomorrow, so limited internet access plus am with my mum and so probably wont manage to say hi for a week so I leave a good supply of hugs and chocolate and positive vibes, wish me luck, I so hope I have a good time, take care and I'll be back soon :)

~Kaytee~ 13-06-2009 08:20 AM

Thanks Hannah. Going to do some tonight. Chapter one is posted in CC! So look away :D

Have a good week away!! Will miss you *cuddles* take care xxxxx

[Fog] 13-06-2009 09:39 AM

Rockaroni - *Big safe cuddles* Feel free to vant away in here, we're all here for you. Sounds really hard for you and scary about your dad. Maybe you could write him a letter if you don't feel up to ringing him? Hope you're ok sweetie.

BB - hope it all gets done ok and try not to stress too much about it (easier said than done I know) :-)

WildlyInsane - have a good week away! :laugh: In the end my hair is now a brown colour which I really like. It'll be f**ked for the next time I decide to dye it (always a completely different colour lol) but for the time being I like it anyway lol! I know what you mean about the constant triggered-ness, I always feel like there's a bad bit lurking in my brain ready to come out at any minute. Just try and keep as distracted as you can so the triggered-ness doesn't have an opportunity to come out. Take care.

Slept ok last night and I'm super excited cos I'm seeing my boyfriend today woop woop!!!

Hope you all have a good day xxx

zowie 13-06-2009 10:41 AM

*Hugs Katie (rockaroni)* Don't beat yourself up about being a bit off with your boy, you've got a lot on your mind. Speaking of which, I'm really sorry to hear your dad's so ill - Like HannahBanana said, maybe all you need to do is tell him you love him rather than getting involved at a level which upsets you. That doesn't make you a bad person, it makes you human.

Katie (bigbear) - Good luck with your work. Not sure what you've got left to do? An assignment? Anyway, good luck.

Have a great time Hannah! *Goodbye hugs*

HannahBanana - Hope you have a nice time with your boyfriend :)

----------

I'm feeling a bit better today, just wish I had something to do with my time.


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