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Doikers 27-03-2010 10:32 AM

Sorry I have no individual replies , so many posts to catch up on
Next week I'm at my parents house while they 1) Take my sister and Bro in law to Birmingham to get Bro in laws permenant Visa , He is from The Gambia and they have a child together , they met while my sister was in Africa last year , so romantic ,awwwww , so I'm dog sitting and 2) for easter , we don't really DO Easter but we are just spending it together. I'm already freaking out that I won't get the privacy to S.I. and planning ways to S.I. in my mind , I have to be really secretive and quick , *Sigh*

There's a whole lot I want to type out about how I'm feeling , I'm really low and I feel selfish for being low with my Brother in laws Visa request stressing out the whole family .

*Group Hugs*

Scarletdreamer 27-03-2010 12:32 PM

*group cuddles*

Where to start, where to start...

Hels, I'm sorry that you had a bad night last night... are you feeling better now? I hope so... :( I hate thinking of you not feeling/doing very well, although I know it's a more common state than not for most of us here. *hugs tightly* Take care of yourself, okay?

Mark, that is a sweet story about your brother in law and sister. :) I hope that he gets his visa... and I hope that you won't find a need to SI then, because sometimes quick & secretive SI'ing can be worse than the opposite. *curls up next to* I hope that today goes better for you than yesterday or the day before that... how are you feeling? just low? Oh, and please, please, PLEASE don't feel selfish for feeling low with what's going on with your family... we can't really control our moods all that well at times, so don't beat yourself up over that. Easier said than done, I know, but please, try. *hugs*

Kahlia, I'm sorry that you're so exhausted. I am too... went to bed at 9pm last night and got up at 6am today... so tired. I will probably be taking a nap sometime today if I can get away with it... it's an escape, I am aware, but at least I can escape somehow!! That sucks about your phone - I hope that they fixed it. :) How's the depression? still hanging about? *hugs*

I cried last night. I honestly didn't think that I could but I did. Jarrod made me by "playing chicken with a freight train" - being cold and unsupportive on purpose just to let me get the tears out. Not the best tactic, I will admit, but it worked. I didn't feel much better after crying though... so I don't even know why I bothered. Crying is so stupid... at least, for me to do. :( Hypocritical I know.


I still feel like ****. I want to cry, but it didn't help, only made my contacts dry. I want to take a hot shower but we're supposed to be conserving water (I think). I want to play WoW all day but I have an exam that I need to get done... and a paper to write... and a whole bunch of other crap that I need to get done. :(

I don't know what to do either... there are unresolved issues in Jarrod's & my marriage and I really need to do something about it... just more stress added to what I already have to cope with. I'll manage... but it's just sad, I don't know. I wish that I could be perfect!! :(


nicole94 27-03-2010 01:20 PM

hey guys, sorry i havent replied,havent been able to get online. i didnt take the pills....but i did cut. a lot. hope youre all ok? *hugs*

Scarletdreamer 27-03-2010 02:40 PM

Heya Nicole... *hugs* I'm glad you didn't take the pills but I'm sorry that you cut... :( did you take care of the wounds at least, I hope?

I'm really tired but can't get to sleep. Want to cry but can't. Want to feel better but can't. I feel so stuck.

Doikers 27-03-2010 02:47 PM

*Hugs April*
Could you maybe take a Klonopin and go to bed for a bit , maybe you will nod off if only for a bit ?

Scarletdreamer 27-03-2010 02:56 PM

Klonopin doesn't knock me out anymore, or even make me sleepy... I'd have to take at least 3mg to do that and that's over half my day's dose. I am so ****ing tired though... my eyes are heavy and I just want to doze off, escape... I don't know. Thanks for the idea though, Mark. And don't worry, I won't take 3mg or anything... *hugs*

I'm going out to lunch with an old violin student and her mum, who are cousin/aunt to my ex-best friend. It will be lovely to catch up with them again, although a bit awkward as I haven't talked with my ex-best friend for a very long time. :-/

Updated my r/v thread... :(

Doikers 27-03-2010 03:59 PM

April , I have the same benzo problems with my Diazepam , built up a tolerance to it . I try to take it only when I need it but somedays I just need it a whole lot more :S * Hugs*
I read your R/V Thread and it's a good thing that you are trying to get in touch with a new therapist , It could really be a step in the right direction. Don't give up mate just hold on a little longer and it will get better , you've only got to deal with Uni **** for what ? 5 or so weeks and I'm sure you will feel better without that pressure on you. *Super Hugs*

MammaMia 27-03-2010 05:48 PM

*cuddles everyone lots and lots*

I see April =)

Not long got back from an RYL meet ^_^ I think my ear's slowly getting better. Can hear better out of it. However, when listening music, it just rings loudly & painfully, ow :( Still struggling away aha. Need to destruct so much. Argh :@ Got really anxious earlier for no reason, which has lead to me being all panicky & dizzy. Glad I didn't pass out whilst was out, that would have been a drama & a half I'm sure...

