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Kahlia1981 21-12-2008 01:27 PM

Thanks for the cuddles Helen - *cuddles you back*

*leaves hugs for everyone*

ravynsoul 21-12-2008 04:37 PM

Hi everyone, sorry I wasn't on for the last couple days.... was feeling to drained to come on and post...
Bye Katie, hope you have good holidays!!
*hugs to everyone who wants them*

How is everyone doing?

"mouse" how are you doing now? sorry to hear you aren't feeling well.

Mary Anne 21-12-2008 04:45 PM

Just as I thought things were going okay for a couple of days have had another blow - we had to have one of our horses put down - we had him 10 years and he was very much part of the family, gonna mis his big time, could always rely on him for a cuddle when you needed one (horses are great, they don't ask any akward questions, just give you the love you need).

*hugs everyone tight*

MammaMia 21-12-2008 04:54 PM

*cuddles Mary Anne* I'm sorry to hear about your horse sweetie xx

I've had some interesting news today. One of my RYL friends (Emma should know who I'm on about) finally had her C-Section this morning and gave birth to a little girl Jasmine who weighed 6lbs 11oz :D When I got that text and replied, my friend was still in theatre but came out okay. Then about 30 mins ago, I had a text to say she's awake, not doing the best but is making improvements already. Am so happy for her :D Keep her in your thoughts for next few days for me? Seems like the prayers are being blessed :D :D :D

ravynsoul 21-12-2008 05:04 PM

*cuddles Mary Anne* I am so sorry to hear about your horse... I know how hard it is to lose a horse... [I don't know what to say, but I feel your pain, I've lost one before too]

Helen - that is good news to hear about your friend!! Congrats!! Hope all continues to go well.

MammaMia 21-12-2008 08:33 PM

Let's hope she keeps improving, she's sent me pics of her beautiful daughter xD

Damnation. 21-12-2008 10:13 PM


Originally Posted by Kahlia1981 (Post 1299304)
Dayna : I know exactly how you feel. I realise that it doesn't help to ease the urges any, or make the sufferring any less. I hope you can manage to stay safe. However, if you do give in, we're still here for you. *offers safe hugs and wishes that you can remain as safe as possible*


I'm urging really badly. My hallucinations are ganging up on me because I've eaten and haven't done x,y & z. I'd really like one of those removable heads right now because mine sucks arse big time.

I gave in. A lot. Nothing too deep, nothing too seriously unfortunately, and the urges haven't gone away. They never leave me alone for too long, any more. They always come back again, and again and again, and again. ...I really hate myself right now.

And I'm sorry to hear that the rest of you aren't doing too well, either. I'm **** at supporting people at the best of times, so I don't really have much to say (and my apologies for that) *Hugs all*

Kahlia1981 21-12-2008 10:41 PM

Dayna : I'm sorry to hear that. Don't stress about not being able to support. We all have that problem at times, and it can be helpful just to know that someone has "listened".

Helen : Exciting news about your friend. Fingers crossed that all continues to go well.

MaryAnne : Sorry to hear about your horse. :(

Ravyn : Nice to hear from you again. I hope that you are surviving okay.

Nicole : How are you doing this morning girl ??


Good news : My grandparents have arrived from Buderim. I got the text message that they had arrived yesterday evening. They will be staying with my parental units. Hopefully they didn't break nanna on the trip up. [She has arthritis in every section of her body and lives in pretty much constant pain.]

Other : Although I'm now at 118 days SI free I can hardly see the point for remaining free. Both my hallucinations and my thoughts are following similar lines relating to the damage I'm doing to my friend and family relationships by staying alive and the benefits of suicide. I don't have the determination to go through with my plan ... I'd probably give up halfway through ... which would be worse than going through with it. My head is just ruminating on the same points over and over. The urges to SI are getting incredibly intense.

Sorry. I'll stop here, and just offer some hugs to anyone that wants any.


*offers hugs to everyone*

Damnation. 21-12-2008 11:01 PM

Kahlia: I won't stress myself out too much over it, but I would like to actually return the favour, specially seeing how I've been reaching out for support a lot more myself, as of late.

