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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

SoMuchMore 16-12-2009 08:37 PM

*hugs april* distracting yourself is a good thing, just keep trying to do that. Sorry to hear things are hard right now.

*hugs one step closer* I understand the want to feel normal yet being scared.. it sucks sometimes, or well a lot of the time. Sorry I don't have many words here, just wanted to say that I think i can relate somewhat to what you are saying.

I've been thinking a lot the past few days about "getting better," and what that will entail. I have been to counseling and a psychiatrist before and I didn't really like it... but idk maybe i wasn't ready for it or maybe i don't need it, like im not that sick so... idk. I just am actually feeling better I think. I hit my 1 year free from attempts, its been a few weeks since i've SI-d... All signs point to getting somewhere. But I am also scared to get better, and scared that if i do get better then I wont ever have an excuse to be upset. I still always try to hide when I'm upset. I think this fear is normal, I've heard it from other people, but it's still hard to deal with. The love-hate relationship with SI. Idk, i am rambling really bad now. sorry. I just needed to type this out.

PoisonedApple 16-12-2009 09:40 PM

*checks in*
*grabs some pillows, a duvet and a beanbag chair*
*curls up in the corner to cry*
Anyone got hot cocoa or a teddy bear I could cuddle?

Scarletdreamer 16-12-2009 10:01 PM

Laura, I feel the same way about getting better, so you're definitely not alone. *huggles*

One step closer, I want motivation too. :( If you find some (I've heard it might be hiding under the couch or in the dryer?) could I borrow a bit? *big hugs*

Angel, I have some low-calorie hot chocolate and some regular dark chocolate hot chocolate... your pick which. And I have a stuffed dog that you could borrow if you would like? *snuggles*

I am kinda crappy. Talked with my bestie about EDs as she knows practically nothing about them and managed to trigger myself. Gahh. Feel so dumb. Want to purge... but know I can't. I'm also frustrated because my NP has to get paperwork in for my husband for his supervisors to tell them why he missed work 3 days in a row (FMLA, I was/am doing so badly :( hate that). And she hasn't called or texted yet, yesterday or today... I'm getting upset!!!!! :(

*needs hugs* :(

PoisonedApple 16-12-2009 10:18 PM

Thanks :thumbup: I'll take the low cal hot cocoa and toss in some marshmallows (I know this totally defeats the purpose of the low cal but mallows make me feel better).
I'd borrow your puppy but you seem to need a cuddle buddy too...
*digs through prepacked bag for purple munkey plush*

Imaginary_friend 17-12-2009 01:09 AM

*curls up in a corner and passes out due to sheer exhaustion*
can i crash here for a while?

Absynnthe 17-12-2009 01:22 AM

*Drags duvet over to Loz and puts over, before collapsing next to*

Kahlia1981 17-12-2009 01:16 PM

*hugs everyone* - Sorry no individual replies.

Well I'm moving house. My friend - who used to live where I am now as well - and I are moving to a 2 bedroom unit. We are both sick of living in shared accommodation where if you have a bad episode of your illness (we both go psychotic) you get thrown out. We did a drive-by of three places and looked inside one of them, and then on a whim arranged to view a private rental and really liked it. The landlord/owner is really nice ... She's a hairdresser and has two kids .... Anyway we sign the rental agreement and pay the bond and 2 weeks rent tomorrow lunchtime. My friends parents have actually given us the bond as a christmas present.

Anyway I ended up spending the night at my friend's parents place. My friend takes the same medication but in different doses so he gave me meds last night. I didn't take any this morning because I didn't remember until about 2pm. His mother also gave us a pack of smokes to share because I'd run out last night. I wasn't expecting to be gone that long I must admit.

I rode home at about 3pm and didn't really get here until 4pm. Not due to slow riding, (although some of the riding I did was slow) not even because of the wind (which nearly knocked me off the bike a few times) but because I was fighting off an asthma attack. I was struggling to breathe so stopped at the first place that was safe (half way home) took a couple of puffs of ventolin and had a drink and basically just stood there until my breath was coming evenly and non-painfully. I then had to stop a few kilometres down the road because I couldn't get any air in at all and felt like I was going to collapse. I had to stop a few times. Thankfully it's okay now ....


I actually wrote all of that at about 4:45pm our time and had to leave the computer in a hurry because my brother-in-law rang me and told me he was on the way to pick me up.

It's now 10:12pm and I've just gotten home. Tonight I went out for christmas dinner with my sister and her family and 4 family friends. I spent a couple of hours with my brother-in-law and my niece and 2 of the family friends while we waited until my sister was due to be finishing work. Dinner was a pretty high class restaurant ... I think it's the "best" one in town. It was certainly a refreshing change.