Doikers 27-03-2010 07:38 PM

I am royally pissed of at myself , I eat to much and I cut and all Iwant is to cut more.
I feel so flat , so utterly apathetic.
Why don't I just die , it would all be better then .
Hannah C Has a loving family .
Mum and Dad have each other.Who would ****ing miss me?
Hannah P might but she has been depressed , she would understand . Would she? She is all I'm hanging on to in this whole world , I love her and I don't think she loves me .

Scarletdreamer 27-03-2010 07:45 PM

Mmm thanks for the hugs and cuddles, Hels and Mark. :) I just took a nearly 2-hour-long nap and it felt so damn good!! My eyes are dry now (contacts) but oh well... sleep is my friend. It was so nice to get a respite from my own mind - I know Mark knows the feeling... do you, Helen? anyone else? Oooh and I spy a Mark!! :D

Mark, how are you doing now?

Hels, I hope that the meet was fun. :D I can't imagine an RYL meet, what sort of place(s) do they hold them? They must be a lot of fun... I'd love to meet some people from this site but that would mean traveling across the ocean... or teleportation ftw!! lol. :P And I'm glad that your ear is feeling "better" ... although it doesn't sound like a great deal better. But I guess a little progress is better than none, ey? *cuddles*

How is everyone else??

My hubby's playing WoW with the two guildies that we met in January at the moment... which is good for him, getting in some time with friends. I'd feel really bad if I always were keeping him from having fun, if that makes any sense. I think I'll be getting on WoW in a little bit... but I have hardly made any progress on stuff (uni work) today, which has sucked... so yeah. Boo hiss. :(

Anyway, enough waffling... sending snuggles to everyone who wants them. :)

Doikers 27-03-2010 07:48 PM

April , I'm not too good ,I posted right before you just did , must have been tandem typing heh

Scarletdreamer 27-03-2010 07:50 PM

Awh Mark, I'm sorry that you're feeling shitty. :( It wouldn't all be better if you died, life is so much more worth it - or will be... but I totally understand what you mean. I wish I could say and/or do more to help you... I'm pretty rubbish at the moment about that. Sorry. :( Please try and not cut more though... you're worth so much more. *gentle hugs*

Doikers 27-03-2010 07:55 PM

I think I'll go to bed , it's only 8pm but hopefully sleep will be my friend tonight too April if only to get that same respite from my mind you talked about*Hugs*

*Sleep is the safest place you can be*

Catch you all tomorrow *Group Hugs*

Scarletdreamer 27-03-2010 08:03 PM

G'night Mark... sweet dreams!!! :) Hopefully you get the break from your mind torturing you too... *hugs*

shadowedsoul 27-03-2010 08:26 PM

hugs april, man i feel like ****, being a trieing and stressfull day. so glad it nearly over.

MammaMia 27-03-2010 09:12 PM

*curls up*


Scarletdreamer 27-03-2010 10:43 PM

What's up, Hels? *cuddles gently*

Awh Jill *cuddles* Sorry haven't responded to your PM yet (or yours, Helen)... been a busy day, kind of. I'm glad it's almost over too. What's going on? anything I can help with?

I spy a Crimson!! :D

I am so tired... just finished up "New Moon" and I feel really bad for Jacob... :(

shadowedsoul 27-03-2010 11:23 PM

thanks april, no worries answear back when you can. nah just the same stuff as before. trying really hard not to cut, havnt yet which is a start a guess. its hard tho, its like two part fighting each other, one say cut, the other saying dont. if that makes sence. meh

Kahlia1981 28-03-2010 12:05 AM

*hugs all*

The new software in my phone seems to be working well. I've also re-downloaded and installed the Animated SMS software (my phone doesn't come with the ability to send smileys as graphics as default - you have to type the characters). I've put in all the dates that I think it needs and set it up with the tones that I prefer. Now I just have to wait and see how the battery performs.

I see my pdoc tomorrow. I think he's likely to up the Topiramate dosage to 50 mg nocte. It's what I'd do if I was him. I've come up a little with the depression but now I've plateaued. Definitely am still depressed though. But I guess we'll have to wait and see.

*huggles everyone*

MammaMia 28-03-2010 12:17 AM

*cuddles April* Just struggling to deal with something. Gah.

*cuddles everyone else* Clocks go forward here in over 40 minutes =)

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