And to some extent, I kind of know what you mean about not seeing the point of remaining SI-free. I was like that when I tried to recover. I lasted three months and then thought '...I'm not doing this for myself, any more, and I don't think I'm ready to quit'. Although if you do give in, please don't do the same thing I did, and end up hospitalising yourself *hugs again*

ravynsoul 22-12-2008 12:10 AM

Dayna, don't feel bad -- I think you are supporting a lot more than you are giving yourself credit for and like Kahlia said listening is huge. *offers lots of hugs* don't beat yourself for giving in to the urges... keep moving forward.. I know that's easier said than done; it's hard to fight the urges... sometimes I always feel them pressing on me till I don't have the energy to fight them any more... *hugs* keep on fighting...

Kahlia - *offers hugs* sorry to hear you've been so triggered and having to fight intense urges.... and don't be sorry for posting -- it's good to get those feelings out; that's great news about your grandparents being down!! :) Hope your nanna is feeling ok. When do you get to see her again?

Hope everyone else is holding on ok...

I thought I had been doing alright this weekend other than being drained; but I gave in to the urges again and SI'd... one of the worser ones I did -- fortunately though superficial... and I don't feel better.. I didn't get the release I often do... so now i'm feeling even more unstable...

I think I'm going to hide in the denial tent for a while...

Hugs to all!

Damnation. 22-12-2008 12:15 AM

Ravyn: Thanks *hugs back*. Mind if I join you in the denial tent?

ravynsoul 22-12-2008 12:20 AM

There's plenty of room here Dayna; come on in... I think I'll get us some cookies -- do you like chocolate chip?

IcarusDrowning 22-12-2008 12:26 AM

Hi guys,

not quite the daily check in but close. Working out new label with my shrink (Bipoler spectrum) and on a whole host of new meds. Very tiring but feeling pretty stabe (had a couple of situations where I managed to resist tiggers)

ravynsoul-hope you are doing ok The denial tent is a great place. You know all the stuff about 'slip ups happen etc* so I'll just offer *hugs*

Poisonous.Cyanide- ditto..hope things are settling down. Fighting them is such a bitch *hugs*

Hope everybody else is ok *offers cookies*

ravynsoul 22-12-2008 12:32 AM

Hi Icarus - thanks for the hugs and the cookies. Glad to hear you are feeling pretty stable and congrats on resisting triggers! Hope the meds are working ok. *hugs*

Damnation. 22-12-2008 01:00 AM

Glad you've been doing better, Icarus

Ravyn: I do indeed, lol, thanks

IcarusDrowning 22-12-2008 01:06 AM

Poisonous.Cyanide- thanks you too

Anybody know if we can hide here for the entirity of Christmas period?

ravynsoul-did you take your flower picture yourself? its pretty.

ravynsoul 22-12-2008 01:15 AM

Icarus - I am so up for hiding out here for the entirity of Christmas... as long as we can include New Year's Eve as well??

Thanks Icarus, I can't remember if I took this picture of if a friend took it with my camera... it's some of the tulip fields in Holland.

mmm.. chocolate chip cookies :) *munches away*

Damnation. 22-12-2008 01:15 AM

Icarus: (Please, call me Däyna) I certainly intend to, if I can get away with it. Christmas doesn't really feel like Christmas this year

Kahlia1981 22-12-2008 10:48 AM

Hi all. I saw my nanna and grandpa today. My nanna has had a couple of large falls over the last couple of days and hasn't broken any bones. This is a pretty big thing since she has osteoporosis throughout her body. She's almost as bad as one of the kids I used to teach dancing to .... one of the ones with brittle bone syndrome. Still a lovely person though. I got to play with grandpa's phone .... not that it was terribly exciting ... it's a Nokia 3315 - several hundred models before my current phone. Just gave me something to do for a couple of minutes.

I want to cut really bad. But I'm now at 119 days. One day to go to reach 4 months. I don't know whether I'm holding off injuring for me, or because everyone else will be upset if I do it. Does that sound weird ??

Can I please admit myself to the denial tent for the next few days ??

*hugs all*

zowie 22-12-2008 12:07 PM

I have been on a drinking binge and feeling awful during the day. Went to the pub on Wednesday and drank many many beers, went to Weatherspoons on Thursday and didn't drink too much, went to the pub Friday and then came home and drank with dad, went to a party on Saturday and drank lots of vodka. Then I went to my aunties yesterday for Christmas dinner and couldn't even finish a glass of wine. Hah. I'm rubbish.

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