Anyway I'll stop boring everyone. . . Right now I'm tired, have a headache (again), feel depressed and anxious and seriously in need of a hug. :(

*hugs everyone then retires to a dark corner try and get some rest and maybe cry a little*

Scarletdreamer 17-12-2009 02:41 PM

*snuggles Kahlia* It seems odd that you get thrown out of your living situation if you go psychotic. Do they have a reason? :-/

Hope the new living situation is better; it does sound nice. :) Good luck with that. How have you been feeling lately? any better? *more hugs*

I'm doing okay. Therapy today, am a little nervous about that. It's going to be mostly about my eating disorder and how it's changing and how I'm scared about that. Also, about how I'm scared to eat because of the urges to purge afterwards. :( I did eat some this morning but not a lot, because I was/am scared that if I eat too much and actually feel full, I'm going to want to get rid of it. Urgh. I HATE having an eating disorder!!! >:(

Anyway. I'm listening to Nightwish right now on my iPod, and it rocks my world. Haha. Been awhile since I've listened to this album ("Bless the Child")... love the first song. :)

It's Christmas break!!!

Absynnthe 17-12-2009 09:25 PM

Nightwish. <3

*gives thumbs up from across room*

Kahlia1981 17-12-2009 09:49 PM

April - I love Nightwish .... Nightwish, H.I.M, Kamelot, Within Temptation and Evanescence are my favourite bands. *hugs you*

*hugs everyone*

Scarletdreamer 17-12-2009 11:28 PM

Evanescence, Nightwish, and Within Temptation rank in my top bands. But right now I am loving Skillet!! (actually, right now I am listening to Midnattsol on my new and SHINY iPod!!!! hehehe)

*hugs Kahlia*
*hugs everyone*

I am doing okayish. Therapy was rough today because we talked about me not wanting to eat because then I want to purge... and then my mum and I went and ate out and it was a lot. Too much. And - of course - wanted to get rid of the food. Stupid me. :(

Ho hum. Quiet night on the ward, eh?

*more hugs*

Absynnthe 17-12-2009 11:35 PM

*huggles* Lucky you with the new iPod. :P Do you like Lacuna Coil?

I haven't told my mother about my off eating habits, so when she fed me alot just now, it sucked big time. >.< Now feel gross...

*cuddle with duvet*

Scarletdreamer 18-12-2009 01:32 PM

I do like Lacuna Coil, what little I've heard of them. My UK friends keep trying to get me into new music ;) and I love that. Music = life for me. Well, a huge part of my life. I listen to it all the time and I also am a musician... so it kinda runs in my blood. :)

Yeah, I know, I never thought I'd actually GET an iPod, lol. They always seemed too expensive. But then I sold back some books from this uni semester that I knew I wouldn't need again and there was enough to make up for what my husband was willing to pay for one. If that makes any sense. >_< Sorry, I just got up about 15 minutes ago from a 11 hour sleep so my brain is kinda muzzy.

My mum knows about my eating habits, but she has an ED too but won't admit it. It's so frustrating because I don't understand her and my dad's relationship. It's a very good one, in some ways; they love each other very much, etc. But the thing is, he NEVER confronts her on her eating habits. And she never talks to him about them. I couldn't survive that way with my husband. It's like keeping secrets from the one who loves you the best on this earth. :(

Blah. I'm tired of life. But - it's Christmas break now so I should be a little happier? :-/

[Awakening] 18-12-2009 02:42 PM

*walks in clutching snowman Noah and sucking thumb*

Hi everyone. Can i come in please? I could really do with a break from reality, it's too scary and hard.

one_step_closer 18-12-2009 05:30 PM

Hi Jocelyn, I know what you mean. Come in and sit down.

Scarletdreamer 18-12-2009 05:51 PM

Sure, come on in. :) *hugs Jocelyn*

I need a break from reality too... sick of struggling. :(

*needs a hug*

Absynnthe 18-12-2009 05:52 PM

*offers everyone ridiculously large duvet to snuggle under*

I'm a musician as well. :) What do you do?

Scarletdreamer 18-12-2009 05:58 PM

I play violin (since I was 9), piano (since I was 6), and viola (since I was 15). I'm planning on buying a cello once we have enough money and teaching myself, as I LOVE how cello sounds. Then, eventually, a bass, so I can learn the entire string family. :)

I miss my piano though. It's at my parents' house - this apartment is way too small for it. :( But someday I will have it transported to where we live - somehow - it's ancient, over a century old and very beautiful (carved wood, etc.). And we got it for free way back when I was 6!! :D

Anyway. I remember being IP for ECT this last March and playing piano for some friends. That was fun and lightened the mood of the place a bit. :)


Absynnthe 18-12-2009 06:01 PM

Coolness. :) I sing, and I'm teaching myself guitar, bass and piano. :D you're too talented. :P

*offers hug*

Scarletdreamer 18-12-2009 06:03 PM

*hugs back*

Bass as in string bass, or bass guitar? Sorry, really don't know much about guitar. Hubby wanted to learn it but hasn't really put forth the effort. Anyway, he's tone deaf... haha. :P

Thanks for the compliment. I really don't think I'm talented, or intelligent, or anything good. :(

*hides under duvet*

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