*hugs everyone* have been asleep most of the day, so not gonna sleep tonight, but my sleep patterns are ****ed either way. I just... well I feel like crap and all I can think of is how I can get rid of the guys and cut. I want to cut until there's nothing left, until I can see nothing but muscle but.... I can't cause I'm round Tom's house....

*Safe hugs* Auburn Shadow
I can completly understand and am having similar urges and sleep problems. I hope the urges go away soon for you. Stay safe.
*Lots of safe hugs*

Mary Anne : Thanks for the hugs *hugs back*

Nicole : Yeah, the denial tent is magical. Maybe we should build one in the lounge. Maybe encompassing the couch :D *hugs you* You know where I am if you need me. Oh, and also ... I enjoy walking with you as of an evening, even if I don't show it, and also I'm sorry for repeatedly breaking into a jog a) without warning you first and b) for leaving you behind.

Helen : Speaking purely and simply for myself .... I must scream but I have no mouth, I must run but I have no feet, I must live but I have no life. The wheel turns and all is one. I will most probably survive. I've been down most of this road before - except for the cutting in my sleep - and gotten through. *cuddles you back* I'm glad you managed some sleep and that it was "nice" sleep .... I hope you manage some more when the time is right.

Hana : I'm sorry your sleep pattern is so mucked up at the present time .... I hope that you can get it back into order, or that it's being mucked up doesn't rollover too much into the way you are feeling and life in general, although I'm guessing this is possibly beginning to happen already. Sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. I definitely understand about the urges relating to cutting. I'm afraid that at the present I don't have the words to offer much support. Just letting you know that I'm listening/reading and thinking of you. *offers safe hugs*

To everyone else : I'm sorry I haven't addressed you all individually ... I just can't remember everyone at present and don't want to leave anyone out. I hope that you are all surviving and prospering, and that so far 2009 is okay. *offers hugs and a listening ear to all and sundry*

-----

I have to be awake soon - like in ten minutes. I guess that it isn't worth making another attempt at crashing out. I'm pretty sure I'll crash out after I take one of my housemates to work. My internal alarm clock appears to be set wrong .... by just over an hour. Oh well.

I'm a little nervous this morning. I'm going to be visiting my female parental unit and her parents and they haven't seen my new hairdo. And it's extremely different from what it was. Also, there is the damage to my arm, and the fact that I reopened the upper two earring holes .... this could be interesting.

Oh well, good night to those where it is night ... and good morning to those where it is morning.

*hugs everyone*

just popped in to say hello, been fairly productive today so far, my house is amazingly clean :)

take care.x.

Hannah, you know I love you muchly, please try to be careful hun? <3

Nicole, I know the feeling about urges & sleep problems, they suck so much :(

Kahlia *cuddles* I hate when your internal clock gets sets all wrong, I know mine can be but I'm trying to reset it to a better place. You have a new haircut? :D

Mary Anne, I'm glad your day has been productive so far :)

I has the mind fail, so yeah, can't think of owt to really say <__<;; *hugs all*.

Doing okay today thankfully, after a bit of a false start, so I'ma hope it lasts this time

Hi everyone, Happy 2009! *offers New Year's Hugs all around*

Mary Anne - Glad to hear you've had a good day. Hope things continue to stay up :)

Kahlia - I read about your new hairdo in your other thread! I'm super curious about what colours it is and what it looks like. Please share! :) I hope things go well with your visit.

Hana - *offers safe hugs* Please try to be safe, I'm sorry about the urges and I hope they pass soon.. urges are no fun and neither are sleep problem... I don't have any wise words today, but I'm listening...

Helen - how are you doing now?

Nicole - I saw on the other page you're seeing your pdoc on the 6th; That's coming up soon, hopefully things will go well there... and I hope things are okish until then.

Dayna - *accepts Hugs* How did you end up sleeping last night? I hope things go better for you today.

I hope everyone else is doing ok too!

My day has been alrighty, which is nice... had a long nap this afternoon which was wonderful and am already done all my chores for the day so I don't have to worry about going outside in the cold anymore.

Take care everyone!

