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-   -   Virtual Psych ward! (https://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1312)

zowie 12-11-2008 10:54 AM

Told people at college how I was feeling and they called an ambulance which took me to A&E.
They cleaned and steri-stripped my wounds and let me see a psych (someone I've met before and trust) so I told him everything. The fact that the spies are following me to college so I have to carry a knife, the instructions to kill my sister, that the voices have complete control over me.
He asked me if I wanted to go IP and I said no. He gave me a lorazepine and my cpn gave me a lift home. They both told me to stop carrying the knife around with me, but I can't. I don't trust anyone, I need it for protection.
I think they're worried because of the time I threatened a girl with a knife, they dont know if I can be rational. And tbh I dont think I can be.
So I phoned my cpn to tell her my fears, but she's in with someone and will call me back soon. Hopefully she'll actually call back this time.
Couldn't sleep last night. The spies have set up cameras in my room and are waiting for me to fall asleep. Really tired. Might nap on the sofa while my dad's around.

zowie 12-11-2008 02:29 PM

Called the MHL and they told me they'd either get me an ambulance or make me an emergency app with my GP. I went for the GP and got to see them within half an hour. He called my cpn who made me an emergency assesment with one of the psychs, who I am seeing in half an hour.
Wish me luck? x

Pomegranate 12-11-2008 03:45 PM

Good luck Zowie :) *squishes* How are you now? Have you been to the GP's? How did it go?

zowie 12-11-2008 04:22 PM

Saw the psych. He was nice but I don't think he was listening. He said 'Are you feeling suicidal now?' I said yes, he said 'have you got any plans?' and I said yes and told him, then he wrote 'feels suicidal but has no plans.
Then he said 'if I leave you with some PRN meds and let you go home can you promise me you wont try anything?' I shook my head and he said 'thank you' then later on he said 'you have promised me you wont do anything stupid'. So I dunno, maybe he thought shaking my head meant no i wont do anything.
He's prescribed me clonazepan and decided not to make me go IP.

Pomegranate 12-11-2008 04:26 PM

Oh hun! I am sorry you didn't feel he was listening. I hope the meds help, please try and stay safe *hugs* xx

Auburn Shadow 12-11-2008 11:05 PM

I'm sorry helen, sorry emz, I just... I couldn't tell you how bad I feel. I've wanted to jump off that bridge, in front of that train. I've wanted it for so long. I try to help helen, butl... it ends up me inthe same position. I can't deal with this. I just... I can't

Pomegranate 12-11-2008 11:45 PM

*hugs Hannah* don't worry sweetheart nobody is blaming you or upset with you! Helen is out of hospital now with the all clear and they are looking into a support group for her and also speaking to her GP and things.

Please look after yourself Hannah *squishes* xxx

MammaMia 12-11-2008 11:56 PM

Please look after yourself Hanna. PLEASE?

Zowie, please go to A&E?

UGH I feel so sick. Damm me. Damm it all. I feel like crying >.<

zowie 13-11-2008 10:31 AM

Might go to A&E. Will phone the MHL and see what they think x

MammaMia 13-11-2008 12:20 PM

*cuddles everyone, espically Zowie*

I feel bruised and battered this morning which is werid. I think it's slowly hitting me what actually happened...but in an emotional way. Think I might go upto uni (have taken another day off) and see Vicki....

Auburn Shadow 13-11-2008 02:37 PM

Sorry guys. Honestly, I don't remember posting that last night. Sorry again.

I'm scared about it though. I don't know what I did. I didn't cut. and I didn't do anything else to myself. But, I don't know what I said. I was completely out of it. I told Jamie that I wouldn't have been here if wasn't for him on Saturday. Said the same thing to Tom. And I mean it. I... just... when I feel like that, I don't reach out, I don't ask for help. I don't... I don't think I need it when I'm like that, I don't deserve it.

MammaMia 13-11-2008 02:45 PM

*cuddles Hana tight*

It's going to be ok. We have to believe it will.

Pomegranate 13-11-2008 03:05 PM

I think that would be a good idea Zowie x

MammaMia 13-11-2008 03:22 PM

I hope Zowie went to A&E...

How's other people? Not that hardly anyone is actually posting as some dont post/have left/are in hospital....

BoundNoMore 13-11-2008 06:44 PM

*hugs Helen*

Auburn Shadow 13-11-2008 06:46 PM

*hugs Helen and Amanda*

Things never just happen one at a time do they? *sigh* I... just want it to stop.

zowie 13-11-2008 08:25 PM

I went to A&E.
They told me to take a double dose of my benzo tonight and my cpn will phone me first thing in the morning to discuss my options. I think two of the options are admission and Crisis team.
To be honest I hope I get admitted. It's like every now and then I loose all control and do stupid things. This morning I tried to slit my wrists but none of my tools were sharp enough. Yesterday I tried to hang myself.
I'm just so scared that soon I'm going to loose control, stop thinking and either kill myself or really hurt someone else.

Auburn Shadow 13-11-2008 08:57 PM

I can't do this. I can't do it. I just... everything's going wrong all at the same time. Constantly. I want out.

Mary Anne 13-11-2008 11:14 PM


Can I check in for a bit please.
I just really need a place where other people are who understand right now.
Scared about meeting cheating husband tomorrow and worried about how I will feel after seeing him. I feel bad enough right now.
Will check in after I get back tomorrow night.
Never thought I would feel this bad again (when I first found this site years ago).

MammaMia 13-11-2008 11:20 PM

*hugs all the above tight and lots*

Sorry I can't be more help :/ I just have nothing.

Saw Emma again today, really helped so thanks hun :)

I just need to get away from life or smething for a weekend or whatever and somehow work everything out...or whatever. I just need to deal with here & now....not attempt to deal with the near future :/

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