Ravyn: Doing a little better today, yeah, thanks. Um, I slept okay, although I had a few weird dreams. I think I'm starting to develop a fear of abandonment, or something, though ._.;;. The dreams that I can remember seemed to share the theme of losing loved ones. Not bereavement, though, but just friendships growing distant, that sort of thing. Not nice

Dayna: Those aren't nice dreams at all! I hope your fear passes quickly and is a temporary thing. Do you think something happened to start to trigger those dreams [if you don't mind my asking?]

happy new year everyone

*hides in the corner crying*

*Cuddles Louise* Happy New year to you too.

What's wrong?

had a pretty bad day, been feeling really low, thinking about a lot things, also the person that assaulted me came to see me, which made me really shaky and sick.

>___< Really sorry to hear that, Louise *safe hugs*

Louise I'm sorry about your day *hugs*

*hugs back* i am so scared i feel so unsafe

Is there anything you can do to distract yourself or make yourself feel safer? I really hope this passes quickly for you!

i am trying to do some drawing, but it is not helping much, i am just shaking so much and really want to harm

Eeep, I completely missed this post! Sorry Ravyn.

And well, for the past few weeks now, I feel like I have been drifting away from my closest friend. Conversations go stale easier, silences last a lot longer, his general tone just seems a bit...flat. Although that last bit, I don't know if that's just my imagination playing up, or not.

I know he's busy a lot, has a lot of things to do and that, but he had the same responsibilities and the like before he started going distant, so I don't know what to think .__.;;;. And I don't have the balls to talk to him about it, either.

And then every now and then, it's all fine, we talk, laugh, giggle and stuff like normal and I think that it's all in my head - until it happens again. Today's been better, he's been more talkative, but still not completely right. His sudden lack of affection worries me, too (we love each other, but due to complicated circumstances, we're not a couple), and he won't even say the words 'I love you' unless I say them first. That never used to be, either ._.;;

Louise: x___o *Sends more safe hugs* Can't really add anything onto what Ravyn already said

Louise: *sending lots of hugs* I wish I could take your pain away, I wish I could make it easier... I don't know how to help.. but I'm here to listen if you want. What kind of things are you drawing?

Dayna: No worries! That's crappy about what's happening between you and your friend.. I'm going to let my rational side come out for a minute [so if you don't like this just ignore it, and also know... my rational side tells me what I should believe, but I often don't listen] is it possible that because you maybe think things are changing that you could be interpreting things differently, like perhaps he's been busy and tired from Christmas things and is not trying or intentionally allowing things like conversations to go stale, and to be flat.

The reason I suggest this is because i know when I start feeling down or out of it, I interpret things wrongly... I assume a change is someone's character is due to something I've done... that maybe they're mad at me, maybe they really don't like, maybe I've annoyed them to the point where they want to back away. My rational self will tell me how I should interpret it -- e.g. alternate explanations that are more likely and don't necessarily involve me.. but I can't accept them.

I don't know if this makes any sense... and either way.. I am really sorry that things are drifting between you and your friend... I know the ups and downs that you were describing can be hard... [i tend to find them incredibly upsetting and triggering for me] I hope things change for the better soon.

I hope you're right about Christmas, stresses and the like, 'cause, well we rely on each other a lot. I'm going through something that he's already had to face (the eviction x_o), so I need his support with that. I'm not looking forwards to it at all, and I just get a little worried that I'm being too needy, clingy or something

*Hugs* You said you were scared about talking to him about it.. what if you tried writing something down... you could review it before showing him or not show him at all if you didn't like what you wrote. You say you rely on each other... so it's a two way street... so hopefully he's just working through something and will be able to help support you with the eviction. Don't know if I made any sense there or not..

Well, I've written a load in a rant, and he likes to keep tabs on what I write (I dunno if that's just ranting, or in general actually o.o) but he'll come across it sooner or later. I guess that's kinda taking the coward's way out :sweat:

I don't think that's the coward's way out... you know he'll see it and that gives him an opportunity to respond without being forced to respond.. that actually is probably a better way.

Ahh good. I'm glad you think so. I just hope this ends up getting resolved soon, 'cause it's really upsetting at times, when he seems so distant, and I'm not always sure if I've genuinely something to be worried about, or if I'm just being too 'HAY STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND GIMME ATTENTION' .__.;;

*hugs* that sucks and I feel your pain.... I hope it resolves soon too! That's never a fun feeling. I think for me I can process a lot, but emotional stuff related to friendship and relationships is the worst, and I think being uncertain is worse than knowing either way...

*Hugs back* We've already faced a fair bit together, so I'd hate for things to end up going sour ._.;;.

As it happens, things have been a bit better today. He's still quiet, but it seems he's got a toddling child to chase after, so yeah. Fingers crossed things continue to get better. Thanks Ravyn

That's good to hear that today's been better... children can take quite a bit out of ya.. my three cousins are over for 10 days - today being day 7--and are quite lovely- but they have more energy than I can handle. I'll keep my fingers crossed too.

Louise: not sure if you're own any more.. but just wondering how you're doing.

Ravyn: Yeah, I can appreciate that. I haven't had much contact with kids, but even I know how exuberant they can be. The niece and nephew of my dad's girlfriend are insane, lol. They're only little as well. Not sure how old they are now, but under six, I think

And yeah, I hope you're doing okay as well, Louise

lol! I'd love to have half the energy they have!

Well I'm going to watch a dvd, so I'll chat with you later. Have a good night!

*needs a hug* =[

^ *sends you lots of cuddles*

ARGH. I went to bed at 9pm, went to sleep and stayed asleep until 2.15 and can't nod back off :(

Thank you *sends cuddles back*.
Hmm, the sleep thing sucks. I guess at least you got some sleep..? Maybe you'll get tired again soon. x

Hey everyone, hope your all ok.

I can't sleep tonight either, I have a a strange sensation all over me...that sounds stupid :blush:, it's wierd.

That does sound weird. Hope you're okay. x

You're very welcome me dear & thank you for the cuddles back. The sleep thing does suck, but I think I need to remember, that my body takes a while to re-adjust sleeping times or something. I don't know. But least I did have some sleep and got to sleep at 9pm :) I guess being awake this early means for shopping time later? :hehe:

Hey ego, welcome to the psych ward :) Not sleeping sucks. The strange sesation does sound strange, do you have problems with sleep or anything? It just might be because you're really tired or something?

Oh I forgot to mention something :D

I'm now 7 months free of self harm, doesn't seem quite possible to be honest. Plus, I haven't overdosed/attempted suicide in about 5 weeks or so. So looks like I really am recovering? :)

Well done, Helen <3

Thank you Dayna :) I was going to mention the whole od/suicide thing in my moving forward thread but decided against it. But I know it could maybe be encouraging in here, and I know quite a few people have supported me non-stop in here and would appericate knowing that.

(edited this post because some of what I said wasn't approipate)

You're welcome. And ooh, you made a thread? *Waddles off to look*

Thank you me dear :) I did indeed make a thread, and it was funny because when I orginally updated my sig, even though I had resized it, it still came up huge but I eventually managed to sort it out :D

So I see ^___^

Bless :)

How are you doing me dear? *cuddles*

I'M BACK I'M BACK I'M BACK!!!

How is everyone??

*cuddles everyone*

Helen: Pretty depressed, and lonely. As. Hell. Again x_o. You?

Welcome back, Katie. Nice to see you again

*Hugs both*

KATIE IS BACK IN THE WARD!!! OH YES!!! I missed you baby <3

Dayna, I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad hun *cuddles tight* Hopes you're feeling better soon xD

I've decided, I'm just going to stay awake? :)

YAY! I MISSED YOU TOO HUN!!!!! I'm here to stay... for now haha.

Love it, 'katie is back in the ward' haha

*cuddles Dayna* hope you feel better soon xx

I'm never letting you leave again for so long
*snuggles tight*
LOVES YOU :D

WOOOOP

I don't wanna leave for that long either... *cuddles tight*

*Hugs you* Katie hun. You know where I am if you want to talk

Love Nathan xo